Kill Your X Chapter 22

“Wow, sir. That looks really good on you. I want to take a picture and hang it in our store.”

The employee reacted faster than I did. It was sincere praise, not an exaggeration. Si Yeonho came out of the dressing room, and my eyes literally rolled back. The navy blue suit I chose fit him as if it were tailor-made.

“Do you like it?”

He asked if I liked it. His gaze, looking down at me, wasn’t unpleasant at all, and my answer was a resounding yes. But conscious of the surrounding eyes, I tried to remain as composed as possible.

“It looks good. What do you think?”

“It seems okay.”

He studied my expression carefully and then nodded. I had chosen three suits in total, but honestly, did he need to try on the others? He’d look fantastic in anything, so should I just buy them all? My unexpected consumerist desires emerged, fueled by the recipient’s amazing ability to pull off anything.

“I’ll buy this one, and can you show us some matching ties?”

I hit it off with the employee, whom I’d met for the first time today, and we excitedly chose ties together. As we looked at tie pins and cufflinks that matched the outfit, we lost track of time.

Meanwhile, Si Yeonho came out after changing into the other two outfits. I solidified my decision to buy all three suits he tried on: navy blue, gray, and brown. I wanted to buy everything in the store and dress him up. For a moment, I was seized by a reckless impulse to splurge with the 2 billion won he gave me for dating expenses.

“I’ll buy everything he tried on. And these accessories and ties, too.”

Even after exerting self-control, the bill came to over 15 million won. It wasn’t like me to overspend, but I felt strangely elated. The employee approached me with a smile as I basked in my satisfaction.

“Are you two friends?”

“No. We’re school sunbae and hoobae. I owe him something, so I decided to buy him a gift while we were at the department store.”

“I see. Our customer must be happy to have such a Sunbae with good taste. If you need another suit next time…”

Thinking it might be good for her sales record, the employee handed me her business card and became even friendlier. I was about to politely accept it when Si Yeonho suddenly appeared behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, and the employee tactfully excused herself.

“Sunbae. Did you remember?”

“Huh? Remember what?”

“You just said you owed me something.”

He looked somewhat serious. He had changed back into his dark clothes after trying on the suits.

I used the back of my hand to shield my mouth and said, “I just made it up. The employee asked about our relationship.”

“So, it’s not that you remembered something from the past?”

“Did I owe you something before?”

Before I could get an answer, the employee returned with the packaged items. Si Yeonho naturally took all the large shopping bags. We left the store, seen off by the friendly employee.

“You look happy, Sunbae.”

“I am, but what were you saying to me just now?”

“It’s nothing. I’ll wear these well.”

Si Yeonho shook the shopping bags slightly. I hadn’t expected him to jump for joy at receiving a gift, but this was… something.

“Yeah. Try different styles from now on. Don’t waste your handsome face by dressing so drably every day.”

“It’s just a habit, nothing more.”

“Really? Then I’ll have to find you a dandelion-yellow suit next time.”

Si Yeonho stopped for a moment and stared at me. Seeing my face contorted as I tried to suppress my laughter, he gave a faint smile.

“If that’s what Sunbae wants, I’ll wear that too.”

“You’re saying something really dangerous. How do you know what I’ll bring next time?”

As we walked, bickering childishly, we quickly reached the parking lot. I looked back, noticing Si Yeonho, who had been walking next to me, was no longer there. He was a few steps away, looking at his phone. The atmosphere around him had turned cold again, unlike a moment ago when I had been playing dress-up with him.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen at work?”

“I think I should get going.”

I remembered him mentioning something about monitoring a celebrity. He also said he mostly did the catching at night.

“Okay. I kept you for too long. Hurry up and go. Thanks for spending time with me today.”

“This is annoying.”

I flinched at his dry murmur. Si Yeonho immediately looked up at me, then casually closed the distance as if nothing had happened.

“Uh… I’ll drive home in my car. I should be fine now that some time has passed, even though I was drugged. See you next time.”

“If I kiss you right here,”

His finger brushed my lips without permission.

“You’ll be angry, right, Sunbae?”

My lips parted in surprise. I quickly came to my senses and grabbed his arm, pulling it down. I hurriedly looked around, relieved to find no one nearby.

