Dirty Sweet Baby Chapter 60

‘I’ve been caught.’

In an instant, Heeheon’s face turned deathly pale. So pale it looked white, as if he were about to have a seizure. Heeheon couldn’t think straight and fell into a panic.

‘I’ve been caught…’

What… an excuse, should I make an excuse?

That what just happened wasn’t like that.

That Cha Moogyul and Baek Heeheon weren’t like that…

‘Should… ugh, should I try to pass it off as guiding?’

In his desperation, Heeheon even had a thought he should never have, and gagged with a retch. It felt like his stomach was turning inside out. He wasn’t in his right mind. There was no way he could dare to have an excuse. As a guide, he shouldn’t do anything to disgrace guiding, and likewise, as his mother’s son, he shouldn’t do anything he couldn’t be proud of.

Heeheon could only gasp for breath, then he dropped his head low and admitted his sin. He couldn’t dare to look at his mother’s face.

“…I’m sorry.”

Ah. I just want to disappear from the world.

“I’m… so… sorry.”

I want to leave right now and vanish. Heeheon impulsively bolted from the terrace. He stumbled down the stairs to the first floor, as if he were about to fall.

“Heeheon!”

He heard his mother’s cry from behind him, but he didn’t have the confidence to stop. And he certainly couldn’t go back.

The scar left on his soul was so deep, he didn’t know if it could ever heal. Even if his whole body had been burned, leaving only a pile of white ash, it wouldn’t have been this painful.

In the living room, Mister Kwon Il looked at Heeheon with a puzzled expression. Heeheon gave his stepfather a deep bow and then, without a word, shoved his feet into his shoes at the entryway. He opened the door, ran across the garden, and out onto the street.

I want to run away.

Far away.

Somewhere.

And disappear…

Heeheon ran frantically through the night streets. He wandered through alleys he didn’t even recognize until he was out of breath and couldn’t run anymore. He just wanted to get a little further away from the main residence, no, from the world.

“Hah, haah…”

Stopping somewhere in a back alley flashing with neon lights, Heeheon leaned his back against a dirty building wall and panted for breath. Perhaps because it had been five years and the terrain and buildings had changed, even Heeheon didn’t know where he was. Sweat poured down his deathly pale face like rain as his expression contorted miserably. Even a loser defeated on the battlefield would not have been in this much pain.

‘It’s over.’

His mother’s shocked face wouldn’t leave his mind.

‘It’s all over.’

He should have pushed Cha Moogyul away more firmly. He should have shaken him off for certain, saying no. No, he should have just ignored his empty seat. He shouldn’t have gone looking for him. He didn’t know why he did it. Was he that anxious about him not being by his side? Was there something wrong with Baek Heeheon? Was he this broken?

How did he fall so far?

Maybe he just took the wrong path from the very beginning. Somewhere along the line, his compass broke, and he took a wrong turn.

Cha Moogyul and Baek Heeheon.

They were hyung and dongsaeng, guide and Esper, love and hate.

Oil and water that cannot mix. Two parallel lines that cannot cross. From the beginning, Cha Moogyul and Baek Heeheon were a pair that could not and should not be together. That was their relationship, their ideal, their providence. Despite being defeated by this obvious truth time and time again, he strayed from the proper path, was dragged along by his old and worn-out heart, and ended up crashing down a cliff.

If so, then perhaps this was something that was bound to happen someday.

In any case, Baek Heeheon and Cha Moogyul were a harm to each other. When you think about it, neither side was desirable.

Baek Heeheon’s immoral heart had long since festered and burst, making recovery impossible, and Cha Moogyul’s obsession was, in fact, absurdly abnormal. He didn’t know for what reason in the past he had targeted Baek Heeheon of all people, but now, it didn’t seem important to know the reason anymore. After all, if Baek Heeheon just disappeared, everything would be solved.

Would Cha Moogyul listen if he pleaded with him that he didn’t want to live like this anymore? Would anything change if he clung to him and begged? Would he let Heeheon go if he did that? Probably not. Far from readily agreeing, he didn’t know if Cha Moogyul would even bat an eye.

‘Like this, half-heartedly, just being Cha Moogyul’s fucktoy, what the hell am I thinking I can do.’

From the very beginning, he had clearly conveyed his intentions to Heeheon.

Give up.

He told him to give up.

That was the one and only thing he wanted from Heeheon, and that he had taught him the correct answer, so he should just carry it out.

‘Should I… give up?’

He had agonized over it countless times. Wavering and staggering. Heeheon thought fiercely that perhaps this was finally the time to fall.

‘The time to give up has already passed. A long time ago, at that.’

He wished that both Cha Moogyul and Baek Heeheon would stop ruining their lives, tied down by their damn, shitty past connection, and just sort everything out. It was because Baek Heeheon himself was tired and in pain, but he also couldn’t just stand by and watch Cha Moogyul’s life be ruined in the wrong direction because of him.

This wasn’t the future Heeheon had hoped for. Cha Moogyul acting like a patient with an obsession, just fucking like an animal in heat, and revolving around Baek Heeheon more than his training or work… it was all wrong.

Heeheon had believed without a doubt that Cha Moogyul would live his life emitting a strong light like the sun, leading many people and displaying his abilities. And he had hoped to be recognized by him as a single guide, and to be accepted as a comrade-in-arms and a colleague who would fight endless battles together as a fellow Awakened.

He had dared to hope that the day might come when he would be acknowledged by Cha Moogyul. Just as Heeheon had always looked at Cha Moogyul in admiration, he had expected that someday in the distant future, a day might come when Cha Moogyul would also feel something upon looking at Heeheon.

