How Lilies turn Black Chapter 40 - The Dice Thrown (1)  

All of this was actually for their future…  

 

But what if Wayne and Angelo turn their backs on her, seeing that she has lost her morality and conscience?  

 

What is she supposed to live for then?  

 

It felt like the ground she was standing on was endlessly sinking into the abyss, four thousand meters below.  

 

“—Lily.”  

 

“…”  

 

“Lily. Hey, boss.”  

 

A worried voice lingered in her ears.  

 

It sounded almost like a hallucination, and before Liliana could regain her senses, she was dragged back into the abyss.  

 

“Liliana!”  

 

But the strong grip shaking her shoulders made her snap her head up.  

 

“…Hah!”  

 

Silvano’s face, which had been blurry for a moment, suddenly came into focus.  

 

“…Silvano…”  

 

As if the tension had drained from her, he let out a deep sigh with a relieved expression.  

 

“Haa… What’s wrong with you? You scared the hell out of me.”  

 

“…”  

 

“Is it because of Antonio?”  

 

For some reason, his words sounded like a reprimand, and her eyes immediately grew hot.  

 

“…What? Do I look pathetic to you? Because I’m struggling over killing just one person?”  

 

“No, fuck. That’s not what I meant…”  

 

Silvano exhaled sharply toward the ceiling and roughly ran a hand through his hair.  

 

“Everyone’s like that the first time. Did you think I was any different?”  

 

“…”  

 

“I couldn’t leave my house for days. It’s the same for everyone.”  

 

“…I see.”  

 

“Haa… I suck at comforting people. I don’t even know what to say.”  

 

Muttering to himself, he continued offering her clumsy words of comfort.  

 

But it was all the same. Everyone says the first kill is hard, that time will heal it—clichés like that.  

 

Silvano might have tried his best, but unfortunately, none of it really helped her. Whether everyone went through the same thing or not, whether time would heal it or not, the pain and torment of the present remained unchanged.  

 

Liliana stared blankly at the floor with hollow eyes.

 

By that point, no thoughts came to mind. No—perhaps there were too many thoughts, to the point where she couldn’t focus on a single one.  

 

So, without even realizing it, Lilia accepted whatever Silvano abruptly shoved into her hand.  

 

When she finally checked what was slipped between her fingers, it was a single white cigarette.  

 

“…What is this?”  

 

“A cigarette.”  

 

“I know, but why?”  

 

“It’s just… nothing else came to mind. The first time I stabbed someone to death with a knife, I didn’t know what to do, so I just stuck a cigarette in my mouth. I still remember the taste of that cigarette. Not good or bad… It’s hard to put into words, but yeah.”  

 

“…”  

 

“Try it.”  

 

Silvano first placed a cigarette between his own lips and lit it. After taking a deep drag, he continued.  

 

“Might help. It’s kinda like deep breathing—inhale deeply, exhale slowly. They say peace and calm will find your heart if you keep at it.”  

 

What kind of nonsense logic was that?  

 

But in a way, it also made some sense, making it hard to argue. Maybe it was her scattered mind playing tricks on her.  

 

As she sat there without any clear refusal, Silvano’s lips curved into a smooth smile.  

 

“Come here.”  

 

Still holding the cigarette between his lips, he leaned toward Lilia.  

 

The cigarette that had been dangling limply between her fingers was about to pass back to him—but instead, it found its way between her lips.  

 

Silvano, who had personally placed the cigarette in her mouth, immediately flicked open his Zippo lighter.  

 

Ting!  

 

At the familiar crisp sound, flames burst to life.  

 

“Suck in.”  

 

Suck in? Now?  

 

Before she could think of anything else, Lilia drew in a breath.  

 

The moment she did, the lighter’s flame jumped to the tip of the cigarette, and a thick, acrid smoke flooded her mouth.  

 

“Cough…! Hack, hack!”  

 

A cough erupted uncontrollably. She thought it would stop after a couple of hacks, but it didn’t, leaving her throat burning and raw.

 

Tears welled up in her eyes.  

 

What is all this? Why do people suck on something so vicious as if it’s good?  

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re doing fine. That’s how you do it.”  

 

Silvano patted her back as if satisfied, but what meaning could that possibly hold?  

 

‘Now I’m doing all sorts of things.’  

 

It felt like she was falling apart beyond repair.  

 

Smoking wasn’t such an unforgivably terrible thing. Yet holding something she had never even touched in her life made her feel like she was proving just how far she had fallen.  

 

“Ha, haha… hahaha…”  

 

Unable to drop the cigarette between her fingers or bring it back to her lips,  

 

Liliana let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob.  

