Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 438 - My Beloved Family (3)

The day of the Genre-Switch filming dawned. Because he had to handle the pre-interview, rehearsal, and opening recording, Park Joowoo left the dorm at the crack of dawn.

 

Spark arrived later at the salon. Since they were going as guests to a traditional competition program, they dialed back the flashy idol makeup as much as possible.

 

For clothes, everyone wore the neatest outfit from their own wardrobe. Except for me. I picked out something appropriately formal. If I had chosen my ‘neatest’ outfit, I probably would have ended up in a black suit setup.

 

“Seongbin, your bangs!”

 

“Ah! I’m sorry!”

 

Jeong Seongbin subconsciously ruffled his bangs with his hand. It was already the third time. His hands simply couldn’t stay still.

 

“Are you that nervous?”

 

Kang Kiyeon, who had been quietly watching the leader, asked. He looked like he was ready to pull out a calming medicine for Jeong Seongbin.

 

“Yeah. It’s not even my stage, but it’s strange.”

 

Jeong Seongbin laughed sheepishly.

 

“You’re the senior on ‘Genre-Switch’, Seongbin. Did you give Joowoo any advice?”

 

“What advice would I even give him?”

 

The kid was perfect on stage, after all. It wasn’t for nothing that Park Joowoo had carved out his position with just his voice in Spark, a group that boasted a center like Choi Jeho and a visual like Lee Cheonghyeon.

 

“Still…”

 

Jeong Seongbin hesitated, then spoke with a smile.

 

“I told him I’d cheer for him with everything I’ve got.”

 

That was exactly the kind of encouragement that would reach Park Joowoo the most. After analyzing everything and reflecting on the past, I had only just figured out how to support him, yet Jeong Seongbin knew it instinctively. Maybe this was what it meant to have a good friend.

 

“Joowoo must have liked that.”

 

“He did. He’s pure like that.”

 

Jeong Seongbin’s bangs were back to being perfect.

 

***

 

The cast of ‘Genre-Switch’ gathered in a waiting area and moved to the stage when it was their turn. Even after finishing, they returned to watch everyone else’s performances until filming ended.

 

Because of that, we had no chance to see Park Joowoo in a private waiting room. When I arrived before the recording started, I could see the waiting studio through a large monitor.

 

When Park Joowoo finally appeared in the recording that started shortly after…

 

“Is it not rock…?”

 

…He was incredibly calm. With his hair dyed black, he seemed like a different person. Dressed in a black short-sleeved jacket and long pants set, it was impossible to guess what kind of stage he’d perform.

 

The wristband he always wore was gone. On his fair skin, a bracelet sparkled under the lights. Kang Kiyeon was  visibly surprised by the unexpected styling.

 

『Following Mr. Seongbin, you are the second member from Spark to appear.』

 

『Yes, being after Seongbin makes me even more nervous. Seongbin is such a great singer.』

 

『Mr. Joowoo, I heard you’re the main vocalist of your team as well?』

 

Like a veteran idol, Park Joowoo handled the responses smoothly on his own. The experience from several radio shows clearly helped. Still, my mouth went dry watching him.

 

The singers before him displayed formidable skills. The most passionate response went to a famous ballad singer known for breakup songs who performed an unconventional K-pop stage. The venue instantly turned into a cauldron of excitement.

 

“I guess you really have to be good at singing to look cool no matter what you do.”

 

“I suppose…”

 

Lee Cheonghyeon commented with a flushed face. Kang Kiyeon, who agreed, had eyes sparkling with excitement. He lookedl ike he’d run off for vocal lessons the moment filming ended.

 

『Ah, it’s this person’s turn.』

 

The MC pulled a small ball from a box and checked the name. Jeong Seongbin’s hands were turning white and then red repeatedly because he had been clenching his fists so hard every time a ball was drawn.

 

『He is the protagonist who captured the hearts of youth with his magical voice.』

 

Even with the consistently old-fashioned introduction, it was clear who the next participant was. Lee Cheonghyeon covered his mouth with both hands.

 

『Joowoo of Spark, please come to the stage!』

 

Unlike the actual broadcast version, it took time for Park Joowoo to appear on site. It was only natural since he had to move from the studio to the stage.

 

A few minutes later, Park Joowoo walked out to the center of the stage. The staff in the corner of the waiting room applauded him.

