Simmering Heat Chapter 23.1

The ice rattled as it broke against his teeth. His iced Americano was long gone.

Jinhyun swallowed the cold shards like food and tossed a couple more ice cubes into his mouth. His furrowed brows gave him a tense, irritable look. He was clearly struggling with his work, his face a mask of frustration. He suppressed the urge to smoke and rubbed his forehead habitually.

He’d thought coming to a cafe would help, but his mental gears were still jammed, refusing to engage.

Jinhyun had sat down at his desk early that morning, laptop open, but he couldn’t focus. His mind was blank, the spacious apartment only emphasizing the absence of someone. The stress had been steadily building, just from sitting there, when a timely call from a friend had offered a welcome distraction. He’d left the apartment a few hours ago, hoping a change of scenery would help, but Cha Jinhyun had to admit, even this had been a miscalculation.

“What are you really doing? Preparing for an internship already?”

“Doesn’t seem like homework.”

“The professor called you in separately last week, is it about that?”

The guys who had supposedly gathered to work on their assignment seemed more interested in pestering him.

“Ah, I got it. You’re being so secretive… you’re working as a paid commenter, aren’t you?”

“You’ve been living off triangle kimbap lately because you’re broke.”

“Bingo?”

His mind was already a mess, and their nosiness was only making it worse. There was no point in having come out. Jinhyun glanced indifferently at his anxious friends and replied,

“Even if I’m broke, I have more money than you guys.”

“I eat at the school cafeteria, though.”

“Yeah, well, congratulations on being rich.”

“Damn, playing hard to get.”

They were so curious about his secrecy that their frustrated expressions were almost comical.

He wondered how they’d react if he told them the truth: that he was head over heels for his best friend and was working on a crazy document because he was desperate. They’d probably go ballistic. Jinhyun glanced around and shook his head slightly, a small smile playing on his lips. There was a subtle difference between deliberately not talking about something and keeping a secret. The latter was still unfamiliar and somewhat awkward.

“Are you really not going to tell us?”

“You said I was a paid commenter, just assume that.”

“Opposition party? Ruling party?”

“Both.”

A brief, playful cheer went up. Tired of their teasing, he ignored them and tilted his head back. His stiff neck cracked. The white ceiling filled his vision. Jinhyun let his gaze drift to the concrete wall.

The project, tentatively titled “Relationship Improvement Plan,” was proving unexpectedly difficult.

Creating the table of contents and filling in the first section had been easy. Bragging about himself, adding sentimental footnotes, and appealing to Taeun’s affection had only required sacrificing a bit of pride. Progress had slowed with the second section, which was practically a letter of apology, but it hadn’t been this frustrating.

But he was stuck. The reason was trivial and ridiculous.

Whether or not to add another section to the table of contents. The dilemma stemmed from Taeun’s subtle behavior last Saturday.

He’d thought he’d scored some points after the birthday party, admiring Taeun’s adorable chubby cheeks. Taeun, who had been maintaining a nonchalant facade, had started responding to him more readily. He’d even done cute things like subtly pushing his favorite snacks towards Jinhyun. So, he’d gotten a little confident.

‘Do you really want to kiss me that much?’

‘I want to do all sorts of things.’

That’s why he hadn’t been able to resist responding to Taeun’s cute question.

He’d thought it was okay to express his subtle desire, but Taeun had averted his gaze as if he hadn’t heard, so Jinhyun had reflected on his overeagerness. He’d thought that was the end of it.

But what followed was truly something else.

Whenever there was accidental physical contact, Taeun would flinch and move away. And that wasn’t all. When Jinhyun returned from the bathroom, Taeun had switched seats with Kim Sunghyun and moved to the opposite side of the table. When Jinhyun playfully nudged his ankle under the table, Taeun had crossed his legs. His reaction was excessive for what was meant to be a lighthearted, slightly whiny touch.

So, Jinhyun tried to understand Taeun’s sudden prickliness. Had he been too impertinent again? Had he sounded too flippant? He could only speculate, but one thing was certain: that conversation had negatively impacted Lee Taeun.

But that day, Taeun hadn’t seemed as displeased as Jinhyun had feared.

He’d readily agreed to Jinhyun’s lunch invitation, which had been extended under the guise of their now-fading “weekly lunch date” agreement (though Taeun’s inability to refuse a promise he’d made himself was a bigger factor). And right before they parted ways, Taeun had even given him his straw, whispering the maddening words, “Did you enjoy the indirect kiss?” He hadn’t seemed offended or upset by Jinhyun’s response.

