Humanity Chapter 2.1 - First Love

It was five years ago, when he was nineteen years old.

Even for Yimyeong, who was insensitive to the flow of the world, change slowly began to make itself felt.

‘But one thing is certain. This is not a disease.’

On his way back from his father’s hospital, Yimyeong happened to see a television at a crowded bus stop. On the screen, a middle-aged foreign man in a suit was giving a speech. Below him, a caption identifying him as an executive of an international organization flashed by.

As public awareness of Alphas and Omegas grew, Yimyeong also came to realize what had happened to his body several years ago. But nothing changed. It would have been good if he had known when he needed to, but at the time, neither he nor anyone else knew. When he clammed up from scars and loneliness, there was no one who could take his hand and lead him.

That day, Yimyeong looked up the definition of disease on a web portal.

Definition of disease: A state in which human stability is deficient and resistance and destructive power are broken, due to discomfort, anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, hatred, envy, lack of emotion, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, selfishness, depression, etc.

Yimyeong was struck with a question. They said being an ‘Omega’ wasn’t a disease, but for some reason, many of the words within that definition seemed to point precisely to his own past emotions.

If they’re telling me I’m normal now, then what does all the confusion I’ve been through become?

He realized it without meaning to. This was a fate that he could not change with his own will, with human power.

When a great cataclysmic shift occurred in this world, he was the unlucky one who had fallen into the crack and been forgotten. He was the one swept up in the cataclysm without knowing why, yet he did not even know what was happening to him.

Just because he found out now did not mean the scars he had suffered would be cleanly erased.

That it was not a disease meant that no treatment was needed. But this fact, far from comforting Yimyeong, made him feel hopeless. The fact that he had to live like this, that was still difficult to accept. Throughout his adolescence, he had hoped that he might be able to return to how he was before, and it all felt foolish now.

His father’s condition was getting progressively worse. The hospital suggested they try every possible method to improve his father’s condition. It was as if they thought Yimyeong would want that too.

There had certainly been a time when he did. But it did not take long for him to realize that the ‘improvement’ they spoke of was far from what he considered ‘humanity’.

They said that even if his father, who had suffered brain damage, got better, he could never regain his intellect as before. The best they could do now was to keep him breathing and restore some minor physical signs, like blinking his eyes or moving his pupils.

By Yimyeong’s standards, that was not getting better.

For the first few years, Yimyeong had trusted the doctors’ words unconditionally. He thought that they, being more educated and experts than he was, would know the right answer. But at some point, he realized that they too were merely explorers. They were just one step ahead, wandering through the labyrinth of the human body.

‘This is a treatment that has just finished clinical trials, and your father’s case is a good fit, so we would really like to try it.’

‘If we do that, can my father get better?’

‘We’ll have to see how it goes, but his vital signs are expected to improve….’

‘No. I’m asking if he can go back to how he was before.’

The doctor replied that it was impossible.

They too were nothing more than explorers. It was unknown whether his father, lost in the labyrinth, would ever be able to find the exit.

As he was leaving the hospital, his mother called. When she asked what the doctor had said, Yimyeong could not answer easily.

It’s just… the same as before.

The only thing we can do is pour money into uncertainty.

‘…They said they’ll do their best. They said there’s a new drug.’

Leaning against the subway car window, Yimyeong was looking outside as the train had just emerged above ground. Tangled electrical wires and low-rise buildings, rooftops painted with green waterproof paint, and the traces of life visible in every window.

Yimyeong’s tired eyes were seeing beyond the scenery. Things like the debt piling up not only in his mother’s name, but in his own name as well. It was a situation where he could not be sure if tomorrow would be better than today. He wanted to ask the countless lives visible outside the window. Am I the only one having such a hard time?

It was when the subway went underground again. As the pitch-black window reflected the bright interior instead of the outside scenery, something caught his eye.

<Recruiting Volunteers for Clinical Trial Participation>

Yimyeong turned his gaze to the opposite side. It was a small, rectangular advertisement posted around eye level.

At first glance, it looked like an ad recruiting subjects for a new drug’s clinical trial. Yimyeong narrowed his eyes and examined the ad more closely. Below the large print, the words ‘Recruiting New Humanity’ were written.

Somehow, he had a feeling it would not be a simple physical examination. What kind of clinical trial were they conducting? The doctors, who were nothing more than explorers, flashed through Yimyeong’s mind. The people who researched the labyrinth of the human body.

Still, he was curious about the compensation. Clinical trials that used the human body as a subject always came with a considerable reward. Maybe then he could afford his father’s treatment. If the compensation was enough to pay off the debt piling up in both his mother’s and his own name in one go, maybe he could think of becoming an Omega a little more positively….

