Speak of The Devil Chapter 14

But it was raining. Jung Yiyeon, who took the key from my hand, got into the driver’s seat, and I got into the front passenger seat, fearing that he might change his mind. I couldn’t help but look at him, who had made my day.

The car glided into the street. An orange street lamp was illuminating the dark road. The atmosphere was a little vague, so I looked out the window.

It felt so strange to be in the car he was driving. What’s more, it felt like I was about to vomit my heart out because the atmosphere was so gloomy. Cold sweat broke out in my hands.

“I think I’m hungry. What should we eat? Something like a donut.”

Fortunately, Jung Yiyeon’s bad mood was not for long. His tone of voice was still as if he was trying to change the atmosphere. That gentle tone of voice certainly worked. A sense of relief spread within me.

In that relief, I thought. This guy also had a bit of a weird taste.

“I think it would be burdensome to eat that at night.”

“Deep-fried tteokbokki?”

I didn’t think I’d ever eaten a snack like that. My prejudices were shattered again. When I didn’t respond positively, he reconsidered late-night snacks such as bossam and pig’s feet. He was cute, and he looked like a child.

As I listened quietly, I became a little depressed.

Jung Yiyeon was as cute as a child. He was cruel like a child. He smiled and chased after a dragonfly when he saw it, but if he got his hand, he would tear off its wings. It was not for the child to know the pain of that or the fact that he would never be able to fly again. Children simply express their curiosity and get everything they want to release their intuition. I wasn’t much different from a dragonfly in the hands of such a childish man.

Still, I liked him. I liked him, I started to notice him, and I wanted to check to see if the awkwardness we had before was completely gone. There was only one way, sex.

“… I just want to eat the boss.”

His voice, as he was reciting the menus for what to eat, stopped.

Was it too provocative? But once the depression spread, it grew out of control. The things that have happened since yesterday, lack of sleep, and the things that just happened added up, so maybe I was at my limit.

I thought having sex with him would make me feel more comfortable. It wasn’t an act of making love, but it felt like I was being loved when having sex with him. I went back and forth between heaven and hell all day and suffered all kinds of pain because of him, but in the end, I wanted to be comforted by him. I wasn’t feeling very well, so the fact that it would be hard on my body to have one more penetration sex didn’t matter to me right now.

“We must go quickly, then.”

Jung Yiyeon finally responded with a grin.

“I have to move fast. We’re too far from home.”

Seeing him grunting like that and stepping on the accelerator, I was able to rest properly. I couldn’t stand the feeling of encouragement that came later, and I smiled a little.

His gaze at me quickly heated up. Yes, I was chosen today over Min Seowon, and Jung Yiyeon wanted me. In addition, all the signs of displeasure were resolved.

The air floating between him and me was now completely normal. It was such an intimate atmosphere where Jung Yiyeon made fun of me, joked with me, and shared my memories.

Jung Yiyeon pushed out Min Seowon, and now it was just me and Jung Yiyeon again. There was no guarantee that something like this would happen again in the future, but at least for a while, maybe the relationship like in Busan would continue.

It was when my melancholy heart was relieved and a pink prospect filled my mind.

“Secretary Lee, you have a call.”

I didn’t even know I was getting a phone call because I was running through my happiness circuit. At his beckon, I took my phone out of my pocket. There was an unknown number stamped on it, but there was a possibility that it was the company, so I answered the call.

“Hello.”

-It’s me.

A thick voice with a Gyeongsang-do accent. It was an unknown number, but the voice was familiar.

“Jaeoh?”

– Hm. Let me crash at your place.

“…What?”

– There is no place for me to sleep. Are you done? Otherwise, I’ll have to go to a hotel.

We talked about him coming to Seoul, but this was too sudden. I was also a person with a schedule. Although I liked Jaeoh, there was no reason for me to respond to such a sudden request, so I responded bluntly.

“Yeah, go to the hotel. You can stay at the hotel”

– Oh, are you going to be like this?

“I just got off work. I’m busy right now…”

– Then I’ll go to your house. Are you still living where you used to live?

Oh fuck. Is there such misfortune? As he said, Seo Jaeoh knew my address. He had escorted me to my house once before when I was too drunk. He also had an incredibly good memory. He’d been there only once, and I was getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

“I have a prior appointment, so I’m out now.”

– Wow, what a cruel man. I’ll go home and wait. Can’t I do that too?

Since I didn’t raise my voice too much, there was no way Jung Yiyeon could hear the conversation. But as he was driving, he glanced at me. Our eyes met as I glanced at Jung Yiyeon. I hurriedly looked away.

“Why are you going to my house? Go somewhere else. See you later.”

