Sunshine Shower Chapter 128

“I was just trying to clean up the broken glass. But why would you step on it? Are you out of your mind?”

Only then did a sense of relief wash over him. There was no time to worry about the pain. While his nerves felt sharp, his entire body grew numb. It wasn’t the pain piercing his skin that proved this was reality; it was the familiar warmth of the hand gripping his arm.

“If you move… no, wait. Shouldn’t you stay still? First, we need to get your foot off…”

Moon Seoyoon, his face pale, muttered to himself as he let go of Woo Yeonjae’s arm. His body turned, and his legs moved in a different direction. Feeling as if he were drifting farther from reality, Woo Yeonjae took another step. It seemed like the glass stuck to his soles clinked against the shards lying quietly on the floor.

His mind clearly understood that this was reality. But he needed proof. The moment he drifted too far from reality, he feared that his reason, out of control, would do something unforgivable.

A drowning person loses control. They end up dragging down the very person trying to save them, drowning together. Woo Yeonjae instinctively knew that if he lost control of himself, his confused instincts would end up hurting Moon Seoyoon.

Before that happened, he needed some kind of proof that this moment was real.

“Don’t go.”

Moon Seoyoon, perhaps reacting to the voice or the sensation of being held, turned around abruptly, eyes wide.

“Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?”

A curse that didn’t suit him slipped out. The glass shards piercing his feet gradually began to cut through the numbed sensation, but Woo Yeonjae didn’t even groan. He was simply content with the touch holding him again.

“You’re really out of your mind…”

“I was wrong.”

Woo Yeonjae whispered in the most pitiful voice he could muster.

“I was completely wrong, Seoyoon.”

Moon Seoyoon’s lips moved soundlessly, his face filled with confusion.

“So please, don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I told you, I’m not leaving because of you. Why do you keep moving?”

If I say it’s because I’m scared you’ll run away, he’ll probably be even more disgusted, Woo Yeonjae thought as he closed his mouth. Moon Seoyoon glanced at the floor, his expression dizzying, before he grabbed Woo Yeonjae’s arm.

“Let go for a second.”

“…”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

How long could he hold on? But if he didn’t let go, Seoyoon might hate him. Woo Yeonjae’s hand, veins bulging, finally released its grip. At the same time, it felt like all the air in his lungs was trapped, like a worm suffocating in the rain. He stopped breathing, quietly, and only his eyes followed Moon Seoyoon.

At least it was fortunate that his foot was injured. If he tried to do something rash, Seoyoon would have a chance to run away. With his strength depleted and his injured foot, there was no way he could catch up in time.

Ignoring the pain in his flesh, Woo Yeonjae fixated on Moon Seoyoon with unwavering attention. Seoyoon took only a few steps before pulling out a chair and setting it down in front of him. He gestured with his head, as if telling him to sit.

“Sit down. Are you going to keep standing on the broken glass?”

Woo Yeonjae obediently sat in the chair. Fear of being abandoned by Seoyoon kept him in check, but sitting also bought him time. Time for Seoyoon to escape while he was distracted.

“Seriously… we might need to take you to the hospital.”

Moon Seoyoon knelt to examine Woo Yeonjae’s foot. He worried that the glass had embedded itself deeper since Woo Yeonjae had stood still for so long after stepping on the shards. There wasn’t any visible glass in his skin, but blood was flowing from a deep red wound. The smaller shards, which couldn’t be seen with the naked eye, were the real issue, so they’d need to go to the hospital for a proper examination.

“Are you seriously okay?”

Suddenly snapping out of it, Moon Seoyoon scowled and looked up sharply.

Just moments earlier, after washing his face to clear his head, he had heard the sharp sound of something breaking. He rushed out of the bathroom, and the shattered cup came into view. It was a familiar situation, one he was used to thanks to his café job. He was about to grab the cleaning supplies when Woo Yeonjae, out of nowhere, walked right onto the broken glass. That was just minutes ago.

“Let’s go to the hospital.”

Perhaps he was still too startled, but Moon Seoyoon felt like several hours had passed in just those few minutes. He locked eyes with Woo Yeonjae as he knelt on one knee, then slowly stood up.

