Simmering Heat Chapter 16.1

The morning of the day the world turned upside down was truly peaceful.

It had been a while since he woke up. Jinhyun lay still, staring at the ceiling without a single movement. Blink, blink. His eyelids opened and closed rhythmically. A slight hangover throbbed at his temples, urging him to get up. Jinhyun, who had been lying like a corpse, sluggishly raised his upper body, grabbed the back of his neck, and cracked it. As he leaned back against the headboard, he felt a wave of dizziness.

He let out a big sigh for no reason and scanned the room, quietly waiting for the dizziness to subside. His absentminded eyes rolled slowly horizontally, as if wandering through a dream. Instead of the vanished rain, the interior was brightly lit by warm sunlight, as if a light had been turned on.

Conversely, Jinhyun’s vision was as dark as if he had encountered darkness deeper than night.

That’s how it felt. To borrow a cliché, his world had gone black, or his path was blocked. And…

To put it bluntly, he was fucked.

Jinhyun covered his face with both hands. A sigh of regret slowly escaped between his dry palms. No matter how many days he stayed in bed, last night’s defeat wouldn’t disappear. The dawn when he declared his defeat in a match that was already over was vivid, as if he could grasp it in his hand. The feel of the smooth hair that touched his lips and the soft touch of his forehead….

Remembering it made his still-racing heart feel strangely unfamiliar.

Jinhyun lowered his hands, wiping his face. A faint sense of hopelessness emanated from his stiff movements.

“Good…”

The words that burst from his carelessly opened lips trailed off, unfinished. Feeling his face flush with heat, Jinhyun dropped his head. His broad upper body slowly slumped forward, and he ended up burying his head in the blanket. A bewildered sigh escaped, followed by a burst of helpless laughter.

“I want to die, really…”

A pathetic voice mumbled from within the thick fabric. The messily tangled back of his head seemed to reflect his feelings. Jinhyun groaned softly, wrapping his arms around his head. The feeling of facing an unsolvable dilemma was truly daunting.

Yes. This was a dilemma.

It was an outcome he hadn’t calculated, a predicament he’d never encountered before. Connecting attraction to a relationship was usually easy for him, but not this time.

“….”

Like….

Liked….

Like…

Even the words he mumbled to himself, too awkward to say aloud, crumbled as soon as they began. Lee Taeun. A man. No, Lee Taeun. I, you.

It literally felt like his head was going to explode. Jinhyun slowly took a deep breath, sat up, and checked the time. He still had a few hours until the scheduled meeting time in the afternoon. This also meant that he had only a few hours left until he saw Taeun.

Strange, conflicting emotions suddenly arose. He wanted to see him, but he didn’t want to see him. It was the first time two incompatible desires had surged simultaneously, and he could only grasp his head, unsure how to cope. Jinhyun finally wrestled free from the vortex of confusion and crumpled the innocent blanket in his hands. Thump, a dull sound echoed briefly. He suddenly jerked his head back and hit the back of his head against the wall. It was a crude, primal act. He slammed his head against the wall several times with his eyes closed.

Racking his brain didn’t change anything. The past, the embarrassing memories, the desire to deny it all—everything remained stubbornly in place. Jinhyun sat blankly for a while, then ignored the throbbing in the back of his head and got out of bed.

“…I need to shower.”

His life had been so smooth that it was easier to count the things that hadn’t gone his way, but there were occasional troublesome issues. Even those were usually solved by racking his brains for half a day or throwing money at the problem. And when even that didn’t work, when he couldn’t find a suitable solution, Jinhyun had a habit of washing away his worries. The brief escape gave him a semblance of stability and sometimes even brought unexpected solutions.

He slipped his feet into his slippers and shuffled across the floor. Standing at the threshold, Jinhyun looked back before leaving the room. He found it difficult to tear his eyes away from the bed with its rumpled sheets. Suddenly, he was caught up in his thoughts. The rising curiosity was something he couldn’t stop. There were many things, and the most bothersome one, well…

For example, whether the bed Lee Taeun slept in was a single or a queen…

He was curious about such stupid things.

“….”

Immersed in the tidal wave of emotions, the anxiety he had pushed aside resurfaced.

Lee Taeun fell for things easily. People, or anything else. Unlike him, who disliked many things, Taeun liked almost everything. Even in middle school, Taeun had fallen in love after Jinhyun paid for his bus fare once. So when Taeun confessed, almost declaring his love, Jinhyun had assumed it was a fleeting emotion.

The person who readily offered Taeun a place to stay might be easily swayed by a few kind words. If Lee Taeun were a character in a dating sim, his difficulty level would be below the lowest, in the negative. He was that easy, and Jinhyun had found it cute. …Until recently.

Now, Taeun’s difficulty level couldn’t be reduced to a mere few stars. The game was over, and Jinhyun had smashed the console with his own hands. And the Lee Taeun in the game already seemed to be being pursued by another player. The minus difficulty Lee Taeun, easier to conquer than eating cold porridge. Sharing a bed meant they might have already finished the game and reached the ending…

“Crazy bastard.”

Jinhyun shook off his ridiculous speculation with pointless self-deprecation. He gritted his teeth and moved, feeling like he would go insane if he thought about it any longer.

The first thing he did when he stepped into the living room was to gulp down cold water. After draining half the water bottle, he picked up the clothes he had shed like skin the night before and threw them into the washing machine. The living room, filled with the chirping of early morning birds, was quiet and peaceful, but it wasn’t peaceful for him. Rather, it was lonely, so Jinhyun turned on the TV even though he wasn’t going to watch it.

A rerun of a boring variety show played, the sound of people chattering and laughing echoing softly. Standing in front of the dining table, Jinhyun turned up the volume. He left the noise ringing loudly in the living room and headed for the bathroom.

Taeun tended to watch TV with the volume turned up high. When Jinhyun scolded him for the noise, Taeun would turn the volume down one notch, from 25 to 24, and ask, “Better?” Then Jinhyun would reply by simply turning off the power strip plugged into the wall, the one with the TV cord and other miscellaneous plugs.

Taeun, who had been giggling with the remote in hand, would then yell, “Hey!” and rush over on his knees to turn the power back on. He’d hurriedly turn on the TV, lower the volume from 24 to 18, and then wedge the power strip between his legs, glancing at Jinhyun. He looked like a cat with a fish, which was quite amusing.

‘Turn it down to 15.’

‘Do you wear hearing aids or something…?’

Taeun would grumble but obediently set the volume to 15. After confirming that Jinhyun had gone to his room, he would crane his neck, look around, and turn the volume up one notch from 15 to 16. Then he’d look quite pleased with himself, as if it were some kind of revenge. Jinhyun had sometimes teased him just because his childish behavior was funny.

After Taeun declared he would seduce him, he started plugging earphones into the TV, getting close, and asking, “Isn’t it quiet now?” Is this his attempt at seduction? Jinhyun had nodded, dumbfounded. The thought of Taeun’s docile face, like a child waiting for a sticker, made his heart ache.

Lost in these small memories, Jinhyun finished his shower, turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower stall, wiping himself dry. He took a few steps to the sink and roughly dried his damp hair with his hands.

After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he applied shaving cream around his chin. Tilting his head slightly and leaning closer to the mirror, he moved his hand as if clearing his mind. After rinsing his cleanly shaven chin, he straightened up. He should have put the razor back in its place and turned around, but Jinhyun continued to stare into the mirror as if he had more to do. The face he saw in the wide glass wasn’t to his liking.

