Your Majesty, Dinner Is Ready. – Chapter 14 – Lovey-Dovey, Hip-Hip Hooray

Author: Cireng

Chapter 14 – Lovey-Dovey, Hip-Hip Hooray

Half-elves were a race that inherited only the worst traits of both elves and humans.

Humans. Physically weak, but a race with the potential to choose any class.

Elves. Limited in class diversity, but born with innate Mysteries.

And half-elves…

They had poor physical abilities and couldn’t freely choose their classes.

A hopeless hybrid.

Still, as the ancient proverb left behind by our ancestors says:

“Even a maggot has a talent for wriggling.”

Even the most unfortunate people usually have at least one thing to be proud of.

【It’s been ages since my eyes felt so refreshed! Pretty one, are you a half-elf?】

“Yes.”

【I knew it. Your race is pitiful in many ways, but your appearance is precious beyond compare. Rejoice. You’ve already completely won me over!】

The one and only advantage of half-elves…

Their exceptionally high Charm stat.

It often became a disadvantage inside labyrinths…

But when becoming one of Su’eje’s cultists, it was an overwhelming advantage.

【Pretty one, raise your chin just a little more.】

I obediently complied.

【Hmm…? Smile for me just once more. Just once.】

“I refuse.”

【What did you say?】

“Not just once. Twice, three times… I’ll smile whenever you wish.”

I displayed the natural-looking smile I’d perfected while dealing with Manager Choi, the demon from my previous company.

From somewhere unimaginably far away…

I faintly heard an odd laugh.

“Hehehe…”

【You speak just as beautifully as your face. What’s your name?】

“Kar.”

【Kar. Would you like to become my Apostle?】

An Apostle…

In terms of a Good God’s church, it was equivalent to a Cardinal ranking directly beneath the Pope.

“…”

If I accepted, I could become an Apostle immediately.

The price, however, would be gaining the abnormal status [Fanatic], causing me to blindly pursue the faith Su’eje desired.

I’d experienced it before.

It wasn’t particularly pleasant.

[What nonsense! If you become Su’eje’s Apostle, Lord Lidni will be deeply hurt!]

Since he lacked enough worshippers to even muster the power to curse me…

Even his threats felt rather pathetic.

I shook my head and politely declined.

“I am still woefully lacking in the ability to bear such an exalted title as Apostle.”

【That’s not wrong.】

“I’ll climb the ranks step by step, beginning as an ordinary believer. Even if I start from the bottom, my firmly established faith will never waver.”

【What an admirable child!】

[:-(]

Lidni and Eyes That Perceive the Truth still seemed worried I’d abandon my faith.

A pointless concern.

The Evil God I worshipped with all my heart and soul would always be Lidni alone.

That didn’t mean I rejected the other Evil Gods, however.

Just because you have a favorite member in an idol group doesn’t mean you hate the others.

【But pretty one, you’re already serving that old fossil of Twisted Truth. Will you really be alright?】

Concern suddenly colored Su’eje’s oracle.

【If someone tries serving multiple Evil Gods at once, they’ll inevitably go insane. Well… if insanity were all that happened, it’d actually be fortunate. More often than not, their mind simply melts away.】

【I want you… But I don’t want you to lose your life.】

For an Evil God…

Those were surprisingly gentle words.

Kindness born from fear.

Fear that, with so few remaining believers, acting as demanding as before might erase every last shred of faith directed toward them.

A stark contrast to a certain deity who constantly muttered,

“Things weren’t like this in the old days… I’ll be fine.”

I continued with what I considered a rather splendid smile.

“My mind isn’t so fragile that it’d split apart from the overwhelming honor of worshipping multiple Evil Gods at once.”

【Really?】

Su’eje’s presence briefly swept through my consciousness before withdrawing.

【Oh…? You’re right. There won’t be any problems.】

【How should I put this… It doesn’t feel sturdy so much as… it already melted once, then hardened into something that won’t change anymore.】

I silently nodded.

‘So those Traits really carried over.’

Before waking up in this world…

I’d been writing a strategy guide.

A comprehensive guide filled with every bit of knowledge I’d accumulated.

Had I managed to publish it…

I’m confident it would’ve completely overturned the common belief that the Cultist class was irredeemable garbage.

And now…

I possessed everything I’d written into that guide.

Starting Faith: Twisted Truth.

Race: Half-Elf.

Then naturally…

The Traits should be the same as well.

【I’ve never seen such a peculiar mental structure. No matter how many Evil Gods you worship, your mind won’t break.】

Trait [True Believer] and Trait [Rusted Mind].

