Chapter 139
I tightened my grip around Kim Hyeyeon’s hand.
“Woohyun wasn’t hurt. He’s healthy. He just needs time. Just like you need time too, Ms. Kim Hyeyeon.”
Her eyes wandered through empty space.
“……They pushed me in.”
She started speaking.
Her words lacked clear structure… an excuse, a desperate cry, a form of self-defense.
“The monsters were coming from the front, and they pushed me in… said I had to… be the shield while they ran away. That’s what they said, so… so…”
There was no expression on her tear-streaked face.
Only the trembling of her voice and the breaths breaking between sentences stood in place of emotion.
It was as if she didn’t even have the strength to form expressions anymore, so I didn’t point it out.
Kim Hyeyeon gasped for breath, as if trying to suppress the flood of trauma rising inside her.
“Dad reached out his hand, but the door… the door, the door wouldn’t open… and my hands kept… There was blood, blood kept building up… so they kept slipping…”
…What had been briefly summarized in the group chat before was now unfolding in detail.
This was something Kim Woohyun didn’t fully know.
Or more likely… something she never told him.
He’s still a minor, after all.
Kim Hyeyeon reflexively clenched her fist.
Worried her barely healing wounds would reopen, I gently pried her hand open and pressed it softly.
Clenching fists could be a nonverbal way of enduring pain.
So I loosened her grip, but maintained a sense of pressure.
‘So–’
Right in front of her father, they pushed his child forward to use her as a shield.
I knew they weren’t in their right minds, but still…
‘The way her father cried every time she had an episode…’
I had called them trash.
A trash group.
But I hadn’t imagined they were this bad.
What kind of parent pushes their child into danger like that… right in front of them?
Did they think the parent would just stand by?
Kim Hyeyeon continued rambling.
Her father had reached out his hand, but she couldn’t grab it… and only after he practically broke the door down could she get out.
And when she did… she saw them pushing someone else in.
—
[Oh my. As expected, humans are such vile creatures.]
[Struggling like vermin just to survive,,, does life even have that much value? Is it worth going this far?]
[Among all species in the universe, humans must rank quite high in how despicable they can be toward their own kind.]
[A species where even the instinct for survival and reproduction can become this distorted… how fascinating!]
—
Kim Hyeyeon muttered blankly:
“So…”
So…
She knew she couldn’t stay like this.
For the sake of others, too.
And yet… she collapsed inward, empty.
“…I don’t know what I can do. With a body like this… what… what can I even do…”
“……”
“I… maybe… back then… I should have…”
I cut her off.
“No.”
I knew what she was about to say.
People driven to this point follow patterns.
At first, they curse and resent everything… anger.
Then comes sorrow and injustice… why did this have to happen to me?
And after that… many begin to turn inward.
If only I hadn’t been there.
If only I had been better.
If only I were stronger.
Me.
Me.
Me.
Every form of self-blame begins with me… cutting themselves down, until no self-worth remains.
‘There is no such thing.’
If you hadn’t been there, if you had been better… would it really not have happened?
I wasn’t a fatalist.
This wasn’t about destiny.
But if everything were inevitable, then blame the fate or the god that made it so.
Not yourself.
Even if you had been better, even if you weren’t there… it still could have happened.
That kind of self-blame has no meaning.
Because it already happened.
Hypotheticals don’t change anything.
They only hurt you more.
It wasn’t because you were lacking.
There was no reason you were chosen.
And even if there were… it wouldn’t justify it.
“Ms. Kim Hyeyeon, this isn’t your fault.”
In that moment… they just needed a scapegoat.
And that scapegoat happened to be you.
It was a simple, clear statement… and yet it could still hurt.
I knew that.
But I wasn’t trying to hurt her.
‘With these words–’
I wanted to tell her: she had no fault.
“It’s not because you should have done better, or because you should have been a better person. It’s just…”
Just…
“They were the ones at fault.”
I continued:
“Don’t project their wrongdoing onto yourself.”
Blaming others is difficult.
Because it brings guilt.
Because people don’t want to be hated.
But in situations like this, someone else has already proven their hatred toward you.
And it’s hard to accept that fully.
So instead, people look for fault within themselves.
Because it’s harder to accept that, in someone else’s world, you are someone to be rejected… without reason.
Everyone wants to be loved.
No one wants to be hated or despised for no reason.
So people break their own world to fit into someone else’s.
Even knowing it leads to self-destruction, they choose to believe ‘I must be the problem…’ to avoid the idea that they might never be accepted.
“It’s not your fault.”
“…Then why… me…”
Why did it have to be me?
Why did they hate me?
Why deny me?
Why reject my very existence?
The answer… was simple.
Too simple… which is why it hurt.
A sentence everyone knows… but rarely applies.
“…Some people live selfishly.”
Humans are often selfish.
Because the ones who hurt you weren’t human enough to protect or consider you.
Extreme individualism, extreme selfishness… it borders on narcissism.
As if they are the only ones in the world.
As if everything must serve their survival… even if it hurts others.
That’s narcissism.
Being consumed by self-love.
“There are people who don’t love anything except themselves.”
Saying they acted that way just to survive… was absurd.
Who in this world isn’t struggling to survive?
But not everyone abandons their humanity.
Not everyone chooses to act that way.
So don’t justify it.
“I know this might sound selfish too. But really…”
It would probably sound selfish.
She might not fully understand.
Even so…
“You were unlucky. It’s not your fault. Being closest to the door, not being able to resist when people pushed you, not being able to open the closed door… none of it is your fault.”
Life is full of chance.
Selfish people happened to push the person standing closest to the door.
That’s all it was.
None of it was her fault.
“You can stay like this a little longer. Because we’re human. Unlike those people who pushed you, we want you to get better. We want you to rest. We want you to feel at peace.”
Her world wasn’t with them.
It was here.
These people understood her.
At night, they avoided even walking near her room so she could sleep peacefully.
During the day, they kept their voices low so she wouldn’t be startled.
People like this exist.
People who live together with others.
So…
“You can rest a little longer. Rest until you feel okay, and move when you want to move. If it’s hard, don’t do it. You don’t have to. We’re not excluding you. We’re saying you can rest longer. There are people who will wait for you.”
Move when it becomes your season.
Because that will be better… for you, and for all of us.
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