Actually, It’s a Messy Melodrama Chapter 85

“Haah……”

Then Taejun suddenly let out another deep breath. Just thinking about Haeshin lying on his bed right now made his heart feel like it would burst and his breath catch. His mood fluctuated so rapidly that he wondered if human emotions could swing this wildly.

When he recalled what Haeshin had said and done to him so far, hope would arise, but when he considered the special circumstances Haeshin was in, it also seemed like premature expectations.

Haeshin was someone who had fought fierce battles alone for a very long time. He had endured pain that ordinary people couldn’t even imagine, bearing it all by himself. If such a person suddenly met someone who understood his solitary war, his pain, he would have no choice but to rely on them intensely.

In other words, even if it wasn’t love, Cha Haeshin had plenty of reasons to regard Han Taejun as intimate and close.

Taejun didn’t dislike even that. If it meant Haeshin would hurt less, suffer less, and find comfort, he could rely on and use him as much as he wanted. If anything, he wished Haeshin would use him even more than now.

However, what Taejun worried about was that he might misunderstand Haeshin’s feelings. That Haeshin was simply trusting and relying on him, but he might mistake that for love and ruin things.

“I’d have to have been in love to know.”

In the end, Taejun shook his head and muttered self-deprecatingly. He had thought love was no big deal, wondering why everyone made such a fuss, crying and wailing over it, but he had been arrogant without knowing what lay ahead.

Unable to reach any conclusion, Taejun slowly turned his body. Just thinking about Cha Haeshin made his heart feel like it would leap out of his mouth, but he held it in. In any case, right now he needed to make sure Haeshin didn’t feel burdened by this situation.

Taejun managed his expression as he left the bathroom. It seemed acting skills were essential for unrequited love.

☂️

“You’re out?”

Haeshin greeted Taejun while sitting perched on the bed. Taejun’s gaze briefly lingered on Haeshin’s ankle between his slippers and pajama pants before hastily moving upward.

Relieved that his flushed face probably wouldn’t show much thanks to having only the subtle stand lamp turned on, Taejun casually opened his mouth.

“Why don’t you lie down and wait. Why are you sitting again.”

“Hey, but still, how could I lie down first on the bed when the owner isn’t there.”

Unaware of others’ inner thoughts, Haeshin smiled brightly with a fresh face. Taejun unconsciously clenched his fist tight. Cha Haeshin was so lovely that enduring it was becoming increasingly difficult.

“You really…… develop some flexibility.”

“Yes, understood!”

Taejun blamed Haeshin’s innocent flexibility as he lay down on the bed. Every movement of Haeshin answering spiritedly and wriggling as he lay down next to him was so distracting he felt like he’d go crazy.

He wondered if he shouldn’t have suggested sleeping together, but then his heart wavered again because being close to Haeshin was exciting and nice. He felt like he’d become a complete idiot.

Meanwhile, Haeshin, who had obediently covered himself with the blanket and was lying flat on his back, blinked with a blank expression while staring at the ceiling. He had lain down as naturally as possible, but now that he was actually lying side by side with Taejun, this situation felt too surreal.

Strictly speaking, sleeping with a friend who was scared because of nightmares was something that could be done. Even sleeping in the same bed was a bit concerning, but if the bed was this wide, it wasn’t impossible.

The problem was whether the relationship between Han Taejun and Cha Haeshin could really be defined as friends. There would be endless minor reasons to list, but setting all that aside, the two had the biggest reason why they couldn’t define each other as friends.

That’s right. Han Taejun and Cha Haeshin were people who had even kissed.

Although it had been glossed over as death and regression followed afterward, that didn’t mean the event never happened at all.

Taejun’s hands desperately holding onto him as he sank into sadness and despair, his warm embrace, Han Taejun’s tongue and breath that parted his lips and entered, fiercely overwhelming him as if breathing life into him, that heat.

Haeshin, who had unconsciously recalled up to that point, bit his lip hard. He had almost let out a moan without realizing it. It seemed he had made a mistake. To think of the kiss with Han Taejun in this situation.

Haeshin, whose mood had become even stranger, pulled the blanket up to his chin and curled his toes. If this went any further, he’d have to bolt out of the room. He needed to fall asleep quickly or do something to cut off his thoughts.

“Um, Mr. President.”