 

✨

 

November 22nd—that evening passed by in a blur.  

 

Firmly refusing Silvano’s offer to take her home, Liliana left East Pearl Apartments alone. She didn’t feel like going back. Even for just a day, she didn’t want to face the Benedettis.  

 

Of course, even if she did return, the chances of running into Paul were slim… but since it was a building he owned, she couldn’t shake the discomfort.  

 

So, Liliana began wandering the streets without a destination. 

 

A futile hope lingered that if she just walked wherever her feet took her, her aimless heart might find its way somewhere.  

 

But nowhere in the city held the answers she sought. 

 

There was no place to find them. Her legs grew heavier, her head spun as if another fever was coming on, yet she couldn’t stop walking.  

 

Before she knew it, she found herself standing before the FBI Federal Investigation Bureau’s Demercy branch.  

 

The very place where Wayne had worked.  

 

“Huh…?”  

 

Only upon seeing the towering, stark-white building did her senses fully return. Startled, she glanced around—it had long since grown dark.  

 

‘Wh-why did I come here?’  

 

What had she wanted to do? Why had she come here?

 

The unconscious mind could be this terrifying—Liliana couldn’t even comprehend her actions.  

 

‘Should I turn myself in?… Here, of all places, not even a police station? Or maybe… find Wayne and plead my case?’  

 

What a foolish thought. Even if she did meet Wayne, what could she possibly say?  

 

“I killed someone, but it was all for our own good. Is that okay? Would you say it’s fine?”  

 

Was she really going to say something like that?  

 

At the end of her wandering, all that remained was emptiness. Lilia berated herself for being weak and careless, then hurriedly turned her steps away.  

 

She should just go home now. If she kept wandering around, she might end up causing some kind of accident.  

 

“Huh? Ms. Moretti?”  

 

But perhaps it was already too late to turn back. Her dazzling platinum-blonde hair shone proudly, untouched by the darkness swallowing the city.

  

That radiant glow caught the sharp eyes of Wayne, who was on his way home from work.  

 

“Hold on, I’ll go ahead for a bit.”  

 

“What’s the rush? Hey, Void!”  

 

Leaving his colleagues behind, Wayne quickened his pace.  

 

“Ms. Moretti—Liliana Moretti, right?”  

 

Startled by the familiar voice calling her, Lilia turned around and froze like a statue.  

 

“Uh, uh…”  

 

“It is you! Wait a second!”  

 

Following the lit streetlights, he began rushing toward her.  

 

“…!”  

 

Every second brought Wayne closer, but there was nothing she could do. Or rather, it was already too late to do anything.  

 

Hesitating and running away wouldn’t work, nor would pretending she hadn’t seen him…  

 

And of all places, this was right in front of the Federal Investigation Bureau building.  

 

Afraid she might look like a guilty criminal with shaky legs, Lilia couldn’t move one way or the other.  

 

In the end, Wayne reached her. Bending slightly, he braced a hand on his knee, catching his breath before looking up at her.  

 

“It’s been a while… since we last met.”

 

Her neat, curved eyes, warm with laughter, traced a line.  

 

No matter how hard she tried to hold back, the tears she had been suppressing rose to her throat.  

 

‘Ah… Wayne.’  

 

Yes, if she was honest, she had been hoping for this.  

 

She had missed Wayne’s ever-kind and calm smile so much. She longed for his boundless trust—the way he would encourage her without question, simply because it was her choice.  

 

“Oh dear, are you alright? Are you feeling unwell somewhere…?”  

 

Noticing her expression, he approached with a concerned look. As she hesitated for a step, he stopped short of reaching out.  

 

Perhaps his worry got the better of him.  

 

“Forgive me.”  

 

A cool hand gently rested on her forehead. She flinched for just a moment. The refreshing coolness radiating from him gave Liliana an inexplicable sense of comfort, and she closed her eyes.  

 

But the contact permitted between them ended right there.  

 

Like Cinderella’s magic fading at midnight, his hand swiftly withdrew. Along with it, the long lashes shading her eyes quietly curled upward.  

 

“…You have a fever.”  

 

Wayne muttered to himself before quickly taking off his jacket. Still savoring the fleeting warmth, Liliana startled and grabbed his arm.  

 

“Wait! You don’t have to do this.”  

 

“No, you’re sweating cold sweat. You don’t seem well.”  

 

Despite her protests, he firmly draped his jacket over her shoulders.  

 

“If you’re comfortable with it, I’d like to escort you at least near your home.”