Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 437 - My Beloved Family (2)

It had been a long time since the words ‘let’s go on a trip’ had been spoken.

 

Even as his father tied a handkerchief tightly around his neck, warning him not to catch a cold, he felt so happy he could fly. He hated motion sickness, but if he could go to an amusement park with his mom and dad, he didn’t mind the car ride.

 

‘Mom, what about the water? Should Joowoo put it in the bag?’

 

His mother, who usually packed snacks and water wherever they went, wasn’t packing anything, so he asked first. She replied it would be fine since they would arrive soon. Even so, Park Joowoo insisted on bringing his yellow backpack.

 

The amusement park—whose name he had never even heard—was very far away. There was no music, no radio; the inside of the car was silent. The only sound was the low, brief murmurs of his mom and dad talking to each other.

 

‘Tell Joowoo too.’

 

He tried to join in, but no one listened.

 

Normally, his father, who loved exciting things, would have played a continuous stream of songs that were a bit too fast for Park Joowoo to follow. His mother would have sat next to him, feeding him bite-sized pieces of fruit, or checking how long was left until the next rest stop, saying, ‘Our Joowoo gets motion sickness, so we should take a break’.

 

But today, Park Joowoo was alone. There was no place for him, neither in the back seat nor in the conversation.

 

They drove and drove, but the destination never appeared. The winding mountain road made his stomach churn. But Park Joowoo did not complain. He didn’t want to ruin the outing by whining that he wanted to get out.

 

Until yesterday, his mother had been staring blankly at nothing, and it hadn’t been long since his father had returned home. If not today, who knew when they’d take him to an amusement park again? Though he felt neglected, he closed his eyes and endured it.

 

The sky spun along with the car. The occasional trucks or motorcycles passing in the opposite direction were no longer visible. There was only their car in the middle of the endless mountains.

 

He wanted to say it felt suffocating. His stomach hurt. Park Joowoo knew from experience that if he let it go on like this, he would soon throw up.

 

Pouting, Park Joowoo secretly unbuckled his seatbelt. The adults didn’t notice. His mom and dad kept talking while looking ahead, never meeting his eyes through the mirror.

 

Mom is a dummy.

She used to never let me unbuckle my belt. Was it all a lie when she said the policeman would take me away?

 

Hmph. Swallowing his sulking thoughts, Park Joowoo turned his head toward the window. His small finger pressed the button, and the window slid down. He heard the sound of leaves brushing against each other like they were breaking.

 

“Park Joowoo. The window…”

 

“Just leave it.”

 

His father took his side. Cool air poured in. The wind made a mess of his hair. Park Joowoo found he could endure it a little longer. If the wind blew harder, the sickness in his stomach would be cleared away. Just a little more… if the car went faster than it was now, if the numbers on the dashboard went over 100…

 

“Honey! Honey!”

 

“I love you, darling.”

 

His mother screamed. The scream tore through his ears and dug into his mind. Park Joowoo thought his mother was scared because the car was going too fast.

 

Park Joowoo scooted forward. He intended to pat his mother to comfort her. As he peeked between the driver’s and passenger’s seats, he saw his mother and father’s hands tightly clasped together.

 

In front of them stretched a massive lake. To the eyes of Park Joowoo, who didn’t know the word ‘reservoir’, it was simply a lake as vast as the sea. The grey iron plates lining the roadside grew closer and closer.

 

The sound of thunder erupted before his eyes.

 

Breaking through the guardrail, the car flew into the air. His body lifted, and then his head slammed hard against something. It hurt so much that tears pricked his eyes.

 

He wanted to be held and comforted, but both his mom and dad were crying. They were screaming even louder than Park Joowoo. Just how much did it have to hurt for adults to scream like that? Unable to comprehend it, Park Joowoo was paralyzed with fear.

 

For a moment, his body felt weightless, like he was floating in space. Then his heart lurched, and he was pulled downward.

 

***

 

When he woke up, everyone was wearing black.

 

“Did you hear the reservoir accident on the news was about the couple from this house?”

 

“Ah, that…”

 

The people who cried in front of his parents’ photos and sighed deeply while stroking Park Joowoo’s head all said the same things once they sat down.

 

“They say they tried to commit suicide with the kid.”

 

“Why? Were they in debt?”

 

“Who knows. Others probably thought they were doing well because they looked decent on the outside.”

 

“What sin did the child commit to deserve this?”

 

People pitied Park Joowoo. They acted as if they could say anything as long as they ended the conversation by expressing sympathy for the child left alone. To Park Joowoo, who had lost his family to the sinking car, their kindness was incredibly shallow.

 

No. We were going to the amusement park.

 

Park Joowoo tried his best to deny it. He didn’t want to admit that his mom and dad had tried to leave by themselves. After all, his family had been happy.

 

“Get out if you’re going to talk nonsense.”

 

“No, I was just saying because the child is so pitiful…”

 

“I said get out! Don’t say that kind of thing in front of the kid!”

 

What made Park Joowoo the saddest was his aunt, who would chase away those who badmouthed his parents…

 

“You bastards. You’ll be struck by heaven. How could you do that with a child? Are you even human?”