“Huh?”

“Good night.”

“Ah…… yeah. You sleep well too.”

Taejun’s response seemed to creak somehow, but he couldn’t tell if it was actually Taejun being that way, or if it just felt that way because of his own emotions.

However, since he couldn’t directly ask Taejun anyway, Haeshin quickly closed his eyes to sleep in order to stop the meaningless pondering. Or rather, he tried to.

“Cha Haeshin.”

“Yes?”

If only it hadn’t been for Taejun’s voice calling him at that moment, Haeshin surely could have cut off these unfamiliar feelings here. But Taejun asked as if he wouldn’t allow Haeshin to escape cowardly.

“There’s something I’m curious about.”

“……Yes.”

Haeshin’s voice trembled slightly as he answered. Even though he hadn’t heard the question yet, his insides somehow churned. At the rustling sound, when he turned his head, he saw Taejun’s face looking at him, lying on his side with his chin propped on his hand.

In Haeshin’s eyes, Taejun’s face appeared to be slightly flushed. Was it because of the lighting? He couldn’t tell.

After a brief silence, Taejun spoke.

“So are we…… lovers again?”

Haeshin’s hands gripped the blanket even tighter. His heart felt like it would leap out of his mouth. To hear such a question while he was in the middle of recalling their kiss, his spine went cold and goosebumps rose on his arms as if his thoughts had been caught.

“Lo, lovers?”

“I mean…… we agreed to become lovers so I could openly step forward in your affairs, remember?”

“……Yes. I remember.”

Taejun’s question asking if he remembered instantly crumbled Haeshin’s tense emotions.

The two becoming lovers had already happened in a previous cycle. In this vast world, the only one who could ask Haeshin if he remembered that day, the only one who held that memory without forgetting, was Han Taejun alone.

At the fact that newly struck him, Haeshin’s heart sank with a thud. Han Taejun’s gaze lying close and looking at him was so warm that tears suddenly threatened to come.

Haeshin desperately tensed his eyes. He didn’t want to do something foolish like suddenly crying here.

“I feel the same way this time too.”

“Ah……”

“When the time comes, I want to step forward for you more actively than last time. So that Jin Youngmin can’t touch you in any way. That’s why I hope I can still stand by your side with the name of your lover.”

At that moment, Haeshin turned his head to face Taejun. No tension, no awkwardness could stop Haeshin’s desire to meet Taejun’s eyes and share honest feelings with him right now.

“I……”

Their gazes met at a very close distance. The two were certain. No relationship in the world bound by the names of family, friends, or lovers could feel more intimate than what the two of them were sharing right now.

A relationship unique throughout the space-time of the universe, and thus one that could never have been called by any name until now, was right here. The two didn’t say anything for a while as they looked into each other’s eyes, but at the same time they exchanged countless words.

“Yes. That’s good.”

Haeshin opened his mouth after a long while. It was a short and concise answer. He didn’t say that Jin Youngmin might threaten Mr. President, nor did he say thank you for going that far for me. He was certain those would be unnecessary words for Taejun.

“Okay.”

Taejun answered lightly and smiled. An indescribable sense of fulfillment filled him at the thought that he had shared what he was feeling now with Haeshin even without words.

“I’ll do better this time.”

Taejun continued. Those words were practically a vow that he would never lose Cha Haeshin so futilely again.

“Now hurry and sleep.”

At the same time, Taejun’s hand approached close toward Haeshin’s face. Haeshin unconsciously hunched his shoulders and squeezed his eyes shut. It was literally a reflexive action.

Only after closing his eyes did an embarrassed feeling wash over him. It seemed like he had reacted excessively by himself when Taejun hadn’t done anything particularly significant.

Should he open his eyes again and pretend nothing happened? Or should he just stay still? Haeshin usually considered his quick judgment to be his strength, but right now he was literally frozen and couldn’t make any decision.

And Taejun looked down at Haeshin’s face with eyes squeezed shut like a cat with its fur standing on end, and smiled silently. He liked that Haeshin was conscious of his touch rather than accepting it calmly.

Whether the feelings Haeshin had for him were love or something else didn’t matter right now. What mattered was the fact that Cha Haeshin relied on him uniquely, and that when a subtle atmosphere like this arose, he didn’t find that current unpleasant. For now, that alone was enough.