Kill Your X Chapter 85

For the past few weeks, reporters had been flooding my phone with calls, having somehow gotten my number. If I had my way, I would have just turned the device off, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know when the court might call regarding my father’s case. Standing in court as a witness in this case was the only task I had left.

Seeing how stressed I was, Seo Seunghan took my phone. He said he would let me know if any truly important calls came through.

“Is it about my family? Has the date for my father’s trial been set?”

“It’s not about the trial, but it is about your family.”

He, who had been sitting on the edge of the bed, stood up first.

“I didn’t want to wake you up if I could help it, Sunbae, but I think we need to go up to Seoul right now. I’ll drive you, so hurry up and get dressed.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

News about a family member other than my father. The faces of my mother and older sister, with whom I had been virtually out of contact since the incident broke out, flashed through my mind one by one.

“Song Gyuri. She’s your older sister, right, Sunbae?”

When I nodded without thinking, he continued.

“She called a little while ago. Your mother is in the ICU at the hospital right now. They said she’s going into surgery soon.”

“What?”

As soon as I heard the news, I jumped out of bed.

“Why is Mom? Was she in an accident or something? Or don’t tell me the Kumto Gang retaliated….”

“They said she tried to take her own life.”

For a moment, my heart sank. As I stood frozen on the spot, Seo Seunghan brought me clothes to wear. Like dressing a small child, he put the clothes on my arms and legs and then pulled me by the arm.

In the dark dawn before sunrise, we drove to a hospital in Seoul. The roads were empty because of the late hour, but it still took over an hour and a half to get there since the villa was located far from the metropolitan area. Because of my constant fidgeting, Seo Seunghan sped for once.

After parking the car in the hospital lot, he said.

“I’ll wait here. I want to stay with you, Sunbae, but I think it’s better if I don’t right now.”

“Yeah, thank you. I’ll call you.”

I got out of the car and ran like crazy towards the hospital.

When I first arrived at the hospital, the surgery was still in progress. In front of the operating room, there were only my sister and my young nephew.

It must be because it all happened so suddenly. My mother had always boasted of a wide circle of connections, just like my father, so the empty scene before me was rather disconcerting.

“Noona.”

When I finally managed to part my lips, my sister, who was sitting on a chair, looked at me. She had always been on the slender side, but now she was severely emaciated. Her long hair was dry and there was no life in her eyes. My young nephew was sound asleep, his head resting on her lap.

At her wretched state, my next words wouldn’t come out easily. I had been avoiding it, but I actually knew. I knew that while I was struggling to solve the case, my family had been going through a difficult time no less than I had. And that now that things had ended this way, it had become a distant dream to enjoy a peaceful daily life like before.

I stared blankly at the clock on the wall in front of the operating room. I couldn’t bring myself to ask when the surgery would end or in what way my mother was in critical condition. As I stood there at a distance, my sister spoke up, bundling some clothes to use as a pillow for my nephew’s head.

“I’m going to pop home for a bit. Can you watch Yejun while I’m gone? It looks like we’ll have to be at the hospital for a while, but I didn’t get to pack properly because we left in a hurry.”

“Uh, okay. Go on.”

“If all goes well, Mom’s surgery should be over in another hour or two. If it finishes before I get back, can you take care of things?”

After my sister left, I moved to sit next to my nephew. My nephew, who turned two this year, was sound asleep, oblivious to everything. I remembered a conversation my mother and sister once had, saying that if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s sleeping soundly, and that’s what makes him so lovely.

But where on earth was my brother-in-law and what was he doing that he was nowhere to be seen? He’s a prosecutor, and he must be busy since he was directly and indirectly affected by my father’s case, but….

The resentment towards others quickly lost its strength and scattered. Whatever the intention, this situation was ultimately my fault.

The surgery ended earlier than my sister had said. The surgeon informed me that as long as she recovers well, her life would not be in danger.

My mother was moved to a private room. They said it would be a few more hours before the anesthesia wore off.

My mother’s face, which I hadn’t seen in weeks, had changed so much that I would have believed it was someone else. My mother, who loved flowers so much, who was as radiant as a flower even as she aged. But now she looked withered and precarious, as if she would drop her petals at any moment. I felt devastated by her deathly pale complexion and the wrinkles that had deepened so much in just a few days.

What kind of hellish time must she have gone through, she who had always lived so brightly and joyfully, to overdose on sleeping pills and try to cut the arteries in her own arms.

