Sunshine Shower Chapter 111

Woo Yeonjae let Moon Seoyoon avoid him.

“……”

Of course, it didn’t mean he wasn’t bothered. In fact, he was racking his brain, trying to figure out the clear reason for the distance. Was it because of the comment about gay people being dirty at the meal with Kim Seonju, or was it because of that punk we smoked with? He couldn’t quite pin it down.

“If it’s the latter, that would be even more annoying…”

The pen he was idly rolling between his fingers slipped and dropped onto the desk.

The fact that they both liked men was still something he couldn’t fully understand, but if Moon Seoyoon was avoiding him because of the former, an apology might fix things. But if it was the latter?

The thought that Moon Seoyoon was avoiding him because of someone he’d known for barely a year sent a cold chill through him.

Woo Yeonjae had always been confident in his relationship with Moon Seoyoon.

Partly because he had spent a lot of time subtly guiding Moon Seoyoon without him even realizing it, and because they had shared so much time together that no one else could replicate their bond. He knew better than to rely solely on time, though. People often said that even childhood friends could grow distant as they got older.

Postponing his study abroad plans in the U.S. and recommending that Moon Seoyoon join the same department were also efforts to keep their relationship intact. To maintain a long-lasting connection, they needed to share similar worlds and perspectives.

Yet, unexpectedly and for reasons he couldn’t have anticipated, a crack had formed in their relationship.

‘If it’s really because of that guy…’

Though he’d resolved to wait until Moon Seoyoon came to him, impatience sometimes bubbled up. It wasn’t just because of the issue of liking men, but because of the unsettling feeling that he was being avoided due to a third party.

“Ha…”

Swallowing his frustration, Woo Yeonjae leaned back in his chair.

Maybe he shouldn’t have let him go to the military. He’d assumed that Moon Seoyoon would naturally consult him, so he hadn’t brought it up beforehand. He had only let him go to give him some breathing room, but somewhere along the way, Moon Seoyoon had slipped away through that gap.

Woo Yeonjae straightened up and started counting the days. About ten days remained until the final midterms. Since he had a dinner appointment with Professor Moon, Seoyoon wouldn’t be able to avoid that.

Even though his nerves felt like they were fraying, he chose to wait.

He wondered if he’d be able to sleep that night.

* * *

The dinner with Professor Moon wasn’t too bad. Though Woo Yeonjae didn’t particularly like the man, he usually enjoyed their meetings. Every time they met, it reinforced the fact that Moon Seoyoon relied on him.

‘Not bad.’

Moon Seoyoon’s dependency was perfection to Woo Yeonjae. He thought this kind of relationship wasn’t so bad. It was better for Moon Seoyoon to lean on him to fill the void caused by his father, who was cheating on his sick wife and neglecting his young son. It was preferable that he found comfort in Woo Yeonjae, rather than in the unworthy man who had created the void.

That short lunch confirmed that Moon Seoyoon still relied on him. It helped lift his spirits, which had hit rock bottom. On the way home, Seoyoon was chatting away, as if there had never been any awkwardness between them.

“When did it snow back then…?”

“Snow?”

Woo Yeonjae responded, puzzled by the sudden question.

“You know, that saying. If you still have balsam dye on your nails before the first snowfall, your first love will come true.”

He had no idea why Moon Seoyoon was suddenly bringing up such a pointless superstition. And what was with the curiosity about when it had snowed over ten years ago?

Why is he talking about this now? Woo Yeonjae’s nerves were on edge with confusion.

“Did you meet Kim Dajeong?”

Woo Yeonjae narrowed his eyes as he asked.

“Kim Dajeong? Who’s that?”

“Kim Dajeong from the Haetnim class. Your first love.”

Moon Seoyoon frowned as if he had no idea who Woo Yeonjae was talking about.

“You don’t remember? How can you not?”

Woo Yeonjae still vividly remembered that moment. Moon Seoyoon was holding someone else’s hand and smiling brightly, a sight that had burned itself into his mind.

“I really don’t remember.”

He doesn’t even remember, yet he’s talking about snow and balsam dye. Was he curious if he’d end up with that guy he’d been pining for?

“It’s probably just that.”

Feigning a casual tone, Woo Yeonjae lightly tapped the steering wheel.

“So, Seoyoon.”

He glanced sideways and saw Moon Seoyoon looking at him.

“Don’t get hung up on things like that.”

