Humanity Chapter 4.1 - Secret Affair

When Yimyeong arrived at the hospital with Secretary Choi, Han Jiwan had just gone into surgery to suture his wound. While waiting, Yimyeong was able to get an accurate report on Han Jiwan’s condition.

“The scar on his face might require reconstructive surgery later on. Still, as long as there is no inflammation or other complications, he should be able to recover well.”

Contrary to Yimyeong’s wishes, Han Jiwan was not seriously injured.

Of course, it was a severe wound. Moreover, they said the gash that ran from his cheek to his chin would likely remain as a faint scar even with reconstructive surgery. For the time being, his movements, such as walking quickly or running, would be restricted, and he would require some period of treatment…

But it meant his life was not in danger.

It was several hours later that visiting Han Jiwan became possible. He wanted everyone to leave except for Yimyeong. Yimyeong, who had been thinking he might be able to leave Han Jiwan in the hospital room and return home alone, let out a sigh of resignation and headed to Han Jiwan’s room.

Yimyeong pushed open the door to the single-person room for VIPs. The room, which he briefly surveyed, looked more like a minimalist hotel room than a hospital room. A bed larger than a standard hospital bed with plush-looking bedding, and a wooden table and cabinet built to fit the width of the room perfectly…

Yimyeong pushed the door shut—tak—and walked toward Han Jiwan, who was lying in bed.

“Hyung, you look like a mess.”

Who was he to talk?

A long, stitched scar remained on Han Jiwan’s cheek. The crisscrossing threads over the long gash were so distinct that it looked as if they had been drawn on with a pen.

However, for someone whose handsome face had been marred, Han Jiwan did not seem particularly depressed. His voice, too, was quite clear, unlike that of a sick person.

In comparison, Yimyeong looked even more exhausted. He had been in a physical struggle with the assailant, and with bloodstains still on his clothes and arm, he was the one who was a mess.

“Wash up here.”

“……”

Yimyeong silently looked where Han Jiwan was pointing. Realizing it was the bathroom door, he slowly approached and looked inside. The interior, though not as luxurious as Han Jiwan’s mansion, was quite clean and well-equipped.

“And tell Secretary Choi to bring you what you need. You’re going to stay here with me for a while.”

Yimyeong sat on the sofa without a word.

“I saved you, hyung.”

At those words, which seemed to expect something in return, Yimyeong glared at Han Jiwan without realizing it. The moment their eyes met, the corners of Han Jiwan’s mouth curled up into a smirk.

Yimyeong said firmly.

“You were in the way.”

“You were about to get stabbed, hyung. I got stabbed for you instead.”

“I never asked you to.”

“Were you going to get stabbed for me, then?”

Of course. That was his job.

“Yes. That would have been better.”

After spitting out the words, Yimyeong cupped his chin and fell into thought. He truly thought that would have been better. To finish it on his own rather than being awkwardly indebted.

It wasn’t just because the other person was Han Jiwan. He would have acted the same way no matter who he was supposed to protect. Even if an assailant was causing a disturbance on the street and threatening a complete stranger.

For a long time, Yimyeong had not known how to cherish his own body. He wanted to prove he was healthier and stronger than others, and a few scars even felt like medals. Although it all stemmed from his desire to hide his secret, Yimyeong still lived that way.

‘But what if Han Jiwan had died in that state.’

Perhaps the opportunity he had so longed for had arrived. The chance to escape from him a little sooner…

After being knifed, as he was leaving the exhibition hall, Han Jiwan had been pressing his hand firmly against his stomach the entire time. At that moment, Yimyeong had subconsciously imagined a scene where, as soon as that hand was removed, Han Jiwan’s organs would spill out from his abdomen. The fleeting, terribly inhuman thought had given him the chills.

In the end, even if he could go back, he probably would have acted the same way. He had no ambition to live as a great man, but he also had not the slightest intention of becoming a villain. No matter how much he hated a person, he didn’t want to stab them to death with a knife.

The humanity left in Yimyeong screamed that this was the right thing to do.

“Hyung.”

Han Jiwan called to Yimyeong in a calm voice.

“…Yeah.”

“Come here. Sit closer.”

Han Jiwan’s voice had softened considerably. Yimyeong, who glanced at him, shook his head.

“I’ll go wash up and disinfect my wound.”

