I’m Not Doing This With A Friend Chapter 122

 

As if in response to my voice, Carson slowly raises his head.

 

Spotting me, he smiles.

 

“Leen.”

 

It was a bright smile. I lock eyes with him, and a wave of emotion washes over me, making me feel as if I could burst into tears at any moment.

 

“Why are you crouching down here, looking so innocent? If you wanted to see me, you should have knocked on the door or called my name to get me to come out.”

 

“I did, at dinner.”

 

I was at a loss for words. It was true that Carson had knocked on my door when I said no to dinner.

 

I had refused, of course.

 

That means that since then he’s been sitting here until now, in the middle of the night.

 

And if I hadn’t come out, he might have stayed until morning.

 

I chewed my lip in frustration and spoke, “Why do you always have to be so stupid?”

 

But this time, he had a smile on his face.

 

“Are you worried about me?”

 

With that, I replied with a sort of huff.

 

“Yes, I’m worried about you, fool. And I’m angry because I care.”

 

“But Leen, I’ve hurt your feelings, and this is really nothing compared to what I’ve gotten in return.”

 

“Did you even realize why I was upset?”

 

“…Well.”

 

He gave an awkward laugh and looked away.

 

“Idiot.”

 

Carson was such an idiot.

 

And I was an even bigger jerk than he was.

 

My emotions were running wild, my hormones raging at the call of Mother Nature.

Yes, I’m crying, and it’s all due to hormones.

 

At the sight of my tears, Carson jumped to his feet, startled.

 

“Leen. I did everything wrong, please don’t cry. Okay?”

 

I wiped the tears from my eyes and nudged him.

 

“How can I not be angry with you, you never told me you loved me.”

 

“…Huh?”

 

Through my blurred vision, I could see a bewildered Carson. He hadn’t quite figured out what I was talking about yet.

 

“Don’t you love me? Why don’t you tell me you do? It’s bad enough you made the Duke propose to me first, and now you’re trying to pass off a confession or a marriage proposal as some sort of secret!”

 

“Le, Leen. That’s…”

 

“Why am I the only one always wondering when to confess? Don’t you love me? Don’t you like me? Don’t you want to be with me? Don’t you want to get married?”

 

I cried at the top of my lungs like a child.

 

My words sounded childish. I knew I would regret it by the time I stopped crying, but I couldn’t stop myself.

 

But I knew Carson would be happy to accept this, and I could cry with peace of mind.

 

Because I trusted him.

 

Leaning on him.

 

Carson patted me calmly on the back.

 

“I’m sorry, I made you feel uneasy.”

 

He patted me for a long moment, then let out a small, out-of-context laugh.

 

“By the way, Leen. You know what?”

 

“…What.”

 

“I told you I fell in love with you at first sight.”

 

I remembered exactly. It was the day we went on the second year monster hunt.

 

“I know it’s hard to believe that it’s love at first sight, and you have to wonder if it’s real, but there’s a good side to it, right?”

 

Carson pulled my hand away from his, which was eagerly wiping away tears.

 

“I have never not loved you, not for a single moment, from the moment I first met you until now.”

 

His voice was so full of truth that I dared not suspect it was a lie.

 

“And I will love you until the day I die. No, I’ll love you even after I die, because that’s the kind of person you deserve.”

 

Carson’s eyes narrowed as he met mine.

 

“That’s my answer.”

 

He presses his lips lightly to my forehead.

 

“I love you.”

 

Those were the words I needed to hear so badly. I buried my face in his chest and hugged him tightly.

 

“You’re an idiot, it’s too late.”

 

“I never got to tell you I love you until now…”

 

Carson’s voice cracked in his throat.

 

“I was afraid you’d be scared if you knew the extent of my love for you.”

 

His hand tightened in mine.

 

“You’re right, we don’t have a relationship yet, and all this time you’ve been busy pushing me away….”

 

My anxiety was palpable.

 

“I didn’t ask you to marry me, I didn’t propose to you properly, because I was scared.”

 

Scared you say…

 

He seemed to have nothing to fear in the world, just because of me.

 

“I’m afraid that the moment I confess, everything I’ve built with you will fade away like it was all a dream. I’m afraid you’ll leave me….”

 

Carson smiled weakly.

 

“So I did.”

 

A jolt hit me like someone had hit me over the head with a hammer.

 

I always thought it was coming at me with no speed. I hadn’t realized Carson was thinking this.

 

It was my fault.

 

But the apology came out of his mouth first.

 

“I’m sorry for making excuses. It doesn’t change the fact that I made you uneasy, for whatever reason.”

 

“It doesn’t. Caon, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry…”

 

For making you anxious. 

 

For not trusting you.

 

Now that I think about it, I realize I always put my feelings first.

 

How selfish of me.

 

You have feelings, too.

 

How you must have felt every time I pushed you away.

 

I thought that since you liked me, it was the least I could do.

 

…It must have hurt.

 

Something that could have hurt me halfway through and made someone give up on me.