‘…Do I look bad?’

His dull skin and the dark circles under his eyes combined harmoniously to create a rather convincing image of a wreck. Even the hair that fell over his eyebrows seemed somehow shaggy and unattractive. Did he always look like this? For the twenty-four years of his life, he had never felt the need to care about his face, but today, it was particularly displeasing.

‘I look bad.’

Staring into the mirror as if in a staring contest, Jinhyun quickly dried his hair with the hairdryer stored inside the cabinet and took out a barely used jar of hair wax. He scooped out a suitable amount, spread it evenly between his palms, and ran his hands through his dry hair. He then tried styling his hair bit by bit, using the hairdryer to manipulate it this way and that, his expression growing increasingly strained.

“Ah.”

This is annoying.

This was something people who usually did this would do. His unskilled hands only created a comical shape, and no matter how he styled it, he couldn’t get it to look right. Jinhyun stepped back into the shower stall with his hair still caked in wax and quickly washed it out. After quickly drying his hair again, he picked up the wax again. He then raised his hand.

“Fuck.”

With the feeling that he was turning into some cheesy hustler, he frowned deeply and headed back to the shower stall. He quickly washed his hair, dried it, and picked up the wax. As he meticulously styled his hair, he suddenly stopped. He looked at the mirror for a moment, then let out a frustrated yell, “Ah!” and messed up his hair. He felt like he’d never get it right.

Standing there in his underwear, one hand on his hip and his right leg shaking, Jinhyun started calculating. If he went to the hair salon… could he make it to the meeting time? He thought a quick blow-dry would be fine… After making up his mind, he washed his hands and hurried out to the living room. Jinhyun picked up his phone from the sofa and started searching for nearby hair salons. His eyes scanned the portal site sharply, and his thumbs moved busily.

“….”

But his fingers, which had been flitting across the screen, slowly stopped.

Jinhyun let out a hollow sigh and tossed his phone to the end of the sofa. He leaned back fully against the soft cushions and raised his head. A mountain of bewilderment descended upon him as he stared at the white ceiling.

“What the fuck, I’m not a peacock…”

He looked pathetic.

Who was he trying to impress? The thought sent his heart plummeting from the sky to the ground. Recognizing his emotions straightened his thoughts. The cause of all this strange behavior was ultimately one person. A fact that wouldn’t change no matter how much he denied it. His whole body itched as if covered in pollen, and at the same time, he felt dazed, as if blinded.

It was like standing on the border between spring and winter, being hit by a cold wind and then a gentle breeze. He was out of his mind.

Jinhyun cursed under his breath and stood up. He walked to the closet, still only in his underwear. He planned to go out, even though it was still a while before the meeting time. It was a better option than being constantly tormented by traces of Lee Taeun everywhere he looked.

He needed to sort out his thoughts, to manage his emotions calmly in a place free of distractions. He’d feel better if he walked around. He would. …He had to.

Emotions are ultimately governed by reason. Being shaken like a reed by a nascent emotion was pathetic. He needed time. If asked what he needed time for, he would have needed time to answer that too. Jinhyun slipped on his shoes carelessly and headed out the door.

And about 30 minutes later…

“…Can you do a blow-dry?”

Cha Jinhyun, who had left home with the firm resolve to sort out his thoughts, pushed open the door of the hair salon and felt a deep sense of powerlessness.

🔥

“That’ll be 38,000 won.”

The man’s hand trembled slightly as he handed over his card. The card left his hand before he could compose his wretched feelings. The woman, after processing the payment without mercy, returned the rectangular plastic to him with a friendly smile. Beneath his stylishly done hair, his handsome face was clearly filled with despair. The man, Cha Jinhyun, shoved the card haphazardly into his wallet.

“Come again!”

A loud farewell echoed behind him as he left the salon.

The sun had already reached its zenith as he stepped out of the building. Trudging along with the gait of a butcher who had been tortured all night, Jinhyun stopped at the entrance. Letting out a deep sigh as he was hit by the strong sunlight, he raised his left wrist to check the time. He still had a little time left. He resumed his heavy steps, heading for a wide gap between buildings. The smoking area. He glanced briefly at the yellowed sign before taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

The lit white stick burned quickly with each inhale. He took a light drag and exhaled a long stream of smoke.

“Ha….”

Every breath he exhaled was a sigh.

Jinhyun, who had been barely holding onto his scattered thoughts like the blue smoke dissipating around him, stood rooted to the spot as he quickly finished his cigarette. He tossed the stub into the ashtray and took a couple of steps back. The flat wooden surface of a bench caught the back of his knees.

Jinhyun sat down heavily on the bench, habitually crossing and uncrossing his legs, then dropped his head. His neatly shaped eyebrows furrowed unexpectedly.

‘Am I out of my mind?’

No, no. He wasn’t out of his mind. That’s why he had become a pathetic person who styled his hair first thing in the morning. There was no joy in his cynical laughter. Jinhyun remained silent for a while, his forehead resting on his hand like a thinking statue.

The impulse of his emotions wasn’t the end of the confusion, but the beginning. The question ‘why’ had disappeared, but accepting it was a different matter. He reached up to run his hand through his hair out of habit, but stopped, and instead took out another cigarette. Incomprehensible mumbles escaped between his teeth as he chewed on the paper.

The past 30 minutes, the time he spent facing himself with a mirror in front of him, had been pure torture. Cha Jinhyun wished he had just closed his eyes. It was too painful to witness the process of his sexual orientation, which he hadn’t questioned for 24 years, being shaken and ultimately shattered. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

After digging through topsoil, subsoil, and even hitting bedrock in his short period of self-inflicted torment, Jinhyun was jolted awake as if from a dream by a hand tapping his shoulder. In the mirror, a stylishly groomed gay guy sat with a miserable expression. Cha Jinhyun corrected the ‘gay’ to ‘bi’ in protest, but it didn’t make him feel any better.

‘You have such good features, you look great with just a little styling. Do you get told you’re handsome a lot?’

‘Yeah, well….’

‘Do you like it?’

He just nodded vaguely, his face tired, to the procedural question. He clenched his jaw and tightened his lips to prevent the damnable question from escaping. Would the guy like it too? He had quickly paid and left the building to prevent such nonsense from spilling out unconsciously.

툭. A piece of ash, about a finger-joint long, broke off from the burning cigarette, unable to withstand its own weight. Jinhyun watched it with blank eyes and erased the shameful 30 minutes from his mind. Puff, puff. The smoke rising from the cigarette, held above his bowed head, looked like steam emanating from his brain. His right foot tapped rhythmically against the ground. Jinhyun, fidgeting like a thug, finally accepted reality.

He seemed to like him.

He was out of his mind. So, he liked him. Probably in that sense. If asked what sense, he could stammer out a reluctant answer. In the sense that, in a futile dream, he wanted to kiss Taeun’s rounded forehead as he slept in his arms. Then hold his soft cheeks and explore his soft lips…. In that sense.

Jinhyun’s face flushed slightly as he answered his own question. The blatant desire for Taeun was still unfamiliar, and he couldn’t seem to get used to it. He slumped like a mollusk, tilted his head back, and covered his eyes with the back of his hand.

‘So….’

If he liked him, then what? That was the problem.