Yimyeong moved to where the ad was. Then he could read even the very fine print.

<*Compensation: Inquire for details.>

‘What the….’

Yimyeong scowled and muttered to himself without realizing.

Just then, feeling a gaze on him, Yimyeong unconsciously turned his head to the side. His eyes met a woman’s who was standing next to him. In that moment, he thought, Oops, and his expression hardened.

What must she have thought, seeing him looking so intently at an ad like this?

‘Excuse me, are you perhaps….’

Maybe she found me out.

The moment that thought occurred to him, Yimyeong slipped out through the opening doors. It was not his stop, but his impatience made him do it. Only after he was out of the station did Yimyeong realize that he had not needed to run away.

A short time later, Yimyeong secretly called the phone number written on the ad. It was because the compensation kept weighing on his mind. He became curious about how much money they would give, and how much money it would take for him to decide to sell this secret.

—You just need to come in person, fill out some simple paperwork first, and then undergo the physical examination we conduct here. The compensation is determined according to the individual’s constitution and the duration of the clinical trial….

However, finding out the compensation with a single phone call was not enough. In the end, Yimyeong decided to visit the place in person. The voice he heard over the phone was very kind, which gave him a little courage.

The modern building located in the suburbs was very pleasant. When he arrived at the lobby and said he had made an appointment for a consultation, a business-like receptionist told him to wait a moment. The place was quiet for the size of the building, but every time he ran into people, Yimyeong did not know where to look.

Eventually, Yimyeong stood vacantly in a corner, avoiding people’s eyes. The people passing by kept giving him glances, to the point where he finally turned his back and stood there, pretending to choose a drink from the vending machine.

He regretted wearing his school uniform. He had thoughtlessly chosen the uniform because it was the neatest set of clothes he owned, but now that he was here, it made him stand out terribly.

I shouldn’t have come, Yimyeong was consumed by that thought. He had not been this anxious when he was in everyday spaces where no one would guess he was an Omega, but from the moment he entered this building, the thought that someone might label him an Alpha or Omega was difficult to bear. Of course, his secret would not be revealed on the outside unless he said something, but his chest was already tightening with tension.

Let’s just go back.

Once I read all the names of the drinks in this vending machine, I’m leaving.

As he was thinking that and moving his gaze down line by line, he reached the last row.

‘You’re student Yimyeong, right? Please come this way.’

Just then, of all times, a voice came from behind Yimyeong.

When he turned around, a middle-aged woman with a kind impression was standing there. Their eyes met, and suddenly it felt awkward to leave, so Yimyeong followed her into the building.

Upon entering a small consultation room with a frosted glass door, the middle-aged woman skillfully took out several pamphlets and spread them on the table. His eyes were naturally drawn to the titles of the booklets, which had ‘Alpha’ and ‘Omega’ written openly on them.

‘Because we call this a clinical trial, a lot of people imagine it’s some kind of human experiment. That’s absolutely not the case. Everything is conducted through legal procedures, and if you don’t want to continue or if a physical problem arises, you can quit at any time. If any physical after-effects from the clinical trial are confirmed, you can receive compensation from the state. However, we do not compensate for physical abnormalities or after-effects revealed by pre-existing conditions….’

Some of the booklets she brought were divided into versions for Alphas and Omegas. Yimyeong watched this silently, then moistened his lips and, without realizing it, reached for an Alpha pamphlet.

‘We have quite a few friends Yimyeong’s age at our center. They all get along well. We also support community activities. Meeting and getting to know similar friends, sharing worries, isn’t that great?’

‘Ah…. There are many people my age?’

‘Of course. There are many male students, too.’

Yimyeong’s lips moved as he asked.

‘By the way… are there… male Omegas.’

What he originally wanted to ask was if there was anyone else like him. But just before asking, Yimyeong, due to some unknown defense mechanism, subtly changed the particles in the sentence.

As a result, it became a question of, ‘I have not seen one, but does such a being exist?’ Yimyeong even swallowed dryly, waiting for her answer with slight tension.

However, the middle-aged woman trailed off, saying, ‘Well…’

‘We don’t have any at our center yet. But I’ve heard they exist elsewhere. Actually, we are researching that ratio as well. If you think about it, it’s not like race or genetic traits always occur in equal proportions, right? That’s also natural. It does seem that male Omegas are rare. But why do you ask?’

To that question, Yimyeong replied, ‘I was just curious.’

A short while later, at the end of the long consultation, he was finally able to hear about the compensation.

‘Basically, the minimum amount set per person is 100 million won, and there are additional payments depending on the duration of the clinical trial, and differential payments according to physical characteristics. In the student’s case, judging by the time of your presentation, it seems you presented at what we call the first wave, the initial period. Since this case is special, there is another additional payment. In the case of male Alphas….’

