Kill Your X Chapter 86

My older sister cried for a long time on the emergency staircase. While I had been dealing with the matter at hand, the rest of my family had also been fighting their own battles.

Now that everything was over, I had to accept the painful truth. My exposé might have brought us closer to justice, but our family was irrevocably shattered.

When I returned to the hospital room, my nephew was just waking up. He was still too young to grasp what was going on, so he just smiled brightly and beautifully when he saw his mom. I reached out a hand to pat his head but quickly withdrew it. At least in front of this little child, I was someone who couldn’t be proud.

“I’ll get going before Mother wakes up. I don’t think me staying here will be of much help to her recovery.”

“Okay.”

My sister answered in a voice devoid of all energy. Her gaze was listlessly cast upon the floor. Seeing her like that, sadness welled up to the brim of my throat.

In the end, I couldn’t even bring myself to hold my nephew’s small hand before leaving the hospital room.

After sending a text message to Seo Seunghan saying it would take a bit more time, I hid in the bathroom and cried for a long time.

I finally managed to leave the hospital when the redness in my face had somewhat subsided. In the distance, a brilliant sun was rising.

As I was staring blankly at the sky, someone came and stood next to me.

“Should I hug you?”

“…Yes.”

Once permission was granted, he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. The hand patting my shoulder was now quite skilled.

His gaze fell upon my face, which was clearly marked by a torrent of tears. Seo Seunghan didn’t ask me what had happened at the hospital. He just silently stayed by my side.

“Seunghan.”

“Yes.”

“You’ve… figured out all my information that’s been released online, right?”

“I have been, since before.”

Contrary to his appearance, Seo Seunghan frequently looked up information about me.

“What about my family, not me. My sister, and has my nephew’s personal information also been spread?”

“For your sister, her name, photo, alma mater, and major have all been spread. For your nephew, only his name.”

“Should I be thankful that he’s still young, so there’s less information to be leaked?”

As I mumbled, he cautiously asked back.

“Did your sister scold you?”

“I don’t know. If you can call this being scolded.”

I couldn’t just stand in front of the hospital forever, so I took the first step. Seo Seunghan followed, matching my pace. After getting into the car, I asked him.

“Seunghan. Do you happen to know any online reputation managers? I want to erase the family information circulating online.”

“Not your information, Sunbae?”

“I don’t think mine will be erased that quickly even if I try. But my mother, sister, and nephew have nothing to do with this. They’re all having such a hard time right now.”

“I’ll take care of it as soon as possible.”

Seo Seunghan said as he took the steering wheel. He must have been tired from getting almost no sleep at night and even driving a long distance, but he didn’t show any signs of it. Instead, he kept glancing over at me, worried.

“I’m sorry to you, too. You went through a huge ordeal as well, but when I came to my senses, I was just unilaterally making you do things for me again.”

“But I like it.”

“What’s so good about someone else making you do their annoying chores. From now on, you should try refusing sometimes. It’s a bad habit.”

“But Sunbae, you’re not someone else.”

Unlike when we came to the hospital, the driving was smooth. Seeing Seo Seunghan so easily say such cheesy things made me feel a little better. So, I ended up saying something I didn’t necessarily have to.

“You know. It definitely concluded the way I wanted it to.”

I stared at the scenery rapidly passing by the window. When enough time passes, the people who were so heated about this incident will go back to their own daily lives as if nothing happened.

Even then, will I not regret what I’ve done? Can I truly be confident that I’ve gained more than I’ve lost?

“Strangely, I feel even lonelier.”

I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. It was because he might have taken it the wrong way and felt hurt. I timidly turned my head and my eyes met his, as he had been looking at me. Unlike mine, his gaze was straight and firm.

“Do you regret meeting me, Sunbae?”

Everything that had happened since I met him unfolded in my mind. I still hadn’t adjusted to my daily life, which had changed from one extreme to the other.

“Even if I did regret it, we would have met anyway, wouldn’t we?”

Even to my rather irresponsible answer, Seo Seunghan nodded his head.

“That’s probably right. I would have found you eventually, no matter where you were, Sunbae.”