There were many reasons for his turmoil. The bewilderment of liking a man, the absurdity that it was Lee Taeun of all people, the strange desires that suddenly arose, and the unbearable anxiety. The long eyelashes under his closed eyelids trembled slightly. Darkness was all that could be seen in his darkened vision, reflecting his bewildered inner thoughts.

“….”

And in the deep darkness, Jinhyun stripped away his naive emotions and envisioned the ideal course of action in the current situation. Calculating the future was not difficult, and the answer was too simple compared to the turmoil in his chest.

To endure, suppress, and eradicate.

Just because he had recognized a different kind of affection didn’t mean his values would change overnight.

The reason he couldn’t readily act, regardless of his feelings, remained the same. A relationship based on changing affections would eventually end. Then, they wouldn’t even be able to maintain their current clumsy relationship, like a hastily applied bandage….

He didn’t want to make the foolish mistake of gaining a fleeting moment of happiness only to be permanently excluded. Jinhyun was generally realistic and distrustful of anything he hadn’t experienced. If it was ‘love,’ something without form, his distrust deepened even further.

The only way to maintain love eternally, forcibly, and superficially was through social union. Some countries around the world allowed same-sex marriage, but this was Korea, and… the procedures to obtain citizenship, starting with immigration, would be extremely complicated. Even if he went through all that, as long as the social institution of divorce existed, it wouldn’t be eternal….

“…This is going too far.”

He pulled back his thoughts, which had wandered from verse 4 to verses 5 and 6. Jinhyun slowly lowered his hand from his eyes, straightened his head, and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. He felt disgusted, like he had become one of those pathetic people he sometimes saw at school, the ones who imagined marriage the moment they developed a crush.

If it had been a stranger, he might have taken a chance and pursued a relationship. Then, after checking out their pants, he would have come to his senses looking at their dangling testicles. Jinhyun gagged at the imaginary, nauseating genitals of the unknown man and flicked the ash off his cigarette. His previously impassive face crumpled in disgust.

And at some point, all his movements froze like stone.

Following the naked body of the unknown man he had dismissed, the next branch of his thoughts led to Lee Taeun’s genitals.

Due to a combination of someone’s carelessness and coincidence, he had witnessed Taeun’s fully developed lower body, making the scene unfold vividly in his mind. Taeun’s long neck stretching above his loose t-shirt, his flushed cheek half-buried in a pillow, and his bare legs came to mind one after another.

Jinhyun unconsciously licked his lips. His furrowed brow gradually relaxed, and his face flushed like a ripe apple. The recollection, which began where his vision had cut off, naturally transitioned into imagination, as he pictured Taeun groaning, grabbing himself, and moving his hand, and his pale buttocks twitching, barely hidden by fabric.

It was hardly a proper observation, as he had only glimpsed it briefly, and the disjointed scenes flashed in and out of his mind. As Cha Jinhyun, who had been dwelling on, and even embellishing, another man’s masturbation, became curious about trivial things.

For example, how many times Taeun had masturbated while thinking of him…. What kind of fantasies he had while touching himself, whether he had called Jinhyun’s name. Things like that. He suddenly felt a pang of regret as he indulged in these frivolous thoughts with an indifferent expression. Should I have looked a little longer…

“…Whoa.”

A surprised gasp escaped his lips. He laughed absurdly, like a machine with a loose screw.

“Whoa… Haha.”

As soon as he realized his perverse regret, Cha Jinhyun roughly threw the half-smoked cigarette into the ashtray. The tips of his long, bony fingers trembled slightly.

“Shit… fuck, I’m going crazy.”

The crazy person who regretted not watching another man’s masturbation was none other than Cha Jinhyun himself. He took a deep breath, his chest heaving, and jumped up. The sight of him pacing in circles, muttering curses like a restless earthbound spirit trapped in a barrier, was truly bizarre and eerie. A passerby who happened to enter the smoking area saw him and exclaimed, “Oh, you scared me!” clutching their chest in surprise. Jinhyun didn’t care. He didn’t have the time.

The words realization or epiphany were not used lightly. An abstract boundary divided yesterday and today like a cliff. Since the days they kissed, Jinhyun had occasionally felt a slight contraction inside his chest whenever he saw Taeun. The identity of this vague and uncomfortable sensation had now become clear.

Sexual tension.

He wasn’t a kid; he knew what this meant. A mountain of self-loathing suddenly crashed down on Jinhyun. The feeling of ‘liking’ implied various desires… and it certainly accompanied sexual desire. What he had to suppress was not just his heart.

Why? How did I…?

Jinhyun, who had been pacing restlessly, suddenly stopped and buried his face in his hands. The acrid smell of cigarettes filled his nostrils, further dampening his mood.

‘Try seducing me. Then it’ll work, right?’

‘I’ll play along. Do whatever you want.’

If he had known it would turn out like this, he wouldn’t have said such irresponsible things. He wanted to go back in time and cover his own blabbering mouth. He had been confident that he wouldn’t fall for Taeun’s pathetic attempts. He was confident… He definitely was.

Hoist with his own petard. He had dug his own grave. The saying couldn’t be more apt. But even now, no viable solution came to mind. He had to do it back then. He had resented Taeun for trying to cut the barely tied knot, so he had acted out of petty revenge. But the underlying truth was fear. Jinhyun suddenly felt wronged.

I just wanted to… see him for as long as possible.

Was that insignificant desire the root cause? As a consequence of his arrogant actions, his desire expanded its scope and grew in size. It was only now, when it had become too much to bear, that he realized it. This, too, was a result of his arrogant past.

And the expanded desire was simple. He wanted to interfere in every little aspect of Lee Taeun’s life. For example, he wanted the petty and insignificant right to casually mock the greasy voice that had snatched Lee Taeun’s phone. And this was a right he could never claim as a friend.

But he wanted it.

But….

“Ah, fuck it, I don’t know.”

Back to square one. He felt like his whole body was being lashed, caught between his conflicting reason and emotions.

Staying here wouldn’t provide any answers, and unfortunately, time wouldn’t wait for him to fully process his confusion. It was time to go see the cause of this turmoil. Jinhyun reluctantly stepped out onto the main street and hailed the first taxi he saw.

After briefly stating his destination, he roughly slammed his head against the window. Startled by the thud, the taxi driver glanced at him through the rearview mirror. Jinhyun, who had been mindlessly rubbing his head against the window, quickly straightened up, worried that his carefully styled hair would be ruined. He was a fool, an absolute idiot.

He should give up. He had to. If he endured, he would be able to. As he resolved this, his heart pounded with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. Cha Jinhyun laughed in disbelief. The circuits in his brain, the organ that governed his entire body, were slowly breaking down.

🔥

Taeun was adept at interpreting any interest shown in him as mere formal courtesy or kindness. This was an unwelcome gift from his unrequited love, which clung to him like a shadow. There was a valid reason for this.

On Pepero Day when he was eighteen, the two boxes of snacks he received from Cha Jinhyun were just a few extra ones picked up while Jinhyun was buying some for his girlfriend, and the three lollipop sticks he received on White Day were a bribe. A paltry bribe for asking Taeun to lie so he could skip a family gathering. Jinhyun hadn’t even asked why he needed to skip it. It was a favor Taeun would never have granted if it hadn’t been White Day.

And that wasn’t all.

At twenty, on Coming-of-Age Day, Taeun had been speechless, fumbling with his hands after receiving a rose and perfume. But the burgeoning excitement was forcibly quelled by the words that followed.

‘Get the kiss from your girlfriend.’

‘…….’