100 million won.

That number captivated Yimyeong’s eyes.

It was enough money to pay for his father’s new drug prescription three times over and still have some left.

The middle-aged woman’s voice barely registered in his ears anymore. Yimyeong was in the middle of weighing the sum of 100 million won against the value he would realistically have to pay to get it.

Of course, Yimyeong knew it too. The fact that he was an Omega was a grave secret only to him, and not to others. So all he had to do was shake off this fear of unknown origin.

‘The amount is not small, so some people are afraid of the clinical trial itself. But if you look at our details, some trials just involve taking ordinary medications that regular people take and observing the changes. It’s no big deal, right? You take those kinds of drugs in your daily life anyway.’

The middle-aged woman, thinking Yimyeong was hesitating out of fear of the clinical trial, tried to persuade him of its safety. But Yimyeong was not at all afraid of his body being harmed or suffering from after-effects. The only thing he had was a strong body.

What was more frightening than the physical effects of the clinical trial was fully revealing that he was an Omega. For some reason, that felt so incredibly heavy.

As Yimyeong struggled with his decision, she spoke to him gently.

‘Would you like to think about it for a bit? Here’s an application form… I’ll give you one. Read it over slowly.’

‘…….’

‘Let’s see, you’re an Alpha, right?’

A form with the classification <Alpha> written on it was naturally pushed in front of Yimyeong. Without affirming or denying, Yimyeong slowly raised his head and looked at the middle-aged woman.

‘Call me when you’ve gathered your thoughts.’

Yimyeong lowered his head.

And a short while later, when she opened the consultation room door again, the room was empty. Only the blank application form, with nothing written on it, was left behind.

‧₊˚

He had a dream about the distant past.

Waking from his sleep, Yimyeong mulled over the bitter feeling the dream of the past had left behind.

Why did something from the past suddenly appear in a dream? It was not difficult to find the connection. ‘100 million won.’ The money he had given up back then was the exact same amount he received from Han Jiwan.

Fate, or destiny, was chillingly terrifying. He wondered if karma really existed; the money he gave up to protect his trivial secret, he now ended up receiving as payment for having that very secret exposed.

His mouth tasted incredibly bitter. At the same time, his solar plexus tightened with a dull ache.

‘If I was going to throw my body away anyway, it would have been better to reveal it back then.’

Yimyeong thought, closing his eyes calmly. That incident was something Yimyeong constantly regretted, and yet it was a problem to which he still had not found an answer.

Is humanity selfishness, or is it altruism?

While he thought that anyone in the same situation would have run away like him, he also thought that a human being would not have abandoned their father like he did.

‘Man is either above the beast, or below it.’

A phrase he had once come across pierced Yimyeong’s heart. Even a beast would not abandon its parents.

In the end, his father did not survive the year. That remained as a tremendous sense of guilt in Yimyeong’s heart.

If only there hadn’t even been a choice. Then it would not have been this agonizing.

The boy Yimyeong had endlessly cursed his own body. He secretly resented the heavens, wondering why he had to feel this guilt. If only he had been ordinary, then he would not have felt the guilt of being able to save his father but failing to do so. Even if he had to struggle under a mountain of debt his whole life without ever touching 100 million won, at least the proud self-assurance that he had not lived selfishly would have remained.

In the end, he ended up selling his body in an even worse way.

“Mmm….”

As if he felt Yimyeong stir, Han Jiwan, who was holding Yimyeong from behind, tightened his arm around Yimyeong’s chest. Even in his sleep, this arm did not let go for a single moment.

Having returned to reality, Yimyeong stopped stirring and stiffened like a statue.

“Why aren’t you sleeping.”

Han Jiwan’s deeply sunken voice touched the nape of his neck. Yimyeong ignored the small shiver that ran down his spine and closed his eyes.

They were pretending to be lovers, but one of Yimyeong’s feet was still bound in chains. It was the same with the clinical trial he had given up in the past. It seemed like he was being treated humanely, but in the end, it was no different from agreeing to become a lab rat.

Receiving money in exchange for one’s body. Looked at through this proposition, the past and the present were mysteriously similar. Yimyeong, without realizing it, thought of the word ‘fate’.

Just then, Han Jiwan, who had been stirring, began to toy with Yimyeong’s hair. He slid his hand into the springy, straight hair and traced Yimyeong’s scalp with his fingertips. Yimyeong pretended to be asleep again. He then waited for Han Jiwan to just fall asleep like this and for the touch to stop.

However, contrary to Yimyeong’s wish, Han Jiwan began to press down on his head with force. It was a gesture with intent.

To go down.

