The Unbelievers Chapter 57

“As for me, I… I think about you every single day, Mister. I want to take your clothes off. I want to know where the wolf is on your body. I want to see it. I want to touch it.”

“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“….”

“This… this shouldn’t be happening.”

He muttered words to someone unknown. It was not something he was saying to Eunseong, but a warning to himself and a scolding meant to arouse his own sense of caution.

Yoo Siun knew better than anyone that the context of his words did not match his actions. The touch of the hand that had been cupping his cheek like an adhesive, the sensation of the thumb that had been stroking the soft flesh of his cheek, vanished.

“Ah.”

Eunseong let out a pained exclamation and hurriedly grabbed the back of the hand that was trying to pull away. He applied force to pull it back against his cheek, but he could not overcome the man’s physical strength.

Instead, he gripped the man’s hand with both of his own and would not let go. He held the palm and the back of the hand from both sides. The man remained caught by Eunseong, his arm extended awkwardly.

Because they could not see each other’s faces, because the vision was blocked by pitch-black darkness making it impossible to discern anything, and because he did not have to look into the eyes that were condemning themselves, Eunseong held onto him and would not let go. Feeling as if he might commit another act of madness toward him, his emotions and his flesh were heightening with a feverish heat at the same time.

“No one… no one will know. There’s no one here but us.”

“I know.”

“….”

“And you know, too.”

At the fact that he was conscious of their blood relation and was rejecting him for that reason, Eunseong wanted to hold onto his hand even more. If the man just looked at him as a child and had no feelings at all, he felt like he could give up. If he were only treating him with the responsibility of an adult, it would be right to fold away his feelings of liking him.

But that didn’t seem to be it. He was exercising extreme restraint. Every time that suppressed, killed voice trembled, Eunseong could not help but fall into the illusion that he was barely managing to look away from something.

“It doesn’t matter to me. I… I’m fine with it.”

“Eunseong.”

As if pleading for him to stop, as if listening were painful, Yoo Siun earnestly called Eunseong’s name. Even though he could have shaken him off with brute force, he continued to give his hand to Eunseong; unable to offer any rejection, he called Eunseong’s name with a voice sinking helplessly, begging him to please stop, to stop right here.

“Then can’t we just test it once?”

“…What.”

“Let’s, let’s… let’s kiss.”

“….”

The hand caught by Eunseong twitched. Even though he couldn’t see it, the image of Yoo Siun’s startled gaze naturally formed in his head.

“Just once… . If we do, I won’t like you from tomorrow on, Mister. I’ll go study abroad, too. I’ll go wherever you tell me to go. I’ll do whatever you say. So, let’s kiss.”

It wasn’t that the man’s hand was trying to escape, but Eunseong gripped it even tighter. He could feel the pulse in Yoo Siun’s hand. He firmly held the throbbing sensation and the large, rustling, dry hand. The pulsing rhythm of the fluttering blood vessels became distinct.

“…Just once, okay?”

The one who should have been entreating was Yoo Siun. And yet, Eunseong was the one pleading. If he had merely resonated with him, he would have clung to him while rubbing his lower body recklessly like last time.

But Eunseong was asking for a kiss. An act of kissing was the most distant behavior from the savage instincts of resonance. The resonance Yoo Siun knew was solely a beast-like mating devoid of affection.

Yoo Siun, who had considered it simple resonance and thought that Eunseong might not truly like him, felt his heart tremble as if it were surging. However, he was an adult. He had promised Eunseong’s father to protect and keep him, and for that purpose, he had brought Eunseong into his domain.

“Then I’ll never… never talk about this again.”

The voice begging for a kiss from the man who responded only with silence was on the verge of tears.

Yoo Siun slowly pulled his hand away so as not to embarrass Eunseong. He kept his movements as minimal as possible. He was afraid the sensor light would react and brighten the surroundings. He would see Eunseong’s face, and Eunseong would see Yoo Siun’s face. Yoo Siun wanted to hide his face in the darkness now more desperately than ever before.

“If I do that to you, I’m nothing more than human trash.”

“….”

“Consult with the Manager and choose a school slowly. I’ll have them prepare it.”

“….”

“…Then, I’m going.”

Yoo Siun turned around. The moment he moved, the surroundings brightened. It was a light that struck the eyeballs.

Yoo Siun, standing with his back turned, pressed the elevator down button and deliberately stared straight ahead with a stiff posture.

There was no movement at all from behind him. He wanted to see with what kind of eyes Eunseong was looking at him. The impulse to turn around rose like a tidal wave that was hard to handle.