When Taeun had mumbled that he didn’t have one, Jinhyun had cheered him on to find one. The neat shopping bag and single rose turned out to be a combined birthday present. Jinhyun had casually added that he was wondering what to get him, and since it was Coming-of-Age Day, he had prepared that. …Was he being thoughtless or considerate? Taeun’s heart ached a little at the indefinable gift, and he wanted to cry. It was the first time he had truly realized that he had become a person who couldn’t even be happy about receiving a gift.

The result of ‘maybe’ was always ‘as expected’. Taeun found it increasingly difficult to moderate his fluctuating mood swings. It was foolish to attach meaning to every small act of kindness and trivial affection, like deliberately poisoning clean water before drinking it. Taeun had to take measures.

So whenever his heart fluttered with anticipation, he would tell his thumping heart, ‘That’s not it, so shut up,’ to control himself. It was a helpless act of self-preservation. The repeated suppression over time became a habit, and habits, by their nature, were indiscriminate. The habit that began with Cha Jinhyun eventually extended to an unspecified number of people.

He assumed, until the very end, that even actions that clearly indicated interest were not what they seemed. The calluses that grew in secret gradually dulled Taeun’s senses.

The absurd thing was that the habit he developed because of Cha Jinhyun was often useless against Jinhyun himself. When someone contacted him to say ‘Let’s eat,’ ‘Let’s watch a movie,’ or ‘Let’s have a drink,’ Lee Taeun lumped it all together as ‘Maybe.’ Cha Jinhyun was similar. When Jinhyun contacted him to hang out, Taeun would quickly adopt the mindset of ‘Maybe,’ but…

‘But is this the first time he’s contacted me?’

‘I’m curious but I’m not curious.’

‘…Should I ask? This isn’t too weird, is it?’

…His thoughts were often accompanied by such superfluous additions. This was an imbalance born from lingering expectations. Jinhyun was too heavy a burden for Taeun to bear. Sometimes, he wanted to collapse and let it all go.

Thus, the phone call in the dead of night brought a vague realization.

It was because there were no superfluous additions to the end of his thoughts. Taeun felt no particular curiosity about Cha Jinhyun, who had called him drunk. The anticipation that should have been bubbling up had become damp kindling, unable to even spark a small flame. I wonder if he got home safely. The ended call concluded with simple concern, and unlike before, he didn’t lose sleep over racing thoughts. He reacted with a composure that surprised even himself.

‘It’s comfortable not having expectations.’

Comfortable, a little sad, and quite unfamiliar….

Taeun slowly closed his heavy eyes and sank into the car seat.

The subtle vibrations of the moving car lulled him into a much-needed sleep. The part-time job that ended at midnight was still a bit much for him, so he would often nod off as soon as he relaxed. Taeun yawned, lightly shook his head, and forced his eyes open. His heart felt as heavy as his tired body.

“I don’t want to go…”

Saturday, the day he had hoped would never come, had finally arrived. Taeun chewed on the inside of his cheek and leaned his head against the car window. The cool glass felt good against his forehead, so he pressed his cheek against it as well. He then started rubbing both cheeks against the window, moving his head from side to side.

“Ughhh…”

A groan escaped his lips involuntarily.

“Hey, you’re making the window dirty.”

His strange lament was quickly cut short. Seo Jaeoh, who was driving, had grabbed him by the collar. Taeun, dragged back by the scruff of his neck, sighed and corrected his posture.

The reason he was going to the club meeting with Seo Jaeoh was simple. They were going to the same place. The main activity of the meeting was visiting a job fair. Seo Jaeoh’s company was one of the participating companies, and he was scheduled to visit their booth. There was no reason to refuse his offer to give Taeun a ride.

“Why are you so down?”

Taeun glanced at the passenger seat and answered the following question.

“I guess it’s because I slept late because of my part-time job…”

“You haven’t just been like this today. You’ve been down lately.”

“Have I?”

Had he been that obvious? Taeun reflected on his recent behavior.

He went to school, worked his part-time job, worked hard (sort of) on his assignments, studied hard (sort of) for exams, and even went to club meetings despite wanting to run away. He thought he was doing pretty well, so if he still looked down, that was a problem. He didn’t want Cha Jinhyun to see him like that.

“You’ve barely been eating.”

“I haven’t had much of an appetite…”

He ate because he had to eat to survive, but he couldn’t be bothered to properly take care of his meals. Conscious of Seo Jaeoh’s gaze, Taeun quickly added,

“I don’t usually eat much anyway.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t that he couldn’t eat because he was struggling. He was used to just shoving something down whenever he felt hungry.

“You need some healing.”

“Should we go hit some baseballs again?”

Taeun lightly suggested, recalling their recent trip to the batting cages.

Healing. He’d heard it a few times from those around him. They told him to go on a trip to change his mood, or to find a new hobby. But caught up in his part-time job and assignments, there was nothing he could realistically do. The only thing he did was download a bunch of mobile games and play them. The racing game he was currently playing with Kim Sunghyun was one of them.

Perhaps because he was always on his phone, Kim Sunghyun’s level was already at rainbow toe. He was even in the diamond tier. On the other hand, Lee Taeun, whose tier hadn’t budged from bronze and whose level was still stuck at apricot toe, thought, ‘Practicing at the arcade wouldn’t be a bad idea,’ and entertained the frivolous thought.

“Not the arcade, let’s go somewhere nice.”

“Where?”

“Hmm… Somewhere good for a date?”

The answer banished the game screen from his mind. Taeun was momentarily speechless and let out a stupid, “Uh…”

Was he joking? Taeun hesitated, unsure how to react to the unexpected joke. He figured it was a joke, so he needed to respond appropriately.

“Ha, haha, funny.”

Taeun laughed forcedly. His boisterous laughter gradually faded, and silence fell. Taeun awkwardly turned his head and stared out the window. He watched the tall, angular buildings and street trees flashing by.

Habits didn’t disappear easily; they remained like deeply imprinted footprints.

For the past two weeks, while staying at Seo Jaeoh’s place, Taeun had occasionally felt a strange atmosphere, but he had dismissed it with the rationalization, “Maybe.” Sometimes, Seo Jaeoh’s words and actions towards him felt strangely like how someone would treat a person they were interested in. But his suspicion quickly subsided.

That couldn’t be, right? It was a world where heterosexuality was prevalent.

It was more natural to ask if someone had a ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ than if they had a ‘partner.’ Judging by his own open-mindedness, which he had acquired by chance, he concluded that he was being unnecessarily suspicious of trivial actions, but….

When Seo Jaeoh made such a frivolous joke, Lee Taeun’s stunted intuition poked its head out and whined, Something feels off.

“Is there anything you want to eat? Or anywhere you want to go?”

“Well…”

Taeun trailed off, unable to answer readily. He found it difficult to give a proper answer due to a vague sense of burden. Should he just say it’s fine? Wouldn’t it be weirder to refuse? As he was repeatedly thinking these thoughts and awkwardly scratching behind his ear…

‘Do you want me… to move on to someone else?’

‘Yeah.’

A memory from the past suddenly flashed through his mind.

Why was he remembering this now?

The indifferent voice seemed to mock him. It seemed to be urging him to move on. Taeun, who had been chewing on the inside of his cheek, gave a delayed answer.

“…I’ll think about it.”

His broken heart might need a support to lean on…

But right now, he was just tired and weary, and he didn’t want to start anything new. Premature deliberation would be nothing more than hasty judgment, so he quickly brushed it off.