Thus, Jinhyun had spent the entire weekend racking his brains over this high-level riddle. He’d noticed that Taeun was only avoiding direct physical contact, which wasn’t much of a clue. Last night, as he was struggling with this mystery, a reply finally arrived to a message he’d sent earlier in the evening.

[Lee Taeun: Dating while only kissing vs. Not dating at all] 23:40

[Lee Taeun: Which is better? A friend asked me.] 23:40

[Lee Taeun: Just curious.] 23:40

Had he eaten? What was he doing? Had he forgotten about their meeting tomorrow? Was he finally planning to move out of that house…? Taeun had ignored all of Jinhyun’s questions and asked this out of the blue. The sudden “Would You Rather” question was like an answer sheet to the riddle he’d been struggling with. Jinhyun had a sudden realization.

…He doesn’t want to sleep with me.

Reaching this conclusion, everything became clear.

It might seem like a far-fetched assumption based on circumstantial evidence, but considering the context, it wasn’t entirely implausible. Taeun had said he couldn’t date him right away, then asked that ridiculous question about Jinhyun’s confidence in his own penis. The implication was clear: he was worried about whether Jinhyun could handle a same-sex relationship.

He’d probably been concerned since the guy who’d called him disgustingly dirty was now suddenly pursuing him. It was understandable. No, more than understandable, Jinhyun regretted it. He’d been so out of his mind at the time that he’d lost control, desperate to make himself seem like the worst possible dating candidate.

“Shit…”

Jinhyun groaned and tossed more ice into his mouth. The end of their chat flashed through his mind.

[Dating while doing everything] 23:41

[Lee Taeun: There’s no such option.] 23:48

[Can’t you add it?] 23:48

His request had been blatantly ignored, and that was the crux of his ridiculous dilemma. He couldn’t shake the crazy thought of whether he should add a “sex” section to his document.

Even if he did, it wouldn’t solve the problem. How was he supposed to prove that he could and wanted to have sex with Taeun?

Was an erection not enough proof of sexual desire? But what better evidence was there? He’d thought his genitals, with their readily apparent arousal, were a convenient and reliable tool. Of course, his knowledge of same-sex relationships was limited to hearsay, but sexual arousal was more important than the mechanics of the act. It was ridiculous for Taeun to question his ability after he’d already been hard enough to hurt. But if even that wasn’t enough…

…did he have to show him ejaculating?

Should he attach a video of himself masturbating to a picture of Lee Taeun? He considered it seriously before shaking his head. That would undoubtedly be sexual harassment.

“Hey, Jinhyun.”

But then again… Lee Taeun had also masturbated in his room, so weren’t they even?

“Cha Jinhyun.”

“Is this bastard sleeping?”

…Should he ask for consent? If so, how?

“He’s being really weird today.”

“Oi, Cha.”

Hey, would it be okay if I filmed myself masturbating to your picture and showed you?

…There were limits to his insanity. There had to be another way. Another way… what was it?

He had no idea. The quickest solution was to just do it, but he couldn’t, which was frustrating. So, what if… what if he just asked?

“Hey!”

“Ah, shit.”

As he was spiraling into this near-delusional line of questioning, a loud shout pierced his ears, shattering his chaotic thoughts. Jinhyun scowled and lowered his head. Several pairs of eyes were on him. He was annoyed by their interruption of his serious contemplation.

“Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Busy munching ice and staring at the ceiling? Run out of ideas?”

“Yeah, politics is tough.”

Jinhyun replied, rubbing the back of his aching neck. His flippant tone was familiar to his friends, so they easily moved on.

“Aren’t you done yet? Let’s go eat.”

They sounded like they were finished. Jinhyun looked around. The table, which had been cluttered with their belongings, was mostly clear. Seeing them slowly packing up, he realized they were about to leave. He closed his laptop, the screen going dark. Further brainstorming here wouldn’t yield any answers.

What time was it? It was probably about time for Taeun to be done, too. He gathered his things, slung his bag over his shoulder, and picked up his phone. The message window was still on the morning greeting he’d sent.

[Are you still there?] 12:25

He sent another message, tidied up the table, and stood up. He nudged aside his persistently clinging friend and headed down the stairs.

[Lee Taeun: Just finished.] 12:27

[Lee Taeun: Home?] 12:27

The reply arrived surprisingly fast. As Taeun had said before, setting appointments made him respond quicker. He should think of a way to create regular appointments. Elated by just two messages, he typed a reply with one hand as he caught up with his friends.

“I have a prior engagement, so I’m going first.”

Ignoring their jeers about how he could never make time for them, Jinhyun practically ran to the parking lot.