As Cha Moogyul’s guide, he thought he would have a chance to achieve something.

But now, the values he had tried to protect to the end, even while experiencing spectacular failures, were growing dim. The emotions he felt back then, the courage that had swelled up like blowing soap bubbles, the overwhelming feelings, the hope—it all seemed to have vanished without a trace. It felt as if the small sprout of Heeheon, which was fragile but had shone in various colors, had been pulled out by its roots.

If so, then it might be better to really make a decision.

That’s enough now.

Just… that’s enough.

He had thought that if he were to die, Cha Moogyul’s arms would be a good place, but if not, it couldn’t be helped. He didn’t think he was in any position for that. Since firearms were not allowed to be brought out, he had come empty-handed, but even so, there must be countless ways to end one insignificant life.

‘The core… an Awakened just has to break their core.’

Where, anything, something sharp and pointed, something that could tear through his heart and ram into his core… If he could just find something like that, then right away…

Heeheon, breathing heavily like someone who had lost their mind, scanned the alley. He saw a beer bottle discarded in a corner. With trembling hands, he slowly approached it. His movements as he picked up the bottle were slow and cautious. Heeheon fumbled, grabbing the bottle by its neck upside down, and slammed the bottom of the bottle diagonally against the building wall. Crash! A sharp shattering sound tore at his eardrums as the tip of the beer bottle broke into a sharp point.

With his hands trembling even more, Heeheon grabbed his shirt. He undid the buttons one by one and pulled the collar open to expose his left chest. The gray suit Cha Moogyul had dressed him in was disheveled in an unsightly manner.

Heeheon held the sharp end of the bottle to his chest and took aim. He had gone through difficult training, and he was especially confident in his shooting, but brandishing a piece of a bottle like this instead of a military-grade knife was a challenge even for Heeheon.

“Ugh…”

I have to stab it in one go.

If I hesitate clumsily, it will only increase the pain.

He placed the sharp edge over his heart and adjusted the angle. In his frantic state, he even made a desperate calculation to ensure he could stab between his ribs. He then tensed his forearm to thrust it deep inside. No, he was about to.

“Baek Heeheon…!”

“Ah!”

At that moment, his arm was violently grabbed, and his aim went off. The glass fragment, unable to reach his core, sliced his chest, and his flesh split open. Pain washed over him, and red blood flowed out like a spring.

“Fuck.”

With a terrifying force, Cha Moogyul twisted Heeheon’s wrist. He violently threw the sharp bottle aside and, with a ferocious expression Heeheon had never seen before, gritted his teeth and checked Heeheon’s condition. Blood was gushing out from the deep gash on his chest, soaking his shirt and gray suit.

Immediately, he took out a small, square object from his inner suit pocket and hastily twisted the cap open. A sharp needle was revealed inside. Without a moment’s delay, Cha Moogyul made a quick judgment, found a vein on the nape of Heeheon’s neck, and jammed the needle in. The moment he pressed the switch protruding from the end, the contents, a blue fluorescent liquid, were all injected into Heeheon’s bloodstream.

A healing factor.

A special military supply item provided only to the Awakened, a miraculous treatment that rapidly increases self-healing abilities the moment it is injected into the bloodstream.

Without such a treatment, it would be difficult for even the Awakened to face creatures. Of course, the healing factor was not omnipotent. It could only restore the body; if the core was broken, the Awakened would inevitably die.

“Haah. Ugh…”

Flesh grew back on Heeheon’s chest, and the deep stab wound visibly healed. However, it didn’t erase the pain, so Heeheon broke out in a cold sweat, suffering.

The healing factor was an item prohibited from being brought into the general residential district, but the fact that Cha Moogyul had managed to bring it in, no matter what strings he pulled, was so fucking Cha Moogyul, and thinking that he must have tracked Heeheon’s location as his dedicated guide was also so fucking Cha Moogyul.

With savage eyes completely consumed by a bone-deep passion, he interrogated Heeheon.

“What do you think you’re doing? What were you thinking, trying to die right now?”

“…”

“Baek Heeheon, you fucking… are you that stupid?”

Heeheon’s lower lip trembled. His empty eyes turned to him. He stared at him blankly for a moment, and then his eyes gradually gained strength. His white sclera turned bloodshot as he answered him desperately.

“You told me to give up. You did.”

“What?”

“I… I can’t do this anymore. How can I endure this mess?”

Now, Baek Heeheon had nothing left to lose. He had nothing left. The immorality of the prodigal son who had hidden his sins by bowing his head and hiding in the darkness had been exposed and laid bare in front of none other than his mother.

“My mother, ugh, my mother found out… From now on, my life will only be ruined. I can’t do it. I’m having a hard time too, you bastard!”

Heeheon pushed him away with all his might. He didn’t want to be touched. He didn’t want to see Cha Moogyul either. He fervently wished, if only for a single day, that his existence, his influence, would please, please not reach Heeheon.

Cha Moogyul’s complexion grew even more menacing. He looked down at Heeheon as if he were about to kill him, as if blood were rushing to his head in reverse, and suppressed his anger. However, even if Cha Moogyul held back his anger, Heeheon had no intention of stopping. He raised his voice and let out all his pent-up anger forcefully.

“Why are you doing this to me… Why, why, fuck, why did it have to be me…!”

“…”

“I did everything you told me to do. I let you fuck me, I let you top me, you, you fucking bastard…! I can’t even stand up to you anyway! So why do you keep doing this? What did I do so wrong to you? What the hell am I to you to make you act like this!”