– Hey, Lee Nan!

I heard screams, but I hung up the phone. As soon as I hung up the phone, messages poured in. Of course, it was Seo Jae-oh.

“Why? Should you go?”

“No. I just got a call all of a sudden.”

My tone was completely that of an excuse. Jung Yiyeon went out with other people in front of my eyes and did not try to hide the traces of the love affair, but my heart tightened as if I had made a mistake. Emotionally, I had no choice but to do so.

At the same time, I felt a little curious.

The moment Jung Yiyeon broke his promise to me and left with Min Seowon naturally, a storm of jealousy raged inside me. I was so angry and upset that I couldn’t sleep. If I choose Seo Jaeoh and leave Jung Yiyeon in this situation, what emotion would Jung Yiyeon feel?

Of course, I was not stupid enough to choose Seo Jae-oh instead of Jung Yiyeon to satisfy my curiosity…

“Tell me if you feel uncomfortable. I will drop you.”

At the word I hadn’t even thought of, I hardened in an instant.

“Look, it seems that your friend is in a bit of an awkward situation.”

“… No.”

It was only for a moment that I had the curiosity of wanting him to be anxious. From the beginning, I had no intention of going to Seo Jaeoh. On the contrary, I was embarrassed when Jung Yiyeon said that.

“I have a contract with you, how can I go?”

I want to be with you. This was my truth. However, since it was a relationship in which I should not even dare to express my sincerity, I expressed it like that.

I thought that Jung Yiyeon would also want to be with me. Even if it was not for the same reason as me. At least to satisfy his cravings, I thought that he wouldn’t let me go like this.

But it was all just a delusion in my brain.

“It’s not even working hours, and I don’t want to exploit Secretary Lee by forcing him to give up his relationships.”

Jung Yiyeon said with a generous expression as if he were sincere.

“Where is your place? I will take you.”

I got off the street lined with bars and nightlife.

‘Thanks for driving me here. Please go carefully.’

‘Yes, Secretary Lee. See you tomorrow.’

He left me with that. What did I think as I watched the tail light moving away without any regrets?

“… You son of a bitch!!”

Lying on the table, I groaned. My eyes throbbed from how much heat was exploding inside my head. I thought I’d feel better if I cried a lot. But how will other people in this bar see me? When a man came in alone, drank vodka straight without a snack, and cried out loud.

The thought of smoking cigarettes, which I had given up for almost five years, was desperate. I had never wanted to smoke again due to all the stress, but suddenly I craved a cigarette like crazy. After drinking, I wanted to smoke more. I seemed to go back.

“I know, I know. You don’t like me, I know…”

Putting my forehead on the table, I muttered to myself and slurred my words with a sigh. To others, I might look like a crazy person, but I didn’t want to control myself using my drinking as an excuse. I feel so bad that I’m holding back from wanting to break everything down and make a mess.

Damn it. I already knew. Jung Yiyeon doesn’t love me.

However, his actions were kind enough to confuse him. The way he treated Min Seowon and how he treated me was so different that I felt like I was special… I expected Jung Yiyeon’s affection as if I had forgotten that we started with the decision to exclude emotions in the first place.

I liked him so much that I kept doing him a favor, so when he was nice to me, I couldn’t help thinking that maybe he liked me. Jung Yiyeon’s actions were always confusing. It made me look forward to it.

Lee Nan was nothing more or less than a convenient sex partner for Jung Yiyeon. If I revealed my feelings, Jung Yiyeon would coldly and cruelly throw me away. I was deceived by his kindness and was struggling alone in the torture of hope.

I believed without knowing. I expected it even though I knew it wasn’t going to happen. Now, when that belief and expectation had been mercilessly broken, depression had overtaken me. My stomach was charred and I had no choice but to pour in alcohol one after another. Otherwise, I felt like I was going to go crazy.

The dotted regret haunted me even more.

If I had insisted on having sex with him a little more strongly, he would have taken me home. If he did, I would have been immersed in the pleasure of his lips rather than this kind of melancholy.

But I couldn’t because I was afraid. When I strongly suggested that I wanted him, I feared that Jung Yiyeon would notice my heart. I couldn’t dare to grab hold of his hand, who offered to let me go.

“Are you crazy?”

As I put my head down on the table and took a deep breath, I heard a familiar voice. As I slowly lifted my head, my eyes twirled around with drunkenness. Seo Jaeoh’s face was also spinning round and round.

“… Bastard.”

Cursing poured out of my mouth at first. If it hadn’t been for this guy’s phone call, I thought that there would be no reason to taste such a bitter drink and a more bitter melancholy than that.