“I’ll just count it as being less lonely because you’re by my side, then.”

I lightly kissed the back of his hand. I felt sorry that after all I’d received, this was the only way I could express my affection. I shouldn’t be nagging him about his lack of social skills; I was the one full of flaws that needed fixing. The first step would be practicing being honest with the other person.

“You know, I’ve always thought I wasn’t very attached to my family. Ever since I was young, I felt like I was strangely the only one who didn’t fit in. But now that it’s come to this, it feels really empty. Do you think you know what I mean?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t have a family.”

“Uh…”

I tried to fix it, but I couldn’t think of the right words. Seeing me flustered, Seo Seunghan let out a small laugh and properly intertwined our fingers. Only then did I realize he had been deliberately mischievous.

“This is why I pushed things forward a bit unreasonably at the end, because I was worried you would be like this, Sunbae.”

“……”

“Don’t be too disheartened. If it comes to it, I’ll be your family from now on, Sunbae.”

I was so moved that the tip of my nose tingled. My eyes started to get hot again, so I deliberately spoke lightly.

“You really say such cringey things so nonchalantly. At this rate, I feel like you’re going to suggest we go to a country where same-sex marriage is legal and register our marriage.”

“Actually, I looked into that too.”

“Really?”

When I asked back in surprise, he raised his eyebrows lightly as if to ask what the problem was. In the midst of this crazy day-to-day life, when on earth did he find the time to look that up.

“I won’t force you if you don’t want to, Sunbae, but living abroad might be a way to spend the rest of our lives more comfortably.”

“What does immigrating have to do with marriage?”

“You’d be even lonelier if you were alone in a foreign country, Sunbae. There’s also the risk of you getting involved with some weirdo. Is there any guarantee you wouldn’t fall for it if someone else is nice to you when you’re having a hard time like now?”

Seo Seunghan’s obsession seemed to stem from his paper-thin faith in me.

“I don’t know about settling down there for good, but we’re definitely going on a trip soon. Do you remember telling me to pick a country I want to visit?”

I had completely forgotten but pretended I hadn’t.

“Of course. But if we’re going anywhere, it’ll have to be at least after my father’s trial is over. What country do you want to go to?”

“Can I name several places?”

It was an unexpected question, so I was surprised. I became curious, as he was someone who had rarely expressed his own opinion until now.

“Yes.”

“First, Spain, Portugal, the UK, Turkey, France, Austria, Czech Republic, Kota Kinabalu, Hawaii, and Iceland.”

Hearing the names of foreign countries pour out, I thought he was joking.

“What, you want to go on a world tour?”

“Why not? I’ve never been abroad, so I’m curious. Have you been to many places, Sunbae?”

“I haven’t been to that many either, but to properly tour the countries you mentioned, it would take at least half a year. Are you okay with that?”

“There’s no reason not to be. We have a lot of time from now on. Both me and you, Sunbae, are unemployed.”

He said that by the time we returned from a leisurely trip, people would quickly be absorbed in other issues. I wondered if it was too escapist, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a not-so-bad plan.

Realistically, I wouldn’t be able to go back to work at the library, and time was inevitably needed for the incident to be buried.

And so, we decided to have another unfamiliar experience. I’m still a coward, but I felt like anything would be okay as long as I was with him.

“Alright, let’s go. I finally have a reason to break my savings account.”

“Why would you break your savings account, Sunbae?”

“Are we going to dine and dash on our trip? I’m telling you in advance, I’m not the type to save money when traveling. A trip is for spending money, you know. Ah, speaking of which, I should formally submit my resignation to the library. I wonder how much my severance pay will be.”

Seo Seunghan, who seemed to have researched in quite some detail, listed a few tourist spots he wanted to visit for each country. He had even drawn up a rough itinerary. Thanks to him, the ride back home wasn’t boring.

I hoped that after the trip, his tastes would become more diverse than before. That he would find many things he liked and wanted to do in the future. In this uneasy daily life that was not yet over, it was the only wish I could hold.

✽✽✽

The night before the trial was held, my father took his own life in the detention center.