Even My Life Is Yours Chapter 16

Gamyoung couldn’t answer. Even though Kyungrak usually acted more informally with people outside, at times like this, he was undeniably royalty.

However, Gamyoung couldn’t completely deny Kyungrak’s words.

“Things they couldn’t mutually understand…”

Was this why Hongyo kept trying to distance himself?

The reason he was so angry at Hongyo last night definitely wasn’t because of Sujin. If he had cherished Lady Sujin, he could have attributed it to jealousy, however unsightly, but apart from the fact that Sujin was a good person, he had never harbored such feelings for her.

However, the moment Hongyo mentioned his marriage again, uncontrollable anger flared within him. It seemed like Hongyo himself wasn’t part of his future, no matter what path he took. The way Hongyo spoke about this fact as if it were so obvious strangely bothered him.

Perhaps thinking Gamyoung had understood, Kyungrak didn’t press the matter further. Instead, he brought up the schedule he had been thinking about since before the Imryong Festival.

“I intend to hold a Gangmu after the coronation.”

Gangmu referred to military training combined with a hunting ritual. The military training was a lengthy event in which commoners also participated. Among them, the hunting ritual involved releasing animals like deer and wild boars into the royal hunting grounds and hunting them. Since both training and hunting were used by the new emperor to establish authority immediately after ascension, holding a Gangmu was a matter of course.

“I have high expectations for your performance, both as an emperor and as your older brother.”

Kyungrak smiled and looked back at Gamyoung. Only then did Gamyoung realize why Kyungrak had come all the way to find him.

When a new emperor ascended, they surrounded themselves with trustworthy people. Even though Kyungrak trusted him, he should be wary of fellow princes, yet there was no falsehood in the way he looked at him now. For the first time, Gamyoung couldn’t dismiss Kyungrak’s usual jest about him becoming a general as mere banter, as if there was some truth to it.

“You also need to appoint your escort warrior soon. I think the governor of Hyungju’s son would be a good fit. He has excellent martial arts skills, and above all, he’s a loyal man. He’s a promising talent, so take this opportunity to meet him.”

Even the youngest child in the royal family knew that royals participated in the hunt with their escort warriors. Usually, royal family members and children of noble families were paired up. Since they could receive government positions if they caught the emperor’s eye and achieved merits, even without taking the military service examination, this was an excellent opportunity for children of nobles skilled in martial arts. Therefore, it wasn’t uncommon for the emperor to appoint promising individuals through the Gangmu.

However, if Kyungrak recommended someone, it wouldn’t be simply based on their martial arts skills. Hyungju had long been known for its fertile land. The grain produced there alone could feed half the population, so the role of the governor, who managed the region, was different from others.

Furthermore, although they received stipends from the country, it was merely a position. Since ancient times, Hyungju had been ruled by a marquis family, making it the most autonomous region within Wonguk. Therefore, recommending the governor’s son meant that Kyungrak trusted him immensely.

However, Gamyoung couldn’t answer easily. He felt a strange, lingering discomfort in his heart. In the end, instead of giving a definite answer, Gamyoung postponed his reply.

“…Please give me some time to think it over.”

Kyungrak, who had expected a definite answer, looked back at Gamyoung.

“Why? Is there someone you want to participate with?”

“That’s not it, but I’m not sure if I can trust my back to someone I’ve just met.”

At those words, Kyungrak wore a slightly surprised expression, unlike his usual self, as if he hadn’t expected such a response. Then, forgetting his composure, he began to laugh loudly.

“My, my. Are you being shy? Anyone would think I’m telling you to marry the governor of Hyungju’s son.”

Kyungrak, laughing mischievously, patted Gamyoung on the shoulder. His lips, still curved in a smile, looked pleasant.

“Alright. It should be someone you’re comfortable with, little brother. If the governor of Hyungju isn’t to your liking, I’ll recommend someone else, so give me your answer soon.”

“Yes, I understand.”

With that answer, Kyungrak, assuming Gamyoung understood, didn’t press him further and picked up his bow. He then aimed the arrow towards the target again. Even after the Imryong Festival, Kyungrak seemed largely unchanged. His blue eyes, the proof of successfully inheriting the dragon’s power, had returned to their original black color. He wouldn’t see those eyes again until after the coronation, when he passed on the throne to his descendants.

Watching him, Gamyoung suddenly remembered something. If he wasn’t mistaken, it was definitely “that”…

“Brother, may I ask you something?”

“What important question requires your permission to ask? As long as it’s not about revealing decrees and ordinances in advance, I’ll answer anything, so go ahead.”

The arrow left the bow and sliced through the wind. That arrow, without a doubt, would also hit the center. Gamyoung, watching Kyungrak nock another arrow, asked,

“About the Imryong Festival, what did the dragon look like to you, brother?”