Resigned, Yimyeong went under the covers as he was led. Han Jiwan’s hand would grip Yimyeong’s hair and rub it gently, but then also lead him with a strong grip.

The place Han Jiwan led him was none other than his crotch. He held the back of Yimyeong’s head and pressed it firmly against his groin, which was still covered by underwear. Feeling the lukewarm temperature of the male genitalia and smelling it against his nose and cheeks was an ordeal.

The bigger problem was what came next.

“Suck it.”

These days, Han Jiwan was preoccupied with teaching Yimyeong fellatio.

The violent penetration through the anus, having his Omega parts, which he himself had never touched, licked and sucked by another until they were sick of it. All of those things were still difficult to endure, but with every wall he overcame, new things that he desperately wanted to give up on, thinking I just can’t do this, kept appearing.

“You know how, right?”

Yimyeong only let out short breaths without answering. Han Jiwan, who had pulled down his underwear at some point, was rubbing Yimyeong’s face wantonly against his crotch. With his head held in a strong grip so he could not move it an inch, his nose was buried in the scrotum, making it impossible to take a deep breath. The fact that it was always perfectly hairless, forcing him to feel every surface with his skin, was also grueling.

Thinking he should just get it over with quickly, Yimyeong raised his hand and touched his penis, stroking it upwards. He had only touched it a few times, but it swelled in size so suddenly that putting it all in his mouth made his jaw ache.

“Lick it first, don’t use your teeth, and swallow.”

Yimyeong faithfully did as he was told. Han Jiwan lay there leisurely with his legs spread wide, slowly stroking Yimyeong’s hair. He liked the sight of Yimyeong’s jet-black hair digging between his legs and swaying.

Han Jiwan created an imaginary frame and tried to capture Yimyeong, with his cock in his mouth, in an imaginary painting. It was a very pleasing picture.

“Mmm… you have to make your cheeks hollow. If you can’t suck, then open your throat.”

When he tapped Yimyeong’s cheeks, Yimyeong, with the penis still in his mouth, lifted his reddened eyes and looked at Han Jiwan. The moment he saw those eyes, his erect penis throbbed and bucked on its own. Yimyeong must have been poked in a sensitive spot, because he gagged and spat the penis out of his mouth.

“Ugh, wait… haah.”

Unlike his exhausted-looking face, his red lips were flushed and soaked with saliva. Han Jiwan fiddled with his swollen lips, enjoying the texture for a moment.

After waiting for Yimyeong to calm his nausea, Han Jiwan once again put his hand inside his lips and pried his jaw open. Yimyeong, with a look of resignation, accepted the penis as it slid over his tongue again.

“Open your throat.”

“Ughh….”

When he pressed down firmly on the back of his head, Yimyeong closed his eyes and forced his throat open. His progress was remarkably slow for all the teaching, but there was still progress.

“You swallowed well, now you have to tighten. Did you forget how?”

Yimyeong silently lifted his reddened eyes. Reading the defiance in that gaze, Han Jiwan slowly caressed Yimyeong’s cheek and jaw.

“It’s okay if you can’t. I’ll just find a way.”

As he gently stroked his jaw with the back of his hand, Yimyeong’s Adam’s apple bobbed silently. It seemed he was about to gag again.

“Haah, haah….”

When he was allowed to pull back for a moment to breathe, Yimyeong gasped for air, rubbing his aching jaw. Han Jiwan laid Yimyeong down on the bed, got up by himself, and stood beside the bed. A question flickered in Yimyeong’s eyes. Han Jiwan made Yimyeong stick only his head out from the bed, then slowly had him tilt his neck back.

This way, it would create a straight path from his mouth to his esophagus, allowing for deeper penetration. Yimyeong, still not understanding the position, was looking up at Han Jiwan upside down.

“Open your mouth.”

When Yimyeong opened his mouth, Han Jiwan slowly, forcefully pushed his cock in. As if he had just realized what he had to do, Yimyeong’s hands, in a somewhat urgent manner, grabbed onto Han Jiwan’s legs. It was a silent plea, but Han Jiwan did not stop.

“Keoheub….”

When he seemed about to gag, he would pause for a moment, but then, without giving him a chance, he would shove it in. When he had rammed it all the way into his throat, Yimyeong’s bruised-looking neck was bulging out more than usual. Han Jiwan touched the Adam’s apple that held his member and licked his lips.

“Just keep it open wide. No teeth.”

And then Han Jiwan pressed down hard on Yimyeong’s chest to keep him from moving and fucked his mouth. Facefucking had always been something Han Jiwan greatly preferred. Though he had never used a face this handsome and a mouth this pretty as a sex toy before.

“Eub, keok, keoheok….”

