Pheromone Off Chapter 38

He is always like this. A man who is cold-hearted and nonchalant, yet knows how to maintain appropriate boundaries. A man who displays goodwill toward him as if it were only natural. A man who naturally does not ignore him. Hajin’s lips trembled faintly. He had not expected him to grant his request. Perhaps because of that, before he even realized it….

“Am I… not an option?”

“What?”

He scowled as if he had misheard. Hajin rubbed his forehead, hesitating. It was a word that had tumbled out recklessly, but if he could truly help, he wanted to help.

“…Would it not work if it were me?”

As Hajin brought up the words with difficulty once more, a stillness descended upon them as if the very flow of air had been severed in that instant. Kwon Sayoung also seemed surprised, slowly lowering his tilted head to stare intently at Hajin. Many things could be read in those eyes. Fluster, and a certain look that had been visible several times before. Look at this? A gaze where a peculiar interest was rising.

“Do you know what you are saying right now?”

“…If it’s not an Omega, does it have… no effect?”

He let out a dumbfounded laugh. Hajin could not tell for sure whether he found that ignorant question naive or pathetic, but he soon stopped laughing and answered kindly.

“…There is an effect, of course.”

“…”

“Though it wouldn’t settle easily.”

He slowly stood up from his seat and approached.

“Sex.”

“…”

“…Have you even done it before?”

Hajin’s lips trembled finely. Whether it was because of the provocation from the dominant Alpha standing before his eyes, it felt as if he could perceive pheromones that he shouldn’t even be able to smell. He had merely asked leisurely, but Hajin somehow found himself shrinking back.

As Hajin shook his head from side to side, a derisive laugh descended over his head.

“Not even with a woman?”

At the relentlessly pressing question, Hajin looked at him with a somewhat sullen face. It was a tone that completely disregarded him. However, whichever the case, it was true that he had no experience, so Hajin nodded his head with a slightly resentful face. At that, the man, who had been laughing in the back of his throat, flashed a broad, arrogant smile and spoke up once more.

“You really like me, don’t you.”

In that instant, Hajin’s face grew hot enough to feel sultry. It was a fact that had already been found out, so it wasn’t surprising, but because he suddenly lunged in with a sharp stab, he could not hide his fluster.

“…Pardon?”

“It means you’re offering your first time to me.”

At the successive explicit remarks, Hajin felt as if his face would burst. It felt like he was the one getting cornered, despite being the one who brought up the topic first.

“It—It is my first time, but… I didn’t bring it up with that kind of meaning….”

“You bring up such words carelessly when you don’t even have experience.”

“…Is experience that important?”

“A fellow like you, who doesn’t know a thing about sex and has never even experienced an estrus cycle, can handle my rut?”

“Targeting me, huh?”

“Even if you are young, do you have any thoughts at all?”

“Targeting me, huh?”

“Or do you want to sleep with me using that as an excuse?”

It was happening again. Those eyes trying to pierce through his intentions. Hajin glared at him once more with a resentful face. It wasn’t like that. But, he was the one acting in a way that caused such a misunderstanding. Because Hajin knew that full well, he averted his gaze and let out a short sigh.

“It’s just because I’m grateful.”

And he continued speaking lowly.

“…Because you granted my request.”

“Solely because of that?”

“In truth, I thought you wouldn’t grant it.”

“…”

“…Because I thought it was a presumptuous request.”

A self-deprecating voice leaked out from between Hajin’s lips. Whether it was an unexpected answer, his face, which had been measuring him the entire time, distorted a little.

“So because I’m grateful….”

“…”

“If it felt like it had another meaning, I am sorry.”

Hajin spoke stiffly, giving a polite bow.

“…Ha.”

“If you are really not feeling well….”

“…”

“You can sleep with hyung.”

“…”

“You can ignore my request.”

He had absolutely no intention of holding onto a sick person and throwing a tantrum.

“I said it… because I didn’t know well.”

“…”

“Though I know about ruts and heats from watching my hyungs… I… didn’t know that your body would feel unwell if you didn’t do it.”

Hajin made an effort to continue his words as calmly as possible with a face riddled with embarrassment. Once again, the man could not hide his dumbfounded breath.

“…I really can’t fathom you.”

He muttered as if talking to himself, looking down at him with displeasure. Hajin could not understand why he held that kind of face when he was telling him that he didn’t have to grant the request. He remained silent for a moment, then let out a derisive laugh and glanced at him.

“Rather, act honestly like you did just now.”