“For God’s sake, you’re not a child…”

Unintentionally, he muttered a complaint at Woo Yeonjae.

Moon Seoyoon brushed aside his hair that had fallen over his eyes and glanced at the floor. The scattered glass shards, the spilled water, and the blood mixed together, leaving the floor a complete mess.

He wondered if he should carry Woo Yeonjae to the hospital in his car or call for an ambulance. Just as he was about to decide, Woo Yeonjae stretched out his arm and grabbed his hand.

“If we go to the hospital… will you forgive me?”

“What?”

“Will you forgive me?”

It wasn’t clear whether he was asking if Moon Seoyoon would forgive him for what he did, or if he was asking for company.

“I was wrong.”

Moon Seoyoon flinched at the warmth seeping between his fingers.

“I was wrong about everything—calling you disgusting, saying your feelings were a mistake, telling you to just bury them. It was all my fault.”

Woo Yeonjae carefully wove his words between the spaces of Moon Seoyoon’s silence.

Despite having been the one to cut things off, Moon Seoyoon remained. If it had been Woo Yeonjae in his place, and he had decided to sever their relationship, he wouldn’t have cared what unfolded before him. He wouldn’t have even come to the house in the first place, not just over something like a piano.

In that sense, it was a relief. Moon Seoyoon hadn’t walked away. He was too kind-hearted.

The moment Woo Yeonjae realized there was still a chance, he felt a surge of relief. He cunningly grasped the opportunity that remained.

For weeks, he had been agonizing over a solution, but no matter how much he thought, no answers came. The only thing left was to appeal emotionally, to cling desperately.

“…Did you say you liked me just to avoid the situation?”

Woo Yeonjae had always been intensely focused on Moon Seoyoon. He wasn’t so dense as to miss the hesitation laced in his question.

“I didn’t say it just to get out of the situation. I meant it. I really do like you.”

All this time, he had mistaken his feelings for mere possessiveness. He had thought that the reason Moon Seoyoon was the only thing he wanted was simply because he already had everything else. His singular obsession with his childhood friend had led him to believe it was just that—obsession. He never even considered that his desire to possess Moon Seoyoon might actually be closer to love.

He had never felt sexually aware of his childhood friend, so it was difficult for him to suspect that this possessiveness could resemble feelings of affection.

Besides, the kind of love people often talked about was usually beautiful and gentle—just like the emotions Moon Seoyoon showed him through his piano playing.

Woo Yeonjae had always learned through Moon Seoyoon. That’s why he couldn’t equate those moments with the desire he felt. He simply didn’t know that what he was feeling could be another form of love.

But now, more than anyone, he understood. What he felt for Moon Seoyoon wasn’t just possessiveness. If it were, he would have been annoyed when Moon Seoyoon tried to run away, not in pain.

“I didn’t know what it meant to love someone, so I didn’t even realize my own feelings.”

“Hah…”

Moon Seoyoon let out a faint sigh, as if unsure of what to do. Woo Yeonjae tightened his grip on their clasped hands, and Moon Seoyoon’s arm was naturally pulled along. Woo Yeonjae smoothly shifted, covering Moon Seoyoon’s pale hand with his own.

“I won’t confuse you again. Just give me one more chance.”

As he gently pressed his cheek against Moon Seoyoon’s hand, the latter flinched.

If he let go now, he wouldn’t be able to hold on any longer. The outcome would be one of two: either he would force the dreams he’d seen into reality, or he’d walk away to protect Moon Seoyoon for good. Neither was a conclusion he could accept, so he had to plead, beg, and hold on.

“If I… told you we should go our separate ways, what would you do?”

Woo Yeonjae barely restrained his tightening grip, suppressing the bad thoughts that came creeping in. He slowly raised his head, meeting Moon Seoyoon’s calm brown eyes.

“I still like you. But I’ve never imagined us being in a relationship. I’ve never even wanted that.”

Why? Woo Yeonjae consciously steadied his breathing to keep from losing control.

“I think it’s better for us to stay friends. Even if feelings fade, friendships can grow distant and come back together again, right?”