 

“Thank you for hanging in there.”

 

I won’t do anything to hurt you now.

 

Just as you’ve shown me faith, so am I. 

 

I promise to try.

 

I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve held Carson face-to-face, his gorgeous voice hovering overhead.

 

“…That’s a shame. We should have gone somewhere romantic and made the confession of a lifetime.”

 

“It was romantic enough.”

 

“…Really?”

 

“And who cares about the place, the atmosphere, none of that matters. Your face sets the mood.”

 

“Haha, I always think about it, but I’m glad my face is your favorite.”

 

I quietly burrowed deeper into his arms.

 

I’d be in trouble if I told him that your father, a silver-haired man, was more to my taste.

 

By the way…

 

Now what about that blind date I told my aunt I was supposed to have?

 

Suddenly, I felt a cold sweat break out on my back. It had only been a few minutes since I’d vowed not to do anything to hurt anyone.

 

…This was harder than I thought.

 

I had a pretty good idea what his reaction would be, but I felt really guilty about keeping it a secret.

 

Perhaps I should be honest after all. 

 

I slowly loosened my grip and slipped out of his arms.

 

“Caon, I’m actually going on a blind date next week.”

 

“Yeah… what?”

 

“Of course, as soon as I leave, I’ll tell him I have a boyfriend.”

 

“Leen!”

 

Carson looked at me with shock-stained eyes.

 

“Look here. I’m not done talking.”

 

“…Are you saying there’s more to this?”

 

“I’m saying that if you’re going to be mad, you’d better hear the end of it, and it’s not too late for me.”

 

He pursed his lips and stared at me.

 

Gone was the plump figure patting me on the back, and tears were pooling in the corners of his eyes like fresh rotted eggs.

 

I wiped his tears away and smiled broadly.

 

“So, I need a boyfriend, an excuse to dump my blind date, how about it, do you want to go out with me?”

 

🍃

 

Carson and I became lovers.

 

I love being able to say that I’m in a relationship with him, and I love the way his eyes are dripping with honey more than ever.

 

He tells me every day that he loves me.

 

It’s all good…

 

The only thing that’s hard for me to deal so far…

 

His obsession and jealousy are getting worse as the date gets closer.

 

“You’re not letting him off the hook because he’s handsome, are you? You have to tell him you have a boyfriend!”

 

“Of course not.”

 

“You can tell him straight up that there’s a better-looking and better-bodied man waiting for you at home, can’t you?”

 

At least he doesn’t say he’s good-natured with a shred of conscience.

 

I shook my head.

 

“I see.”

 

But as if that wasn’t enough, Carson continued, “And if he continues to flirt with you, I will not hesitate to give him a high-X kick.”

 

“But he’s a noble…”

 

“I’ll take responsibility.”

 

“Okay, then. I’ll do as you say.”

 

I felt myself getting tired of answering.

 

Likewise, I realized how many times I’d had this same conversation over and through.

 

The blind date was still a week away, so what the heck…

 

I couldn’t get mad at him for being a self-made disaster.

 

Carson sighed heavily, as if his worries weren’t enough.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“You’re getting less sincere with your answers, Leen.”

 

…You’re always so quick to notice.

 

His eyebrows knit together in a frustrated manner.

 

“Why should you go out on a blind date when you have such a lame excuse for a boyfriend in the first place?”

 

“I already made plans. If I say I’m going and then don’t show up, it’ll be embarrassing for my aunt.”

 

Carson stuck out his lips in a sour expression. I wondered what I could say to make him feel better.

 

“Hmph…”

 

I guess that would be a quick way to cheer him up.

 

“Caon.”

 

“…Mmm.”

 

I pecked him on the lips, which parted to reveal his full lips.

 

Then Carson pulled away from me in an instant, staring at me frozen.

 

His face barely flushed with surprise, and his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

 

I smiled slowly and tilted my head.

 

“Why are you so surprised, weren’t you just sticking your lips out for a kiss?”

 

🍃

 

I smirked at the thought of Carson, which had popped into my head while I was observing the herbs in the lab.

 

Ever since that day, Carson had been sticking his lips out in front of me every chance he got.

 

It was so cute that I would purposely pretend not to notice, but then he’d get sullen and stick his lips out again.

 

“Do you want me to help you put your lips in?”

 

With a chuckle, I got up from my seat and headed across the hall to his study.

 

I walked in without knocking, hoping to surprise him, but the room was sadly empty.

 

“He must have gone away.”

 

If he was going to leave for an extended period of time, he would have let me know first.

 

As I wandered around the room, waiting for Carson to return, I noticed a piece of paper on the desk.

 

It was covered in scribbles. It had a cute drawing of what I assumed was me, with a bunch of hearts next to it.

 

And…

 

【《Leen’s Boyfriend》】

 

“Pfft!!”

 

Seeing that doodle made me laugh out loud. I guess he still remembered my emphasis on friendship.

 

“Leen’s boyfriend is so cute wherever you are, you know.”