“Of course.”

“Goodnight, Sunbae.”

Si Yeonho coolly agreed and turned around. I stood there, mesmerized, watching him drive out of the parking lot. As I climbed into my car as if fleeing, the suppressed heat flared up. I rested my face against the cool steering wheel, calming my racing heart.

“Really, this feels like a relationship…”

I didn’t know why the feeling of being thrilled was so unfamiliar. I’d done much more exciting things in my life, yet every time Si Yeonho suddenly made a move, my heart went wild. As I vaguely imagined our next date, a thought crossed my mind.

Should I just keep seeing him, without worrying about when to break up? Si Yeonho might be truly different. I’ve been having a lot of fun lately, maybe he’s the right person for me…

After a long period of indecision, I finally started the car. I couldn’t believe I was having these thoughts at thirty. I was incredibly grateful that no one else had to see this naive side of me.

✽✽✽

[Are you off work?]

As evening came, he contacted me as usual. I changed my clothes, trying to ignore my guilty conscience. I wondered how Si Yeonho managed to wear this kind of thing every day. I felt suffocated in the suit I hadn’t worn in a while.

[Yeah, but I have a dinner appointment, so my replies might be slow for a few hours]

[I won’t bother you]

We continued to see each other until spring arrived after the long winter. The relationship was going quite smoothly, making my past frantic attempts to shake him off seem ridiculous. He occasionally showed strange stubbornness, but Si Yeonho was still compliant.

I suddenly wondered, would he still be like this even if he knew I was on my way to meet another woman?

A blind date had been arranged. It was a disaster that occurred quarterly after I turned twenty-eight, completely against my will. I really tried not to go this time, but my mother’s morning and evening calls, pleading with me, finally made me surrender.

‘Gyujin, even if you subtly reject her later, you shouldn’t stand her up on the first date. She’s the daughter of a National Assembly member who is a close friend of your father…’

She said it was all for me, but in reality, it was just a means to strengthen my father’s connections. My older sister had been forced into a political marriage in the same way.

I didn’t tell Si Yeonho the truth simply because I was a coward. I was just going to show my face and leave, so I didn’t want to create an awkward situation. I had nothing to say if he called me selfish. Even if it was my fault, I wanted to avoid situations where I became the subordinate in our relationship.

The meeting place was a hotel in Seoul. As I was about to enter the restaurant, I saw my blind date, whom I’d only seen in pictures, already sitting at a table. I really hated this. Annoyance welled up inside me at the uncomfortable time I would have to endure.

But what did this woman do to deserve this? I had imagined myself making a scene at the blind date, but seeing the well-dressed woman softened my heart. She was probably in the same boat as me, so why bother hurting her with words?

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Song Gyujin, whom you’re meeting today. Have you been waiting long?”

The woman, who had been looking indifferent, brightened up when she saw me. I should have just worn my usual clothes. I regretted going home and changing into a suit for my parents’ sake.

“Not at all. Please sit down, Mr. Gyujin.”

The woman led the conversation, saying she had heard a lot about me from my father. We both wanted to leave as soon as possible by mutual agreement after an awkward silence, but that wasn’t going to happen. I tried to be polite while showing my lack of interest. Unfortunately, my insincerity seemed invisible to her.

“I heard you’re a librarian at a university. I like books too.”

“Is that so?”

The woman smiled shyly, saying that reading was her hobby. I thought she was just trying to make conversation, but when she started talking about books she’d read recently, I perked up. Considering her family background, she could have looked down on my profession, but her smiling, bright-eyed appearance was lovely.

If I liked women, I would have proposed to her without hesitation.

“You must like books much more than I do, since you chose to be a librarian.”

“I don’t have any other hobbies besides reading.”

The only two things I loved most in life were books and sex, and since I couldn’t make a career out of sex, I chose an environment as close to books as possible. As I got older, my family’s interference became more intense, and I seriously wondered if I had chosen the wrong profession.

“What kind of books do you like, Mr. Gyujin? Novels, or essays?”

“Well, I… huh?”

I was about to give a perfunctory answer when something caught my eye. My eyes widened as I saw a familiar figure over the woman’s shoulder.