Yimyeong turned to leave. Just then, Han Jiwan reached out and grabbed one of Yimyeong’s hands.

“No, now.”

Yimyeong slowly bent his body as Han Jiwan pulled. Han Jiwan tugged on Yimyeong’s necktie and kissed him. The faint scent of povidone reached the tip of his nose, and their lightly pressed lips parted with a smack sound.

The fact that all Han Jiwan wanted was a mere cute kiss somehow made Yimyeong’s mood sink.

When their lips parted, he could see Han Jiwan’s grayish-brown pupils from a very close distance. Seen this close, where it was hard to make out his overall impression, there was certainly an aspect of him that was reminiscent of Kwon Seolyoung.

“Aren’t you curious who that bastard is?”

“That bastard?”

As Yimyeong flinched, momentarily thinking of Kwon Seolyoung, Han Jiwan added.

“The crazy bastard who was swinging the knife.”

“Wasn’t he a man you played with?”

Han Jiwan smirked. With an expressionless face, Yimyeong quietly gazed at Han Jiwan, who was no less of a crazy bastard himself.

“That’s right. He resembles you, hyung, doesn’t he? My taste is quite consistent.”

“……”

Yimyeong’s mood became utterly foul.

“He resembles me?”

Being compared to a person with whom he had a sordid past entanglement—and one who held such a grudge that he came looking for him with a knife—made him feel strange. People with the same past have a high probability of having the same future. It sounded almost like a curse.

“I was with him for quite a while.”

“……”

“What was it he said? That I was his first love… he clung to me until the very end, crying and throwing all sorts of tantrums.”

“……”

“But I absolutely hate that kind of thing. I’m completely sick of it.”

One moment he said he hated men who were obsessed with money, and now he was saying that genuine feelings were also a burden.

In any case, it was clear he was a guy who got bored quickly, one way or another.

Yimyeong clicked his tongue. The biggest problem was Han Jiwan’s mentality, his inability to see any issue even after pushing someone to that point.

“Don’t you ever think of holding back?”

“Why should I?”

Han Jiwan said, frowning.

“Getting stabbed over a love affair isn’t a normal thing to happen.”

“You wouldn’t do that, hyung. I know what kind of person you are.”

“……”

“You saved me, hyung.”

“I told you, it’s my job.”

“I know everything, hyung. Your heart.”

Yimyeong shook off Han Jiwan’s hand, which was still clutching his necktie. He had thought this before, but it was impossible to have a conversation with him. Han Jiwan only engaged in one-sided communication. Then again, considering he had pushed a man who was devoted to him as his first love to the point where he went crazy and came at him with a knife, maybe he was a guy who was incapable of reading others’ emotions in the first place.

“I’m going to wash up.”

It was ridiculous for him to declare that he, Yimyeong, wouldn’t do such a thing.

‘Even if it was just for a moment, I also imagined you dying.’

Of course, there was a world of difference between acting on it and not. But he couldn’t understand how someone could be so certain of another person’s heart. Perhaps it was because he was so arrogant. It also felt bizarre that he had conveniently forgotten on his own how this relationship had started.

Hiding in the bathroom, Yimyeong took off his suit and placed it on the sink, then rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, which was splattered with blackened bloodstains. Before taking off all his clothes, he turned on the shower and then checked his phone, which he had set to silent.

A message had arrived from Seolyoung in the meantime.

[I want to see you. Soon]

‧₊˚

Lying in bed, Han Jiwan had been watching Yimyeong pass the time listlessly, as if observing a fish in a bowl. Even while feeling his gaze, Yimyeong focused solely on reading his book, turning the pages at an appropriate pace.

Reading had not originally been a hobby of his. It was something he started to overcome boredom when he was confined and had his phone taken away by Han Jiwan, and it had somehow become a habit. It was also surprising that the many books decorating Han Jiwan’s house were not just for interior design.

Whenever Yimyeong was mindlessly reading a book—or more accurately, the letters—Han Jiwan would often strike up a conversation. He had a refined aesthetic sense that he had cultivated quite fiercely and wanted to analyze the beauty he pursued.

At first, that attitude itself felt like pretense. After some time passed, Yimyeong began to think that he seemed to want to share something.

It seemed that even a hopeless pervert whose tastes were not understood by anyone needed someone to talk to.

