Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 539 - Watching

‘I believe people should do what they love.’

 

That was the first thing Lee Cheonghyeon said when he started teaching me composition. Considering his usual stance, it wasn’t an especially surprising thing for him to say, but I’d already passed the age where I could simply go looking for my dream, so I had asked him:

 

‘Shouldn’t it be what they’re good at?’

 

‘Things you’re good at will eventually see the light of day, but if you don’t keep bringing out the things you love, they’ll just get buried without anyone ever knowing about them.’

 

Perhaps that was why the assignments he gave me always included ‘Finding elements you like’. Finding chords that sounded good to my ears, picking a bass style I liked, and so on.

 

The assignments weren’t limited to music. The genres were endless: fashion styles, sports, even my favorite sunbaenims. When I tried to refer to previous Q&A broadcasts to check my profile’s preferences, he stopped me.

 

‘Forget the past Kim Iwol! Those are yesterday’s tastes!’

 

‘Won’t people say I’m being inconsistent if I do that?’

 

‘Do you think people live their whole lives exactly as they were born? Focus on the present!’

 

He did exempt food preferences, saying he knew those hadn’t changed. I had no idea where he got the confidence to say that. What would he have done if I told him I didn’t like jjolmyeon anymore?

 

This process was extremely foreign and difficult. I’d spent my life in an era where I was told that I had to be good at everything to survive, and that if I wasn’t exceptionally good at something, I could be replaced at any time. Being told to do things according to my own preferences sounded as strange as a job posting demanding an experienced new hire.

 

But since my teacher had assigned the work, I dutifully completed every homework assignment. A song with a structure that exploded decisively at the highlight sounded a little more addictive. There was a distinctive feeling that came from metallic sounds and noise. All the songs I listened to frequently seemed to turn up the bass volume during the intro.

 

Lee Cheonghyeon’s critique after checking my homework was very simple.

 

‘So this is the kind of thing hyung likes.’

 

The next assignment was to put all of those elements into a song. My head was saying, ‘What the hell is this supposed to be?’ but since the teacher was watching me with the eyes of a harpy eagle, I couldn’t slack off. Even if I asked, ‘Teacher, is this right?’ his only answer would be, ‘Yeah, it’s unique and good!’.

 

Trembling, I stacked uncertain steps and climbed higher. In the process of making a toddler’s first self-composed song, both the song and I were the ones taking those tottering steps. Stumbling along with me, 『Connect』 took its first shaky steps starting from the top line.

 

『Tell me, what you see?

If there is a future

In the world you see』

 

‘Facing your own shortcomings really isn’t easy.’

 

It was agonizing to face my mediocre skills against the high standards I had set. In the conference room, I’d discuss trendy songs by talented composers like Lee Chenghyeon, pushing my glasses up like some music expert, only to return to the practice room and hear the whip-like sound of the metronome as I repeatedly confronted reality.

 

To me, who had stalled after taking only a few steps, Kang Kiyeon offered some unexpected words.

 

‘Maybe it’s because you’re secretly getting greedy, hyung?’

 

‘Me?’

 

‘When you first learned to dance, you told us to leave you behind and that you unfortunately already did you best. You’re disappointed because you have high standards and you want to succeed. I think it’s a good sign.’

 

The people around me were kind. They were generous with their encouragement. No one said, ‘It’s because you’re not good enough’. They said it was only natural for a beginner.

 

‘Everyone has a period when their level looks pathetic. I hope you don’t dwell on it too much, hyung.’

 

‘Even though I have no idea when my level is going to improve?’

 

‘A day when you get better will definitely come.’

 

Kang Kiyeon was right. As I persevered, small moments of joy gradually began to arrive. When I found a place for a melody I’d been holding onto simply because I desperately wanted to use it, or when I found an effect that fit perfectly, the catharsis was incredible.

 

I would never forget how I felt the day I played the song from the beginning for the first time. It was still full of things that needed polishing, and it had only five tracks stacked up, like a building with only the rebar up.

 

‘You’re that proud of it?’

 

‘You look so happy, hyung……!’

 

Even the Spark members would add a word or two when they saw me. I said it was the sense of accomplishment that came from learning something new, only to get hammered by Kang Kiyeon.

 

‘But you weren’t like that when you first learned to dance’.

 

‘Is there really that much of a difference between dance and music?’

 

Scratching his head, Kang Kiyeon started accompanying me to Lee Cheonghyeon’s composition lessons whenever his schedule allowed from that day on. It wasn’t because he wanted to learn composition himself, but purely out of curiosity.

 

‘If I know what hyung is interested in, won’t I be able to lead the choreography practice more effectively?’

