The Espers Who Regretted Losing Me Chapter 36

The espers at headquarters were nothing like Mom and Dad, and the way they treated guides was rough and violent.

Heroes praised by the public? Please. They were just thugs.

Even now, guides barely have any human rights, but when I was younger it was even worse. I once saw a guide get grabbed by the hair in the hallway.

And every time they looked at me, the espers openly clicked their tongues and said it was such a pity about my parents.

That’s right.
They weren’t pitying my parents for dying and leaving behind a young daughter.
They were pitying the fact that that daughter awakened as a guide.

It was so absurd and ridiculous I wanted to cry.

What do you even know about my mom and dad? They would never have seen me as something shameful.

And yet, those same people treated guides like convenient tools for their own use. It made me sick.

That was when I started to hate espers. Really, really hate them.

Then one day, the director brought me to Yeon Dogyeong, Lee Sinra, and Cha Eunhwi. He said there were kids who needed my help.

Honestly, I hated the idea. But he begged, saying it had to be me, so I ended up taking his hand and going with him.

And the kids I met that way… every single one of them looked absolutely miserable.

They were so thin they looked like corpses, collapsed from not sleeping or eating properly.

The moment I entered the room, I felt overwhelming sadness and pain, so I forced myself to smile calmly.

“You’re Dogyeong, you’re Eunhwi, and you’re Sinra, right? The director—uh, I mean, sir—told me a lot about you. Nice to meet you. I’m Yoon Hyeya.”

Now they’re obviously espers with bad attitudes, but back then, they were incredibly quiet.

Quiet wasn’t even the whole story. They were timid and cried easily. If I held their hands, they’d flinch so hard it startled even me.

The director also told me how they ended up living at headquarters.

I think that story made me feel a sense of kinship.

Even if the process was different, like me, they had lost the place they belonged.

Back then, I had more affection and kindness than I knew what to do with, and before long, the three of them stabilized.

All three cried. Like newborn babies crying for their parents.

It felt like their emotions were my own, so I cried with them.

After that, Yeon Dogyeong, Lee Sinra, and Cha Eunhwi followed me around like little chicks.

But I never found it annoying or bothersome.

Being needed, being liked, being different from other espers—being with them felt comfortable.

So much so that even though I hadn’t wanted to be a guide at all before, I thought it might be okay if it was the four of us together.

That was when I first became interested in imprinting.

Looking back now, I really wasn’t in my right mind. If imprinting hadn’t been so difficult, I might’ve completely ruined my own life…

I was terrified of them turning into espers like the others.

I didn’t want them to see me as just a “guide” instead of a friend who had shared my loneliest time.

I kept worrying—would they look down on me because I was a guide? Would they treat me carelessly?

I wanted to stop it somehow, but in the end, it still turned out like this.

“……”

While I was lost in thought, the exit leading outside shrank to the size of my palm.

It wasn’t too late yet. If I reached out my hand, I could still leave. But—

I just want to rest. In peace.

I wanted a world where tomorrow didn’t scare me.

A life where I didn’t sigh the moment I woke up, where my heart didn’t drop every time my phone rang, where seeing espers’ faces didn’t make me give up before even trying.

I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them again.

The gate was gone.

That was how I chose the place where I would die.

…I’ll drink some water and sleep first.

The exhaustion hit me all at once, making my body feel heavy.

I wanted to collapse right away, but my throat had been dry ever since I got swallowed by the snake.

Carefully setting the squirrel down, I stood up and walked toward the lake.

Maybe the area had shrunk when the gate’s scenery changed—it was closer than it looked.

There were animals near the lakeshore. A few brown rabbits drinking water perked up their ears when they saw me.

I knelt down and scooped up some water with my palm.

I was going to boil or filter it just in case, but seeing the rabbits drink it made it seem safe.

My skin doesn’t sting or hurt. It doesn’t smell weird either.

After hesitating, I lightly touched it with my tongue. It just tasted like normal water.

Then I heard a slurping sound beside me and turned to see the rabbits with their noses buried in the water again.

It should be fine, right?

After shaking the water off my hand, I took out the plastic bottle I’d put in my bag earlier and filled it.

The clear water had no impurities at all.

My throat was so dry that I tilted the bottle without hesitation and drank more than half of it in one go. My parched mouth finally felt refreshed.

“Ah, I’m saved…”

I wanted to wash too, since I was covered in sweat, but I was too tired right now.

I set my bag down and lay flat on my back.

The clear sky was so blue and peaceful it was hard to believe this was inside a gate.

Watching the clouds drift by, I fell into thought again.

They probably all think I’m dead.

They only saw me get swallowed by the snake. They didn’t see me escape.

Even if I wasn’t counted among the dead, if I were alive, I would’ve gone outside.

There was no way to reopen a closed gate, so they couldn’t even come looking for me.

Cha Eunhwi might manage, but Yeon Dogyeong and Lee Sinra would really struggle without me. The stabilizers barely worked, and their compatibility with other guides was low.

But just like when I was younger, the thought suddenly popped up—

So what?

They wouldn’t die even if they were in agony, but I would die here.

We’ll never meet again anyway. Just forget it.

I didn’t know when the named monster might revive or when this place might turn into hell, but I decided to enjoy this brief peace.

As I calmed my breathing, rabbits and squirrels approached my lying body, curious.

Feeling their soft fur brushing against me, ticklish and warm, I smiled without realizing it and gently closed my eyes.

When I opened them again, it was dawn.

The sky was a dim navy blue, and I was being hugged by an unbelievably huge rabbit.

…Huh?

What is this situation? Am I dreaming? But this warmth felt way too real.

When I slowly lifted my head, the rabbit was sleeping, purring softly.

Eyes closed in a straight line, a moist nose, fluffy fur that smelled faintly sweet.

I didn’t know why it was sleeping with me on its belly, but it seemed very gentle.

Aside from being as big as a brown bear, it didn’t look that strange.

But still… there’s no way a rabbit this big should exist.

…Wait. Don’t tell me you’re a named monster?

Cold sweat trickled down my back.

Whenever a gate appears more than once, the same named monster always returns.

So I’d assumed that if a named monster revived, it would be the giant snake called the “Guardian of Paradise,” or the dragons that disappeared.

But this is a unified gate. Nothing’s been fully discovered yet, and even the scenery changed. The named monster could be different.

If my guess was right, this was actually good luck for me.

Compared to the reptiles that charged at me with murder in their eyes, a rabbit was way better.

And if it meant to hurt me, it would’ve done so while I was asleep.

I’d been startled for a moment, but only briefly. Completely relaxing, I let my body go limp.

So soft…

Warm, cozy, and gentle. Every time the rabbit breathed, its belly rose and fell beneath me—and even that felt comforting.