Conventional beauty did not fascinate Han Jiwan. He wanted to academically formulate his perverted tastes, but Yimyeong simply regarded it all as rationalization. No matter what philosophical interpretations he attached, to Yimyeong, such things did not register as beauty (美).

The same was true for his own body, which Han Jiwan worshipped.

“Hyung, you look like you’re in a good mood.”

At his words, Yimyeong frowned slightly.

“No way.”

“You seem excited.”

Staring at the bookshelf, Yimyeong thought.

The only good thing that had happened recently was getting back in touch with Kwon Seolyoung. Of course, that was something that should not be discovered, nor did he have any intention of revealing it.

He wanted to meet and talk with Kwon Seolyoung again, but to do that, he had to seize an opportunity. The first priority was to divert Han Jiwan’s attention elsewhere.

Of course, the best-case scenario would be for Han Jiwan to get tired of him before he took any action. The three-month deadline, the average time he was said to switch out his men, was not far off.

Yimyeong calmly collected his breath and closed the book.

“Are you that happy that I got hurt?”

“Why would you think that?”

Getting up from his seat, Yimyeong tore off the gauze from his hand. While disinfecting the cut, he tried to push away thoughts of Kwon Seolyoung for a moment.

“When you get hurt, your stamina drops. Isn’t that a good thing, for you, hyung?”

“……”

“You’ve never even liked having sex with me.”

The face, strangely pale from blood loss, spoke cynically.

“I like it.”

Yimyeong spat out the emotionless words. Turning his gaze away from Han Jiwan, who seemed momentarily speechless, he walked to the window. The setting sun was shining so intensely that it was even harder to bear than the midday sun.

Yimyeong silently drew the curtains of the hospital room window.

“You give me money. It would be a shame if I couldn’t do it.”

Han Jiwan, who threatened people with money, hated guys who were obsessed with money. Yimyeong intended to throw out words one by one, as if solving a puzzle, to see what would make Han Jiwan get tired of him.

Han Jiwan let out a hollow laugh.

“Fuck… you really know how to toy with a person.”

“……”

“You think about things like that, hyung?”

Yimyeong did not add any further remarks. There’s a limit to how much you can say when it’s not sincere and just made up. It was better not to attempt any clumsy acting.

“You’ve completely become a male prostitute.”

“……”

“Come here.”

Yimyeong approached him as he was told.

“Take off your pants. Get up here.”

“…Now?”

“Why. Don’t you want to?”

“Wait.”

Knowing that Han Jiwan enjoyed it more when he resisted or refused, Yimyeong wordlessly turned around and locked the door. Then he returned to Han Jiwan and unbuckled the belt of his pants.

As he lowered the zipper, the slacks wrapped around his thighs slid down—whoosh—and pooled at his ankles. They were lean and sturdy legs, like those of a wild horse, without a trace of fat. Yimyeong lifted one leg to take off his pants and folded the garment neatly, placing it beside the bed.

Meanwhile, Han Jiwan’s eyes traced the outline of Yimyeong’s genitals revealed through his underwear. His eyes said he wanted to lick it right now.

Fucking gay bastard.

Despite his contempt, Yimyeong proceeded to lower his underwear. The sensation of the cool air on his naked lower body, in contrast to his upper body clad in a thin knit sweater, felt strange.

After placing even his underwear, which was now at his ankles, on the bed, Han Jiwan gestured.

“Get on.”

At first, he intended to get on the bed and lie down next to him. But Han Jiwan shook his head and pointed to his own body. He meant for him to sit on top of him.

Kneeling, with Han Jiwan trapped between his legs, Yimyeong hesitated for a moment.

“Your stomach…”

Sitting on the sutured area with the weight of a grown man could increase the abdominal pressure and cause the wound to burst.

However, Han Jiwan gestured as if it were no problem.

“I’m going to suck it. Come closer.”

It was such a startling statement that even Yimyeong, who had been feigning composure, showed his reluctance.

“Hurry.”

Yimyeong walked on his knees, moving further up. The position, like he was sitting on a person’s face between his legs, felt very unfamiliar and repellent. Han Jiwan, not hiding his arousal, slowly caressed Yimyeong’s thighs.

“Sit. Lower. Further down.”

With each command he followed, the breath came closer. He hesitated, thinking he might crush his face if he went down any further. His crotch twitched, and his penis, without any stimulation, would sometimes twitch on its own. The air and breath on his bare skin were unbearably distracting.