 

…And the sight of her crying alone late at night, spitting out resentful words toward his mom and dad.

 

“You shouldn’t have done that, not when you had Joowoo.”

 

His aunt was a good person. Park Joowoo loved her. And she loved him.

 

But his aunt cried. She said his mom and dad deserved a great punishment for trying to take Park Joowoo with them. Even as she grieved. Even as she told his mother to come back in a choked voice. Because Park Joowoo was a nephew more precious than anything in the world.

 

It was something Park Joowoo’s young mind couldn’t understand. His mom and dad hadn’t done anything wrong. Park Joowoo just wanted to see his mother, who he was told he could never see again, one more time.

 

Someone hugged Park Joowoo from behind. It was a warm embrace, just like his father’s.

 

“Hyung.”

 

Park Joowoo looked up at Heo Sihoo, who had come to pick up his dongsaeng.

 

“Can I not say I miss Mom?”

 

Heo Sihoo hugged Park Joowoo tightly.

 

“And Dad too?”

 

He asked again, but Heo Sihoo didn’t answer. Instead, he just held Park Joowoo very tightly. He looked as though Park Joowoo might run away.

 

“Let’s go inside. Let’s go sleep, Joowoo.”

 

In Heo Sihoo’s eyes, Park Joowoo found the same look he had encountered countless times over those three days. It was exactly the expression people made in the face of tragedy.

 

His elementary school teacher, the mother of a classmate who came to pick up her child, his kind deskmate, and the apartment security guard. Everyone wore a sad face in front of Park Joowoo. Simply because a bad mother and a wicked father had left Park Joowoo behind and departed this world.

 

Even though he could have seen his mom and dad one last time if he had just pulled back the cloth, Park Joowoo never saw their faces. He only realized later that it was a difficult decision his aunt had made out of consideration for her young nephew.

 

Maybe because his last memory was the scene of parting. Whenever he crawled under a white blanket, he felt like he could be held by his mother. The smiling mother who had led him to the shoe rack saying they should go play seemed to call him from beneath it.

 

Park Joowoo shut himself inside. Wrapped in the warm blanket, it felt like they were one again, even if they were apart. Maybe it would feel like this if he could finally step into the reservoir he hadn’t been able to follow them into.

 

But he couldn’t live under the blankets forever. On the day his aunt put the blankets in the washing machine, she sat the hysterical Park Joowoo down and told him the two of them had gone to the land of the stars.

 

His aunt never knew that for a long time after that day, Park Joowoo’s dream was to become a star. Not because a child who didn’t know death vaguely missed his family—but because, even knowing it was the eternal end, he missed them so much he sincerely hoped his own end would come too.

 

And yet, whenever the news reported a record-breaking meteor shower, he would stay up all night standing by the window, worried about his mother who used to be afraid of falling.

 

≫ Seeing cases like Kim’s makes me wonder what family even means. For some, it’s better not to have one at all.

≫ Park Joowoo should go solo. Promoting in a group is a loss for both him and the team.

≫ Idols last, at most, about 7 years, and even if they renew their contracts, it’s basically a given their peak is over. It’s not bad to find his own path. It’s not like he can be an idol forever.

 

When every day is lonely, when you feel left alone in the world, when the value of what you hold dear is denied, people lose the meaning to keep living. The time he endured alone like that had been long and painfully isolating.

 

To Park Joowoo, only the group that formed like destiny remained. This was the only place where he belonged. That was why he didn’t have the confidence to leave.

 

Even when together, people could disappear. If he took his eyes off them, they might vanish from his life like a mirage, as if they were never there. If that happened, Park Joowoo wouldn’t be able to withstand the emptiness that would return.

 

But…

 

On the day Kim Iwol burst into his room, Park Joowoo faced his own defense mechanism.

 

‘Do whatever you want. I’ll make sure you never have to do anything you don’t want to. I just… want you to…’

 

Kim Iwol’s desperate plea continued to echo in Park Joowoo’s head long after Kim Iwol had fallen asleep.

 

I want to be with the members. I am satisfied just by us all being together.

 

Was that purely Park Joowoo’s own will?  Or was he hiding his fear of becoming alone again behind the words ‘I want to be with good people’?

 

For Park Joowoo, who was lost in thought, the competition program became a major turning point. Which choice he would make now depended entirely on the adult he had become.

 

Inside his heart, Park Joowoo tried calling out, ‘Mom’. The absence of any reply felt familiar and painfully sad.

 

‘I don’t want to be apart from Mom and Dad.’

 

If he remained tied only to the two of them, he would be at a standstill forever. He would fear being told to stand on his own, and while everyone else grew, he alone would remain in place. Just as he had been until now.

 

Park Joowoo covered his face with both hands. He could feel them trembling.

 

To move forward, he had no choice but to settle things. There was no one to push him from behind, no one to pull him forward. He had to move ahead with his own strength alone. Until now, every step had been terrifying, but…

 

‘I think the time has come to say goodbye.’

 

To avoid falling behind the changing members. Because he didn’t want to go back to the days when he was alone.

 

Trusting Kim Iwol, who had promised to listen to him first and told him to call whenever he had something to say, Park Joowoo decided to finally tie a knot on his past.