🔥

The large convention center, one of the largest in Seoul, was crowded. Not only was the interior packed with people, but the spacious plaza outside was also bustling. It was a typical weekend scene.

‘Everyone who owns shoes seems to be out.’

Taeun muttered to himself as he arrived at the meeting point. His fingers, which had been hovering around his solar plexus, intertwined, his knuckles cracking.

Thanks to the ride, Taeun arrived earlier than expected and was the first one there. His shoulders lifted slightly as he stood at the entrance to the plaza, greeting the arriving team members like a gatekeeper. One by one, the members gathered, until there were five of them. Taeun greeted each arrival with “Second place! Third place! Fourth place!” and so on, making lighthearted jokes. He didn’t forget to mention that he was in first place. Casual greetings were exchanged amongst the group, naturally forming a circle.

And Kim Sunghyun, who had recently been showing great interest in Lee Taeun, was bombarding him with questions.

“Did you do well on the exam?”

The conversation, which began with a question, continued even after the short exchange:

“You lost, but you fought well.”

“Yeah, the process is important.”

“Right.”

“How have you been?”, “Is the part-time job manageable?”, “Have you finished all your assignments?” Taeun responded to these everyday questions with a simple, “So-so.” Kim Sunghyun, who had been nodding along to Taeun’s monotonous replies, suddenly spoke in the same tone.

“Are you managing okay?”

“…….”

Taeun’s voice, which had been readily answering, stopped at the pointed question. Instead of opening his mouth, he glanced sideways at Kim Sunghyun. It seemed like this was what he really wanted to know.

“Those who live… must live on.”

Taeun retorted in an even tone. It felt like admitting defeat to say he didn’t know, so he dodged the question with a playful remark. But Kim Sunghyun, for whatever reason, interpreted the answer by shaking his head and clicking his tongue. His hand patted Taeun’s shoulder in a gesture of half-hearted consolation.

“That’s why you should go on a blind date.”

There it was again.

Since the MT, Kim Sunghyun had been persistently pestering Taeun about going on a blind date. Taeun had repeatedly refused, but Kim Sunghyun, like a deaf man, showed no signs of backing down.

Taeun had never been on a blind date. His experience was limited to a couple of group blind dates in his freshman year, done for fun. So, he was immune to one-on-one meetings. He imagined they would be incredibly awkward. He also felt a strange aversion to meetings with such a clear objective.

And if he were to be set up with a man… what about, you know, positions? All sorts of random thoughts popped up, making him even more resistant. Would they ask what he preferred before even seeing each other’s faces? What would he do if he was asked such a question? The thought of sitting awkwardly across from an unknown man and saying, “I’ll do my best, no matter what you ask,” was horrifying.

“I said I won’t.”

Taeun flatly refused with a sullen face. Aside from everything else, he was sick and tired of relationships. Besides, using someone else to get over his past love felt wrong.

“Taeun, you have to get over the pain. Broaden your horizons. Okay?”

However, completely ignoring the firm refusal, Kim Sunghyun persisted relentlessly. He was anxious as if Taeun being dumped by Cha Jinhyun was somehow his fault. He’d even said once, “I should have stopped him…” Was this solidarity among minorities? Taeun felt a flicker of shallow emotion, but he still didn’t want to do it. His life had suddenly become difficult, so he didn’t have the time for such things.

“Ah, I won’t. And I don’t have money or clothes.”

“I’ll find someone rich. Should I lend you some clothes?”

Taeun looked at Kim Sunghyun with a disapproving gaze. He shook his head and said,

“No… your clothes are weird.”

“Wow, you’re the weird one.”

The conversation quickly devolved into a childish squabble. To Taeun’s criticism that Kim Sunghyun’s baggy clothes looked like “clean fertilizer bags,” Kim Sunghyun retorted, “Don’t you know anything about street fashion?” criticizing Taeun’s taste. Kim Sunghyun was the first to raise the white flag in their bickering. Okay, forget about that.

“Are you Chunhyang or something? Do you think Cha Jinhyun will care if you do this?”

The topic returned to the blind date. So persistent. Lee Taeun frowned deeply at the incessant talk of blind dates and the sudden appearance of the unwelcome name.

“It has nothing to do with that bastard.”

“Then why not? Huh? Why not?”

Because I don’t want to. Just as he was about to give a perfunctory reply, Kim Sunghyun drew out a strange exclamation, “Ah…”

“Don’t tell me… it’s because you’re seeing someone?”

And then he spouted such nonsense. Taeun’s frown deepened into a ‘川’ shape. What kind of nonsense was this? It had been a little over two weeks since he’d been dumped after seven years of pining, and now he was being teased? Just as Taeun was about to ask what nonsense he was talking about, he suddenly shut his mouth.

It was because he thought he knew why Kim Sunghyun was saying that.

Since their universities were right next to each other, it wasn’t surprising to run into each other by chance. So, one day, while killing time with Kim Sunghyun during a short break between classes, Taeun, who had been bothered by Seo Jaeoh’s strange behavior, had vaguely confided in Sunghyun. Anonymously, of course. He had asked Kim Sunghyun specifically because he was the only gay person Taeun knew. If even Kim Sunghyun thought it was nothing, then Taeun could just dismiss it as his own oversensitivity.

‘Just listening to you, it sounds like you’re seeing each other.’

But Kim Sunghyun’s reaction was different from what Taeun expected. Seeing each other? Lee Taeun was quite shocked by the unexpected word, and another worry was added to his already complicated mind.

When asked who it was, Taeun, still in shock, blurted out that it was the person he was living with. Kim Sunghyun, who only knew that Taeun had moved out, muttered in a teasing tone, “A quiet cat climbs onto the stove first, they say…” It was fortunate that he hadn’t mentioned where he was staying beforehand.

“Oh, judging by your silence, it’s true?”

Kim Sunghyun’s eyes sparkled with curiosity, as if he found Taeun’s silence suspicious. Taeun hesitated for a moment, then reluctantly opened his mouth.

“You could… say that.”

It had been fifteen days since Kim Sunghyun started bothering him about going on a blind date. Even if he denied it, Kim Sunghyun would just think whatever he wanted, and since he was already misunderstanding, it seemed better to stop the incessant talk of blind dates.

“What, really?”

He was the one who asked… Kim Sunghyun looked surprised, as if he hadn’t expected Taeun to actually admit it. Taeun nodded solemnly. It was a small lie, but he felt guilty. If he relaxed even a little, he felt like he would blurt out something like, “No, I’m lying. No, actually, it’s true. No, actually, I’m lying…”

‘If you’re going to lie, keep your mouth shut as much as possible. Just nod. Or shake your head.’

He never thought the advice he’d once received from Cha Jinhyun would be helpful in such a situation.

“Wow…. Taeun, you’re something, huh?”

Kim Sunghyun, who had been relentlessly pestering him, finally backed off, adding a teasing remark, “You’re doing well on your own?” He even clapped briefly.

“So you’ll keep staying at that house?”

“Not really… I’m moving out in two weeks.”

“Really? Ah, right. Relationships need a bit of that fresh feeling. Don’t jump into bed right away. Got it?”

Kim Sunghyun, who had gone off on his own tangent, was already worried about Taeun’s relationship. My conscience… Taeun just nodded again.

“But after you move out… are you getting back together with Jinhyun?”

“…….”