“…”

“Who knows? If it gets urgent, I might really need even someone like you.”

“I really….”

“You can’t back out now even if you say that belatedly.”

“…”

“Because I do not reverse a decision once I’ve made it.”

Those were words in which his pride could be felt. Whether he was displeased by his reversal, asking him to take back a decision once made, his brow was already narrowed nicely. When Hajin could not hide his brief fluster, unable to tell where he had provoked his temper, the man walked past him as if his business was done.

“Then, can I.”

“…”

“Just… gain experience?”

Hajin continued speaking quietly toward him as he walked past. He faltered and looked back at Hajin again.

“What?”

“…If it’s not a kid who doesn’t know about experience and doesn’t know about ruts.”

“…”

“I wondered if it would be okay.”

If he wasn’t going to reverse the decision…. Hajin recalled once more the reason he had said it wouldn’t work. Treatment like a child who truly knew nothing. Hajin suddenly remembered the conversation he had shared with Seong Yeonwoo.

‘Because I have no interest in that kind of kid.’

His appearance as he threw out those words easily as if it were amusing. He still viewed him as a mere child who knew nothing. That was more bitter than anything else.

“It is not a matter to talk about so easily. Even Omegas get hurt. But a Beta like you?”

“Targeting me, huh?”

“A kid who has no experience with men, and doesn’t even have it with women, keeps insisting on what he’s going to do.”

“Targeting me, huh?”

“This is not a matter to throw a tantrum over.”

“…I’m not that young.”

He really spoke as if Hajin knew nothing. That was something he said because he didn’t know well. Though he didn’t have a first experience, he knew what an estrus cycle was, and he knew well what that experience was like. He had lived in a house where a separate building explicitly for spending one’s estrus cycle existed. Seong Suhyun took inducing agents just to enjoy estrus sex, enjoying those acts with Omegas. And he committed perverted and voyeuristic acts, making him watch it.

“I don’t know nothing.”

Hajin stared at him with clear eyes. Everything else was fine, but he himself questioned why he uniquely hated the way he viewed him as a mere child.

Receiving the gaze that confronted him clearly, Kwon Sayoung narrowed his brow slightly. He seemed to contemplate for a moment, but soon turned his steps again. He opened the guest room door next to the main bedroom and gave a short nod of his head toward it.

“Stop talking nonsense and go in quickly to sleep.”

“…”

“You’re still at an age to grow taller.”

He treated him like a child lightly once more and vanished into the bedroom first. It seemed he didn’t know his true feelings at all. It wasn’t a word brought up simply because he wanted him. It was because his heart was light. It was because of a heart that was easily shaken by simple things, by light things. But he really hadn’t brought it up with that kind of intention. Not because he wanted to sleep with him, or wanted to steal his hyung’s lover using that as an excuse…

But it was understandable that he thought that way. It was understandable that he thought of it as a impure intention, and he was aware that it was an action capable of inviting such a misunderstanding. Hajin let out a short sigh, regretting his thoughtless behavior.

How stupid. Hajin struck his own head a couple of times with a thud. He wondered if he was this stupid because he didn’t have a brain for studying. Hajin lamented lowly and slowly headed toward his bedroom. Whatever the result, in the end, it only amounted to his feelings being found out further. He had no more words left to make an excuse.

࣪˖ ִֶָ🍇་༘

He was truly treating him like a child. Of course, he was much younger than him, but he didn’t think it was a matter to be treated like a child to this extent. Several months had passed since he became an adult, and no matter how lacking in experience he was, it was an age where he knew everything he needed to know. When the Seohyeon house was at the main estate, would he be ignorant of such things? Because of Seong Suhyun, he had even taken the process of sex into his own eyes directly. Of course, he had vomited after being forced to watch it, but he wasn’t a total ignoramus who knew absolutely nothing from scratch.

But he was giving him that kind of treatment. Though it was a word that had tumbled out abruptly, it wasn’t a word spoken easily. It wasn’t a word brought up because he wanted to do sexual things with him either; he just wanted to do whatever he could if it could help him.

His unrequited love had never once been consumed by sexual emotions. Harboring him in his heart was a shallow goodwill, a duty as a human being, and if pushed, a platonic emotion. He had derived his unrequited love from respect for that person, goodwill, fondness, and those kinds of feelings held alone. He had curiosity toward things like sexual attraction, but a mind like wanting to sleep with him—he had never even held such a thing. Of course, it was a matter where he could misunderstand like that, but what was more resentful was that he truly viewed him as a child. Even down to scoffing just because he had no experience.