Speak of The Devil Chapter 15

When I woke up, I saw the front door in front of me.

“Ah, fuck, you smell like alcohol.”

“You smell like cigarettes.”

My head was spinning round and round. I seemed to have slept for a while, but my consciousness came back and went like a flickering light bulb. I blacked out for a while because of binge drinking, but I woke up quickly. After drinking this much, the hangover should last for a while.

I pressed the number key and scrambled into the house. Jaeoh followed. I took him to my bed. and we plopped on it.

“What is this? You’re so drunk that you can’t even control yourself.”

I giggled at the grumbling guy. It wasn’t even that funny, but the drunkenness made me laugh.

“Is there only one more thing for two men to do in bed?”

If two men with strong bodies are under the same blanket, some kind of history could be made. I was drunk and my sex drive became intense. I reached out and grabbed the grumbling guy’s cheek. I covered his mouth with mine and tucked my tongue in.

Huh? But somehow, when I put my tongue in, he seemed to play along.

“…Mmh…”

It was then that I realized that my body was lying on the bed and that Jaeoh was pressing me down from above. I was so drunk that I couldn’t quickly recognize what was going on with my body.

“Let’s just sleep.”

Just kissing made me excited. He couldn’t take off his lips and whispered while they were still facing each other. The words and actions were so different. In his sweet breath, a desire full of regret could be read.

So I gave him a soft, soothing kiss on his lips.

“You can just sit up.”

“You dream big, Lee Nan.”

Jaeoh removed his upper body that was holding me down. I lay on the bed, watching what he was doing. Jaeoh took off his shirt with a slightly impatient hand gesture.

“I want to fuck you..”

“But I want to be on the top?”

“Sometimes I want to be on the top too.”

Jaeoh and I had been together for a long time, and there was no fixed position in sex. In hindsight, we met while making consideration for each other to some extent. Still, I think he liked being on the receiving end, but now he said he liked being on the top more.

I was wondering whether he was holding it in because I was being too much.

Seo Jaeoh grabbed my shirt and pulled me. The button popped out with a clatter. I took off my shirt properly and unbuttoned all the buttons on my shirt, and in an absurd moment, the guy buried his lips under my white shirt.

“Hey…!”

I couldn’t even get angry and moaned at the tongue that brushed over my skin. Caressing my chest with his lips, he took off my pants with a quick hand and threw them away.

He laid his body on top of me and kissed me. A body odor mixed with the smell of hazy smoke approached me, and I closed my eyes and accepted his kiss. The pain in my eyes, from which I had been suffering all day, was throbbing, and the moment I closed it, the pain seemed to get better.

But I opened my eyes again. As I closed my eyes, the touch of the kiss felt so strange. I felt embarrassed.

“Let’s do it from the back.”

Jaeoh turned me around and laid me down with a soft hand. Placing my chest on the soft sheet, I closed my eyes to calm the dizziness that had gotten worse due to the change in position. But it came back right away. My eyes widened, but it was better than the darkness in my closed eyes. Closing my eyes couldn’t help me calm myself anymore.

Jaeoh was kissing my nape and back finely. Jaeoh slowly lowered his lips from the nape of my neck as if he was going to kiss me from the top of my head to my toes, biting my skin and sucking it.

Jaeoh’s sex has always been this tender. I would always turn it in my favor whenever I got tired of his tickling caresses because I thought it would take a hundred years for him to finish. Jaeoh used to get caught up in my rough way of sex. However, his tendency was inherently very soft and polite.

Was it because Jaeoh’s touches were too slow and uninteresting? I drank alcohol, but my body didn’t heat up properly. I felt awful. It was difficult to control myself because of alcohol, so it was difficult for me to turn this time.

The fortunate thing to say was that, perhaps because it was the first time we met in half a year, Jaeoh was quite hot. Jaeoh started rubbing the front of his pants on my ass. The scorching heat was transmitted along with the hard flesh. He wanted to come inside me. It was also a foreshadowing of hot and intense contact to come.

His body must be moved by certain expectations, thrills, and desires.

“Seo Jaeoh…!!”

I called out to him and clasped the sheet. The moment I felt Seo Jaeoh’s desire through my skin, unlike usual, an indescribable sense ran through my body, giving me chilling goosebumps. Even though I knew it was Seo Jaeoh, the desire of a man coming from behind made me very uncomfortable.

“…Hm?”

“I don’t like doggy style. Move.”

Face. I wanted to look at his face. Then, at least now, it would be more clear who desired me. It was not the same as closing my eyes because I couldn’t see her face but more so of how I couldn’t tolerate doing it from the back. When I closed my eyes, I kept thinking of someone, and I couldn’t stand it.

I turned around again. The small movement made me feel dizzy again, but it was better to look at his face.

When I closed my eyes, I thought of Jung Yiyeon touching me.