“Why can’t you sit? Afraid you’ll crush me?”

Han Jiwan chuckled, gently stroking the cleft between Yimyeong’s buttocks with his finger.

“Dying by suffocating under here would be heaven.”

“Ugh… Eut.”

It was Han Jiwan who buried his head into Yimyeong’s crotch first, as Yimyeong was having trouble lowering his hips.

“Heut!”

The vivid sensation of the tongue and the wet sounds were hard to endure. Every time Han Jiwan blatantly moved his tongue, Yimyeong gripped the headboard, trying to support his hips, which were on the verge of collapsing helplessly. The muscles in his tense thighs parted.

“You get wet so fast. You must like this kind of thing, huh?”

“Do… don’t talk. Heok…”

Yimyeong shook his head, denying it. This pervert Han Jiwan was trying to drag him into his own filthy aesthetics. Persuading him that he got most excited when they did it in this dirty way, that he was the same as him.

“Heok, heok…”

The prominent bridge of his nose touched his scrotum, and his soft hair tickled the innermost part of his thighs. It was difficult to bear the sensation of the contours of a human face against his perineum. He also hated to death the position, squatting as if to relieve himself, with Han Jiwan looking up from below.

The most shameful part of it all was that he had gotten hard faster than ever before.

Han Jiwan skillfully stimulated Yimyeong’s erect penis with his hand while moistening his omega hole with his tongue. Licking broadly and poking sharply, he pulled Yimyeong’s hips, which were letting out low moans, closer to his face.

“Move your hips.”

As he mumbled with his lips still attached, a cold sweat dripped from Yimyeong’s forehead. Yimyeong arduously shook his head. As if he knew he would, Han Jiwan grabbed Yimyeong’s hips firmly and forced him down onto his face.

“Eut!”

Because he resisted and pulled his hips back, Han Jiwan’s chin scraped against his omega sex organ. The stubbly chin grazed the delicate flesh, which was already stimulated by friction. For that brief moment, it felt like sparks were flying before his eyes.

“Rub back and forth. You know how to masturbate, don’t you?”

Calming his trembling breath, Yimyeong bit his lip. He had never once masturbated using his omega sex organ. He had thought of it as a place not meant for pleasure. He had always treated it as if it didn’t exist and only ever masturbated with his penis.

Ignoring Yimyeong’s revulsion, Han Jiwan pulled hard on Yimyeong’s glutes. He once again spread his tongue wide and sucked on him from below. As if sharing an elaborate kiss with Yimyeong’s sex organ, he even inserted his tongue to tease him.

“Heok, heok… eu, heuk…”

Yimyeong’s breathing became uncontrollably rapid. He could no longer endure the sloshing sounds tormenting his ears, the strong fingers digging into his buttocks, and the strange sensation spreading from below. His hips trembled with a strong urge to release, similar to the feeling of urination. Because he had held the squatting position for a long time, his posture was also starting to crumble.

Slurp, schluurp… haah, slurp.

While rubbing the anus, which had become slick with fluid that had spread to the back, Han Jiwan thrust a finger deep inside. The other sensations were so intense that Yimyeong didn’t even realize a finger was being plunged into his anus.

“Stop… st, eut… stop.”

Overwhelmed by stimulation from multiple places at once, Yimyeong gasped for breath as if sobbing. It felt like his mushy, relaxed nether regions were going to melt away completely. Han Jiwan, his face glistening with slick and with a defined facial structure, rubbed his face against him, stimulating Yimyeong even more.

“Let go, please… ha-eut, ah!”

The shame made his vision swim. Yimyeong grabbed Han Jiwan’s hair with a trembling hand. Feeling that he could reach it if he went just a little further, Yimyeong unconsciously moved his hips clumsily. The veins on the back of his hand, which was gripping the headboard tightly, stood out.

At one point, with a flash—beonjjeok—Yimyeong’s vision turned white. At the same time, the pleasure that washed over his entire body made all the strength leave him.

“Haah, haah….”

Pulling Yimyeong’s collapsing body forward, Han Jiwan buried his face in Yimyeong’s groin as if he truly wished to suffocate. Over that wet face, the slick that Yimyeong poured out—ulkeok, ulkeok—flowed profusely.

