Sunshine Shower Chapter 94

“You’re really something.”

Nam Taeun poured some soju with a gurgling sound and extended his hand. Moon Seoyoon lightly tapped his half-filled glass against Taeun’s, producing a clear clink.

“But still, you went and moved in there.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Moon Seoyoon smiled bitterly and downed the soju, the disinfectant-like taste hitting him all at once.

What had started as a dinner meeting naturally progressed to a second round of drinks. Casual greetings and updates began to shift to more personal topics.

“Are you sure he still doesn’t know you like him?”

Nam Taeun asked as he ate the chicken feet in front of him—something Woo Yeonjae would never touch.

“What do you mean?”

Moon Seoyoon frowned, unsure why the conversation suddenly shifted in that direction.

“He said something about being jealous of you, didn’t he?”

“Oh…”

So that’s why he brought it up—he found it odd that a friend would mention jealousy.

“I’m sure…”

Moon Seoyoon responded firmly.

“Are you really sure?”

There were several reasons for his certainty. Misunderstandings about casual flings aside, there were more fundamental reasons.

If he knew I liked him, he wouldn’t just sit there.

His discomfort with liking the same gender was a secondary issue.

Woo Yeonjae dismissed unrequited love as a confusion rooted in sexual desire. If he knew that Moon Seoyoon was in love with him, he wouldn’t suggest something like hooking up. Woo Yeonjae believed that fulfilling sexual desire would only intensify the delusion of love.

Moreover, considering that Woo Yeonjae saw his own feelings for men as a flaw, it was impossible he would remain silent if he knew about Moon Seoyoon’s feelings. If anything, Woo Yeonjae would demand confirmation and then try to convince him that his emotions were wrong.

…Or maybe not.

Now that they’d already slept together, maybe he’d react differently. Given Woo Yeonjae’s slightly offbeat thinking, he might offer to keep hooking up until they were both sick of each other.

Either way, one thing was clear: if Woo Yeonjae knew, he wouldn’t pretend not to. Especially not when he thought those feelings were harmful to Moon Seoyoon.

After a brief pause, Moon Seoyoon finally spoke.

“Hyung, I’ve known him for 17 years. I know him well. If he knew, things wouldn’t be like this…”

“And you’re sure, yet he’s getting jealous over you? Didn’t he call it disgusting? Normally, if someone dislikes something, they don’t talk about it like that, do they?”

Nam Taeun lowered his voice quickly. Moon Seoyoon fiddled with his soju glass, condensation gathering on its surface.

“Didn’t I tell you before? It’s just a habit of his.”

“That sounds pretty suspicious.”

“What’s suspicious? Just drink your soju.”

If the conversation dragged on any longer, he might accidentally spill the truth about sleeping with Woo Yeonjae. Moon Seoyoon picked up the soju bottle in front of him and refilled his empty glass. The clear liquid flowed into the small glass.

“If you say so… Anyway, what are you going to do now?”

“About what?”

“Are you going to keep things the way they are?”

It was unclear what “things” Nam Taeun was referring to. But Moon Seoyoon guessed he was talking about his one-sided crush on Woo Yeonjae, rather than their undefined relationship.

Hyung doesn’t know I slept with Woo Yeonjae.

Although he couldn’t erase the fact that they’d slept together, if Nam Taeun was asking about maintaining the relationship, there was only one answer.

“I suppose so.”

Moon Seoyoon lowered his head. His posture, staring down at the soju glass, made him look as if he were reluctantly agreeing.

“And you’ll just keep getting hurt every time he gets a new lover?”

“Maybe it’ll be a relief if I give up someday, right?”

Even if he couldn’t give up, it wasn’t something Moon Seoyoon could control. Still, he thought that maybe, as time went on and he grew used to it, he’d eventually learn to live with it, and one day, the time to give up would come.

“Is that really a relief? You’ll just get hurt and end up distancing yourself.”

Despite Nam Taeun’s blunt comment, Moon Seoyoon only gave a faint smile. Perhaps frustrated by his calm demeanor, Nam Taeun sighed deeply and started rummaging through his coat tossed in the corner. When he stood up, he had a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in hand.

“I’m going out for a smoke. You coming?”

“Uh…”

Woo Yeonjae wouldn’t like it.

His first thought, as always, was of Woo Yeonjae. But having had a few drinks and a long conversation with Nam Taeun, Moon Seoyoon suddenly found himself craving a cigarette. If Nam Taeun had just left without a word, it would’ve been fine, but hearing the offer made him oddly tempted.