 

『How did it feel watching the stages from the backstage?』

 

A short interview began. Park Joowoo, holding the microphone tightly with both hands, answered softly. After his impressions on his first appearance, questions related to the competition followed.

 

『Could you explain what kind of stage you’ve prepared?』

 

Joowoo’s hand tightened on the mic and then relaxed. It was his habit when he had something he wanted to say.

 

『It’ll soon be the anniversary of my family’s passing.』

 

An unexpectedly heavy topic was brought up. Since I’d never heard that he had siblings, the ‘family’ Park Joowoo mentioned must refer to his mother and father.

 

And the fact that their anniversaries were on the same day meant…

 

『Since I was a child, it weighed on my mind that I couldn’t say a proper goodbye. Now… I’ve become a proper adult. I want to tell them that I’m doing well with good friends, so they can rest easy.』

 

Park Joowoo himself remained composed. Losing loved ones couldn’t have been easy. Yet, being able to stay calm was the same as saying he had already cried enough that no more tears could come out. Just like I had been in the past.

 

Park Joowoo adjusted his black jacket with the hand not holding the mic.

 

The melody of a famous old pop song, rearranged into rock but still immediately recognizable, began to flow.

 

Inspired by Hans Christian Andersen’s ‘The Little Mermaid’, a timeless classic beloved across generations, the title of the song was…

 

『To My Family Submerged in Water』

 

***

 

Blue lighting rippled across the stage. When he blinked, it felt like that day underwater.

 

『In that home of mine, white seafoam swirls

Deep, endless black currents flow

Where even the light that hung like curtains sinks and melts

The brilliant sandcastle, my beloved home』

 

Water rushed into his nose and mouth; whenever he tried to spit it out, more filled in.

 

The car spun in circles…

 

‘Mom.’

 

…Then, with a heavy thud, he remembered his body already outside the car.

 

Through his mother’s long hair, Park Joowoo saw their hands tangled together. Still clasped so firmly that there was no room to include Joowoo.

 

Under Park Joowoo’s feet, there was soil to stand on. Just a little, in the shallows.

 

The car, drifting out of reach, sank into the bottomless depths.

 

『The land is beautiful

Birds chirp under the sun

But the voices that used to call me

Have been silent since some moment』

 

For a very long time, Park Joowoo heard his family’s voices. From the moment he woke until he fell asleep, he lived within screams. It wasn’t bad, because if it wasn’t a hallucination, he would never hear their voices again.

 

He barely noticed people until they called his name several times, but he simply assumed it was because everyone was out of their minds with grief.

 

Time didn’t dull the shock. His mind rooted itself firmly in the accident, sprouting into every part of his daily life.

 

Leaves grew everywhere. Sudden shouts, the swaying backseat, the mud that stained his clothes—Park Joowoo recalled that moment.

 

『My name breaks and becomes the waves

The cries searching for me spread across the surface

 

It blurs, far away

 

Only the sound of sand washing away

Tells me that I am by the shore』

 

For Park Joowoo, who often pressed his ears shut, his aunt gifted a headset she bought with her part-time job money. She said the ad claimed noise-canceling helped calm the mind.

 

Even though external noise didn’t bother him much, Park Joowoo gladly accepted the gift. When he put on the headset and crawled under the covers, the traces of his mom and dad would fade, only to be vividly revived.

 

Park Joowoo constantly turned back the clock of his memory. To that time of falling. He repeated it desperately to carve the final memory into his mind.

 

And he stayed there for a lifetime.

 

Until one day, an unexpected change occurred.

 

It was pure coincidence that Heo Sihoo misconnected a Bluetooth device and played loud music through Park Joowoo’s headset.

 

『The world is full of wonders

I smell a sweet scent, not fishy, from a red flower

I feel the dry, cracked texture of a great tree』

 

A flood of sound poured in. No matter how much the screams seemed to tear his eardrums, they couldn’t pierce through the high-volume electric guitar. The drums rang louder than the cries.

 

It was okay even if a person’s voice was a shout. A song sung by someone alive, with intention, never felt empty no matter how many times he heard it.

 

『Even if the pouring rain soaks me

It cannot rise high enough to submerge me』

 

His whole body was drenched. Music was different from a reservoir; no matter how much he was submerged in it, breathing wasn’t painful. Even if he sank, he could escape. By his own strength.