🔥

Taeun sat awkwardly in the seat he’d been led to, speechless until the order was placed.

The waiter, after collecting the menus, returned shortly with bread before the meal. Taeun looked at the appetizing bread and butter with a troubled expression. He cautiously voiced his concern, his quiet mutter barely audible.

“I have another class later…”

Taeun had assumed they’d be eating at a simple restaurant near campus.

But they had arrived at a fancy establishment he couldn’t even categorize. He should have known when Jinhyun drove up, but he’d been too distracted by the chivalrous gesture of having the passenger door opened for him. Taeun glanced around the quiet interior.

Everything, from the signage to the tableware, was different from the crowded restaurants near the university. The waiter’s detailed explanation of the menu and the courteous offer to take his coat and bag were unfamiliar. Uncomfortable in this new environment, Taeun fidgeted with the neatly arranged cutlery and napkin.

“Isn’t that at 3 o’clock?”

Jinhyun, perfectly at ease, looked at him and asked.

“Yes, but…”

“I’ll make sure you get there on time.”

He wasn’t worried about being late. It wasn’t far, so there was plenty of time to eat leisurely. He was just feeling self-conscious, hence his curt reply. Taeun turned around without responding, glancing around the restaurant. He double-checked, but they were the only table occupied by two young men; most were couples on dates, enjoying each other’s company.

“…….”

The ambiance, the clientele, it was clear. This wasn’t a place you came to simply grab a bite. It was a place… a place for couples to have a nice time.

…Is this a date?

Conflicting emotions washed over him; he wanted to get up and run away, yet he also wanted to stay and enjoy it. He didn’t ask, afraid of the embarrassment if Jinhyun said no. He wanted to believe it was a date.

Instead, Taeun stretched, loosening his stiff muscles. He was still feeling the effects of moving.

Even a small amount of luggage was still luggage. After unpacking and cleaning his tiny room in the goshiwon, he was surprisingly exhausted. He’d taken a less-than-satisfying shower in the shared bathroom and collapsed onto his bed, his body completely drained. He was still recovering.

“Are you tired? You’ve been yawning a lot.”

“…….”

A piece of bread, perfectly sliced and generously buttered, approached him, accompanied by a similarly warm voice. Taeun squinted, assessing the situation. Cha Jinhyun was offering him the bread on a fork. Instead of accepting it, he used his own fork to take a piece.

“I overdid it yesterday.”

‘This crazy bastard. Such a public display of affection… how embarrassing.’

Despite his thoughts, he was struggling to manage his expression. He tried to suppress his smile, eventually giving up and letting his face crumple like a beaten-up red bean bun.

“What did you do?”

“I…”

Distracted by his facial muscles, he realized too late that he’d opened his mouth. Taeun quickly closed it, leaving only a slight gap between his lips. This was still a secret. He blinked, looking like a dental patient.

“…What did you do?”

Jinhyun repeated the question. Taeun, having concocted a plausible excuse in that split second, answered vaguely,

“Uh… I had a birthday party.”

“With whom?”

“With my friends.”

“Your college friends?”

“Um… yeah.”

“Kim Hyoju?”

He wondered why Jinhyun was being so inquisitive, yet he dutifully answered the questions. A chuckle escaped him at the familiar name.

“When did you even see Hyoju to be acting so familiar?”

“We almost had dinner together, isn’t that enough to be familiar?”

“I don’t think Hyoju would see it that way.”

“You’re calling him by his first name so casually… are you close?”

The relatively normal conversation suddenly took a strange turn. This was more familiar than being fed bread. Jinhyun often asked about his friends like this. He’d answer “Yes, we’re close,” and Jinhyun would persistently ask, “Closer than me?” until he got the desired “No.”

Taeun pouted and shrugged. Jinhyun narrowed his eyes but didn’t press further.

He was hungry, so he popped the bread into his mouth. The perfectly toasted bread and butter stimulated his appetite. He quickly finished his piece, and another was offered.

“Aren’t you eating?”

“I don’t really like bread.”

“Then why did you come here? We could have gone somewhere that doesn’t serve bread.”

“You like it.”

He almost choked on his bread. Taeun thumped his chest and swallowed some water.

“…S… stop it.”

This bastard was always flirting…

Even as he thought this, his lips twitched into a smile. Taeun crumpled his face again, like an exploding dumpling, and pulled his plate closer. Despite his efforts to maintain a stern expression, his fondness for rich food softened his features.

And Jinhyun focused his gaze on his cheeks, puffed out from the bread. He leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table and propping his chin on his hand. His moving jaw and lips were more captivating than any form of media.