 

Thanks to having an excellent teacher and supervisor on either side of me, I was able to make some modest progress, even if I didn’t improve by leaps and bounds. Every moment was so filled with people around me that my memories of studying and working alone were beginning to fade.

 

『That is probably

Knock on』

 

Even if I couldn’t guarantee the result, I was confident in starting. I had just forgotten it for a while under Manager Nam, but I had always managed to survive as long as I had someone to lean on. I had several people close by to ask for help, and some who said they would support me no matter what I did, so there was nothing I couldn’t do.

 

So, I didn’t give up halfway. In the end, I finished it.

 

When I drove drums with finely divided beats into solid ground and pressed bass notes into place, a foundation that wouldn’t collapse began to form. Every time I gathered and assembled instrument sounds, they clicked together like gears to create a new movement. Stacking the voices on top, 『Connect』 set sail.

 

I wrote the song like building a robot out of blocks, gathering the elements I liked and using small bits of accomplishment as adhesive.

 

It wasn’t until I saved the finished work, shut down the program, and saw the wallpaper on my studio PC—so densely covered with photos that I could barely see the background—that I realized what I’d wanted to create with the things I loved most in that moment.

 

『It must be what I wanted』

 

‘You’re going to delete all the photos?’

 

‘I should. I’m done using them as references.’

 

‘Why not make a folder and keep them? When else would you collect this many photos? I’m sure you’ll use them again.’

 

Kang Kiyeon, who had come to pick me up for dance practice, rested his chin on his hand and pondered for a moment. Lost in thought, he grabbed the mouse and created a folder.

 

The name of the new folder was…

 

[Reference] Flame Images

 

‘By the way, you really like Spark, don’t you, hyung? Is there magma flowing through your veins or something?’

 

I was about to immediately deny what Kang Kiyeon had said. I was going to make excuses that it was simply because I’d become accustomed to seeing the images closest to me.

 

But the moment I named the song 『Connect』, it was as good as admitting it.

 

What I’d thought about the most while making this song, and what feelings I held toward them.

 

『Strongly』

 

There was a phrase that never failed to appear in reviews mentioning 『Connect』. It was always followed by evaluations like, ‘I want to hear this at a concert’ or ‘It’s a song meant for the stage’.

 

It was exactly as people said. With the explosive cheers of the audience added to it, even the unrefined song sounded pretty damn good. It was as if the audience had completed it. Since I’d conceived and written it from the very beginning with the stage where Spark could shine the brightest in mind, I suppose it was only natural.

 

Choi Jeho and Jeong Seongbin knelt in the center of the stage with one knee up. Behind them, Lee Cheonghyeon and Park Joowoo bent their arms to create a support.

 

Kang Kiyeon, standing in the center, rested his right arm on the sturdy support. Making a pistol shape with his left hand, he crossed his arms in an X. Kang Kiyeon’s face—wearing goggles and smiling with an expression that made the viewer’s heart swell—was captured largely on the electronic screens on both sides of the stage.

 

The Kang Kiyeon who sat alone in a corner due to injury and a slump was gone now. And so was the Kang Kiyeon who feared the camera. In his place was the Jeong Seongbin and the members who stayed by his side and protected him without ever leaving the team.

 

‘…It’s to make activities more comfortable, not because I am forcing myself to keep going. You don’t need to worry.’

 

At the same time, he didn’t give up and stood on this stage, just as he had in the past. No matter what hardships had come before.

 

+

[spArk’s Eternal Will] Kang Kiyeon

Kang Kiyeon (21 years old)

Career History

─ spArk’s 4th-year Main Dancer

+

 

Click, the sound of a trigger being pulled was loaded. Kang Kiyeon’s arm recoiled as if shooting something up from his fingertips.

 

『To make you feel

Like an inescapable fate』

 

Why did I believe I could feel relieved by this choice?

 

I could no longer bear to watch, so I fled the concert venue as if running away.

 

***

 

It had been well over two hours since the concert began. All the performances would probably be over soon. If it had been a year-end music festival, she might have expected a special stage or something,  but it didn’t seem like they would have planned that far for a charity concert.

 

As if the time she spent shivering from the cold was a thing of the past, she stomped her feet in excitement and regret that it was ending. Her whole body was burning hot so much that she felt overheated.

 

Her companion, who had been with her since waiting this morning, was no different. The orange lightstick held tightly in her hand was shaking violently.

 

“Wasn’t that seriously amazing?!”

 

“Insane… just insane…”

 

The two of them, thoroughly worked up, rapidly smacked each other’s arms. The surging exhilaration made them feel like they were floating. She even felt proud, thinking that she had studied so hard for her finals just for this moment.

 

“I never imagined they would perform 『Connect』.”