There had been a time when Woo Yeonjae thought the same thing. But that was back when he was still foolish. Now, he no longer believed it.

The feelings he had for Moon Seoyoon could never fade.

Darkness doesn’t fade.

“No matter how I think about it, that kind of relationship seems better for us.”

“So, you want to drift apart like this?”

“…”

“And let me watch someone else stand by your side?”

Just imagining it filled him with rage. Like a young animal struggling to breathe, Woo Yeonjae panted heavily, his cheeks twisting in anger as he clenched his jaw.

“If you want to see me spiral out of control, then go ahead.”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“Moon Seoyoon.”

Could it be? The mere thought sent a jolt through his fingers, gripping tighter.

“Did you grow to hate me?”

“What?”

“Did you only say you still like me because you pity me?”

Woo Yeonjae blinked.

“Then keep pitying me. Keep treating me with that same sympathy.”

He pressed his cheek even deeper into Moon Seoyoon’s warm hand, causing the other to visibly flinch.

“Woo Yeonjae, you…”

At the sound of his name, Woo Yeonjae blinked slowly once more.

“…Are you crying?”

He hadn’t even realized he was. The only sensation he was aware of was Moon Seoyoon. The pain from the glass in his feet, the tears streaming down his face—none of it registered. Moon Seoyoon was all he could perceive.

That’s why he knew with certainty. Moon Seoyoon was wavering. All because of a few tears.

As he deliberately blinked again, his wet eyelashes clung together.

“I told you. I only cry in front of you.”

Tears continued to fall down his cheeks, but Woo Yeonjae kept speaking.

“I’m not satisfied with just being friends anymore.”

He squeezed their intertwined fingers, and Moon Seoyoon, biting his lip in confusion, finally whispered, almost like a sigh.

“Liking you… it feels like a sin to me.”

Woo Yeonjae fixated on his childhood friend with relentless intensity. Whether it was the overwhelming emotions he was experiencing for the first time or the fear that Moon Seoyoon might leave him for good, tears streamed down his cheeks continuously.

“I know how much you’ve done for me. And I’m not just talking about the piano. …I’m grateful you brought flowers to my mom’s grave on her anniversary.”

Moon Seoyoon’s face tensed.

“That’s why it hurts so much. I feel like… I dragged you down with me. If I hadn’t let my feelings slip, none of this would’ve happened between us.”

Woo Yeonjae, on the other hand, felt it was a relief that things had come to light. If more time had passed without him understanding Moon Seoyoon’s feelings or recognizing his own possessiveness, he was sure it would’ve exploded one day. Suddenly, and violently.

A slightly older version of himself would’ve been even more uncontrollable.

“That’s why… I’ve thought about ending this. Because it feels like I’m committing a sin by loving you.”

“So what if it’s a sin?”

Moon Seoyoon’s guilt could never become guilt for Woo Yeonjae.

“Love me with that guilt.”

He welcomed every emotion Moon Seoyoon felt toward him. Just like the overwhelming euphoria he experienced when he realized Moon Seoyoon’s feelings went beyond friendship, he wanted even the tiniest fragment of that guilt to belong to him.

As he blatantly begged for love, tears began to well up in Moon Seoyoon’s furrowed eyes. Woo Yeonjae couldn’t fully grasp what Moon Seoyoon was feeling. He only felt an instinctive sense of relief.

“Woo Yeonjae, you’re such a… bastard.”

“Why are you crying?”

He asked as he brought Moon Seoyoon’s hand to his lips.

“Is it because of me?”

His head was spinning. He didn’t care about the pain in his feet—he hadn’t from the start—but the thought that Moon Seoyoon might be crying because of him again made his stomach churn.

“You said not to hate you, but you’re making it impossible.”

His voice rose slightly, revealing the frustration. It was his way of saying he just couldn’t bring himself to hate him.

“Yeah. Don’t hate me, love me.”

Woo Yeonjae buried his face in Moon Seoyoon’s hand, his eyes softening as he let the first tear fall.

“…Didn’t you say liking another man isn’t normal?”

“It’s fine.”

Woo Yeonjae said it as if it were nothing.

“I’ve never been normal anyway.”

Not even once had he ever been.