Yimyeong, who seemed to be holding on at first, eventually could not hold back his gags. Having lost his breathing rhythm through his nose due to the merciless thrusting, Yimyeong soon fell into a panic.

“Haak, keub, keok… heok.”

“Huu….”

Every time Yimyeong felt a wave of nausea, the inside of his throat would clench tightly, sending an incredible pleasure through him. Feeling a tightening so intense it made his lower abdomen throb, Han Jiwan pressed on Yimyeong’s jaw to make him open his mouth wider. As he increased the speed of his thrusts, Yimyeong dug his nails into Han Jiwan’s thighs and scratched. His short nails only left red marks instead of cuts, which would quickly fade.

Han Jiwan chuckled, and as if to show him, he grabbed Yimyeong’s throat and fucked him even more violently. The friction against his reddened lips and the occasional grazing touch of Yimyeong’s teeth against the surface of his penis was electrifying.

Only just before ejaculating did Han Jiwan set Yimyeong free.

“Keuheub, cough….”

He sprayed his semen onto Yimyeong’s face as he barely managed to catch his breath and let out a wet cough. The white semen was sprayed thickly over his face, which was already wet with strings of clear saliva that had drenched his cheeks, eyes, and eyebrows. Yimyeong merely winced his eyes and silently took the semen that Han Jiwan was shooting at his face.

After a long while, knowing it was all over, Yimyeong finally sat up and silently wiped his face with the back of his hand. What kind of expression was on his face, turned away like that? Han Jiwan became curious. He abruptly grabbed his jaw and turned him to face him.

“You have a face that says you’re about to bite me to pieces.”

“…….”

“I like men who look like they’re going to eat me alive.”

At those words, Yimyeong only let out a short sigh. The revulsion that had been glimpsed for a moment was gone, and resignation had settled in once more. Han Jiwan muttered, ‘Boring,’ and walked over to the side table to pour and drink some water.

Yimyeong silently watched Han Jiwan drink the water. As if sensing his thirst, Han Jiwan offered the water glass to his lips. Yimyeong tried to take it with his hand, but when Han Jiwan tried to take the glass back, he gave up and obediently drank the water.

His downcast eyes and the bruised Adam’s apple that moved with a gulp, gulp as he swallowed water. His exhausted face, stained with saliva and semen. Han Jiwan found himself staring, mesmerized, at Yimyeong’s face, which seemed to hold many stories, faintly illuminated by the blue moonlight from outside the window.

He was, truly, a perfect fit for Han Jiwan’s taste.

“Hyung, how did you lose your virginity?”

As always, Yimyeong did not answer. If before it was a light curiosity, now he really wanted to know who the partner was.

“A man or a woman.”

“I….”

Yimyeong, who was wiping his face with a wet wipe, slowly blinked his eyes.

“Why do you ask.”

“It couldn’t have been a man. Then there’s no way you’d be this bad at fellatio.”

“…….”

“What’s your ideal type?”

At those words, Yimyeong just stared at Han Jiwan. Even though he knew this gaze was not an answer, Han Jiwan’s heart pounded hard without warning. It was an abnormal beat, so much so that he himself found it strange.

“Is your ideal type the same as your dating type?”

“I don’t know.”

Yimyeong answered, annoyed.

“I’m going to go wash my face.”

And with that, he quietly headed to the bathroom.

After closing the door, Yimyeong thought. It seemed Han Jiwan was somehow obsessed with his past. Yimyeong interpreted it as Han Jiwan’s possessiveness, or his desire for monopoly.

It was a part he could not easily understand. A man who supposedly changed partners every three months at most, trying to get entangled in the past of a mere plaything.

However, Yimyeong cleanly gave up on the thought of trying to understand an irrational man. The only thing he had to worry about was how to make Han Jiwan get tired of him quickly.

“Ah.”

As he was brushing his teeth, Yimyeong realized the inside of his mouth was all torn up. It was so bad that the mere foam of the toothpaste stung the entire inside of his mouth. When he swallowed his saliva, the inside of his throat was also swollen and felt scratchy. It was as if he had a severe case of tonsillitis.

When he came out of the bathroom, Han Jiwan was waiting right outside the door.

“Are you the type who has to promise to date before moving on to the next step? It’s so obvious from how you act. One-night stands and things like that don’t suit you.”

So it’s not over yet.

Yimyeong neither affirmed nor denied. It would be a relief if he was mistaken for an ordinary type.

I’ve never had any experience until now, and the first time was being forced by you.

If he admitted or said that, Han Jiwan would probably get excited instead. He did not want to satisfy his possessiveness, even for a moment.

But on the other hand, even if he pretended to have a lot of experience….