“You’re eating well.”

“Because it’s delicious.”

“Don’t eat too much, there’s more delicious food coming.”

“So far, this is the most delicious.”

Jinhyun chuckled at the sullen reply. A comfortable silence settled between them.

Jinhyun simply watched, his gaze on Taeun taking on an intense quality, as if admiring a meticulously crafted work of art. The way Taeun’s lowered eyelids would occasionally flutter open, glancing at him, was subtly stimulating.

…Does he know something? No, that’s impossible.

Jinhyun tilted his head, resting it on his hand, maintaining eye contact. Taeun’s delicate features, which he’d always considered cute, were now strangely arousing.

His bright eyes brought to mind a flushed, wet gaze. Looking at his straight nose, he could almost hear the sound of his panting breath. He wondered what his perfectly shaped lips would look like when they parted further. Even his fingers holding the fork were distracting. Taeun’s body temperature, slightly higher than average, extended to his hands. Recalling the comforting warmth, he suddenly felt hungry.

He was sensitive to the cold because he ran warm, so it was fun to watch him flinch at the slightest touch… but now, he wanted to see his reaction in a completely different context. He longed to mingle their body heat, to be enveloped by him. Feeling a stirring below his waist, Jinhyun chided himself internally.

He wasn’t a teenager anymore, yet the slightest lapse in concentration filled his mind with impure thoughts. It was a side effect of the dilemma that had plagued him since last night. He forcibly averted his gaze, knowing these weren’t appropriate thoughts to have while watching Taeun devour his bread. He was about to take a sip of water to cool down when…

“…Why are you looking at me like that?”

Taeun, sensing his intense gaze, cautiously opened his lips, still smeared with breadcrumbs. His wary eyes pricked Jinhyun’s conscience.

“Like what?”

“…I don’t know, your eyes are weird.”

“My eyes…”

Was it that obvious? He closed his mouth, speechless.

I was imagining doing it with you all morning. It’s getting worse now that I’m with you. I guess it shows in my eyes.

Such honesty was impossible in a public setting. He’d brought him here for a nice dinner, not to sexually harass him. The arrival of the next course naturally ended the conversation.

There was no need to rush. Yes, this was another problem he could slowly resolve. It was a start that they could even sit here and have a meal together. Just a few weeks ago, he would have been grateful for even this much. So, he wouldn’t push, wouldn’t be impatient, would be considerate… he could overcome this.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“…You know that guy, Plato, right?”

That’s what he thought, until he heard the name of the damned philosopher.

“…….”

He missed his chance to reply, taken aback by the sudden mention of Plato. Jinhyun tilted his head slightly, failing to grasp the meaning of the question.

Had he taken a philosophy class? He was pretty sure Taeun’s morning class was a major-related subject… A sense of foreboding washed over him. Jinhyun looked at Taeun, trying to discern his hidden intention. Taeun, however, seemed nonchalant, studying the newly arrived dish with a thoughtful expression. He fumbled with his cutlery, then leaned closer to the table, cupping his left hand around his mouth.

“Is this supposed to be this tiny?”

“…….”

Tiny…

The novel word choice temporarily dispelled the ominous Greek philosopher from his mind. The carefully chosen dish from the carefully selected restaurant had been reduced to “tiny.” Jinhyun, who had been feeling rather pleased with himself for creating a date-like atmosphere, lowered his chin and sighed, deflated. Unsure whether to laugh or cry, he simply nodded in agreement.

Taeun, seemingly just curious, muttered “I see” and popped the beautifully plated tart into his mouth. He chewed slowly, swallowed, then looked up, his face bright.

“This is really good. You should try it.”

Seeing his enthusiastic double thumbs-up, Jinhyun’s deflated spirits slowly revived.

He’d been secretly disappointed that his efforts to create a pleasant experience had been dismissed as “tiny.” His downcast eyes softened.

“Delicious, even if it’s tiny?”

“Yeah, I can feel the chef’s dedication.”

Taeun continued his culinary critique. Jinhyun laughed out loud. He was oddly pleased by how easily his mood was swayed by Taeun’s words.

With each course, Jinhyun repeatedly asked if the food was good. Taeun responded with a variety of reactions, raising his eyebrows, nodding enthusiastically, his solemn demeanor resembling a renowned food critic. Taeun savored the food, and Jinhyun savored Taeun. Watching him react so earnestly to the slightest bit of encouragement was as enjoyable as ever.

“A feast fit for a king.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Good job, my friend.”

“I’m not your friend.”

Jinhyun played along with Taeun’s role-playing, but he didn’t forget to correct the misnomer. The playful glint in Taeun’s eyes suddenly vanished.

