Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 436 - My Beloved Family (1)

Park Joowoo was incredibly busy ahead of his appearance on ‘Genre-Switch’. On days when his schedule didn’t end with group activities, it was hard to even see him return to the dorm.

 

When I expressed concern that his throat might get damaged from singing so much, he replied that he wasn’t just singing.

 

“I’m preparing to move forward.”

 

It was a cryptic answer, but I didn’t pry. I didn’t want to dampen his spirits before a major program. I simply cheered him on, telling him he was the best.

 

Public expectations were also high. Many people had been waiting for Park Joowoo’s solo stage. UA worked hard to release press materials to match the trend, partly to push down the posts related to him being a ‘misfit’.

 

Thanks to the combined force of the Sparklers, who were furious over the ridiculous targeted attacks, rock fans who didn’t want to see their reviving genre dampened, and the general public who lacked context and simply saw the buzz, the controversy over Park Joowoo’s social maladjustment and ‘uncooperative group activities’ was completely buried.

 

‘…The solo talk has almost disappeared.’

 

‘Told you, didn’t I?’

 

After checking the comments himself, Park Joowoo nodded in agreement. After that, his expression became much more relaxed. Choi Jeho told me that Park Joowoo even started having nights where he slept without his headset. It was reassuring news.

 

He also started eating properly again. Today, Park Joowoo was diligently eating galbi-tang, even mixing rice into the soup.

 

“Still, you could at least tell us the song.”

 

At my question, Park Joowoo’s eyes widened.

 

“So we can make a slogan for you.”

 

When Jeong Seongbin went on the show, he expressed his wish to go alone, and back then, we were rookies, so it was hard to ask the production crew if we could all go. We filmed a ‘front-row at home’ type of content, but not being able to cheer up close was still disappointing.

 

This time, however, the writer actually asked first if any members would be visiting the waiting room. They meant to capture Spark’s reaction shots. From the program’s perspective, it was a way to bring in Sparklers’ viewership without paying extra appearance fees.

 

Park Joowoo gladly permitted the members to visit. Beyond just permitting it, he warmly invited his colleagues.

 

‘I’d be happy if everyone could come.’

 

The weight of the word ‘everyone’ coming from Park Joowoo felt different now, so I accepted immediately.

 

Regardless, despite inviting everyone, Park Joowoo didn’t even tell us what song he would be singing. The guests didn’t get advantages. It seemed he had fully internalized the importance of confidentiality.

 

“Even I, his roommate, don’t know.”

 

Choi Jeho replied nonchalantly. I couldn’t exactly pick on a guy who was eating his meal well just because he was being cheeky, so I let it go.

 

Lee Cheonghyeon, the only one who knew Park Joowoo’s song choice, vowed to keep it a secret until the broadcast. The only spoiler he gave was that we wouldn’t be disappointed. If Lee Cheonghyeon thought it was fine, there wouldn’t be any disaster like a poor song choice.

 

“What about the arrangement?”

 

Jeong Seongbin asked while adding cheongyang peppers to his bean sprout soup.

 

Every Spark song had Lee Cheonghyeon involved in some way. More precisely, he was at the center of all of them.

 

Until now, the members had only performed songs he either created or arranged. This would be the first time a song untouched by Lee Cheonghyeon would appear on a stage associated with Spark’s name. That, too, was one of Park Joowoo’s wishes.

 

When Park Joowoo first said he would leave the arrangement to the A&R team, Lee Cheonghyeon had reacted as if the sun had risen in the west.

 

‘It’s not because you don’t trust me, right?!’

 

‘Of course not……! I have a reason.’

 

‘It better be a reason I can accept.’

 

Even as he glared, Lee Cheonghyeon ended up grinning. By saying there was a ‘reason’, Lee Cheonghyeon had already accepted his hyung’s wish. It seemed he never really intended to scold Park Joowoo in the first place.

 

I was worried for a while because the A&R team staff looked uncertain, but although I was curious about what direction Joowoo had suggested, I didn’t spy or dig around. I decided to just trust his picky musical taste.

 

Park Joowoo, the subject in question, took a sip of broth and answered.

 

“…It turned out good, just as I wanted.”

 

“That’s a relief. I’m looking forward to it.”

 

Park Joowoo smiled at my words.

 

Would Park Joowoo be okay as long as we stayed together? I would do my best, but knowing my efforts weren’t perfect made me anxious. I worried that one day, I might have no choice but to look into his past.

 

To be honest, I didn’t want to. I hoped I wouldn’t have to pry into a story he wouldn’t bring up himself. After all, I had even told Choi Jeho that everyone has things they want to hide.

 

But no one knew whether keeping things inside truly made Park Joowoo feel at ease. I knew myself that hiding things wasn’t always a good thing.

 

‘Hyung has a very precious friend. Hyung likes that friend very, very much… but other people say that friend is a bad person, so it’s better not to stay close. If it were you, hyung, what would you do?’

