In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 9

The storm of finals passed, and the next day arrived.

‘Sunbae, I told the staff, so just give them my name and come in.’

I read Seon Yuseok’s text and roughly shoved my phone into my pocket.

Before the full-scale Flat Shoes script reading, I was squeezing in time to go watch the acting he’d asked me to help with.

Looking at someone else’s acting was a burden for me too.

When I was young, I briefly taught acting to aspiring actors for extra income.

But that already felt like ancient history.

When I reached the front of the agency building, it was cleaner and bigger than I expected.

True Actors.

My memory was hazy, but the fact that I somewhat remembered it suggested it was quite a large company.

Hmm, this kid’s already being scouted by a big company?

As expected, a pretty face is king…

When I rang the bell, a staff member came out to greet me.

“Hello. I’m here as Yuseok’s guest.”

When I opened the practice room door, Seon Yuseok was right in the middle of warming up.

Lightly bouncing in place while shaking out his hands, rotating his neck, bending his waist, rotating it…

Wait.

Why is he so stiff…?

I think this was my first time seeing someone stretch like that.

The formidable internal power revealed in his basic movements gave me an ominous feeling.

I tried to shake off that premonition.

He must just be tense.

One-on-one performances are naturally more nerve-wracking anyway.

“What script are you practicing?”

“<To That Guy>…”

Seon Yuseok handed me the script he’d prepared separately.

“Ah, this one. It’s pretty old.”

“Is it? Is it that old?”

Oops.

“Just, you know, feels that way. There are tons of movies coming out these days.”

<To That Guy> was the story of a detective who struggled for 20 years to catch a single psychopath.

Lee Hyeokgwon, who played the lead role at the time, swept the Best Actor awards at the year-end ceremonies and rocketed to stardom.

Though nowadays, that same senior Lee Hyeokgwon had been chased out of the industry by various scandals long ago.

Come to think of it, this was a movie from 23 years ago for me.

“True enough. Sunbae, could you feed me the lines from the side?”

Seon Yuseok took a deep breath and started gathering his emotions.

“Chief, a new case broke out. It’s… him again.”

“What…?”

The moment my line ended, Seon Yuseok threw the script to the floor.

He swept his hair back and spun around in place with a face full of rage.

“I told you, please, just let me check that intersection once. If we’d gone there, this wouldn’t have happened!! We could have stopped him…”

Seon Yuseok dropped to his knees, striking the floor.

…?

I was speechless.

Every line and action was awkward and out of nowhere.

In a word: pure overacting.

Seon Yuseok plopped down on the floor and started hiccupping.

“The 20 years… hic… that I threw away, hic, what the hell were they for? Lee Yeongseok… Lee Yeong, hic, seok!!! Why did you become my everything…”

…Wow, even the hiccup acting is awkward.

At least his projection was good—the practice room was resonating.

I guess he’s been solidly practicing the fundamentals.

Seon Yuseok dusted himself off, stood up, and looked at me.

I barely managed to open my mouth.

“Yuseok, let’s try it one more time.”

I tried to speak calmly.

“Yes, understood.”

Seon Yuseok answered energetically and immediately gathered his emotions again.

Is he a machine or what, getting into character that fast…

“I told you, please, just let me check that intersection once. If we’d gone there, this wouldn’t have happened!! We could have stopped him…”

This time, the sound of his knees hitting the floor rang out with a loud thud.

That must hurt… his enthusiasm is just too far ahead of him.

His emotions were definitely heightened, and his body was completely tensed up.

Right now, Seon Yuseok was expressing all his heightened emotions solely by putting force into his body, face, and voice.

“The 20 years… hic… that I threw away, hic, what the hell were they for? Lee Yeongseok… Lee Yeong, hic, seok!!! Why did you become my everything…”

Watching this…

I could almost see the long hiatus stretching out before this kid in the future.

My eyes went dark.

Seon Yuseok stood up awkwardly, dusting himself off, and quietly looked at me.

His eyes asking—how was it…

What am I supposed to do with this kid?

Looking at Seon Yuseok’s face brought back memories of my past life, and I couldn’t bear it.

“Again.”

“Yes, understood.”

“Not from the script. Forget it all.”

“Pardon?”

“I said forget the script.”

Then I walked over to the door and flipped the light switch on the wall.

The practice room instantly went dark.

Light still leaked in faintly from outside the door, but the shift in atmosphere was dramatic.

“…?”

“Who are you right now?”

Seon Yuseok looked over here with a bewildered face.

“I’m… Detective Pi Jeonghan.”

When I stared at Seon Yuseok with narrowed eyes in the darkness, he made an ah gesture and started gathering his emotions.

“When Pi Jeonghan heard about the new case, what do you think went through his head?”

Seon Yuseok took a deep breath.

As if lost in thought, as if deeply absorbed in something, he stopped speaking for a moment.

After a pause, Seon Yuseok opened his mouth.

“…I missed him again. Right… in front of me.”

“And?”

“I missed him right under my nose.”

“Where.”