“Let’s go.”

After a brief hesitation, Moon Seoyoon stood up.

The smoking area was right next to the bar. Moon Seoyoon accepted a cigarette from Nam Taeun.

“This is stronger than what you usually smoke.”

“Are you gonna miss it?”

“Well, well. Look at you, cracking jokes like a pro now.”

Nam Taeun raised an eyebrow in a mocking manner as he lit his lighter and casually ran his hand through his hair. After Moon Seoyoon fixed the hair Taeun had messed up, he leaned toward the outstretched flame and lit his cigarette. A short inhale, then exhale, and the tip began to glow.

Cough, cough. Ah…

He coughed, just like when he first started smoking. Beside him, Nam Taeun, who had immediately lit his own cigarette, chuckled.

“Told you it was strong.”

It had been a long time since Moon Seoyoon last smoked, so his body wasn’t used to it anymore. Even though he coughed, he stubbornly took a few more puffs. Whether it was the alcohol talking or his own stubbornness, he knew it was foolish, but the thought of stopping didn’t cross his mind.

“If you can’t handle it, just stop.”

Nam Taeun nudged him with his arm.

“It’s just one cigarette. What do you mean, I can’t handle it? Hand me that. I’ll put it in my pocket and return it later.”

Unlike Nam Taeun, who was in a light short-sleeved shirt, Moon Seoyoon was wearing a thin cardigan. Without a word, Taeun handed over the cigarette pack and lighter, seemingly relieved not to have to hold them anymore. Moon Seoyoon put both items in his pocket while taking another drag. The distinct smell of the smoking area lingered in the air.

I probably won’t run into Woo Yeonjae. The smell will dissipate, and if I shower right away and head to my room, he won’t notice.

“You trying to act like you’re fine but actually struggling?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You only smoked in the army when something was bothering you. You didn’t smoke much after the start of the semester, so I thought you quit. But now you’re smoking again, so something’s definitely up.”

It would’ve been odd if Nam Taeun hadn’t noticed—after all, he was the one who taught Moon Seoyoon how to smoke in the first place. Seoyoon fiddled with the cigarette between his fingers, lowering his gaze as gray smoke slowly blended into the black night air.

“I haven’t really thought about it as struggling.”

“So you admit it’s been a while since you smoked? Seeing you cough, it seems like it.”

“It has been a while.”

“Then that means you are going through something. You’re not a chain smoker, and you barely touch cigarettes. The fact that you felt like smoking again says it all.”

Nam Taeun sighed as he blew out a puff of smoke.

“Your chest feels tight, doesn’t it?”

Moon Seoyoon bit his lip, tasting the faint bitterness of the cigarette on his skin.

He couldn’t pinpoint why the sudden urge to smoke had hit him.

When he entered his place, familiar digits on the lock brought him into a brightly lit living room. Moon Seoyoon hesitated as he stepped forward, a sinking feeling in his chest that he’d find Woo Yeonjae there. The awkwardness stemmed from the fact that their recent argument was about Moon Seoyoon going to meet Nam Taeun, and now that he was coming back from that meeting, he felt embarrassed even before seeing Woo Yeonjae’s face.

As he slowly took off his shoes, he saw Woo Yeonjae sitting on the couch, just as he had expected. After a moment’s hesitation, Seoyoon decided to approach him. Despite the short amount of time they’d spent avoiding each other, continuing to act awkward around him felt more uncomfortable.

Regret briefly flickered in his mind, wondering if he should’ve avoided him tonight, but it was too late—he was already standing next to the couch.

“Woo Yeonjae.”

He cautiously called his name, and Yeonjae’s gaze shifted toward him. His eyes narrowed—not out of annoyance, but as if he was assessing something.

“Did you come back from your plans?”

“…Yeah.”

Lying would’ve been more suspicious.

Not knowing how to continue, Moon Seoyoon just stared at Woo Yeonjae blankly. Woo Yeonjae, after a moment, tapped the seat next to him.

“Sit here?”

Moon Seoyoon hesitated, worried that the smell of cigarettes might linger. He knew the smoke would have long since faded, but the thought that the scent might have clung to his clothes bothered him.

“Yeah. Let’s talk.”

It seemed Woo Yeonjae wanted to address what had happened a few days ago. After hesitating for a moment, Moon Seoyoon eventually sat down. The small gap he left between them was quickly closed as Woo Yeonjae easily shifted and rested his head on Seoyoon’s shoulder.