 

After years, Park Joowoo was able to recognize music again. Something he had forgotten even existed for a long time.

 

『Breathing outside

Was such a breathtakingly refreshing thing』

 

He treasured the music he had regained like a precious possession. When he didn’t want to hear the screams, he cared for and loved the only existence that could help him.

 

‘I heard from the CEO that you’re the same age as me…’

 

The world began to move little by little from the moment a friend of his age at the company spoke to him in passing.

 

‘Are you interested in being an idol, by any chance?’

 

Two eyes without pity were directed at Park Joowoo.

 

He was. Interested. More than just interested, he loved it. But he had never even considered it because he thought no one would include him when even his own family had left him behind.

 

As long as he hid his past, Park Joowoo could be normal friends with Jeong Seongbin. He could live in the same house with more people than when he lived with his mom and dad. The ordinary life he had longed for felt as comforting as he had imagined.

 

『Who in the sea could draw a golden sun on a large paper?

Who could hang a necklace of shells and grass around my neck?

Living as a mermaid on land is lonely

But I’m happy because I can hear the whistling』

 

There were times when family he had pushed beyond his memory suddenly came to mind. When Lee Cheonghyeon came back upset after hearing harsh words and cried, and Kim Iwol told him, ‘You don’t necessarily have to get along with your family.’ Even when he realized the reason Kim Iwol said that was because he himself couldn’t forgive his own family.

 

Each time, Park Joowoo was right there beside them. It wasn’t a coincidence, but inevitable.

Watching them, he empathized as if it were his own story. Because it didn’t feel like someone else’s problem. And he also watched what choices Kim Iwol and Lee Cheonghyeon made.

 

Lee Cheonghyeon received an apology. But he decided to maintain the current distance until the knot was untied.

 

Kim Iwol decided to end the relationship entirely. Even if the process was long and difficult, he wanted to be confirmed that he was not at fault and become free.

 

Park Joowoo had no one to apologize to him, nor anyone to tell him he was not at fault.

 

However, one thing remained.

 

Park Joowoo himself, who could decide how to live in the future.

 

『I miss the loves I left behind

When the full moon reflects on the sea

I pray that the moonlight reaches the deep abyss』

 

Because some partings were irreversible, Park Joowoo tried his best to avoid the worst-case scenario. Death was still terrifying, but now, as someone who had grown, there were things he could do. Just like when he took care of Kim Iwol, who collapsed after drinking a beverage given by someone else—bringing him food he had cooked while wiping his tears at the sink.

 

To give his best to those who remained, he decided not to cling to what had already left. It was time to let go of the two people he had carried with him his entire life.

 

On the stage he had prepared with great care, Park Joowoo slowly let go of his precious ones.

 

『I’m not going back

Even if the shed tears pile up and become foam

I will drag my heavy legs and walk upon the land

My life is here』

 

‘If you ever have something you want to do, hyung, tell me anytime.’

 

Park Joowoo remembered how long it took him to say those words. It had required immense courage. Because he never believed he could be someone who could give something to others.

 

He wasn’t confident enough to say his life had become whole.  He wasn’t sure if he could return as much comfort as he had received.

 

Even now, he sometimes slept under the same blanket as his mother, and when he missed his father’s voice, he would put on his headset. When loneliness struck, he was still someone weak—someone who gathered the fading traces of his family and clung to them.

 

But now, he would change little by little.

 

‘How could they do that with a child?’

 

At the end of the people Park Joowoo loved so much, Park Joowoo wasn’t there…

 

‘…The people who say that are probably advising me for my sake.’

 

…Because there were more people now who cared about him than that.

 

People who fulfilled promises he never expected them to keep—promises he only spoke aloud because he thought it was natural for them to be broken.

 

『I’m going to the shore

Don’t miss the mermaid who leaves

 

If you loved me, forget me』

 

Truth is, I hate you a lot. You lied to me, and even though you knew it was the end, you didn’t even meet my eyes once.

 

What upset me most was that you didn’t hold my hand.

 

I still miss you, but sometimes I might hate you. But don’t blame me. And don’t be disappointed that I don’t want to meet you soon.

 

『To my family sleeping in the deep, cold sea

May you be at peace forever in the darkness』

 

I’ll stay here.

Because I like it here.

 

Because a new family is waiting for me.

 

『Goodbye, sleep well』

 

If I start to miss you, I’ll only cry a little bit.