And the cautiously asked question pricked Taeun like a thorn.

“That’s…”

“What did you decide? Will you be able to stay in the club? I’m telling you in advance, they said we can’t switch teams. I already asked.”

It wasn’t going to work after all. He had considered switching teams, but the last shred of possibility had just crumbled.

“What do you mean… if I can, I can.”

“So, you’ll be… friends?”

“Something like that…”

Taeun trailed off vaguely, unable to answer readily. He still had no intention of returning to Jinhyun’s place.

Furthermore, he had no intention of seeing Cha Jinhyun again.

The cafe, the bar, the accidental phone call. Through these repeated chance encounters, Taeun had been constantly thinking about how he should treat Cha Jinhyun. He had to. He couldn’t cause another scene like the one at the cafe.

Should he just ignore him? Would Jinhyun make a fuss again? What should he do? Should he pretend to be Jinhyun’s casual friend, just like Jinhyun wanted? The worry that started small grew over days and nights. Pretending to be a friend wasn’t difficult, just unpleasant. Thanks to the skills he had acquired while liking Cha Jinhyun.

Saying things he didn’t mean, pretending to be fine, knowing his place.

If he mixed these well, he could stay by Jinhyun’s side as a decent friend.

With the situation requiring them to meet regularly for the next couple of months, Taeun’s worries deepened without resolution. He kept analyzing and reconstructing their ambiguous, undefined relationship until this morning, when he finally reached a decision. He compromised with the unavoidable reality and claimed his non-negotiable share.

He would pretend to be a friend for the rest of the semester. Once the club activities ended, he would completely end the relationship.

The decision to cut ties with Cha Jinhyun was a significant one for Taeun. The bond they had formed over 14 years out of his mere 24 years of life couldn’t be insignificant. If their timelines were overlapped, the empty spaces would be fewer than the filled ones. That’s why he understood Jinhyun’s stubborn refusal to let go of their connection.

He understood, but they couldn’t go back to how things were.

Half of Taeun’s time knowing Jinhyun had been filled with love. Even if the feelings disappeared someday, the time they existed wouldn’t be erased. It was impossible to bury it as if it never happened. No matter how much he thought about it, it just didn’t seem possible.

It had been a love that was often treated with disdain. A heart that bloomed diligently even without anyone to embrace it. It was insignificant and unremarkable, never receiving a single glance, but that was why he wanted to remember it himself.

Therefore, Taeun’s conclusion was that he could no longer be with Cha Jinhyun. It wasn’t that he was running away. Repeating the past to escape the past was foolish. On the day their half-semester grace period ended, he planned to be honest and ask Jinhyun to let him go. He would apologize for things he should apologize for, saying he was sorry for how things turned out because of him….

Summer break would start right after the club activities ended. He could stay at his parents’ house. He could take a leave of absence for the second semester… or move into the dorms. Or continue staying at the goshiwon he was planning to move into soon. There were many options.

‘Yes, this is the best.’

His heart felt much lighter after sorting out what he could do, what he didn’t want to do, and what he had to do.

“Meeting is joy, parting is inevitable…”

This summarized Taeun’s resolve in a single phrase.

“…What are you talking about?”

“That’s how it is.”

Kim Sunghyun tilted his head back and forth, unable to understand Taeun’s cryptic words. Lee Taeun firmly shut his mouth, showing his intention not to say any more. After all, Kim Sunghyun was also Cha Jinhyun’s friend. This plan couldn’t reach Jinhyun’s ears before the end of the first semester.

“By the way, why is that bastard so late?”

Kim Sunghyun also seemed to have no intention of asking further, naturally changing the subject. Another member arrived while they were talking, meaning that all the team members except for Cha Jinhyun had gathered. Taeun took out his phone and checked the time. 1:00 PM. Exactly the appointed time.

‘Did he get sick from drinking…?’

If he was drunk enough to call Taeun by mistake, he must have been out of his mind until dawn. Taeun was a little worried, as Jinhyun couldn’t handle alcohol. Knowing Jinhyun’s habit of always arriving ten minutes early for appointments, Taeun was wondering if he should ask Kim Sunghyun to contact him.

“Oh, there he comes.”

A team member who had been sitting on a pillar stood up and pointed in a direction. It was clear who they were talking about. Familiar shoes entered Taeun’s lowered line of sight.

“Sorry, I’m a little late.”

“Hey, it’s only a minute, no big deal.”

Someone greeted Cha Jinhyun with a playful remark. The gentle tone of his apology was quite soft. He doesn’t seem sick. Taeun shuffled his feet for no reason.

Their surroundings suddenly became noisy. Amidst the boisterous greetings and inquiries about how everyone had been, Taeun, who had been looking down, slowly raised his gaze.

“Oh, wow… who are you?”

Kim Sunghyun playfully teased as he approached Jinhyun. His playful words weren’t entirely unfounded. As planned, Taeun had intended to blend in with the group and greet everyone naturally, but he momentarily forgot his words and observed Cha Jinhyun, who looked different than usual.

He looked remarkably put together considering how much he had drunk last night. No, he looked more than put together; he looked dashing. Taken aback by the different atmosphere, Taeun slowly scanned Jinhyun from head to toe.

The Cha Jinhyun Taeun usually knew was casual and comfortable. In sweatpants and a baseball cap, or a stretched-out class t-shirt and slippers. He started seeing Jinhyun in other clothes after they started university and occasionally met near campus, but even then, today’s Cha Jinhyun felt truly unfamiliar. It wasn’t just his clothes.

Something’s different… As Taeun scanned him like he was playing spot-the-difference, he quickly realized the reason. His hair was different. His usually casually combed hair was clearly styled with effort. Taeun’s gaze fixed on Jinhyun’s hair, his head tilting slightly upward before shifting back to his face. He thought the stylish hair clashed with his pale complexion.

It was like a centaur, with a human upper body and the body of a beast… Despite his gloomy complexion, he still looked handsome, which Taeun found annoying. If it weren’t for that face, half of the wasted time could have been saved.

‘Oh well.’

What was the point of blaming his handsome face now?

Just as Taeun was about to look away, Jinhyun’s gaze, which had been looking to the side, shifted towards Taeun, their eyes locking unexpectedly. Startled by the sudden eye contact, Taeun flinched and stiffened his shoulders. Jinhyun seemed equally surprised. He widened his eyes slightly, like someone caught stealing.

It wasn’t like that. Taeun felt awkward, like he had been caught staring. He felt a little wronged, but it would be ridiculous to deny it. Jinhyun was the first to look away. Just as Taeun was about to avert his gaze as well…

Jinhyun’s gently lowered gaze returned to Taeun.

‘…What is this?’

Taeun felt even more bewildered than before. He had thought it was just his hair, but now his gaze was different too.

‘Is he still drunk?’

Taeun instinctively questioned the languid look in his eyes, as if he were drunk. He was used to his handsome face, but this expression was new. The prolonged eye contact created an awkward tension between them.

Oh, right. I have to greet him. Is it too late now? If I ignore him like this, will he freak out again like last time…?

As Taeun was wracking his brain…

툭. The light tap of a shoe against his toes forcibly stopped his thoughts. Taeun looked down at his feet, then up. Jinhyun was now openly staring at him. As if asking what he wanted, Taeun jerked his chin up and down slightly. There was no response.