…Did my mother resent me a lot?

While I was lost in sorrow, the hospital room door slid open with a drreureuk. My sister came in with her arms full of bags, so I went over to help her. The large bag contained a variety of things, from a change of clothes to my nephew’s toys.

“They said Mom’s surgery went well. It’ll be a few more hours before she regains consciousness.”

“How’s Yejun?”

“He woke up for a bit earlier and then fell back asleep.”

My sister’s gaze lingered on my nephew, who was lying on the cot. After a heavy silence, my sister gestured outside.

“Gyujin. I need to talk to you.”

As morning approached, staff preparing patients’ meals and medications bustled through the hospital corridors. Avoiding them, my sister led me to the emergency staircase.

Under the dim light, my sister looked like she could collapse at any moment. It seemed like a person with weak stamina was pushing herself to the limit.

“Who was that on the phone earlier?” my sister asked in a calm tone. She was referring to Seo Seunghan, who had answered the call for me in the early morning.

“He’s a friend I’m staying with for a bit.”

“I see. I was wondering where you were staying. That’s a relief.”

Perhaps my father still hadn’t told the family about my sexual orientation, because thankfully, my sister didn’t press any further.

I watched her face, which had many similarities to mine, up close for the first time in a long while. My sister and I were neither particularly close nor distant. She wasn’t someone I could rely on as a sibling, but I had never thought ill of her either. She was much calmer and quieter than me, and although she had an arranged marriage, I was secretly glad that she seemed to be living well with her partner.

Even though she was the one who had called me out, my sister couldn’t easily bring up the topic. So I broke the ice first.

“Where is my brother-in-law and what is he doing now? If he’s busy with work, I think it might be better to leave Yejun at his grandmother’s.”

“Gyujin. I think I’m getting a divorce.”

Her voice was calm, like someone who had given up on everything.

“…Does your husband really want to go through with it?”

“I can fully understand why he made that decision. His ultimate goal in life is to enter politics. With his current job as a prosecutor, he probably thought he could smoothly achieve his dream with some help, known and unknown, when our father became the police commissioner. That calculation was already done before we got married, and I don’t think badly of it. I’m serious.”

My sister’s husband was someone my father had introduced her to, the eldest son of a family in the legal profession that valued public image as much as our own. He seemed a bit cold on the outside, but I had thought his serious personality was actually a good match for my sister.

“But you know. Even if we split up, I thought he would naturally want to take custody of the child.”

My sister lowered her head and started to sob.

“He didn’t.”

“……”

The tears she had been holding back fell to the floor, tuk, tuk. Her thin shoulders trembled pathetically.

“Do you know what he said? He said he doesn’t have the confidence to raise a child with a murderer’s blood. He doted on our Yejun so much before Dad’s incident broke out, but now he says he can’t see him as his own kid anymore. He says it gives him the creeps.”

My sister, who had been surprisingly calm when talking about her own divorce, broke down completely when it came to her son. It was the first time I had heard her cry so sorrowfully since we were children.

“Gyujin. I’m sorry. I didn’t know the full details, but from the middle, I knew our father was crossing the line. How could I not know? He was spreading ridiculous lies, saying you had been assaulting me for a long time, that you, who were never like that outside, were a troublemaker at home. There’s no way my little brother, who had never even thrown a doll at me in his life, would do that.”

“Noona….”

“Dad was making such a scene in public just to bury you, and I, your older sister, couldn’t say that one word, ‘that’s not true,’ and I’m so sorry. I’ll live my whole life repenting for that. If you thought it was right to ultimately reveal our father’s sins to the world, then of course I respect that choice. It’s true that our father did wrong. Even if we didn’t know until now, if our family benefited from it indirectly, we can’t be free from responsibility. I know all that, but….”

My sister gasped for breath as if she would pass out at any moment. I barely caught her as her body went limp and she was about to collapse.

“Then what about my son? What sin did our Yejun commit?”

Her sorrowful cries echoed in the hallway.

“He’s a little kid who hasn’t even been to daycare yet. He has his whole life ahead of him, so how is our Yejun supposed to live now? I heard our family’s personal information has already been spread everywhere. Without a father, can I protect him?”

“……”

My lips parted several times, but in the end, there was nothing I could do but remain silent. My heart constricted painfully, as if someone was forcibly tearing it apart.