Charles and Richard Chapter 9

With a few strands of hair stuck to his temples from sweat, Charles’s gaze, too, lingered on the magazine as if spellbound. His ears were bright red. A small smile crept onto Richard’s face. Then, suddenly, he looked at Charles’s pants. He could clearly notice the front placket bulging. Richard, completely flustered, averted his gaze. But the other boys he looked at instead were all the same—every one of them with bright red ears or necks, and it was easy to spot that they were all crossing their legs or had bulging front plackets. It seemed Richard was the only one who wasn’t aroused. Richard’s flustered gaze drifted back to Charles. Just then, his eyes met Charles’s.

Charles looked back at Richard with his slightly hazy, pale olive eyes, then casually looked away again as if nothing had happened. Richard suddenly felt as if even the nape of his neck was ablaze and hastily extricated himself from among the boys. He bolted out of the room and stood in the hallway, gasping for breath. From beyond the hallway, he could hear the boisterous sounds of the high schoolers enjoying their party. Richard bowed his head. His legs were trembling, and the pit of his stomach tickled. For the first time, he had an erection from sexual desire.

It wasn’t because of the magazine. It was because of Charles.

Sitting with his back against the wall, Richard pressed his knees together to hide what was between his legs. He was terrified someone might come, but he didn’t want to wander the hallway with his pants bulging in the front. He squeezed his eyes shut. It was the first time he had seen Charles make that kind of expression. That, too, was an expression difficult for Richard to explain.

The area around Charles’s eyes, scattered with freckles, had been flushed red. He seemed embarrassed, yet there was an excitement that surpassed the embarrassment. His eyes were strange. He had never seen eyes like that before. Charles had looked at the pictures of naked women as if spellbound. And the front, his, inside his pants, that… Richard glanced down between his own legs. That had happened. Richard felt a surge of guilt, as if he had seen something he shouldn’t have. He felt he shouldn’t have seen Charles making that kind of expression. The guilt was so strong it made him feel wronged.

Just moments ago it had been really fun. It really had. Richard couldn’t forget Charles’s expression. He couldn’t forget the pictures of those women either. Richard sat rooted to that spot without moving a muscle until the situation between his legs subsided. But Charles’s expression remained in his head. When Richard, battling his shame, barely managed to return to that room, the Playboy was still open, and the boys, who had been keeping silent, were now whispering about the pictures.

Richard squeezed back among them but said nothing. The only thing Richard was curious about was what Charles would say.

C: I don’t like blonds. I like brown hair. This woman.

He heard Charles say in a small voice. Richard couldn’t summon a single thought in his head. He thought he’d rather just run out of the room.

C: Look at her chest. It’s huge….

Richard left the room.

∞ ∞ ∞

For Christmas, all three sisters came back home. Richard knew, but he didn’t go to see them. In truth, he couldn’t go. For Christmas, Richard’s parents had taken him on a trip to the Bahamas. His parents threw parties with friends or lay on the beach, while Richard usually spent his time walking alone or swimming.

Looking at the Christmas tree decorated in the hotel lobby, in the hot weather, staring at a tree with no snow, he felt strange. He spent most of his vacation thinking about what Charles’s family might be doing. During the week they stayed in the Bahamas, the only time he ate a meal together with his parents was on Christmas evening. As Christmas presents, Richard received a watch and a collection of Neruda’s poetry. Handing him the poetry book, Richard’s mother told him he was now at an age to know love. Richard replied that he was grateful. He wondered whether love also included erections, but as expected, the poetry book had nothing about that.

The existence of sex came upon Richard far too suddenly. Though he had been raised like a precious jewel, treated with the utmost care, he had likewise received strict education in manners and morality, so he was a docile boy who knew nothing of straying off the path. He had never once made a dirty joke. He had, of course, never watched pornography, and that day had been his first time seeing Playboy as well. He vaguely knew what sex was, but he had no idea how to do it. (Though, of course, the moment he had an erection, he understood in a flash exactly how sex was done.)

It was unfamiliar to him to feel such a visibly clear desire toward a subject. Moreover, that desire itself was something deeply unfamiliar. Yet Richard gradually grew accustomed to the fact that he had felt that desire toward Charles. Once he knew what an erection was, the event kept repeating itself. All throughout the Christmas season, Richard dreamed of Charles. Charles’s strange expression. The look in his eyes he had never seen before. Richard felt shame at that unfamiliar side of Charles. That Charles was so embarrassing, and he liked him so much. He wanted to keep seeing it. It kept coming to mind. Richard was ashamed. It was embarrassing and he liked it.

When he returned from the Bahamas, all the sisters had already gone back to their respective schools. But they had all left presents for Richard. Richard received a water gun from Christine, the oldest (he couldn’t fathom why), a new frisbee set from Emma, the second (it seemed to mean he should take good care of Cherry), and three different versions of Spider-Man masks from Emily, the third. Surprisingly, Charles gave Richard a present, too. It was a glow-in-the-dark star sticker set to put on the ceiling.

Receiving Charles’s present, Richard’s ears turned bright red and he mumbled his thanks. He couldn’t even look at Charles properly. Even sitting at the table, he just shoveled down the Christmas pudding and cake that had been left for him and didn’t give Charles a single glance. He kissed the parents on the cheek, said he was going to play with the new frisbee with Cherry, and dashed outside as if fleeing. When Richard returned a long while later, he said he had better go home and hurriedly left.

Charles found Richard’s attitude different from usual and thought it peculiar, but he didn’t dwell on it deeply. Though he had certainly noticed him unable to meet his eyes and sitting there not knowing what to do with himself, or how he would startle and his earlobes would turn red if their arms even brushed at the table, Charles only thought Richard was acting stranger than usual today. Fortunately for Richard. He was, in his own way, trying desperately not to get caught by Charles. On the other hand, part of him also wished Charles would catch him as soon as possible.

Now he could tell Charles. Why he liked him, what he liked about him, though it was embarrassing, he could say it all. Richard could even say that Charles was more special than the rest of the family. If asked why, he would be at a loss for an answer, but what was certain was that when he talked about the good points of the three sisters, the parents, and Cherry, unlike with Charles, he wasn’t embarrassed at all.

Before the short vacation ended, Richard waited only for a chance to see his parents again. When an opportunity to eat breakfast with his parents finally came, Richard said what he had prepared.

R: I want to dye my hair brown.

Richard’s Mother: What do you mean?

R: My hair. I want to change it to brown.

Richard’s Mother: Why do you want to change it?

R: Just because.

Richard’s Mother: What do you mean, just because?

R: I don’t like my hair. I wish it was a different color.

Richard’s Mother: Alright. Let’s think about it.