Place to Be Chapter 36

Jang Wigeon looked slightly puzzled when Seo Chiyoung brought up such an unexpected topic, but he waited in silence for Seo Chiyoung to continue.

Seo Chiyoung revived memories from a long time ago. Although it was somewhat far from his house, it wasn’t a distance that couldn’t be covered on foot. So, back then, when his mood wasn’t great or when he felt idle and bored, he used to cross this bridge as if taking a stroll. That was how it was until high school. Before his family collapsed just before graduation.

“But around the time I finished my third year of high school, my father’s business went bankrupt. A debt so large that I’ll have to keep paying it back for a long time was created, and making a living became urgent. Because I had to work without a single moment of rest during the hours the subway was running, I didn’t have the luxury to leisurely cross the bridge. Even if I occasionally thought of it and dragged my exhausted body here, it had to be in the middle of the night, so unless it was for work during the day, I couldn’t cross the bridge during the hours when the subway, cars, and people all passed together.”

Still, he visited occasionally at night. Since it was a period when he always suffered from a constant lack of sleep, it would have been better to close his eyes for even a moment during that time, but sometimes, even with a mind so dazed he felt like he might faint, reminiscing about old memories was more important than rest. When it was so hard and hopeless that he wanted to die, or when he felt like he just wanted to close his eyes and never open them again.

In the middle of the night, after finishing work, how many times had he dragged his exhausted legs here to cry in silence? All alone, without any family, at a time when he couldn’t even breathe, crushed by a burden far too heavy for someone that young to bear.

“Back then, I can’t tell you how earnestly I thought about how much I wanted to leisurely walk across here just once during the hours when the subway, people, and cars all passed by. It’s such a trivial thing, but I really wanted to do that… and then, I came to see it. At dawn. Throwing aside my dawn shifts and everything. Because it was so hard that I truly couldn’t endure it any longer…”

Seo Chiyoung fell silent.

Yes, because he couldn’t endure it, because it was so hard he couldn’t even breathe, he had come to die. At that time, it felt like there was no other way. So that dawn, when he normally should have been heading to work while rubbing his heavy eyes, he had come here.

“…It was so fascinating to see all three passing the bridge together that I just kept staring. From the time the subway started running until the sun came up. I’d already seen it enough to be sick of it and there was nothing fascinating about it, but it was just so fascinating then. So I sat down around here and just kept staring blankly.”

Seo Chiyoung laughed in spite of himself. Why was that so fascinating? But back then, he truly felt that way. Every time a subway train passed, with cars passing beside it and himself watching that scene, Seo Chiyoung was entranced as if watching the most amazing movie in the world.

A person leaning against the subway door reading a newspaper, a person passing by dozing off on a bus, a person crossing the bridge running in a tracksuit in the early morning, a person crying, a person laughing, a person who was sad, a person who was happy…

“While I was staring blankly like that, this thought occurred to me. Everyone is walking through their own life, and they have the portion assigned to them… it might look unfair at a glance, but after a lot of time passes and I look back on my own single life, I wondered if I might be able to consider that it was a valid weight within that life.”

Seo Chiyoung stared at the tracks where no more subway trains would pass today, and like the silent tracks, he closed his mouth.

That dawn, in the cold air, Seo Chiyoung had cried for a long time.

The person on the bus, the person on the subway, and the person walking—they all see Seo Chiyoung’s crying within their own lives. Just as he sees them within his.

Seo Chiyoung turned his gaze away after staring at the tracks for a long time. Jang Wigeon was looking at Seo Chiyoung. There was no way to know what he was thinking, as he had been listening to Seo Chiyoung without a single word for a while now. But there was one thing.

“…Since then, I have never desired anything that wasn’t my portion.”

He did not covet or want what wasn’t given to him. Seo Chiyoung knew exactly where the limits of what was given to him in his life were, and he didn’t get greedy beyond that.

So, this man, too.

Seo Chiyoung had never been greedy.

“…”

It seemed as if Jang Wigeon’s lips twitched. However, just as it seemed he might say something, he closed his mouth again, and only a quiet gaze returned to Seo Chiyoung.

“I like you.”

It was the same when Seo Chiyoung said that quietly.

With his eyes slightly widened and his jaw tensed, he seemed to want to say something, but Jang Wigeon did not answer immediately. Only after a long silence did he heavily open his mouth.

“I like you too, Mr. Chiyoung. I want to continue knowing you for a long time. But I don’t like you in the way you like me.”

The answer finally came to the feelings he had carried for over ten years. That answer contained a rejection, but Seo Chiyoung nodded calmly. Yes, he nodded as if he had known it would be so.

It would be a lie to say he didn’t feel a sense of regret at all. However, the feeling of a single chapter finally ending was neither as difficult nor as new as he had thought.

Seo Chiyoung let out a quiet sigh.

“I see…. Yes.”

Muttering like that as if to convince himself, Seo Chiyoung raised his gaze from his feet. And he looked at Jang Wigeon standing in front of him.

“That’s fine, then. That’s what I wanted too. In the future, for a long time…. I look forward to your continued friendship.”

Seo Chiyoung bowed his head. Somehow it felt very formal and he felt a bit shy, but when he raised his awkward gaze to steal a glance at Jang Wigeon, Jang Wigeon was looking at Seo Chiyoung with a strange expression. As if surprised, as if amused, as if relieved.

The corners of his mouth, where his smile had vanished for a while, curved softly, and he bowed back politely, saying, “I look forward to it as well.”

After bowing so formally, he felt somewhat embarrassed, so Seo Chiyoung blinked awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. It felt as though the air that had been frozen quietly between them finally began to flow softly again.

Jang Wigeon had his usual face on, and though he couldn’t pinpoint exactly why, he wore a smile that seemed somehow happier than other times, while Seo Chiyoung just kept his head down, feeling inexplicably bashful.

“Shall we go then? It must be cold since the river breeze is strong.”

Eventually, Jang Wigeon spoke to Seo Chiyoung as he made a move to walk, and Seo Chiyoung, who felt cold as he said and was also a bit awkward, quickly replied, “Yes,” and followed after him.

This time, Jang Wigeon walked ahead. And Seo Chiyoung followed behind him. But the distance between them had narrowed to about one or two steps, and that distance had narrowed even more by the time they finished crossing the bridge and entered the familiar alleyway.

∞ ∞ ∞

The day had been overcast since evening, and as night fell, it began to rain.

Since the weather had been clear until late afternoon, many people who hadn’t brought umbrellas might have been in trouble, but fortunately, it only started raining around the time Seo Chiyoung was preparing to close the shop. Seo Chiyoung thought it was a relief that it rained after most people had returned home, and while taking cleaning supplies out of the cabinet, he also pulled out a plastic umbrella he had kept as a spare.

Thinking that those two also didn’t seem to have umbrellas and must have made it home by now, Seo Chiyoung looked at the clock, which was past 2:00 AM. Since Yoon Junyoung and Jang Wigeon, who had stopped by late tonight as well, had left around midnight, it wouldn’t be strange if they had already arrived home, washed up, and fallen asleep.

Perhaps because it was Saturday night—or Sunday, considering it was past midnight—even the last customers, who had stayed later than usual, had left a short while ago, and if Seo Chiyoung finished cleaning and went back now, he would finally have a rare day off tomorrow. Normally, he would go to the factory and work for several hours every Sunday dawn—a few hours from now—but since the last Sunday of every month was a day off, he could go home and rest like this today.