‧₊˚

Yimyeong left Han Jiwan’s hospital room in a state of extreme tension.

His heartbeat, which had been steady until right before he left, began to race as soon as he started walking down the hospital corridor. He made an effort to appear as unhurried as possible, even to the nurses passing by.

This was a hard-won opportunity. He wanted to make the most of his time.

‘It seems Secretary Choi must have forgotten something I asked for.’

Yesterday, while uncharacteristically organizing his belongings that had been moved to the hospital room, Yimyeong had said as much. When Han Jiwan asked, ‘What is it,’ in a casual voice, he had deliberately paused before continuing his words. As if it were very difficult and shameful to bring it up.

‘…That thing, the gel you use.’

When he turned around after saying that, Han Jiwan’s expression was a sight to behold. It was an expected reaction.

Yimyeong calmly opened his mouth.

‘I can’t do it without it.’

Because it will hurt. As Yimyeong muttered with his gaze averted, a laugh that sounded like letting out steam flowed from behind him.

‘Hyung. Were you thinking of getting fucked by me?’

Yimyeong paused for a moment before answering.

‘Can I go get it? Or buy some….’

Whether he liked that side of him or not, Han Jiwan readily let Yimyeong go home. He even asked him to bring a few of his own things while he was at it. Among those things were some adult toys, which made him think he might have provoked something unnecessary, but…

In any case, he had achieved his initial goal, so he had to consider it a relief.

Yimyeong caught a taxi in front of the hospital.

The place he was supposed to meet Kwon Seolyoung was a small cafe near Bukchon, located between the hospital and the mansion. It was good because it didn’t deviate from his route and he could save time, and if he were questioned about why he was late, he planned to confess that he had walked for a bit of a stroll.

The taxi arrived at the destination in less than ten minutes. As he got out of the car, the still-hot sun poured down on the crown of his head. Yimyeong took off his bodyguard’s suit jacket, draped it over his arm, and opened the cafe door.

Upon entering, he had no trouble finding Kwon Seolyoung, who had already taken a seat inside the cozy cafe. As soon as their eyes met, Seolyoung, with a tense expression, tried to get up awkwardly. Waving him to stay seated, Yimyeong quickly approached the table.

Kwon Seolyoung was dressed very smartly. Even from his attire, he could feel how much he had been looking forward to today’s meeting. He just felt sorry that he couldn’t live up to that expectation, having rushed out of the hospital as if being chased.

“I wanted to have a drink or something.”

Kwon Seolyoung said. At the disappointment that was evident from his first words, Yimyeong gave a slight smile. His heart was in turmoil, a mixture of the familiar comfort that comes from a long-standing acquaintance and the nervousness from having a mountain of things to talk about.

The strange thing was that his one-sided love, who had always been difficult to deal with, now felt incredibly comfortable.

Yimyeong opened his mouth with a smile.

“Sorry. I came out in the middle of work, so I have to go back soon.”

“You’re leaving soon?”

“I told you.”

Kwon Seolyoung gave him a silent look. It was a look that seemed to ask if he was avoiding him again. It was only natural for him to misunderstand like that.

“Is there no finishing time?”

“I’m living in the staff quarters at that house, so there isn’t really a ‘getting off work’ time….”

“It can’t be 24 hours, can it? Don’t you have shifts?”

“It’s been busy lately.”

Instead of explaining further, Yimyeong gave a short, dry cough. As he pretended to flip through the menu, he could feel Kwon Seolyoung’s gaze on the crown of his head.

Kwon Seolyoung seemed unconvinced by the work pattern of a bodyguard who lived in the mansion’s quarters without a set time to leave. But he couldn’t very well tell him honestly that he was being confined and monitored. He didn’t like the situation where he had to tell unwanted lies because he was hiding so much.

Yimyeong ordered a coffee, feeling miserable.

“…You saw before. The situation is a bit rough, so I’m out of my mind.”

As if remembering the knife incident, a shadow of worry crossed Kwon Seolyoung’s eyes.

“That job seems too dangerous. Are you okay from when you got stabbed then?”

Yimyeong showed him his wrist, which had a hydrocolloid bandage on it under his shirt. He showed it to mean it was no big deal, but Kwon Seolyoung’s expression did not relax.

“Right. That’s why….”

Yimyeong slowly drew out his words, choosing them carefully.