What? Jinhyun’s behavior, initiating contact and then staying silent, was extremely puzzling. Taeun swallowed his curiosity and began to speculate. Is this the prelude to a tantrum? He made a fuss at the cafe because I ignored him a little. But even if he was annoyed, he wasn’t someone who couldn’t distinguish between right and wrong. Would he really do that even at a club event? Even as he thought this, he couldn’t shake the nagging possibility.

“……?”

Cha Jinhyun tilted his head slightly to the right. Then slightly to the left. Then back to the front… Watching this, Taeun slowly frowned.

What strange behavior was that…?

Even as he moved slightly, his gaze remained fixed on Taeun. Taeun stiffened. He was reminded of a creepy doll he’d seen in a movie, its eyes following you everywhere…

‘Creepy.’

It was a truly baffling action. Was he still drunk, or was he possessed? He still hadn’t spoken. Since he had no idea how to respond to this unusual behavior, Taeun awkwardly looked away. Then Jinhyun tapped his toes again. Instead of reacting, Taeun stepped back out of reach and turned his head. He felt a prickling on the side of his face, but ignored it.

“Lee Taeun.”

Cha Jinhyun, who had been repeating the strange behavior, finally spoke. Since he couldn’t ignore being called directly, Taeun’s gaze, which had been pretending to look elsewhere, reluctantly turned towards Jinhyun.

“What.”

“…Did you see me?”

Then he asked an even stranger question. Taeun couldn’t help but ask back,

“What?”

“Did you see me?”

It felt like he was stating the obvious, and at this point, Taeun had no idea what he was trying to do.

Was this a new kind of tantrum? Was this his new way of bothering him? Or was this his way of acting friendly…?

After pondering, Taeun came to a rough conclusion. Cha Jinhyun had always said weird things and given him strange gifts after a fight, so this seemed to be similar.

“…I’m looking at you right now.”

Taeun replied in a rather composed tone. Since responding appropriately to his nonsense was what Jinhyun wanted from a friend.

“Ah, right.”

“…Yeah.”

“You saw me.”

“Yeah… I’m looking at you.”

“But why.”

The meaningless and empty conversation continued rapidly. Cha Jinhyun, who seemed somewhat frustrated, suddenly looked up at the sky mid-sentence. He looked truly insane.

“…Never mind.”

And then he abruptly ended the conversation. It was a truly absurd situation.

“Now that everyone’s here, shall we go? We need to buy tickets first.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The voice that intervened between them couldn’t have been more welcome. Taeun quickly replied and walked ahead. He didn’t forget to glance back at Cha Jinhyun, who still seemed out of sorts.

🔥

Cha Jinhyun seems a bit strange…

As Taeun thought this, Kim Sunghyun, walking beside him, thought,

Cha Jinhyun is really fucking weird.

The three men walked side by side at a similar pace. Taeun was a rather slow walker, and Jinhyun was used to matching his pace, so only Kim Sunghyun, who was impatient by nature, had to suppress his frustration and forcibly adjust his stride.

Jinhyun, walking in the middle, kept glancing at Taeun, who was looking through the pamphlet. With the tallest one in the center, they formed a height difference resembling an Olympic podium. Hmm. Kim Sunghyun made a small, suspicious noise. Even this formation was one of the reasons he felt that something was ‘off.’

As they say, you see what you know. The scene, which looked no different from usual to the other team members who didn’t know the hidden circumstances, felt quite strange to Kim Sunghyun. Taeun, who was usually desperate to be by Cha Jinhyun’s side, stuck to Kim Sunghyun like a duckling, waddling along beside him as they moved from the ticket booth to the convention entrance.

He wouldn’t even listen to any persuasion, but heartbreak really was the best cure for unrequited love. Finding his pathetic state somewhat amusing, Sunghyun put his arm around Taeun’s shoulder, willingly offering his side. He squeezed and shook Taeun’s bony shoulder under the fabric, a silly gesture meant to cheer him up.

‘Where do you want to look first?’

However, his playful teasing was forcibly interrupted by a strong grip. Jinhyun, who had been walking next to Kim Sunghyun, wedged himself between them. Sunghyun’s arm, grabbed by Jinhyun, was pulled down. Cha Jinhyun’s actions, lowering his arm and inserting himself between them, and his tone of voice were so natural that it felt awkward to even ask, What are you doing?

But the thought that ‘something’s off’ didn’t arise just from this. Kim Sunghyun recalled the strange scene from earlier.

This activity was intended as a way for club members to recharge after midterms, an outing for a change of pace. The purpose of ‘visiting the fair’ was to observe and experience the services of large and small companies, gather information, and broaden their perspectives, but in reality, it was meant to promote camaraderie and provide a lighthearted break.

Still, they had to maintain the pretense of an activity, so they were given two missions. 1. Visit at least four booths in each zone, take a photo with the stamp, and upload it. 2. Eat together and upload a photo.

The latter was so simple it barely qualified as a mission, but the former was different. With the event divided into four zones, they had to visit at least sixteen booths. There were seven members in total, excluding two who were absent due to personal reasons. Having everyone wander around together felt a bit overwhelming and intense. After a brief discussion, someone suggested splitting into two groups to complete the mission, and everyone agreed without objection.

For deciding how to split into groups, a classic method was employed. Team picking. A method anyone born and raised in South Korea would know. There was a brief, childish argument about the chant, but the power of the capital city was strong. Since most of the members were from Seoul and the surrounding metropolitan area, the majority vote was for ‘dedenzzi.’ After reaching an agreement, they gathered in a circle and extended their right hands.

‘Deden, zzi!’

Seven hands stopped simultaneously in time with the chant. And for a moment, a strange silence fell over them.

‘Huh?’

It was Kim Sunghyun’s bewildered exclamation that broke the eerie silence. Seven pairs of eyes focused on one spot. While everyone else had extended their palms or the backs of their hands, one person held their hand out with their fingers extended, as if playing rock-paper-scissors.

‘Ah….’

As the awkward voice spread, everyone’s gaze followed the hand upwards. Cha Jinhyun was scratching his chin, smiling sheepishly.

‘I’ve never done this before, so I didn’t know.’

Only Lee Taeun wasn’t fooled by the shamelessly spoken words, and Kim Sunghyun was the only one who was suspicious. Everyone else fell for Jinhyun’s plausible act. Kim Sunghyun, watching silently, nudged Taeun’s arm and whispered, wondering if it made any sense.

‘Don’t you even have dedenzzi in your neighborhood?’

‘Of course we do.’

Lee Taeun seemed equally perplexed, judging by the grumpy reply.

‘Is he crazy? We’ve done this so many times…’

His grumbling voice sounded genuinely frustrated.

‘…He’s acting like this because he’s hungover. He’s just saying anything because he’s embarrassed.’

The added words, as if he knew everything, turned the suspicion into another question.

‘How do you know?’

‘He came to my part-time job yesterday.’

And Kim Sunghyun became even more perplexed.

Taeun’s part-time job was located deep in a back alley filled with restaurants, accessible by walking straight down the main street in front of the main gate, crossing the crosswalk, and then turning down a side street. He went all the way there instead of going to the nearby back gate filled with bars? A guy who didn’t even like alcohol that much? And could he have just happened to go there by chance?

‘Since we have to split into groups of three and four anyway, I’ll join this side.’

Just as Kim Sunghyun, who shared the same campus, was pondering the natural questions that arose, Jinhyun spoke casually and gestured with his chin. His gesture, pointing at Kim Sunghyun and Lee Taeun, who both had their palms out, was incredibly nonchalant.