His gut told him that would also provoke Han Jiwan in a bad way. Han Jiwan was stimulated by people who acted outside of his expectations. His sexual desire seemed to be connected to negative emotions like anger or irritation. Although he did not know the person named Han Jiwan completely yet, Yimyeong was being careful not to touch the trigger point of that anger.

In any case, it was true that since he was a virgin, there was a limit to how much he could make up lies from his imagination alone. In situations like this, it was best to say nothing.

“I like people who haven’t played around. That’s why you’re exactly my type, hyung.”

Even while feeling a bit of despair at Han Jiwan’s words about him being his type, Yimyeong tried not to show it. He comforted himself by thinking that it was still the beginning, so it was not yet time for him to get tired of him.

A moment later, Han Jiwan wrapped his legs around Yimyeong, who was lying flat on his back, and held him tightly. As if he were hugging a body pillow.

“My ideal type….”

“…….”

“People say it’s bizarre. I like disgusting things, you see.”

Yimyeong recalled something he had overheard during the interview. Looking at the huge black wall that he did not even know was a painting, Han Jiwan had said that he wanted it because it was disgusting. He liked the contradiction of wanting to reveal a secret while hiding it, or something like that.

That doesn’t apply to me, right? Yimyeong quickly erased the ominous thought.

“Heumm….”

As that breath, let out as if in comfort, touched the tip of his chin, a shiver ran down his spine.

So this is how disgusting the breath of someone you don’t like is.

Yimyeong thought to himself and subtly turned his head away from Han Jiwan. Making his small effort futile, Han Jiwan dug in deeper. The sleek, shiny hair tickled his neck.

“But I’m really curious, your first time….”

“…….”

“Can’t you tell me? I really won’t touch you anymore, I’ll just masturbate while listening.”

Han Jiwan chuckled, telling a joke that only he found funny. Yimyeong tried to pretend to be asleep again.

Perhaps because he wanted to escape from reality, sleep thankfully came quickly. Until Yimyeong was completely asleep again, Han Jiwan fidgeted with Yimyeong’s swollen lips, which refused to open until the very end.

‧₊˚

After presenting as an Omega, Yimyeong deliberately went to a high school in a slightly distant area. He wanted there to be no friends who knew him.

They got a monthly rental room somewhere between his mother’s workplace and Yimyeong’s school, and had to throw away many of their belongings that could not fit into the small house. Without even a moment to feel the emptiness, Yimyeong started a part-time job to help out at home. The fact that he had no time to hang out with friends felt like a blessing in disguise.

There, Yimyeong became even more taciturn. He was afraid of everything, afraid that a single slip-up would reveal his complex. He had never been an extroverted person to begin with, but his interactions with friends became even less frequent.

‘Hey, you’re Myeong, right? You don’t have a girlfriend?’

‘You’re not really interested in that stuff, are you? Well, you don’t look interested.’

‘Hey, you don’t know? What do you mean he’s not interested. The kids in the next class said so. He has a girlfriend he’s been dating for a long time.’

Sometimes friends would approach Yimyeong first, but if he just let them talk without saying anything, they would feel awkward and drift away. He did not care even if he heard rumors that he was unlucky or had a bad attitude. He was rather pleased with such evaluations. Yimyeong never refuted or responded to any of the rumors surrounding him.

Still, he was only seventeen. He just wanted to protect himself, he did not want to be lonely. His heart, holding a secret he could not confess, was slowly bruising.

Whenever he could not handle his suffocating feelings, Yimyeong would go to the school playground. With the unlit school at his back, he would run like a madman on the sandy field. After running like that until his lungs were about to burst, at least the stray thoughts would disappear.

Then one day, that kid spoke to him.

It was a long-ago crush, but Yimyeong still clearly remembered the situation when he first spoke to him.

A summer day when the wind was cool, and the warmth of the earth, holding the geothermal heat, lingered underfoot. It was a night when the moonlight was so bright that the surroundings were clear even without streetlights.

That day too, Yimyeong, who had run until he was out of breath, soon became thirsty as if his throat was on fire.

He was trudging towards the water fountain, had turned on the gushing water, and was drinking when it happened.

“If you’re thirsty, drink this.”

Someone had abruptly spoken to him. Yimyeong, kkiik, turned off the faucet and lifted his wet face.

Standing there was Kwon Seolyoung. A boy with a clear face, a sports bag slung across his body.

Yimyeong already knew him. He had always been a celebrity.

Kwon Seolyoung was a promising junior national diving athlete. He often trained externally, so it was rare to see his face at school, but Yimyeong still easily remembered that face. It was because he had a face that was unforgettable once seen. Perhaps because he was always wet, his skin had a transparent quality, his dark eyebrows were neatly arranged, and the eyes beneath them were black and had a kind aura. He was very handsome.