The three-month mark was just around the corner. It wasn’t a formal contract, so there was no guarantee he would be let go on that exact day, but the relationship between the two of them had changed a lot recently. The taut tension from the beginning had mostly disappeared, and with Han Jiwan, whose personality seemed to have softened somehow after getting hurt, he sometimes even exchanged trivial jokes. Yimyeong considered all of this to be part of the process of him getting bored.

The time he had been eagerly awaiting would surely come.

“It’ll be over soon. I’m going to quit.”

“……”

“Drinks next time. Let’s definitely have a drink when things aren’t so busy.”

Yimyeong said it as if making a promise to himself.

“Okay….”

Kwon Seolyoung’s face relaxed into a gentle expression.

Seeing that face, a deep part of Yimyeong’s heart fluttered again without warning.

Kwon Seolyoung opened his mouth, apologizing.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… I was so disappointed.”

“……”

“I have no right to ask you to make time for me.”

He dropped his gaze. The warm coffee he had ordered before Yimyeong even arrived had already become lukewarm. It was proof that he had come early and waited for this short meeting.

“I guess I really had a lot I wanted to talk about with you.”

His eyes met Kwon Seolyoung’s. This time, Yimyeong looked back without avoiding his straightforward eyes. And strangely, he could now see Seolyoung’s emotions, which he had never known as a child, as if he could grasp them. Things like regret and long-held lingering feelings.

“We can talk now.”

Yimyeong said.

His situation was not normal. But still, somehow, he wanted to meet Kwon Seolyoung again. Since this was precious time he had managed to get with difficulty, he had to talk about more important things.

“I came because I wanted to hear exactly what you said back then.”

Yimyeong said, moistening his dry lips.

“To state my side first, I didn’t know. Not in my wildest dreams.”

At those words, Kwon Seolyoung’s eyes took on a momentarily desolate light. Like someone whose feelings had been denied. Why hadn’t he realized before that he had such honest eyes? Perhaps it was his own heart that had prevented him from looking straight into his two eyes.

He had too many secrets to face those unhidden, upright eyes.

“If I had known, I might not have… ended it like that.”

It was, in the end, a hypothesis.

Kwon Seolyoung reacted strongly to the bitterly muttered words.

“What does that mean?”

In that moment, Yimyeong hesitated. He did so even though he knew what answer Kwon Seolyoung was waiting for.

“What do you mean by ending it like that.”

He asked again, placing his hand on top of Yimyeong’s on the table. The sudden overlapping of their hands felt awkward, but he didn’t want to pull his away.

Yimyeong felt he understood the heart of Kwon Seolyoung, who was pressing him even though he must have figured it all out. It was because he himself had been the same. Even though he had half-guessed, he wanted to hear the correct answer directly from his mouth.

That I liked you.

But was it right to say now the words that had been buried years ago?

Especially at this point in time?

“Myeong-ah.”

Kwon Seolyoung’s gaze met his. His hand touching the back of his was hot as fire. He was waiting for him to open his mouth.

There’s no need to wonder if it’s okay to say it.

Because the desire to speak had already surged up hotly to the tip of his throat.

Moistening his lips, which had grown hot with a feverish heat, Yimyeong said.

“That I, you.”

Yimyeong’s prominent Adam’s apple bobbed.

It means I liked you.

“I… liked you.”

His throat was choked, making it difficult to say more.

Lacking confidence, Yimyeong lowered his gaze. He belatedly realized the reason this was so much harder than any other words was because it was a confession. He had thought the moment he would ever utter a confession to someone in his entire life would never come.

“Myeong-ah.”

Kwon Seolyoung took Yimyeong’s hand and held it preciously within both of his.

“Why didn’t you tell me.”

“……”

“Why did you let me be the only one who didn’t know.”

The reason why I couldn’t tell you.

Instead of giving the dozens of reasons, Yimyeong quietly looked into Kwon Seolyoung’s eyes.

Who was it that said it? That everyone is bound to have a secret they can’t tell. Since a secret is a secret, it ought to be hidden, but in life, you often feel like confiding in someone… He felt that had been the case for him as well. Even while choosing to isolate himself because of this secret, he had constantly longed for someone he could be honest with.

I wish it had been you, Yimyeong dared to think.

“I thought I was the only one who liked you.”