Gamyoung asked, recalling the blue light in the shape of a person that had whispered behind him. As if surprised by the unexpected question, Kyungrak momentarily lowered the taut bowstring and looked at Gamyoung. He carefully studied his younger brother’s face. The clear and composed face held only simple curiosity. He drew the string again and answered,

“I only saw a blue light. The shamans said you see someone you deeply miss among the dead, but maybe because I don’t have such a person yet, I only saw the light.”

The arrow he released landed in the center once again. Nodding, Gamyoung asked again,

“Then, did you feel the dragon’s power, brother? Do you truly gain the full power of the dragon when chosen by it?”

It was an innocent question. Kyungrak looked at his genuinely curious younger brother and opened his mouth.

“Watch closely.”

He lifted his bow and shot an arrow. As expected, the arrow struck the center of the target, splitting the previously lodged arrow and taking its place. It was certainly a surprising scene, but considering Kyungrak’s archery skills, it wasn’t that astonishing. Gamyoung looked at Kyungrak with a bored expression. But the moment he saw Kyungrak’s face, Gamyoung lost his words.

Kyungrak, who had his eyes tightly shut, slowly opened his eyelids.

“That wasn’t shot by me.”

The eyes, which had just been black, now shone with a clear blue light. At the same time, the same blue light he had seen at the Imryong Festival flickered around Kyungrak’s body. The light that no shaman, not even those born with the dragon’s power, could control.

“Do you understand now?”

The blue eyes, having fully inherited that power, smiled.

˖°⛩️⋆˙️

Deep in the mountains, the world was completely different from the marketplace. The sky, which had been bright as day with hanging lanterns, was pitch black, and the sounds of the revelers singing and chattering had vanished as if by magic. All that remained was a deathly silent air.

In the darkened room, the breathing of two people lingered. Hongyo, lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling, suddenly spoke.

“Grandmother, are you asleep?”

However, Hongyo’s grandmother didn’t answer, as if she had fallen asleep. Hongyo listened to the slightly phlegmy breathing and placed a hand on his chest. The cloth he usually wrapped tightly around it during the day was neatly folded in the corner of the room. Hongyo pulled up the blanket. Even the bedding made of cotton was men’s clothing. The phlegmy breathing had become peaceful. Hongyo turned his head to look at his grandmother. Her body, lying on its side, rose and fell rhythmically. Staring at her, Hongyo whispered so softly it was almost inaudible.

“Are you really asleep?”

“…….”

“How long do I have to live as a boy?”

The hesitant question, even as he spoke it, wasn’t one seeking an answer. His lamenting voice held a tinge of resentment.

Hongyo had been thinking about the plum blossom ornament in Sujin’s hair since yesterday. He knew the moment he saw it. It was surely the ornament she had intended to give to Kyungrak. He didn’t know why Gamyoung had bought it without a word, even though she had clearly returned it for a refund, but whatever the reason, Sujin was delighted. He wasn’t sure if it was because she liked the design, or because she held affection for the person who gave it to her, but seeing her so happy made him feel strangely melancholic.

But why did that Gamyoung fellow storm off in a huff? He was a man, and Sujin was clearly a kind and good woman, so weren’t they well-suited?

‘Unlike me, who’s pretending to be a man.’

Unlike him, who couldn’t even give a last gift because they were both men. Thinking of Kyungrak, Hongyo grew despondent. He still didn’t know if this feeling was romantic love or admiration. He had never loved anyone before, and even if it were love, after learning about Kyungrak’s betrothal, he wished for Kyungrak’s happiness with his wife more than anyone. And in any case, he was currently living as a man.

‘I thought I could at least see the lanterns with him this year.’

If Kyungrak hadn’t returned to his hometown, he had hoped to go to the marketplace and see the lanterns with him, simply as senior and junior disciples. He at least wanted to leave a lasting image of himself as a commendable junior, bidding farewell with composure.

However, what bothered him even more was Gamyoung’s expression when he last saw him. The cold and indifferent face, unlike anything he had ever seen before, even during their past arguments, weighed heavily on his mind, making it impossible to sleep. If Gamyoung didn’t have feelings for Sujin, he had been rude. He had pushed him towards someone he didn’t care for. But if Gamyoung truly didn’t care, there would be no reason for him to buy back the ornament she had returned and give it to Sujin. Or perhaps his intentions were different, not romantic love, but something else? Perhaps gratitude or affection.

However, Hongyo couldn’t think any further. His grandmother, suddenly turning towards him, pulled him up and struck his back. It stung as if he had been burned. But her gaze was more frightening than the pain in his back.

“Where did you learn such words! Never again! Didn’t I tell you never to utter those words again?”

Hongyo’s grandmother, gripping his collar, lowered her voice, even though they were alone in the room. But Hongyo couldn’t speak. Her eyes, darting back and forth right in front of him, were wide with terror, as if she had seen a ghost.

Instead, Hongyo nodded vigorously. Then, hugging his grandmother, who seemed terrified whenever he brought this up, he said,

“Yes, I won’t say it again. To anyone. Never.”

He would never tell anyone that he was a girl.