Sunshine Shower Chapter 113

A light rain was falling.

Woo Yeonjae walked along the trail, holding an umbrella. The smell of earth, grass, and rain mixed together in the air.

It wasn’t exactly good weather for a walk. Even if it was just a brief shower, rain was still rain—making everything wet and uncomfortable.

Not many people enjoyed taking walks on rainy days. Woo Yeonjae was no exception, but he didn’t like the idea of letting Moon Seoyoon go alone, so he had come along. When they’d set out, there hadn’t been any sign of rain, after all.

Still, it seemed like the rain might stop soon.

Once the drizzle disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, the ground would dry up. Ants would gather near the dying worms.

“Woo Yeonjae.”

There was something about those moments of sudden intuition. Woo Yeonjae stopped in his tracks.

Hearing his name called calmly, he slowly shifted his gaze.

“I’m going to stop now.”

Moon Seoyoon’s tone was composed. He wasn’t smiling, but his usual gentle expression remained.

Stop, he said.

Woo Yeonjae furrowed his brow, one of his eyebrows instinctively lifting.

“So… you should stop, too.”

“What am I supposed to stop, Seoyoon?”

The words spilled out hastily.

“You know.”

Woo Yeonjae bit the tip of his tongue as he stared straight ahead. After a while, his body slowly turned toward where Moon Seoyoon stood.

Plop. The droplets that had collected on the cheap plastic umbrella slid off, landing on his shoulder as he moved.

“…”

A sense of defeat, one he had never felt before, swept over him.

“I’ll stop liking you. Let’s end this here.”

This was a situation he had never even imagined.

***

“I’m going to stop now.”

That calm voice kept spinning in his mind.

“So… you should stop, too.”

What was he talking about? No matter how much Woo Yeonjae racked his brain, it was unclear what exactly Moon Seoyoon wanted him to stop.

What was there to stop between the two of them?

“Ha…”

Woo Yeonjae bit his tongue, stifling the curse words that were on the verge of escaping. He wanted to focus on what Moon Seoyoon had asked of him, but the words “I’m going to stop” kept echoing in his ears, making him dizzy.

He barely managed to gather his thoughts. First, he needed to figure out what Moon Seoyoon was asking him to stop.

“What am I supposed to stop, Seoyoon?”

“You know.”

Moon Seoyoon’s answer had been simple. Just like the straightforward declaration that he would stop liking him and end things here.

But no matter how much Woo Yeonjae thought about it, he couldn’t understand what he was supposed to stop.

He had acted the same as he always did. Even after learning that Moon Seoyoon liked him, nothing had changed. He spoke the same, acted the same, and thought the same.

Or maybe he hadn’t thought the same way as before. Instead, he constantly replayed worst-case scenarios in his mind to prevent himself from entertaining any foolish thoughts. It was a way to control himself. So, no, he hadn’t been thinking the same as usual.

Still, even if his true feelings had surfaced unknowingly, there was no way Moon Seoyoon could have read his mind. If he had, he would have run away long ago.

“I wonder how he figured out I knew…”

The reason Woo Yeonjae pretended not to know about Moon Seoyoon’s feelings was that he thought their current relationship wasn’t bad.

Woo Yeonjae was fully aware that his obsession with his childhood friend was abnormally intense. It far exceeded the socially accepted boundaries of friendship, especially between men.

The various forms of home education he had received from countless experts since childhood had drawn a clear line for him to follow throughout his life. That education, drilled into him for so long, had kept Woo Yeonjae from going astray. Even though he sometimes displayed violent tendencies, it had been dismissed as the kind of scuffle common among adolescent boys.

Since Woo Yeonjae clearly understood the boundaries he had to maintain, he couldn’t ignore the fact that his obsession with Moon Seoyoon had crossed the line. It was too obvious and blatant to pretend otherwise.

As much as he recognized the excess of his obsession, Woo Yeonjae was also fully aware of his desires. No matter how deeply he hid or suppressed them, the essence of those desires was still himself, making it impossible to separate the two.

He always wanted to possess Moon Seoyoon entirely, though he kept telling himself it wasn’t about possession.

It wasn’t enough just to have a place in Moon Seoyoon’s world. He wanted to grip it more tightly, in a way that others couldn’t even detect.

That didn’t mean he wanted to harm Moon Seoyoon. He simply wanted to have him fully.

The moment he encountered the affection flowing through the piano melodies, and realized that the affection wasn’t directed toward the piano but toward himself, Woo Yeonjae felt a rush of ecstasy. That was when he realized he had gained even Moon Seoyoon’s heart.

It wasn’t just that he occupied Moon Seoyoon’s small world, or that Moon Seoyoon relied on him; it was the confirmation that he had won his love as well.

The question of whether it was possible to love someone of the same gender no longer mattered to Woo Yeonjae. What mattered was the absolute truth that Moon Seoyoon loved him.

Whether that love had started from sexual attraction or had been there all along didn’t matter either. The only important thing was that Moon Seoyoon had given him the emotion that occupies a significant part of human life.

Even though Woo Yeonjae equated love with sexual desire in his own mind.

And Woo Yeonjae knew himself well. Now that he had Moon Seoyoon’s heart, there was only one thing left he wanted to take. But it wasn’t just about physical intimacy. In truth, it was isolation.