He clenched his fists tight. He held them so hard the backs of his hands looked ready to burst and did not turn his head. He was afraid of what he might do if he turned back now, if he saw Eunseong’s face. He might commit an act that wouldn’t even rank among human trash. His desire might eventually crumble his convictions.

“….”

He waited anxiously only for the elevator to arrive. This felt like what the erosion of reason and the intellect built up over time would be like. He felt like he would go crazy with the desire to embrace Eunseong and kiss him with all his might.

Just as his clenched hands were trembling under increasing strength, the elevator finally arrived. Even before the doors opened their mouth, he took a few steps first and hurriedly climbed inside.

As he did, Yoo Siun’s eyes, as he turned around, met the eyes of Eunseong, who was standing there alone, looking at him. At the same time, the tears gathered in Eunseong’s eyes spilled over and fell down his cheeks.

“….”

“….”

The elevator doors, with nothing pressed, closed automatically with a slide. He just stood there without pressing the button for the underground parking lot.

Standing stupidly, he met his own eyes reflected in the steel door. Unclenching his tight fists, Yoo Siun closed his eyes tightly and then opened them. He painfully pressed the number to go down to the basement. Only then did the elevator carry him and descend below.

“Since you need a language score first to be admitted, it will be better to go for language training for about a year while you adjust. It’s a campus where semester-based language training is possible, and it’s near the London Eye. Since it’s a dormitory system, you’ll make a lot of friends, too.”

Manager Nam turned the tablet screen and pushed it toward Eunseong. Eunseong stared at the building that looked like an old castle on the screen he offered and nodded his head as if he were uninterested. It was an indifference that seemed somewhat absent-minded.

“That place looks good.”

“Could you please look at it properly before you speak?”

“I said it’s good. I’ll go with this one.”

“….”

Manager Nam looked wonderingly at Eunseong, who was reacting quite indifferently even though it was a matter regarding his own future. At his blatant look, Eunseong lifted his gaze slightly.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because it’s strange. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened.”

“This one here is a language school in New York.”

“I hate that place.”

He hadn’t even finished his sentence, but as soon as the word “New York” came out, Eunseong rejected it with hatred. The firmness was almost fierce.

“Earlier, you said the other one was unconditionally good without even looking at it properly, but you’re determined to hate this one without a second thought?”

Because it was a matter of deciding where Eunseong would be staying in the future, Manager Nam was on edge. If Eunseong went abroad, security would become more difficult, and controlling things as if looking at the palm of his hand, as he did now, would be impossible.

That wasn’t all. He had to finish the paperwork to wash Eunseong’s identity, and he had mountain-loads of work, such as newly selecting the language school, the house, and the security personnel. Since the person concerned was uncooperative and even lukewarm about everything, Manager Nam felt his chest tighten more and more the busier his mind became, wondering for whose benefit he was doing this.

“Mister was in New York. Cornell? That’s a university in New York, right?”

“The university the CEO graduated from and the place you’re going, Eunseong, are as far apart in distance as Seoul and Busan. And you can never get into Cornell, Eunseong. No, even getting near it is difficult.”

He deliberately spoke sarcastically to see if he could stimulate even a bit of the competitive spirit of the Eunseong who would usually jump in and ask why he couldn’t get in or say he could if he tried, but it was in vain.

“I’m not going to Busan or Jeju Island. It’s still in the same New York. I’m going to the place farthest from New York. To places like Finland, Iceland, or Norway. To the other side of the planet from Mister.”

“Those places are too far and they aren’t English-speaking areas.”

“Then I’ll go to London.”

“…Haa, have you decided on this place, then?”

Manager Nam manipulated the tablet to bring back the photo of the London language campus he had shown earlier.

“Yes, there. I like the campus where you can see the London Eye.”

“Do you even know what the London Eye is?”

“I’m not interested in London elementary schoolers.”

“….”

Manager Nam’s meaningful gaze stared persistently at Eunseong. With eyes that showed no interest at all, Eunseong took the tablet and swiped through the photos as if he would at least look at it in detail from now on, checking the London campus where he would go for language training.

He looked devoid of energy, and he looked even more lacking in motivation despite it being a meeting to discuss his future. Still, since he had studied hard while preparing for the entrance exam, the Manager had been somewhat relieved, thinking there would be no worries even if he sent him abroad alone later, but now none of that enthusiasm remained. Far from the expectation of grabbing a new opportunity or the hope of going to a place where he could spread his dreams, the fact that he had to send someone who acted as if it were someone else’s business alone to a foreign land thousands of miles away made Manager Nam feel dizzy.