At Seolyoung’s heartfelt words, it felt as if the lonely secret he had never been able to tell anyone was now being preciously caressed.

It was also perplexing. When he took out the feelings he had buried, thinking they were long over, they hadn’t faded one bit.

‧₊˚

“When can I see you next.”

As they left the cafe, Seolyoung said with a regretful face.

“I really don’t want to let you go. There’s still so much I want to say.”

It was the same for Yimyeong. He had come out thinking it would be good just to confirm their true feelings, but contrary to that, it now felt like this was just the beginning.

Yimyeong checked the time with a bitter expression. The meeting with Kwon Seolyoung was even making his tension loosen. But if he delayed any longer, his excuse might not work. He had to think of it as a retreat for the sake of advancing.

The two walked together to where Kwon Seolyoung’s car was. As he got into the driver’s seat, he said naturally.

“Get in. I’ll take you in my car.”

Yimyeong smiled and shook his head. Going with Kwon Seolyoung to a place where Han Jiwan’s监视者 (watcher) was was out of the question.

“It’s not far from here. I’ll just go.”

“Aren’t you going towards the gallery? You won’t be able to walk there.”

Even as he said that, Seolyoung got out of the car again, as if he knew Yimyeong wouldn’t get in.

“You still need time, right.”

“……?”

“Right. You put it behind you once. And we’re both men….”

Kwon Seolyoung muttered to himself.

Yimyeong moistened his lips in bewilderment. It seemed he had made a huge misunderstanding. Then again, it was understandable. He had called him wanting a long conversation, only to be cut off with a meeting at a cafe in the middle of work, and communication was next to impossible because he couldn’t check his phone at the right times.

Moreover, just before leaving the cafe, he had passed over the suggestion to set their next meeting with no response. It was all because he was tied to Han Jiwan, but it was understandable that he would misunderstand it as a lack of interest.

Yimyeong let out a short sigh in his bewilderment.

“Um… just wait a little longer. I’m still….”

Just as he was pondering how to phrase the fact that he wasn’t free and would soon sort out his affairs and come to him, Kwon Seolyoung, misinterpreting it in some other way, silently lowered his eyes and nodded.

“Okay. I’ll wait.”

“Huh?”

“It makes sense you’d be worried. I was too. It’s not an easy thing for a man to actually date another man.”

Finding Kwon Seolyoung, who was misinterpreting the situation, incredibly cute, Yimyeong laughed silently. He deeply regretted his situation, which prevented him from making any rash promises yet.

He could only hope that Kwon Seolyoung, who already seemed to have waited for several years, would not get tired in the time to come.

But it wouldn’t be long. Yimyeong believed without a doubt that he would be able to go to Kwon Seolyoung’s side before long.

“I’m really going.”

Kwon Seolyoung, who had been hesitating as if he had something more to say, firmly closed his mouth and gave a bitter smile.

‧₊˚

Why doesn’t life flow in sync with the good times?

It was frustrating to have met Kwon Seolyoung again precisely while in the middle of a deal with Han Jiwan. But if it hadn’t been for Han Jiwan’s exhibition, he would never have even dreamed of reuniting with Kwon Seolyoung.

Fate was so cleverly woven with weft and warp that it felt like if he tried to take a shortcut and cut a single thread, the whole thing would unravel.

While keeping watch over Han Jiwan’s hospital room, Yimyeong would sneak away in his spare moments to check for new messages. It was because Kwon Seolyoung would send contextless messages whenever he felt like it. He knew it would be trouble if he got caught, but he couldn’t stop him from sending them as he pleased.

In truth, he didn’t want to stop him either. Those messages, arriving on silent, Yimyeong always read them alone, hidden in the bathroom with the shower running. He burned every word into his eyes with a very desperate heart, as if they were finally pouring out all the backlogged stories from their high school days. He didn’t want to forget a single letter.

‘I’ll wait.’

All of Seolyoung’s messages ended that way.

After memorizing all the texts, he would delete all the messages exchanged with Kwon Seolyoung.

It felt like a great waste, but it couldn’t be helped. Because he never knew when Han Jiwan might inspect his phone.

“Haah.”

Yimyeong let out a light sigh, phone in hand. Even the sound of that breath was washed away with the sound of the shower stream.