“The intersection… the intersection where I begged to go just once.”

After his initial confusion in the darkness, Seon Yuseok’s voice now carried a sense of relief.

Because he couldn’t see himself.

“You’ll never catch him.”

“Why?”

Seon Yuseok showed a moment of wavering.

Good, that’s it.

Seon Yuseok’s emotional tension was rising.

I decided to seize the moment and keep pushing.

“Because you’re inferior to him. He’s playing with you right now. He killed another woman just to show you.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s all because of you. Because you’re inadequate. Someone died because of you.”

“That’s not true…”

Why? Why is it because of me…?

For a moment, Seon Yuseok’s voice trembled with emotion.

Finally, evidence that he was starting to truly immerse himself.

My instinct was right—Seon Yuseok needed darkness.

A veil to prevent him from seeing himself act.

The reason was simple.

If you watch your inadequate self in real-time, you can’t immerse yourself in the character.

And if my thinking was correct… Seon Yuseok was more sensitive to his own inadequacies than others.

“No matter how long you chase him, you’ll never reach his ankles.”

I didn’t know if Seon Yuseok had noticed, but in the story, the psychopath Lee Yeongseok was a special presence to Pi Jeonghan.

For 20 years, Lee Yeongseok wasn’t just a criminal to catch—he’d become Pi Jeonghan’s dream.

A dream he’d never once gotten close to.

Therefore, what Pi Jeonghan hated wasn’t Lee Yeongseok, but himself for failing to catch Lee Yeongseok.

Inferiority. Defeatism. And self-loathing.

This was Pi Jeonghan’s identity.

And… these emotions already existed inside Seon Yuseok too.

‘Ha Seongjun.’

Through my vision now accustomed to the darkness, I could see Seon Yuseok clenching his fists without any answer.

* * *

‘How would I express the motivation behind my acting growth in one phrase? Hmm… Jealousy is my power. I think that expression is perfect.’

While coming here today…

Among the few things I remembered about Seon Yuseok, there was one most important thing.

It was an interview article I’d glimpsed in the news back when Seon Yuseok had established himself among the top stars.

I remembered it because Seon Yuseok’s answer to a reporter’s roundabout question about how he’d overcome his bad acting had left an impression.

‘When I was seventeen, first attending acting academy, going to school, and joining an agency, there was someone by my side the whole time who planted this inferiority complex in me.’

After his debut, Seon Yuseok had been consumed as a rival to another actor his age from the same agency, a title loudly broadcast through the media.

‘Everyone knows him—my self-proclaimed and widely-acknowledged rival, Ha Seongjun.’

At the time, I’d heard rumors that the agency representing both of them made a lot of money through noise marketing about their relationship.

However, while everyone found it interesting and it quickly grabbed attention, only Seon Yuseok was sincere about that relationship.

‘I always hated Seongjun. Because he was always better than me. At the academy, at school, even after debut… When the bad feelings I’d been harboring while watching Seongjun started to rot, I fell endlessly. From the bottom where I’d fallen, I was able to start again. I was thirty then.’

‘When I realized my life’s enemy wasn’t Ha Seongjun, but myself—that’s when I could finally be freed from my inferiority complex.’

Using jealousy as fuel, Seon Yuseok had started rebuilding from the fundamentals, and he’d concluded that interview like this.

‘Seongjun is the one irreplaceable benefactor of my acting life. If the inferiority complex Seongjun planted hadn’t pushed me to the edge, I would have stayed in place forever.’

* * *

Always diligently practicing, Seon Yuseok admired and followed exceptionally talented people so much that rumors circulated about it.

He must have felt jealous while watching their talents up close all this time.

It was natural for Seon Yuseok to have a stronger inferiority complex than anyone else.

Because he was desperate.

Because he wanted to excel more than anyone.

“He’s laughing at you. He’s laughing even now. But you know what? While he was dismembering that woman, he was thinking of you.”

I delivered the words gently, like a whisper.

“…”

Seon Yuseok’s clenched fists trembled faintly.

Seon Yuseok blinked and tears fell.

As if hit in a vital spot, or as if he’d finally grasped Pi Jeonghan’s depths for the first time.

Seon Yuseok opened his mouth.

“Strangely… I feel good.”

Seon Yuseok raised both hands and buried his face in them.

“I don’t know what this feeling is.”

Seon Yuseok’s voice trembled.

His emotions were intensifying.

Pull it out more, let it explode, Yuseok.

“Are you going to spend your whole life chasing that bastard until you die?”

Are you going to only play supporting roles your whole life until you quit acting, Yuseok?

“No…”

Seon Yuseok hesitated.

“Would you be happy if your 20 years as a detective went down the drain?”

Would you be happy if everything you’ve practiced became a sandcastle?

“No.”

“You have to catch Lee Yeongseok.”

At those final words, Seon Yuseok exploded.

“I don’t know what to do. Who even am I? Who is Lee Yeongseok? Why is he doing this to me!!”

Tears streaming down, Seon Yuseok cried out.

It was a voice pulled up from his core, seized by despair.