“…I’m fine now.”

“Tap water is bad for you.”

Kwon Seolyoung offered the water bottle again. His hands were so large that the water bottle looked small. Yimyeong stared at him blankly and pulled his t-shirt to wipe his wet face.

“Take it.”

It seemed he would not back down unless he took it, so in the end, Yimyeong accepted it. Water droplets had formed on the surface of the bottle, as if it had been frozen and was now thawing.

“Thanks.”

Even after he thanked him, Kwon Seolyoung stood there and did not leave. Yimyeong kept glancing back at him and was about to leave first. But before he had walked a few steps, Kwon Seolyoung spoke to him again.

“Are you on the track team?”

“No.”

“Then?”

I’m nothing.

“You always come here to run at this time.”

“You saw?”

Yimyeong was very surprised by the fact that someone had been paying attention to him.

“Yeah. You’re fast.”

It was a rather complicated feeling. It was both welcome and awkward. He was afraid of what he might have shown without being aware of it, but at the same time, he felt a little comforted by the feeling that he was not truly alone during that lonely time.

“I’m doing physical training at school these days.”

Kwon Seolyoung said, pointing to the gym behind him from which light was leaking. Yimyeong nodded silently.

“Want to join me? If you like exercising.”

“I….”

Yimyeong swallowed his words instead of saying something more. He was grateful, but he had no intention of joining him.

“I have to go.”

“……?”

Instead of saying anything one way or the other, Yimyeong hastily backed away. A faint look of bewilderment crossed Kwon Seolyoung’s handsome face as he watched Yimyeong try to leave without any explanation.

“Bye.”

After that, Kwon Seolyoung’s bewildered face often came to mind. When he was scanning barcodes at his part-time job, when he was on the bus going to the hospital to see his father…. At first, he thought it was because it was amazing to have a one-on-one conversation with a celebrity whose name would come up if he searched online.

He ran into him again three weeks later.

“Have you been busy?”

He had definitely checked that the lights in the gym were off, but Kwon Seolyoung appeared out of nowhere. Yimyeong looked at him with a face that could not hide his surprise.

“…I was busy.”

Yimyeong answered as briefly as possible and looked around. As if he were looking for a place to escape without realizing it. In fact, for the past three weeks, he had been afraid of running into him again, so he had been running in an empty lot much farther away instead of the school playground. Today, he had just finished his part-time job and was passing by when he saw that the lights in the gym were off, so he had come thinking no one would be there.

He felt uncomfortable around Kwon Seolyoung because he was aware that he had been consciously avoiding him. Surely he wasn’t waiting for me. Thinking that, Yimyeong took a step back.

“By the way, what class are you in? I looked in every class from 1, but you weren’t there.”

At Kwon Seolyoung’s words, Yimyeong felt his heart drop for some reason. His heart rate, which was already up from running, seemed to beat even faster.

“I… I’m usually sleeping with my head on the desk.”

“Really? I guess that’s why I couldn’t find you.”

Why is he looking for me?

Even asking for the reason felt awkward, so Yimyeong said nothing. He wanted no part of being the center of attention. He also disliked the feeling of being pursued. But strangely, a part of his heart also felt that it was not entirely unpleasant that someone remembered him and had looked for him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come exercise? There’s a treadmill too.”

“…….”

“The gym is cooler.”

Yimyeong hesitated, trying to deduce for himself why Kwon Seolyoung kept talking to him. Actually, he had received similar offers in elementary and middle school. A gym teacher who had taken note of his physique would recommend a sport. Of course, since sports cost money, he had now quit all the sports he used to do as a hobby when he was younger.

“Is the sports team short on people?”

“Hmm?”

Kwon Seolyoung’s neat eyebrows arched as if he had heard something unexpected. His slightly widened eyes once again held a look of bewilderment.

I must have said something stupid. Yimyeong felt embarrassed and instantly clamped his mouth shut. It felt like his social skills had deteriorated because he had so few friendships, and he hated that feeling.

“I’m leaving.”

Yimyeong turned around.

“Hey, wait a minute.”

Thinking he would grab him again, Yimyeong hurriedly backed away. Then, with Kwon Seolyoung muttering something behind him, he picked up his pace and started running. To put it embarrassingly, it was a perfect description of running away.

So what class are you in?!

From far behind him, he heard Kwon Seolyoung’s shout, which seemed to be mixed with a bit of irritation. It seemed he had given up on chasing him.

When he decided to run, he was not easily caught. As he was running away like that, he found himself laughing without realizing it. The wind seeping through his sweat-drenched hair, why did it feel so good back then?

However, futilely, despite his escape, Kwon Seolyoung soon found him.

