A Scorching Day Chapter 66

The nightmare that cruelly clawed through Gawon’s chest ended at the most brutal place of all.

Too filthy and pathetic to even recall, being held in different men’s arms every night… and yet, ironically, because it was the happiest memory, the one who caused the most torment and pain.

Ki Joon.

The memory of you, who used to hold me so painfully, changes every time even within the nightmare. One night, it’s in front of Seoul Station, where we last saw each other face to face. Another night, it’s the intensely vivid sunset that seemed like it would burn us both, and the waves breaking at our feet.

On some nights, it’s the snack bar where we sat across from each other eating tteokbokki. On others, it’s your room where we laughed together taking ridiculous selfies with Munsik on our laps. And on some nights, it’s the stadium where you hoisted me onto your shoulders and roared like a beast, drunk with the joy of victory.

His tightened throat burned. His temples grew damp. The flames scorching his chest compressed and coalesced into a solid mass.

His esophagus burned, his lungs shriveled. He could neither swallow it nor spit it out. No matter how vicious the nightmare, he would groan and somehow get through it—but the moment he saw you in his dreams, he truly couldn’t bear it anymore.

In the end, he throws off his bed and gets up. But his still-dazed mind, shamelessly, stubbornly insists and rages that he wants to see you more, even if only in his dreams.

“Aaagh! Ugh, hhng, aaaaaagh—!”

When that moment comes, he has to scream until his throat tears. Only then can he drag his pathetic, clinging mind—still grasping at the you in his dreams—back to reality.

Hating himself for being unable to come to his senses, he digs in his nails. With the only weapon that can hurt him, he pinches, tears, scratches, rips, and destroys himself…

“Yoon Gawon!”

The harsh voice shatters the illusion in an instant. It’s not your voice. The Ki Joon I know, you, never once called me so coldly. The loathsome voice drags me back to reality.

“This crazy fucking bitch, here we go again, fuck…”

Kim Byeonggwan clicked his tongue and muttered irritably. Looking down at Yoon Gawon thrashing about, face drenched in tears, he grabbed him with rough hands and threw him onto the bed.

“Ah!”

“Stay still. Before I really kill you.”

Kim Byeonggwan raised his hand as if to slap him at any moment, but Gawon didn’t close his eyes. He couldn’t hit his face. A swollen face couldn’t do business.

But for the same reason, he bound Gawon’s limbs. To keep him from destroying his own body. The nightmares were so painful and agonizing that he wanted to forget them, and only by doing this could he breathe even a little—yet Gawon didn’t even have the freedom to hurt and tear himself apart as he pleased.

“Fuck, it’s not like this is a one-time thing. Can’t you just sleep quietly when it’s time to sleep? Huh?”

“Let go. Let me, please, let go of this…”

“If I let go, fuck, you’re gonna wreck your whole body again?”

Kim Byeonggwan growled and pinned Gawon’s hands down. He also subdued his legs, which had come up over his waist and were thrashing wildly. With practiced hands, he tied Gawon’s wrists to the headboard. Then, toward Gawon, who was shaking his head with tears streaming down his face, he hurled abuse.

“You pulling this shit to get out of work? Huh? You’re determined to pile up more debt, aren’t you, really.”

“Please let me go. I won’t do it, so just, please let me go…”

“Don’t fucking act crazy, you psycho. Ha… I’m gonna lose my mind.”

He pressed his temples hard and put a cigarette in his mouth. In the midday sunlight, cigarette smoke rose hazily along with the dust. Gawon sobbed and begged over and over. Saliva dribbled from his gaping mouth.

“Let, let go. Hhk, I feel like I’m dying. …Huh, hhng, I, can’t breathe.”

Fuck… With a curse and a complicated gaze, Kim Byeonggwan looked down at Gawon and finally released him. Not out of pity for Yoon Gawon, who was gasping as if about to die at any moment. It was because he’d experienced several times already that ignoring his pleas and keeping him tied up only made things more troublesome later.

Gawon, who had gasped and begged to be released because he couldn’t breathe, had ended up being taken to the emergency room that day, even coming back with some fucking diagnosis like panic disorder. If he ended up messing up business for no reason, it would be a loss for him in various ways, so Kim Byeonggwan, while cursing, could only watch as Gawon hurriedly scrambled up and rummaged through the drawers.

“Hhng, hhng, hhuuk…”

What he pulled out with trembling hands after even turning the drawers upside down wasn’t a pill bottle, but that damned bracelet again. Kim Byeonggwan blew out smoke with a look of utter contempt.

“Fuuuck, what a load of shit. Why don’t you just go join a monastery or something?”

“…”

“For a dirty whore who sells her body. What’s that piece of crap anyway.”