 

“I know right! There’s a reason Sparklers say you have to hear 『Connect』 in person…”

 

Their conversation as fans continued to revolve around Spark’s performance. From the moment Spark appeared until long after they had left the stage, the two had remained in this state. Despite their favorite group appearing for only ten minutes after all those hours of waiting, their excitement still hadn’t faded.

 

Even while at the venue, they shared previews that were being posted in real-time. Talking about Spark’s outfits and detailed expressions that they couldn’t see clearly from afar, and the modified choreography they had never shown before, never got old.

 

The companion, who had been chatting with her for a while, suddenly looked around. When asked why, the companion pointed behind her.

 

“That tall man who was over there earlier. Did he leave?”

 

“He’s been gone for a while. I guess he left halfway through.”

 

She thought of the tall man who had been standing next to her. Considering how far toward the back he’d chosen to stand and the fact that he’d never taken out his phone, he didn’t seem to have come specifically to take photos. He seemed to have no companions, either; he just stood still like a stone statue and watched the stage.

 

“Didn’t you give that man something? I saw him rummaging through his bag.”

 

“Ah, I gave him a tissue.”

 

She said, slightly unzipping her padding as she couldn’t bear the stuffiness.

 

“He was crying…”

 

“He was crying?”

 

“I’m not completely sure, but, you know… it just felt like he was!”

 

At first, she thought he was a strange person and tried to keep her distance. Her father had drilled it into her throughout the entire trip to the concert that she needed to be extra careful in crowded places filled with strangers. So she was paying attention and keeping her distance, but when he gave her a hot pack in the middle and went back to being silent, she stopped thinking about him and just enjoyed the concert.

 

But as Spark waved and disappeared behind the stage, the man’s hands kept going to his face. Glancing sideways, she saw the man fiddling around the corners of his eyes with his fingers. At first, she wondered if there was dust on his face, but soon the man roughly wiped his eyes and cheeks with his palm. Even through his indistinct features, the reddened tip of his nose was clearly visible.

 

If she told this story anywhere, she’d get cursed out and asked if she thought someone with that physique and looks could be easily encountered on the street, but somehow…

 

The man felt like Kim Iwol. That impression gave her, who was very shy, the courage to stick her nose into someone else’s business.

 

“When?”

 

“When Spark’s performance ended. I wonder why.”

 

“Maybe his ex-girlfriend liked Spark?”

 

“So I gave him the tissues. It’s already freezing, and if you’re crying on top of that, it’d feel even more miserable. He probably came here to enjoy the concert!”

 

Listening to her kind-hearted words, the advice of her older acquaintance followed. It’s fine when you have a companion like now, but always be careful when you’re alone—she gave advice that you can never be too cautious around adults. Knowing those words came from affection, she nodded.

 

“Ah, I guess it’s ending…”

 

A small sigh was heard from somewhere. The MCs came out of the hosting area and headed to the stage to wrap up the show. A few people who sensed the ending began to head toward the exit. To get their cars out even a little faster or to catch public transport, they had to move quickly.

 

“Your dad said he’s waiting outside, right? Shouldn’t you head out early? The traffic will be terrible if you’re even a little late.”

 

“Right…?”

 

When she turned on her phone, there was already a message from her dad. He said he would wait in front of the exit. Even though she told him to wait in the car, he seemed worried about his daughter coming from the park to the parking lot alone.

 

Ever since she started liking Spark, her daily life had changed significantly. She made several friends who stan the same idols, and she studied more enthusiastically because she wanted to get permission to buy albums. Vitality returned to her life.

 

It might be a coincidence, but her dad also changed little by little around the same time. The father who had never wanted to let his daughter go out on her own was actually letting her attend a concert like this—it was unimaginable before. Others said it was because her dad loved her too much, but to her, it had felt more like being suffocated.

 

But at some point, her dad became different. He began asking whether she really wanted him to do everything for her, or whether there were things she wanted to try doing on her own. Even when he admitted that he was worried, he didn’t lock her away in his arms.

 

She felt that her dad was gradually trusting her. Once she came to trust that the same nagging came from concern and affection, she no longer felt hurt by it. Because she was confident her father would listen to her, she could speak honestly about anything.

 

In the past, when her dad asked about her personal affairs, she had to struggle to hide her rebelliousness. It had felt like he was trying to police her just because she made friends on the internet. Even knowing her father had no bad intentions, it had still felt suffocating.

 

“My dad says he’ll give you a ride to the station too, unnie. Do you want to go together?”

 

Now, things were different. She knew her father would wait nearby, while still giving his daughter the freedom to go wherever she wanted until she called for him.

 

Having willingly accepted that love, and having begun moving forward under her own strength, her world would gradually grow wider.

 

And she would grow up to be a very kind person.