Han Jiwan was discharged from the hospital much faster than expected. It was partly due to his formidable recovery ability, befitting his prime age, but it also seemed he was hurrying his return due to a schedule he had to attend.

Of course, from Yimyeong’s perspective, it was unimportant. Whether it was the mansion or the hospital room, it was an unfamiliar place to sleep all the same, and Han Jiwan would try to sleep with Yimyeong beside him no matter where he was sleeping that night.

The last day at the hospital happened to coincide with the exact three-month mark since Yimyeong started living as Han Jiwan’s lover.

Perhaps because it was a deadline he had desperately set in his mind, it was harder to maintain his patience than before.

Until now, Yimyeong had been holding his breath, waiting to see what form his end with Han Jiwan would take. Although the deadline wasn’t written down in a contract, Han Jiwan used to chant, as if singing a song, that ‘he gets bored in three months.’

Yimyeong had even had a dream like this. On the last day of the three months, when the grandfather clock struck midnight, everything would end and he would be free….

Somehow, in his sleep, it seemed he had heard the sound of a grandfather clock from far away.

Yimyeong slowly lifted his eyelids. In the VIP hospital bed, bathed in the deep blue moonlight, he was lying with Han Jiwan.

The clock on the wall was just passing midnight. The empty sound of the second hand ticking—tick-tock, tick-tock—filled the air.

“Why…. Sleep more.”

Han Jiwan murmured in a voice heavy with sleep, pulling Yimyeong deeper into his embrace. He rubbed his chest and squeezed it tightly, then buried his face near his neck and took a deep breath.

Goosebumps quietly rose on his skin, starting from the tips of his toes.

He had thought that if what Han Jiwan wanted was this body, he should just give it to him. It wasn’t as if it would wear out, after all. But since reuniting with Seolyoung, enduring moments like this had become more agonizing each day. He couldn’t even find a reason to endure it anymore.

If his heart had decided on a direction, his body should follow. As he was now, unable to do so, it felt like guilt was tightening its grip around his neck with every passing moment, just by lying in the same bed.

Was there any need to obediently wait for his sentence?

For a while after that, Yimyeong couldn’t easily fall asleep. He spent the night with his eyes open, repeatedly thinking about how to say goodbye to Han Jiwan.

On the day of his discharge, Han Jiwan, upon returning to the mansion, immediately holed himself up in the study with Secretary Choi to sort out his schedule. In the meantime, Yimyeong sat in the bedroom he had returned to after a long time, waiting for their meeting to end.

It was a space he had never gotten used to, even as his time to leave drew near. The sterile atmosphere of this room now felt nauseatingly repulsive. Standing, leaning against the furniture, spread out on the floor—there wasn’t a single place where he hadn’t mixed bodies with Han Jiwan. No matter where he looked, the unpleasant image of his own semen or saliva having been splattered and stained there would seep into his mind.

Moreover, despite having lived here for three months, there was almost nothing in this room that could be called Yimyeong’s. The clothes and watches that Han Jiwan had gifted him were for decorating the body he was so fond of. Would playing with dolls be an appropriate metaphor? The owner of the doll’s clothes is not the doll, but the owner.

When I leave, I’ll just have to take the things I brought when I first came here.

Thinking that, Yimyeong left the room and closed the door. He leaned against the railing, looking down at the central courtyard that extended to the first floor.

He had to ask Han Jiwan when it would end, but he couldn’t think of how to start.

Are you a little bored of me now?

It’s okay to see other men.

Let’s stop this now.

“Hoo….”

None of them seemed appropriate. Most of all, the fact that they sounded like things you would say in a romantic relationship, not a business one, was unpleasant.

He was running a hand through his hair and moistening his dry lips with the tip of his tongue. The study door opened, and Secretary Choi came out.

“You were here.”

As their eyes met, Secretary Choi, with an expression that said he had just found him, spoke briefly.

“The Chairman will be going to Vienna on a flight tonight. You must accompany him, Mr. Yimyeong.”

“Excuse me?”

At the unexpected words, Yimyeong frowned. But Secretary Choi continued as if it were a matter of course.

“Do you have your passport? If you didn’t happen to bring it when you came here, you’ll need to get it now, so if you would come with me….”

Even setting aside the fact that he was being tied into Han Jiwan’s urgent schedule because he was a bodyguard, he was baffled that he would naturally assume he had a passport. Yimyeong cut him off and said.