No matter how much abuse he hurled, Yoon Gawon just clutched the rosary bracelet and desperately rubbed his face against it. Drenched in tears, he looked like he was in a completely different world. At Yoon Gawon’s attitude—as if whatever he said, it was just a dog barking somewhere—Kim Byeonggwan’s temper suddenly flared.

He was already pissed off from only getting a few hours of sleep, and after hearing that pig-like squealing and coming running, the least he could do was be grateful, but…

Striding over, Kim Byeonggwan snatched the rosary bracelet from Gawon’s hand. That was the moment.

“Give it back, give that back here, you fucking bastard!”

The moment his rosary bracelet was taken, Yoon Gawon’s eyes changed completely. Gawon, losing his mind, threw his small fist at Kim Byeonggwan’s face. Whack, the man’s head turned to the side.

“Heh…”

A scoff escaped. The man, who had lightly tilted his head to the side, hardened his gaze coldly. Had he really gone mad? Over just this one shabby bracelet?

He couldn’t kill this little thing either. Furious to the tips of his hair, Kim Byeonggwan strode over, opened the window, and flung the rosary bracelet outside.

“Mi… m-mad, you’re crazy? Why did you… why…!”

Gawon’s eyes widened in disbelief. His stupidly gaping lips trembled. But only for a moment—soon Yoon Gawon tried to dash out of the room. Kim Byeonggwan didn’t miss that moment and lightly grabbed his hair, yanking it back to stop him.

“Get off! Fuck, before I bite my tongue off and die!”

“This crazy bitch is determined to die, isn’t she.”

“Move! Move, I said, move———!”

Gawon, screaming at the top of his lungs with veins bulging in his neck, was shoved back by ruthless hands and collapsed onto the floor. He tried to crawl toward the door, but Kim Byeonggwan’s thick thigh immediately blocked his way.

The anxiety was maddening, afraid he might lose it. Without that rosary bracelet, he would surely die. Kim Byeonggwan dismissed it as just some cheap trinket, but to him, it was nothing less than a single ray of light.

And yet, reality was that he couldn’t even get past the one man standing in front of him. He was suffocated by his own idiotically helpless state. Crying his eyes out, desperately trying to get out of the room, Kim Byeonggwan gripped Gawon’s hair firmly and muttered coldly.

“If you want to go out, there’s a price to pay. Who else is gonna put up with that fucking attitude of yours, huh?”

Ptui. He carelessly spat his cigarette butt onto the floor and crushed it with his slipper. Then he shoved Gawon’s face into his crotch.

“Hurry up and do it, then crawl out and look for it. Before the neighborhood horny dogs bite it and run off.”

“Get off! Get off! You piece of shit worse than a dog…!”

“I’ll really kill you today if you don’t watch your mouth.”

Gawon thrashed desperately, snarling as if his face were buried in mud. He tried to pull away, but Kim Byeonggwan was unyielding. What could be felt beneath the loose elastic waistband was already hard.

Revulsion surged up past his throat. This punk, who couldn’t even recklessly lay Gawon down, sometimes made these vile demands, thinking this much was acceptable.

Suppressing the nausea, Gawon dropped his furious gaze. He was so anxious it was maddening. Forcing himself not to scream, he pulled down the man’s pants. Along with streaming tears, he took the filth into his mouth.

The moment it was over, Gawon dashed outside. He’d come down so hurriedly that he still had the man’s fluid in his mouth.

Spitting the semen into the alley, Gawon staggered and retched a couple more times. Then he frantically scanned the street, searching for his bracelet.

“Where is it, really, where is it… where is it…”

Like an idiot, tears kept blurring his vision. His heart leaked out like water from a bottomless jar. With his small palms, he desperately tried to stop what was pouring out at a cruelly fast rate.

Under the utility pole, among the burst garbage bags, and even flipping through every single flyer, he searched for the bracelet. In his frantic scramble across the ground, one of his slippers had come off at some point. Limping barefoot, Gawon eventually gave out, his legs buckling as he collapsed onto the ground.

“Where is it, hhng, ugh… really, where is it…”

He would kill him. If he couldn’t find the bracelet, he’d go in right now, stab Kim Byeonggwan to death, and then die himself.

Dropping tears onto the cold asphalt, Gawon groped and crawled along the ground—then suddenly stopped. A sensation too familiar pressed into his palm, bead by bead.

Relief flooded his heart, setting it at ease. At the same time, an emotion he had long forgotten surged and engulfed him all at once. Misery.

“Hhng, ah, aaaaah…”

Gawon clutched the rosary bracelet as if to crush his hands, and wailed like a child. A passing pedestrian or two glanced at him, but he didn’t care, sobbing openly.

The desperate urge to end everything right now collapsed once again, today. Because he couldn’t let this bracelet you gave him get kicked around by just anyone. Because of the words you said to me. Because I, who was your wish, can’t end up falling like this…