Without realizing it, I mistook him for Jung Yiyeon, and I was surprised by the unfamiliar touch that was different from the one I knew.

If I couldn’t see that it was Seo Jaeoh touching me even when I opened my eyes, it seemed like it was Jung Yiyeon who was touching me. However, it was not Jung Yiyeon’s hand.

So I couldn’t close my eyes. He couldn’t keep my back to him. Otherwise, I would keep thinking of Jung Yiyeon.

“…Fuck…”

I missed Jung Yiyeon.

The moment I realized it, curses burst out of my mouth. I couldn’t bear to go crazy over Jung Yiyeon like this. Also, since it was not Jung Yiyeon, I couldn’t stand Seo Jaeoh sitting on top of me.

“Move…”

“…What?”

He lifted his head as he touched my belly button. I put strength in my arms, raised my upper body, and pushed him away. Even amid dizziness, I turned and sat on the bed. Unable to bear it, I buried my face in the palm of my hand.

“…Lee Nan?”

Jaeoh saw my strange condition and looked at me, but I couldn’t raise my head. I was still drunk.

“What’s up? You, just now…”

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What’s with this fucked up situation? Me. No one else but me. Lee Nan, who was living like an idiot made this and that person cry tears of frustration.

“…Are you crying?”

Did it make sense that I was drunk and cried at the same time?

“What’s going on? What is it? Did you get fired from work? You should say something.”

Jaeoh shrugged his shoulders and asked again, but I couldn’t answer because I was busy swallowing up my tears. Ever since I realized that I was crying, I kept trying to stop and I couldn’t. Having sex with Jung Yiyeon in the morning and trying not to cry seemed to have already reached its limit.

Was it because I was drunk? I couldn’t contain my sobs, let alone hold myself back. Tears streamed down my thighs, which were exposed because I was not wearing my pants.

When I couldn’t calm him down, Jaeoh finally shut his mouth. Instead, he sat next to me and stayed by my side. Sometimes he handed me a tissue and watched me silently.

I couldn’t keep count of how many times I cried.

“…Cigarettes.”

It was the first word I spit out when the tears had stopped to some extent.

“Here.”

Jaeoh took a cigarette from the clothes that had fallen on the floor and put a cigarette into my mouth. He lit the Zippo lighter. I inhaled it deeply, staring at the tip of the cigarette that was starting to burn red and yellow. The turbid smoke that I tasted for the first time in 5 years flowed deep into my lungs. The bitter taste was barely able to stop my tears.

With the smoke, my tears were all swallowed up. I exhaled a long puff of smoke, trying to calm the rising rush of smoke. Another breath in, and another.

Finally, the flame reaches the filter. By the time I finished smoking one, I had calmed down enough to talk. I rubbed the cigarette on the wet tissue he brought to me and put it out. Haa…The last smoke flowed out like a sigh.

Jaeoh was watching me from the side. I had to explain to Jaeoh why I was suddenly in such an emotional state.

“I’m indeed drunk but I am not sure why I’m crying.”

“Hm.”

“…I’m sorry.”

I was sorry to you, who was watching over me with silence. That was my honest opinion.

Because of my words, Jaeoh’s expression was strangely distorted. As if he guessed what I was sorry for. As if he was surprised that I suddenly said I was sorry in an unanswered way.

As Jaeoh knew, I wasn’t someone who usually said sorry. Rather, I felt uncomfortable with someone who pushed me emotionally and created a situation where I had to apologize. It was annoying.

But I felt sorry for him, who only showed worry in these ridiculous tantrums of mine. I was just sorry for your affection for liking me enough. So I knew what I had to do.

“…To have sex…I didn’t mean to do it…I shouldn’t have asked you to sleep with me… Sorry.”

Jaeoh didn’t say anything. He was looking at me like he was looking at a stranger.

“…This situation…The words I said…I never thought I was sorry…”

Oh, I was about to cry again. Again, without hesitation, tears swelled up inside. I squeezed the corners of my eyes and forced myself to hold back my tears, and I finally spoke with a fading voice.

“I have someone I like…”

My voice trembled.

“… So much so that I can’t have sex with another guy at the thought of that bastard… There is someone I like.”

I bit my lips hard in a suffocating cry. But all my efforts were in vain.

“So…I’m sorry for you…”

Eventually, my tears flowed. Unable to look at Jaeoh, I lowered my head and wiped the tears with the back of my hand.

Fuck. Even though I was truly sorry for Jaeoh, who still loved me, I was still thinking of Jung Yiyeon.

Thanks to Jung Yiyeon, I learned the misery of unrequited love. I realized how painful it was for the other person not to understand and accept my heart. I also knew how easy it was to crave their body without even thinking about it, to the extent that it made people stoop to the bottom, and yet that gave them hope. So I felt sorry for Jaeoh.