 

Something he once said so casually might have actually been a signal that he wanted someone to listen to his inner thoughts. I only hoped that the choice Park Joowoo made would at least slightly ease his complicated mind.

 

“Joowoo.”

 

I called out to Park Joowoo as he headed to the sink with his empty bowl.

 

“If there’s ever something you want to talk about, call me anytime.”

 

“…….”

 

“I promise to listen to your words as my top priority, no matter what.”

 

I didn’t say it in passing; I spoke with sincerity, imbuing the word ‘promise’ with weight. Thankfully, Park Joowoo understood my heart.

 

“Okay. It’s a promise.”

 

Park Joowoo laughed. For some reason, I felt a lump in my throat.

 

* * *

 

Even at 4 AM, people sought out Park Joowoo. It had been like this for the past few months.

 

[Joowoo]

[You’re going to release a solo album before I leave the fandom, right?]

[I’m not joking, I’m really about to quit]

 

The messages became more persistent with each passing day. Park Joowoo simply stared at the glowing screen.

 

He didn’t know when things had become like this. At first, people casually mentioned him going solo in passing, but before he knew it, those voices had grown loud.

 

The time he spent working hard as a member of the team was being denied far too easily. Perhaps it was because Park Joowoo was someone who didn’t fit into a group.

 

Park Joowoo was always like that. He could never belong anywhere. At times like this, he felt that he was the only one with ‘no place to return to’. Even his own home. Maybe it was obvious that he had fallen out of social circles early on.

 

‘You know that everyone’s way of living in society is different.’

 

Kim Iwol was kind. While Kim Iwol struggled not to be a sore thumb that stick out, he was generous toward the overly sensitive Park Joowoo.

 

But Park Joowoo knew that a person who wasn’t ‘normal’ stood out. and unfortunately, he was far from ordinary. ‘Extremely emotionally unstable and sensitive.’ Park Joowoo still remembered the words a doctor had said when he was a child.

 

The fact that five people who understood his temperament had come together was close to a miracle. He was aware he was being selfish, but knowing how precious that warmth was, he acted like a spoiled child.

 

He just didn’t want to be alone anymore.

 

≫ Idols need to maintain business relationships to last long

Obsessing over family-like relationships often leads to emotional fights and makes things irreversible

 

He felt as though he would never be able to blend into society.

 

He wished someone would ask him why he liked being in a group rather than why he hated being alone. If they did, he could answer as much as he wanted.

 

Because the members had become precious to him. Because doing something new every day was enjoyable. Because the things that happened while being together were fun.

 

Being alone was lonely. Each day was just a repetition of the same routine. Nothing enjoyable ever happened to someone who was alone.

 

A life without people around was solitary. You could sing your favorite songs anytime, but good people often disappeared in an instant. Park Joowoo wanted to hold onto things that wouldn’t last forever just a little bit longer.

 

Perhaps that was why the words telling him to try doing his part alone felt like a dagger. It felt like being dragged out of the sanctuary he had finally found. The more the outside world encouraged him to come out, the more Park Joowoo withdrew.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t know what the problem was. Park Joowoo had known for a long time that his inner self was immature. He just couldn’t fix it, or more precisely, he didn’t have the will to. He was sick and tired of being pitied.

 

If he had expressed more often how much he liked the members, would things have been different?

 

If he had gone to school like everyone else and made more friends, would things have escalated this far?

 

If he had stayed by his mom or dad’s side just a little longer……

 

His thoughts spiraled.

 

A sharp scream tore through Park Joowoo’s head. Hearing auditory hallucinations was as familiar as breathing. His mind, worn ragged over the years, slowly rewound his memories.

 

Kang Kiyeon, who eventually returned to the stage despite fearing the cameras; Lee Cheonghyeon, who had been responsible for the group’s songs despite once running away in fear of promoting with his own music; Jeong Seongbin , who succeeded in escaping the shadow of the senior who bullied him—they all poked at Park Joowoo’s empty heart from the outside.

 

Choi Jeho, who said he drank for the first time because of a friend, and Kim Iwol, who began to open his heart to the members, had all changed.

 

Only Park Joowoo remained the same. From before debut until now, not a single thing about him had changed.

 

‘Not everyone has to make multiple friends. …What matters is that you live well.’

 

Park Joowoo was living the exact opposite of Kim Iwol’s words. Even though he clearly knew how he wanted to live, he made no effort to change.

 

[We’re saying this because we care about you, why do you keep ignoring us?]

 

New messages piled up in the meantime.

 

A comment he read a long time ago overlapped with the messages.

 

≫ They probably did it because they couldn’t stand the thought of a child left all alone.

Let’s not criticize them too blindly.

 

Park Joowoo closed his eyes. The day he was first left alone in the world came back to him like a dream.