I’m Not Doing This With A Friend Chapter 121

 

After I calmed my nerves, I decided to think it over.

 

It was true that Carson had never told me he loved me.

 

But there was no doubt in the way he looked at me or the way he acted. He loved me.

 

…No, but still, how could he never say he loved me once?

 

My anger flares up again.

 

When I remembered that I had tried to confess to him, my stomach dropped, and I felt a surge of resentment.

 

Now that I think about it, why am I the only one who’s second-guessing the timing of my confession?

 

Perhaps I wouldn’t have had this problem if Carson had confessed first.

 

Maybe our slow progress would have been better if we were already dating.

 

Of course, I know that confession happens when someone wants to make the first move.

 

But here’s the thing, what did Carson do while I was seriously thinking about confessing twice?

 

He acted like he couldn’t live without me.

 

“…We need to have a serious talk.”

 

I called his name with a grim smile and mana in my voice.

 

“Carson.”

 

Poof!

 

Within seconds, he appeared in front of me as if he’d been waiting. It was a convenient spell.

 

At first, I was angry that he had to call out my name to the point where it affected my hearing, but then I realized that all magic has no privacy.

 

After all, I could call out to him just as easily.

 

Carson strode out of the magic circle, dropped to one knee, and grabbed my hand with both of his.

 

In response, I forgot to question him and studied his face out of habit.

 

There was a slight flush in his cheeks, but nothing that could be called a blush.

 

That’s a pass. I’d been holding his hand every chance I got, trying to get him used to the feel of my skin.

 

Only when I’m done checking him out thoroughly do I make eye contact.

 

Carson was looking up at me with a twinkle in his eye, wondering what was so great about this.

 

Perhaps he was thrilled that I called him by his first name….

 

It was the first time I’d used it since I’d called him out in a fit of rage last time.

 

Plus, this time, I didn’t call him by his last name, and he was smiling when I rushed over. But there was something he was overlooking.

 

I didn’t call him Caon, I called him Carson.

 

“What did you call me for?”

 

“Nothing in particular.”

 

However, I have something to say.

 

Then Carson asked, his face full of anticipation, “You want to see me, then?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Because, technically, I did miss you.

 

His eyes widened at the bluntness of the words.

 

“Leen, if you just barge in like that…!”

 

“You don’t like it?”

 

Normally, he would have covered his flushed face with his hands.

 

With me holding his hand, all he could do was duck his head.

 

Carson shook his head, his face flushed, and said, “No, I love it… I hope you’ll call me that more often.”

 

The honesty of his words made me chuckle.

 

Yes, there’s no way you don’t love me. I guess I’ve been worrying about nothing.

 

Of course, I didn’t mean to let this go. I buried my face in Carson’s hair and asked him softly.

 

“How much do you like me?”

 

“More than I can put into words.”

 

…I wish you could put it into words.

 

Pulling my hand out of his grasp, I showed him the back of my hand.

 

On my thumb was a ring bearing the seal of House Lysianthus.

 

“Explain what this is, Caon.”

 

“It is proof that you are a member of Lysianthus.”

 

“I see. Does that mean it won’t be long before my name is Lysianthus?”

 

Carson laughed, a widespread grin spreading across his face.

 

“I can only imagine, and I can’t wait for that day to come.”

 

“But don’t you think there’s something strange about this? So many things are left out.”

 

“Huh?”

 

He blinks his innocent eyes in confusion.

 

“Think about it. You really don’t know what’s weird?”

 

He nods and eagerly scrunches his eyes at my words.

 

‘…Is this something he supposed to think about this long?’

 

Wasn’t this supposed to be a normal relationship, where we made sure we liked each other and then started dating?

 

Then, once it’s clear that it’s the one, you propose, and then you get married.

 

But here I was, already being treated like a member of the duke’s family, skipping all the steps.

 

My marriage to Carson has no doubt been finalized…

 

The irony was that I had nothing to do with him now. We are not in an arranged marriage, or one of those contract marriages that often appear in novels, but we have a connection through our hearts.

 

We kissed just a few days ago, despite the fact that we’re not together, and carved the seal of love into each other’s hearts, and have gone all the way through the process,

 

But still!

 

Anyway, the point remains that I’m not officially in a relationship with him.

 

If I had to summarize our current relationship, I’d say we’re like lovers, but not lovers… friends?

 

Friends?

 

Dang, I thought we’d progressed so much, and we’re still just friends?

 

We’ve gone back and forth. I glanced at Carson, and he still didn’t seem to have an answer.

 

And I thought he was being a shrewd fox, but just when I felt like it…

 

I sighed. I should make it easier for him to come up with an answer. Furthermore, I brushed my lips against the back of his hand, then pulled away.