To avoid reducing Moon Seoyoon to that state, controlling himself was the best option.

Every time he strayed from the boundaries he had set so carefully since childhood, the cause was always Moon Seoyoon. Whenever his childhood friend was involved, Woo Yeonjae had no qualms about crossing the line—it was that obvious.

So, he had to be careful. In his already twisted obsession, if he deviated just a bit further, he might do something irreversible.

That was why Woo Yeonjae decided that the best course of action was to maintain his relationship with Moon Seoyoon as it was.

Woo Yeonjae saw his decision as an equivalent exchange between him and his one and only childhood friend.

He could give Moon Seoyoon what he wanted. Since they had already slept together, doing it again wasn’t difficult. And if Moon Seoyoon’s partner wasn’t just a casual hookup but someone he liked, he would surely feel both physical and emotional satisfaction, or so Woo Yeonjae thought.

In return, Moon Seoyoon could give Woo Yeonjae what he wanted: a sense of certainty and satisfaction. The certainty that Moon Seoyoon wouldn’t leave, and the comfort derived from that certainty.

By then, Woo Yeonjae was convinced that Moon Seoyoon wouldn’t run away from him. After all, he liked him, beyond just friendship.

They had been together almost their entire lives, Moon Seoyoon had feelings for him, and they had even had sex—so there was no way Moon Seoyoon would leave.

It was a satisfactory conclusion. As long as Moon Seoyoon stayed within Woo Yeonjae’s boundaries, he could provide him with a peaceful life.

Sex wasn’t a problem either. Sex with Moon Seoyoon was always enjoyable. Satisfying Moon Seoyoon made Woo Yeonjae feel satisfied too, so it would’ve been strange if he didn’t enjoy it. Besides, Woo Yeonjae had never felt sexual desire for anyone else. He would never abandon his childhood friend for someone else, so as long as Moon Seoyoon was content with him, everything would be fine.

Of course, there wasn’t a complete lack of problems.

After learning about Moon Seoyoon’s previous unrequited love, Woo Yeonjae occasionally felt an unnameable urge—a desire to tighten his grip on Moon Seoyoon.

Why did he meet that guy if he likes me?

Sometimes, that question would creep up on him.

What did they do for someone else’s cigarette to end up in his pocket?

Once the suspicion started, it would snowball.

But each time, instead of confronting Moon Seoyoon, Woo Yeonjae would swallow down his questions and endure.

He made an effort to control himself, again and again, because he sensed that if he ever lost his patience, it would lead to disastrous results for Moon Seoyoon.

Moon Seoyoon had no one to protect him. His legal guardian, his father, was too blinded by greed to shield his only son—he would likely offer him up as a sacrifice. With no one else to protect him, Woo Yeonjae knew that if his father abandoned him, Moon Seoyoon’s future was bleak.

He would be trapped in a vast cage for the rest of his life, weeping, and cursing his only childhood friend.

This unquenchable thirst that went beyond just possessing Moon Seoyoon’s heart—that was what it was.

But Woo Yeonjae didn’t intend to push Moon Seoyoon into such a corner. No matter what his suppressed true feelings might be, his rational mind was still working. So, maintaining a relationship with boundaries was best.

Pretending not to know Moon Seoyoon’s feelings was, in a way, the last line Woo Yeonjae had drawn for himself. It was a somewhat distorted relationship, but it was better than ruining everything, better than breaking Moon Seoyoon completely.

“So, you stop too.”

That calm voice brushed past his ears again, like a ringing echo.

What am I supposed to stop?

This effort?

Woo Yeonjae had always wanted to be harmless to Moon Seoyoon. He wanted to prove his normalcy. The reason he had let Moon Seoyoon spend two years in the isolated environment of the military was to give him some breathing space. Before he realized how twisted Woo Yeonjae’s obsession had become and tried to escape, he gave him room to breathe.

Because he wanted to remain a normal, good friend.

So what exactly am I supposed to stop?

“I’ll stop liking you. Let’s end this here.”

And what exactly are we supposed to end?

Woo Yeonjae slowly retraced that moment, as always using Moon Seoyoon as his point of reference.

Even though he had countless private tutors from a young age, the various types of home education he received only provided him with basic, common-sense standards. Nothing more.

The unexpected situations that occasionally arose were always dealt with by using his one and only childhood friend as his standard.

This time was no different.

Since it was Moon Seoyoon who said to stop and to end it, Woo Yeonjae had to figure out what he had missed, once again using Seoyoon as his guide.

What did I miss?

Woo Yeonjae carefully traced back everything from the day Moon Seoyoon returned from his family home: not only his own actions but every word, gesture, and expression of Moon Seoyoon’s.

His eyebrows furrowed, and an irritated crease appeared above them. The calm expression from that day when the sunshower fell kept floating in his mind, making it hard to think things through clearly.

“Ha.”

Woo Yeonjae twisted his lips.

He felt as if he were drowning in the sunshower that soaked his shoulders. His lungs tightened, every air passage was blocked, and it felt as though his breath was being swallowed up.

“End what, Seoyoon…?”

His mind, muddied and confused, squirmed like worms in the dirt.