He couldn’t understand why Seoyoon was bringing up unnecessary talk about first loves now, but it was ultimately a useless emotion.

“First love and stuff like that…”

The same went for the unrequited love that Moon Seoyoon was currently nursing.

The feelings he had for another man were probably just a misunderstanding. They’d been together so intensely, almost 24/7, that it was easy to mistake those feelings as love. Woo Yeonjae was sure that Seoyoon simply thought he liked someone because they’d become a temporary replacement to lean on.

Woo Yeonjae wished Seoyoon would realize that sooner rather than later.

“It’s nothing.”

It was truly a meaningless feeling.

* * *

“Yeonjae. I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.”

Woo Yeonjae slowly lowered his head. As if he had never been holding onto anything, his hands were now empty. When he lifted his head, he saw Moon Seoyoon walking arm-in-arm with someone else.

“Dajeong says you’re only supposed to hang out with your girlfriend.”

“You’re not going to hang out with me anymore?”

“Yeah.”

Moon Seoyoon nodded with a bright smile.

“I’m going to marry Dajeong, so I have to listen to her.”

Marry? Woo Yeonjae grimaced, his chubby cheeks puffing up with that typical childhood roundness.

“We’re seven years old. What do you mean marry? Marriage is something you do when you’re grown up.”

“I’ll do it when I grow up! Look.”

Moon Seoyoon held out his hand, showing the orange tint at the tips of his small nails.

“It snowed yesterday. Mom said if the balsam dye lasts until the first snow, your first love will come true! So, I’m going to marry Dajeong. Dajeong, you’ll marry me, right?”

“Yeah! So, don’t play with Woo Yeonjae anymore. Only play with me.”

“That’s why I can’t play with you anymore.”

At this sudden declaration, Woo Yeonjae could only blink in disbelief, unable to say a word.

“Take care, Yeonjae.”

Waving his small hand, Moon Seoyoon turned around and disappeared. The hand that had always tightly held onto Woo Yeonjae’s was now holding someone else’s. He felt an urge to run and break them apart, but strangely, he couldn’t move.

Woo Yeonjae could only gasp for breath. He wanted to call out to Moon Seoyoon, but just like his legs, his voice refused to work. The only thing he could do was clench his now-empty hand, a hand that usually held something, but today was holding nothing.

A hand shook him, and Woo Yeonjae slowly managed to lift his eyelids.

“…Yeah.”

Responding reflexively, his blurry vision cleared enough to see Moon Seoyoon. Then, a cool hand touched his forehead.

“I had a dream…”

Moon Seoyoon asked something, but the meaning didn’t fully register.

Woo Yeonjae gave a vague answer and wrapped his arms around Moon Seoyoon’s waist, who was trying to pull away. The tension from holding onto someone who was trying to escape only made his headache worse.

In the end, Woo Yeonjae pulled Moon Seoyoon into his arms. Finally holding onto the person he wanted, he opened his eyes lazily only after ensuring that Moon Seoyoon wouldn’t leave the bed. Their eyes met, close enough to feel the tension. Though it was clearly Moon Seoyoon, his mind felt too clouded to read his thoughts clearly.

He used to be able to read that small mind of Seoyoon’s so easily, but two years apart had been longer than he realized.

“I had a dream…”

Woo Yeonjae exhaled heatedly.

“We were kids… back then…”

It was a dream that would soon be forgotten. Yet, the remnants of the emotions he’d felt still clung to him, making him frown. Even though he clung to Moon Seoyoon with a childish excuse like hugging a teddy bear, it didn’t ease his unease. Perhaps it was because Seoyoon subtly pulled away, as if maintaining some distance.

Pretending not to notice, Woo Yeonjae buried his head into Moon Seoyoon’s shoulder. Only when he breathed in the familiar scent did his anxiety finally start to fade.

“Back then…”

Even as his body succumbed to drowsiness, the unsettling nightmare continued to swirl in his mind.

“When did it snow that winter?”

No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t remember the exact day it snowed.

“It must have been December.”

Moon Seoyoon gave an obvious answer.

“Yeah… What about your nails?”

“Nails? What nails?”

“The balsam…”

The faint memory of that tiny orange hue surfaced, and Woo Yeonjae swallowed his nausea. Perhaps it was the fever making his whole body burn, but it felt like he would throw up any second.

At that moment, a heavy wave of sleep crashed over him. It was the kind of deep, uncontrollable sleep he hadn’t felt in a long time.