‘Yeah, well. Since we don’t have time, it’s better to go in quickly.’

It wasn’t a big deal to those who didn’t know the circumstances, so the situation was easily resolved. Sunghyun glanced at Taeun involuntarily.

‘…Is this okay?’

Cha Jinhyun asked a perfunctory question.

It seemed like he was asking both of them, but his gaze was fixed on Taeun. It was then that Kim Sunghyun realized Cha Jinhyun’s intentions. He remembered the day when Jinhyun had dismissed Lee Taeun, who had ignored him, saying, “I don’t plan on letting you off the hook.”

That sneaky bastard….

Cha Jinhyun must be planning to punish the fearless guy who dared to throw the stone of confession at him. That’s a nasty personality, going through all this trouble to torment him. Having reached his own conclusion, Kim Sunghyun observed the two of them during the brief silence.

And he quickly realized that his assumption was also slightly off.

‘Fine, whatever…’

It was because he saw Cha Jinhyun’s stiff posture melt away the moment Taeun reluctantly agreed. He couldn’t see the authority of an executioner in Jinhyun, but rather the tension of a prisoner awaiting his sentence. It was strange.

“Hmm…”

A low hum escaped his lips. Having been grouped together through this process, the three men were now strolling through the fair, maintaining a superficially amicable appearance. Kim Sunghyun walked half a step behind, slowing down so subtly that they wouldn’t notice.

‘He’s definitely the one who did the dumping…’

His sharp gaze moved from Jinhyun to Taeun.

‘And he’s the one who got dumped…’

But somehow, it didn’t feel that way.

Then what was it?

What was truly strange was Cha Jinhyun’s attitude. After hearing about Taeun being dumped at the MT, Kim Sunghyun had been on high alert, expecting Jinhyun to contact him about quitting the club. But all the messages he received after that were filled with inexplicable irritation. He’d suddenly ask if Sunghyun was free, only to not tell him to come out, and then disappear on his own. Even last night, he’d asked out of the blue if Sunghyun wanted to be set up with a woman. Thinking about it again was absurd.

It was good that he hadn’t expressed his intention to quit, but it was strange for someone as decisive as Jinhyun in such matters. The Cha Jinhyun he knew would choose to quit, regardless of the criticism he might face, rather than endure the awkwardness. But he didn’t. It was truly bizarre.

Kim Sunghyun, who had become a spectator in a quiet battleground of love and friendship, pondered his thoughts and finally came to a realization.

‘Well, he always was a bit…’

…extreme.

He vaguely remembered the sickeningly sweet scene the two had displayed at the barbecue restaurant. Cha Jinhyun hand-picking the boneless meat and serving it to Lee Taeun, and Lee Taeun naturally accepting it. And there had been a similar incident. Ironically, at the MT where Lee Taeun got dumped.

During dinner, Kim Sunghyun, who had cleanly finished his plate, was wandering around the buffet-style barbecue, looking for more meat, when suddenly, a foot blocked his path, nearly causing him to fall flat on his face.

Fuck. Cursing under his breath, he turned around to see who the reckless person was, and there stood Cha Jinhyun, with a sly smirk and a shrug of his shoulders. He was holding tongs in one gloved hand and a torch in the other, looking like a well-equipped worker.

‘Use your words, you crazy bastard.’

‘Stop just eating and do some work.’

‘Weren’t you volunteering? Are you feeling bitter? Then you shouldn’t have lost.’

Team 5, which came in last in the water gun game, had a lot of chores to do. They had to move crates full of alcohol, set up tables, start the fire, and also choose members to grill the meat. It was unusual for Cha Jinhyun, who hated anything troublesome, to volunteer first. Lee Taeun had offered to help, but Cha Jinhyun had shooed him away with an old-man-like remark, “Just staying put is helping.”

He should have just accepted the offer to help; why is he being a jerk to me? Just as Sunghyun was mocking him, Cha Jinhyun, unfazed by the sarcastic remarks, handed him a heaping plate. The well-cooked meat, glistening with juices, filled the lettuce leaves, and the edges were neatly decorated with golden-brown mushrooms, a truly tempting feast.

‘Give this to that bastard.’

With an indifferent voice, he slightly lifted the tongs and pointed at Lee Taeun, who was chugging beer with puffed-out cheeks.

‘Me? Why?’

‘Ah… the bastard who only eats talks too much.’

‘Am I the only one eating? Taeun’s eating too.’

‘So give him more.’

It was as if he had come along on his son’s field trip. He was acting like a parent doting on their youngest child.

‘I’m so hurt, Jinhyun. Are you discriminating against me because I’m your college friend?’

‘If you don’t like it, you bring someone too.’

There was no reasoning with him. Kim Sunghyun scoffed, ‘Yes, yes, since you grilled it so nicely, I’ll do as you say. Of course,’ and turned around with the plate. Just as he was about to turn around, Cha Jinhyun added in a lower voice,

‘…Don’t tell him I gave it to you.’

He asked why, finding his rather cute words amusing, but he was completely ignored. Fine, whatever. Slightly offended, Kim Sunghyun hummed a tune and walked over to Taeun. He then placed the plate in front of him, saying loudly, “Taeun, I picked this out carefully. I’m the best, right?” He didn’t forget to wink at Jinhyun.

How did Cha Jinhyun react then? It was quite a sight to see him glaring with fire in his eyes and poking at the extinguished coals with his torch.

It was more than just a sight to see. He had acted so jealous that Sunghyun had even wondered, Are they dating? So, the next day, when Taeun was wandering around looking distraught, it hadn’t been a baseless question to ask if he was dating Cha Jinhyun. He had wondered if they had fought because of the awkward atmosphere at the drinking party, with the talk about getting set up…

But all his predictions had been wrong. Lee Taeun had simply been dumped. Then what was with that look in his eyes? Did he just hate me?

“Don’t tell me….”

After a moment of confusion at the inconsistent situation, he scoffed, dismissing the thought as he considered another possibility. That doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t…

“…….”

…does it?

Even with his personality, not kicking out the guy who had confessed, even though they were old friends, was practically love…

“Seriously, I don’t understand what’s going on.”

Cha Jinhyun, preoccupied with carefully straightening Taeun’s flipped-up hood, didn’t notice the blatant stare as he fidgeted with his fingers.

…Seriously, what’s wrong with that bastard? Why has he suddenly become a half-wit who can’t even play dedenzzi?

If he was curious, he should just ask. A playful smirk appeared on Sunghyun’s face at his friend’s unfamiliar behavior.

🔥

Despite the incessant noise and the crowded interior, Taeun’s mood was gradually improving.

Taeun, who was naturally extroverted, tended to wander outside the more depressed he felt. When he was angry, he would call his friends for drinks, venting his frustrations and calming his mind and body. On days when he felt down, he would walk the streets, opting for the strong kick of soju instead of fragrant, but expensive, cocktails. Getting drunk on soju and wandering the streets like a zombie, calling out to anyone, was Taeun’s humble depression kit.

However, recently, with exams, his part-time job, and his empty wallet, he had to spend most of his time stuck at school or home. The harsh world didn’t make exceptions. I’m really struggling right now, can I submit the assignment later? I worked until dawn yesterday… No professor would accept such complaints.

Even when he felt like skipping class, the fear of the letter grade on his transcript forced him to stick to his seat. Why should my grades suffer because of Cha Jinhyun? Underlying it all was a sense of injustice.