 

Carson stares at me, dumbfounded by the suddenness of our touch.

 

“Caon, listen, I don’t do this between friends.”

 

“…Of course, you don’t! Just try holding hands with Kun, Fjord, or Hans. That’ll be the last time you see their faces.”

 

His brow crinkled, and he snarled as if Kun had just appeared in front of him.

 

‘…You and I are friends, aren’t we?’

 

I don’t even know where to begin to make amends.

 

At the same time, the question of whether I should have gone to all this trouble rushes through my mind.

 

A sudden wave of exhaustion washed over me.

 

“…Leave for now.”

 

Seeing me sigh and rub my forehead, Carson asks nervously, like a puppy in need of something to eat.

 

“Leen, are you sick?”

 

“No, I’m just sleepy, can you give me some space?”

 

“But…!”

 

“Caon. I asked you to leave.”

 

Carson swallowed hard as he realized he’d struck a nerve.

 

“Get some rest…”

 

Clack—

 

He turned on his heel and shuffled out the door, not quite as spectacularly as he had appeared.

 

Left alone, I flopped down on my bed and began typing a quick reply to my aunt’s letter.

 

It was an extremely impulsive piece of writing, motivated by a desire to get back at Carson.

 

<Well, since you’re raving about him so much, this time around, it’s got me interested. Set a date, I’d love to meet him.>

 

After I finished writing, I asked the maid to mail the letter immediately.

 

It’s only after the letter leaves my hand that my sense of reality slowly dawns. The letter I just sent to my aunt was a letter asking me to go on a blind date.

 

I have to go back a bit to explain this situation…

 

It was during my time at the Academy, at the height of the rumor that Carson was in love with me.

 

As I was exchanging letters with my aunt as usual, I realized that the letter was longer than usual and rushed to read it.

 

I was worried that something had happened to the Count.

 

“But the letter was all worrying about me….”

 

Whether I’m okay physically and whether Carson forces himself on my heart.

 

Don’t be intimidated by the other person’s high status, and if you want to say no, then say no.

 

After hearing Carson’s countless rumors, I think her worries were justified.

 

Unlike Rex Begonia, who was rumored to be the best suitor in the Empire at the time, Carson had nothing but a bad reputation.

 

No matter how many times I explained to my aunt that Carson was very kind to me and that he was not as rumored, she didn’t believe me.

 

From then on, Carson was a regular feature in my aunt’s letters….

 

Knowing she’d be furious, I was a little slow to tell her that I’d gotten a job as a maid at Lysianthus after graduating from the Academy.

 

“It was a good excuse, to cover up my lack of visits to the Count,” I said.

 

But once she realized I was staying in Lysianthus, my aunt treated me like a child who had entered a Dragon Lair.

 

She was anxious, like I was about to be eaten.

 

‘I’m the one who’s actually devouring the dukedom…’

 

When she realized this was not going to work, she began pleading with me.

 

She said she would introduce me to a nice guy, but only once. So far, all the men she’s set me up with have been well-heeled aristocrats with titles to inherit.

 

“… Auntie must have gone through a lot of trouble.”

 

It’s amazing that a commoner like me was able to set up an introduction with an aristocrat, and she even kept up appearances.

 

Because of Rex Begonia and Carson, my aunt seemed to think that when I view men, I only see their faces and identities.

 

This made me feel a twinge of resentment.

 

“I do look at faces, but I don’t judge them by their status.”

 

I’ve always rejected her attempts to introduce me to men.

 

But she didn’t let that stop her, and in this letter, she subtly prodded me to meet in person.

 

“Auntie, I appreciate the gesture, but I’ll be in trouble if people discover this thing is Lysianthus….”

 

Unlike the other days when she enclosed a portrait of a man, today’s letter was filled with descriptions.

 

In a nutshell, he’s a man whose identity, face, personality, and age are all perfect….

 

‘Can such a person exist?’

 

I placed my aunt’s letter gently down on my desk.

 

“I don’t think it’s my place to worry about Auntie, since I’ve said I’m leaving.”

 

Whatever happens, I decided, goes.

 

‘Phew…’

 

Who cares, I was never in a relationship with Carson anyway.

 

🍃

 

“I’m hungry.”

 

Not wanting to be grumpy and see Carson’s face, I walked away from dinner.

 

Ever since the Duke and Duchess had reconciled, we had always eaten dinner together.

 

Well… I’d always had dinner with Carson before that, too.

 

I rose from my seat and headed for the door. Likewise, I was going to the kitchen to get something to eat.

 

It was too late in the night to call a maid, I realized. I was also a little embarrassed to be looking for something to eat so late.

 

Without thinking, I opened the door and was stopped in my tracks by a pink figure in the doorway.

 

Crouching by the door was none other than….

 

“Caon?”