“It’s all because of you, you unhelpful bastard!”

“What? Why did you drink alone like this? You said you can’t come because of an important appointment.”

The boy had a sad expression.

“You were the one who just hung up and told me to come here all of a sudden. What happened?”

At the words of Jung Yiyeon who said that he would take me to him, I could not catch him, so I told him a bar’s name that came to mind. To be honest, I was in a state of complete panic at the time. Saying he didn’t want me to give up on my privacy after work, he was going to take me here. I was not sane to receive such a fucking consideration in such a world.

“… Why are your eyes like this again? Are you crying?”

I bit my lip as his warm hand touched my cheek and touched my eye.

Shit.

Damn it

I didn’t cry. But the reason I looked like a crying man was probably because my eyes were so bloodshot. He also thought I would cause an accident, so he offered to drive instead. Besides, he told me to go to sleep. ‘You can have sex and sleep better, so come to my house and sleep.’

Jung Yiyeon’s voice and the scene were vividly remembered, and something swelled in my chest.

It wasn’t in consideration for me. He was just being conscious because I didn’t look so good. He was a person who put his needs first. I was the only person who would have to put off my desires.

“Why are you doing this? Say something.”

Jaeoh was frustrated, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I didn’t even want to talk.

I was so absorbed in my emotions that I couldn’t get out of it. The end of all that emotion was sadness. It was sad that I liked him, it was sad that he didn’t like me, and yet it was sad that he only wanted my body. It was sad that I was nothing to him.

I was so sad that I had no choice but to drink.

“Stop drinking. Do you think this is water?”

“Don’t worry about it. Leave me alone.”

I got angry with Seo Jaeoh and got annoyed. I felt like I didn’t want to deal with anyone, so I thought I called him for nothing. I couldn’t be more bothered by the voice I normally thought was good to hear.

I took the glass he stole back and poured out the vodka. I already drank half the bottle, so I thought I might die from this. It was such a miserable feeling to love someone. I just wanted to go out and die.

“… Hic.”

Jaeoh didn’t stop me anymore. Instead, he sat across from me and pulled out a cigarette out of his pocket. If he wanted a cigarette, he could go out and smoke, but he just slammed the edge of the pack against the table and looked at me.

He took out a cigarette and put it on his finger, but he wouldn’t go out. I stared blankly at the white cigarette caught between his long, well-shaped fingers amid the haze. Seo Jaeoh, who was very hungry for a cigarette, looked at my face with a troubled expression.

“… I want to smoke.”

“Do you want it?”

He gently lifted the pack of cigarettes towards me. If I nodded, he would take me out, put a cigarette in my mouth, and light it.

But I shook my head. I didn’t want to start smoking after I had endured it for 5 years. I was self-aware enough.

What on earth did Jung Yiyeon mean to me that I even wanted to start smoking? No matter how much my heart hurt because of Jung Yiyeon, I wouldn’t ruin my health by smoking again. The cry of reason close to that was heard. Maybe it was my last pride.

“It’s okay.”

“You’re patient. Nice one, Lee Nan.”

He reached out for his unlit cigarette and messed up my hair. No matter how arrogant he was, he seemed to have forgotten that I was older.

But it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Seo Jaeoh contacted me and Jung Yiyeon left, so I resented Jaeoh, but the present warmth was comforting. It was said that if you shared sorrow, it was halved. If I were alone, I thought I would drown in this swamp of depression.

Jaeoh, who watched my eyes, accepted my anger and stayed by my side. Maybe I could get some comfort from him. It was all because of alcohol that made me think stupidly. I was drunk, so stupid thoughts came pouring out of my mouth.

“Let’s go home.”

As he looked at me slowly, I paused for a moment before continuing.

“… Let’s go and have sex.”

“Crazy.”

Swearing as if it was absurd, the guy shredded and broke the cigarette he was holding in his hand.

The guy who got up from his seat went to the counter and calculated the amount of my drink instead, came back to the table, and woke me up. That was when I realized that I drank too much. The world went round and round and I was so dizzy that my body staggered.

But Jaeoh was holding me tight so I wouldn’t fall.

“… Hic.”

When there was something I didn’t like, Jaeoh led me, making a sound similar to the swear word I would normally say. My staggering legs were a mess, but my body proceeded as Jaeoh led.

We exited the dark room and passed through the hallway. I climbed the stairs amid dizziness. I could feel the fresh night air on the tip of my nose. The scenery outside was distorted and formed in my blurred vision from drunkenness.

“…In the end, you don’t say anything, Lee Nan.”

It was as if Jaeoh’s voice could be heard amidst the hazy atmosphere.