In the commotion of break time, Yimyeong felt someone’s hand shake his shoulder and opened his eyes.

“So you were in class 2.”

Pigeudeok, a large hand resting on the desk and a voice asking nonchalantly. When he looked up, Kwon Seolyoung was there.

‧₊˚

Some dreams remain vivid in memory, but there are also dreams that are completely forgotten upon waking. This is usually the case with dreams that are so pleasant that one does not want to wake up from them.

The dream he had last night was the same; he could not remember it at all. If he tried to retrace his memory, it felt like it would be faintly graspable, but the more he chased it, the farther away it seemed.

“Ha….”

Yimyeong gave up on reconstructing the dream and raised his heavy body. Han Jiwan was already gone, probably to get ready to go out.

Yimyeong stared blankly at the empty space and slowly headed to the bathroom to wash up. Then, under the pouring stream of water, he fell into thought.

On the other hand, the dreams that are vividly remembered are usually like this. The dream of before his father passed away, which he had also had recently. Perhaps because his inability to provide treatment until the very end remained as a regret, that past would come back to torment Yimyeong whenever he was about to forget.

My reality is tough enough, and yet even my dreams only remember the bleak things.

Putting on a robe and brushing his teeth, Yimyeong looked at his reflection in the mirror. Still, the brutal bruises that had decorated his neck until recently had now faded considerably and were turning yellow.

He could now use his phone, and the chains that had bound his feet had been released a while ago.

The situation was improving every week, but it was also ridiculous to feel a sense of relief over something like this.

“Hyung, I have to go out now. I’ll be back late today.”

“…….”

“You’re going to let me suck you before I go, right?”

Han Jiwan, dressed in a suit, barged into the bathroom without permission. Yimyeong, who was brushing his teeth, silently looked at Han Jiwan through the mirror.

“You’re looking at me with those eyes again.”

It’s turning me on…. Muttering, Han Jiwan strode forward without permission and flung open the robe. Yimyeong lowered his eyes to hide the true feelings he had momentarily revealed.

“Are you sulking because I said I’ll be back late?”

Of course not.

But Yimyeong let Han Jiwan misunderstand as he pleased.

Han Jiwan wrapped his arms around his waist from behind and slipped his hand under the robe. As he touched his flat stomach and buttocks, Yimyeong silently spat the foamy saliva into the sink. As if spitting with contempt, tweh.

Then, he tried to focus on brushing his teeth again, regardless of whether Han Jiwan was groping him from behind.

“Eut.”

Just then, Han Jiwan knelt down behind Yimyeong. The neatly tailored suit stretched taut over his thick thighs.

“Good morning kiss.”

Then, as if he had read his contempt, he attempted something that Yimyeong detested. He pushed his head inside the robe and started to suck him from below. He deliberately made lewd noises, spread his muscular buttocks wide open, buried his nose, and sucked him explicitly. The fact that he had compared this act to a ‘kiss’ made Yimyeong’s complexion turn pale. He spread the anus, which had been fucked relentlessly yesterday without a chance to tighten, wide with his fingers and licked it with his tongue.

“Mmm, chyuub, haah….”

“Keuk….”

Yimyeong turned his head to look behind him. He could not see Han Jiwan’s face or his own state below because his head was inside the bathrobe. But because of that, the sensations came through more sensitively. Towards Han Jiwan, who was sitting down under a man’s buttocks and sharing a filthy kiss with his lower mouth without a shred of shame, Yimyeong did not hide his contempt.

How can this human be like this.

“Spread your legs wider. I’ll suck the front too.”

Han Jiwan muttered with his lips still pressed against him. Yimyeong barely managed to suppress the urge to kick him and forced his legs apart to make a gap. Han Jiwan crawled between them with pleasure. Yimyeong’s face contorted as he felt the pressure of the tongue and lips on the crevice in front of his anus. The fingers gripping the sink turned white.

“Mmm, haah….”

As if deliberately trying to provoke Yimyeong, who rarely reacted honestly, Han Jiwan made wet noises and played with his tongue. Even though he was not in the mood at all, his lower body, responding physiologically, became wet. Against his will, Yimyeong’s disgusted face began to flush red from his ears to his neck.

“Th….”

Yimyeong bit his lip in frustration. If he said the word ‘stop’, Han Jiwan would get even more excited. So he held back the words that rose to the tip of his tongue by biting his lip.

Just then, the pointed tongue poked and dug into a sensitive spot.

“Heok.”

He almost collapsed as the strength in his legs gave out unexpectedly. Han Jiwan caught him firmly by the thighs with both hands, but Yimyeong, who had sat down with his perineum poked by the high bridge of Han Jiwan’s nose on his face, was startled and grabbed the sink.