If I didn’t like someone, I shouldn’t have lured that person who liked me. If I was going to turn away in the end, I shouldn’t be using that heart to satisfy my needs. I shouldn’t have been tricked into accepting affection. I should have coldly refused and drawn a clear line. Even so, if I was someone who liked me, I should have tried not to hurt them as much as possible.

Since I was such a bad guy, was I being pushed by karma? I loved Jung Yiyeon so much, and Jung Yiyeon didn’t love me.

It wasn’t until I met Jung Yiyeon that I realized that I should have apologized to those who called me a bastard. It was a very, very late regret

There were no words to exchange until my crying subsided. As time passed and the sound of my sobs disappeared, there was silence in the house. The tears stopped, but I couldn’t help but look at him.

Just…I couldn’t. I was sorry for pretending not to know Jaeoh’s love for me for such a long time, but I was also sorry for rejecting the love that has lasted so far. Jaeoh, who was rejected by his love, felt like me. It was so sad and painful, so I couldn’t see what kind of face he was making.

“…I’m going.”

Those were the last words left by Jaeoh.

The bed became lighter, followed by the sound of light footsteps, and that was the last time the door opened and closed.

I was the only one left.

I reached out for the cigarette that Jaeoh had left behind. I took out another cigarette, put it in between my lips, and lit it. A faint laugh flowed along with the smoke of cigarettes.

In the end, today, I failed to quit smoking, even though I had been cold turkey for the last 5 years. Alcohol alone did not solve the pain in my chest, so I ended up smoking. The strong will to quit smoking was shattered and disappeared. I was proud of myself that I would not harm my health because of Jung Yiyeon, however, everything was now meaningless. Even a cigarette didn’t help.

“Jung Yiyeon, you bastard…”

Plop. I fell on the bed and finally started crying again. In every corner of the house where I was alone, I screamed and cried. I heard that crying like that would calm my heart, but it wasn’t relaxing at all. Rather, it just hurt.

My eyes, my eyes, my nose, my throat hurt. My chest and my lungs were sore. No place didn’t hurt all over the body that trembled as I cried.

The most painful among them, however, was something else. That was my heart for Jung Yiyeon. It was my goddamn unrequited love that I couldn’t even give up on.

***

“…Oh shit.”

As soon as I opened my eyes, all that came out was swear words. After drinking so much the night before and pouring tears in front of Seo Jaeoh, I smoked every cigarette he left behind. It wasn’t intentional. I smoked it once because I couldn’t overcome the frustration, but I couldn’t stop. I asked myself whether I liked turning my lungs into coal, but in the end, heaps of butts piled up.

Waking up from sleep, but not getting out of bed, I blinked blankly into the air. The day seemed bright, but I didn’t even care what time it was. My heart was so empty that I didn’t want to think about anything else.

I didn’t dare to see Jung Yiyeon, so I would be absent from work. Of course, I also wanted to see him in the meantime. Even if it was like this, even if it hurt because of him, in the end, I was sick because I liked him.

“How many hits will you get, Inan?”

I was startled by the sudden voice. Of course, I thought no one was home. When I rolled my eyes at the voice that came out of nowhere, it was Won that came into my sight.

But when I saw Won’s face, I was even more surprised. It was because there were red and blue bruises around Won’s eyes. He even had long, pitted wounds. Bruises and scars on that violent human face. Was the person who hit Won alive?

“You said you quit smoking, did you smoke all of this in one day?”

As he looked at the pile of butts, he muttered wildly.

“Besides, why are you smoking inside the house?”

Once, when I smoked a lot, my brother told me not to smoke inside the house. He hated the smell of cigarettes because it felt like he was smoking all the cigarettes in the world. I became so insane that I forgot even that. I didn’t think he would come home again, so…Won might be right. Thinking like that, however, Won frowned with a strange face.

“What’s going on?.”

It was the tone that worried me. For a moment, my heart sank a little. Although he was older than me, he didn’t act authoritatively, so I was grateful. I was a little touched so I hesitated even though I would spit it out and get over it.

“Did you sew your lips shut? Open it before you tear your mouth apart.”

However, Won didn’t even have enough patience. His brutal expressiveness was enough to blow away all the emotions.

“No, just, well.”

“What is it?”

It was embarrassing to say. Especially since I never talked about love with my hyung. It was too much to talk about with hyung.

“… I was dumped…”

“What?”

“…I ended up loving someone so much and this is the result.”

“…”

An awkward silence dawned over.

Hyung kept his mouth shut at the topic that urged him to speak quickly. His gaze, which was as awkward as the silence, swayed slightly. Fuck, no wonder I didn’t want to talk about this. Unable to look at the shaking pupil, I rolled my eyes, and an uncomfortable silence passed for a few seconds.