“…Then what am I?”

“I wonder, what am I to you?”

Jinhyun noticed the shift in atmosphere but continued his teasing undeterred.

“Not quite a…썸남 yet, are we?” (someone you’re interested in but not officially dating)

“…….”

“I don’t like being the secret lover.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

Taeun, who’d been acting like a boisterous CEO, suddenly reverted to a bashful, innocent persona. His eyes darted around nervously.

“I’m not your secret lover, am I?”

“What the… is this another role-play scenario?”

“It’s hard liking someone so popular. I need to know where you are and what you’re doing…”

Taeun’s jaw dropped, and he let out a disbelieving chuckle. It was the epitome of hypocrisy. But arguing against it would be strange, like he was desperately denying his own popularity.

Besides, the creeping sense of satisfaction he felt whenever Cha Jinhyun showed this kind of insecurity was… rather addictive. Taeun finally conceded. He was a pathetic person, seeking reassurance through Jinhyun’s anxiety and jealousy.

“I am… rather popular.”

“…….”

“It can’t be helped…”

Instead of arguing, he agreed, hoping to elicit more jealousy. He feigned nonchalance as he ate, his eyelids fluttering open and closed. He was anticipating Jinhyun’s reaction.

“…Annoying.”

It seemed to have landed a stronger blow than he’d expected. He was immensely satisfied by the sight of Jinhyun’s chest rising and falling with a deep breath, feeling momentarily like a pervert.

“He started it.”

“Yeah, I’m regretting it already.”

A chuckle escaped Jinhyun’s lips. Taeun’s pouting lips were adorable. He felt like he could kiss him right now. Maybe just a quick one in the bathroom…

Taeun, having completely forgotten about Plato, was now fidgeting with his food, his ears red. Jinhyun, watching him, felt a quiet unease stir within him. He hadn’t forgotten about Plato.

He could have pretended not to notice and let it go. The sudden mention of Plato had long faded. He didn’t want to bring it up again, a premonition making him uneasy. The rationalization that it couldn’t have been important if Taeun hadn’t mentioned it again was tempting.

“…But,”

Despite his reluctance, Jinhyun spoke. He couldn’t ignore it; it felt like he had gum stuck to the bottom of his foot.

“Hmm?”

There had to be a reason why Taeun had brought it up. Even if he ignored it now, he’d only obsess over it later.

“Why did you suddenly mention Plato?”

“Oh, right. That…”

Taeun, who had been diligently clearing his plate, licked his lips. His plump pink tongue darted out and disappeared. Jinhyun reached for his water again. Unaware of Jinhyun’s reaction, Taeun continued casually,

“Platonic love… it’s derived from that philosopher, Plato. Did you know that?”

“…….”

Jinhyun froze, mid-sip, like a statue. His premonition had been spot on.

“Uh… yeah.”

Jinhyun gathered his scattered composure.

Could it be? Was it possible? No way… The suspicion he’d felt at the mention of “Plato,” the possibility he’d dismissed, was now staring him in the face. The water he’d almost swallowed flowed back down into the cup. Fortunately, his lips were still sealed around the rim, preventing him from spilling it down his front.

He set down the cup with a shaky hand and wiped his wet lips. A siren, like the kind you’d hear in an ambulance, blared in his head. Taeun continued his explanation of “platonic love” without missing a beat.

“But I heard it doesn’t really have anything to do with Plato. Anyway, it means… spiritual love…”

He didn’t need to hear the explanation. No matter how beautifully it was packaged, the commonly understood meaning was sexless.

“The right way to love someone is, uh, what was it? Like loving their wisdom… So, focusing on spiritual love is true love, which inspires the mind and soul…”

“Ah… right…”

Taeun, reciting the definition of true love as if he’d memorized a page from an online encyclopedia, paused.

“…I thought it was beautiful.”

He concluded, catching his breath.

“Aha…”

A hollow voice, devoid of any soul, escaped Jinhyun’s lips. He felt a chill down his spine, like he’d seen a ghost in the middle of the night. He swallowed, his mind filled with a single thought.

“What do you… think?”

I have to… film that video…

“…….”

…If that doesn’t work, maybe a live stream…

“Let’s… talk after we eat.”

“Why?”

“It doesn’t seem like something we should discuss here.”

Jinhyun feigned composure and gestured vaguely around them. Taeun followed his gaze and nodded in understanding. The quiet clinking of cutlery filled the silence. Jinhyun cut a piece of striploin and put it in his mouth. He couldn’t taste anything, his senses consumed by anxiety.