The former earned the favor of every Evil God.

The latter halved your starting Sanity, but removed the penalties from worshipping multiple deities.

Combined…

Just as Su’eje said…

They allowed one to become a multi-cultist, serving numerous Evil Gods without losing one’s mind.

“Then I can rest easy. I’ll gladly embrace Your authority, Lord Su’eje.”

【If you won’t break, then there’s no reason to hesitate!】

Crackle!

A burning pain shot through my collarbone.

Lifting my clothes to check…

A jet-black lightning tattoo had appeared there.

[Mark of the Violent Thundercloud.]

[To think I must now share you with that disgusting Su’eje. The Wise One is absolutely furious…]

Honestly…

Its design looked far cooler than Lidni’s eyeball emblem.

As I silently admired the tattoo, which radiated mysterious power…

That middle-aged-sounding chuckle echoed again.

“Hehehe…”

【Pretty one… are you already trying to seduce me with your looks?】

“…”

I lifted my shirt even higher.

A premium service for the deity I’d just begun serving.

Apparently pleased…

Su’eje’s voice became bright and cheerful.

【You… really know how to entertain a god.】

“I have my talents.”

【These days, everyone’s faith is pitifully lacking in both quality and quantity… but perhaps you’ll be different. Listen carefully while I explain what your religious duties will be!】

I already knew.

Still…

I pretended to listen attentively.

【First, my cultists must maintain their beauty. If they’re ugly, they wear masks. If they’re merely average, they work hard to improve themselves. But you… You can just stay exactly as you are.】

The first religious duty of a Cultist of the Filthy Skies:

Become handsome.

Already accomplished, thanks to being a half-elf.

【Next, using that handsome face, you must spend every day playing lovey-dovey games with a different handsome man! But these days, there are so few believers that I simply count it if you chat with one for about ten minutes a day.】

“…”

The second religious duty:

Interact with handsome men.

Is this really something a deity would demand?

Well…

Considering their warped way of thinking and behavior…

It was hardly surprising they were called Evil Gods.

Back when the Fire Ant Nest still existed in the real Western Continent…

The temples of the Filthy Skies held embarrassingly suggestive festivals every single day.

Compared to that…

Nowadays, with their influence diminished, merely talking was enough.

“Is that all?”

【You say that as though it’s nothing. Should I really place my expectations on you?】

“Of course. I, Kar, am a half-elf capable of doing anything if it is my Evil God’s command.”

【Oh, you adorable thing! I’ll grant you a basic Mystery as well!】

Another sharp pain spread across my collarbone.

Below the stylish lightning tattoo…

A tiny baby lightning tattoo appeared.

[First-Tier Mystery — Black Lightning Blossom (Growth-Type)]

[Allows you to control pitiful black lightning. Ugh… how terribly unimpressive! Even the name is awful.]

The name was rather disappointing.

Su’eje’s Mysteries were all filled with childish puns that were notoriously difficult to translate.

The Korean localization team had certainly suffered.

【I’m looking forward to seeing what you do. Goodbye!】

With those final words…

The prickling current throughout my body vanished as Su’eje’s presence faded away.

I straightened my clothes and stood.

[Hmph. Happy now? Go have fun with Su’eje.]

“What does Lord Lidni have to say?”

[The Wise One invokes the right to remain silent.]

He was definitely sulking.

But who exactly did he think I was?

I’d spent thousands of playthroughs serving an Evil God whose temperament was even narrower than the child Marlin and Abel.

I knew exactly how to coax Lidni.

“Lord Lidni. I’ll rest today, and tomorrow I’ll spend the entire day at the library devoted to my religious practice.”

Picking up Su’eje’s idol and climbing the stairs…

A line of text quietly appeared before my eyes.

[The Great One smiles in satisfaction. :)]

As expected.

He really was an easy Evil God to deal with.

***

The hideout of the Stalker Ghouls.

The Fire Ant Nest.

The organization responsible for analyzing the Hidden Pieces I’d reported from those two labyrinths was Seeking Lantern, the Harmony Church’s labyrinth research priesthood.

It would probably take around four days to finish.

Meaning…

I wouldn’t receive the remainder of the payment until several days later.

But the rumors would spread long before then.

After all…

A rookie explorer had discovered two Hidden Pieces in succession.

Even priests known for their discretion would inevitably whisper about something like that.

‘Which means… It’s about time.’

After obtaining permission from a Holy Knight of the Spear of Order guarding the entrance to Cultist Town…

I headed toward District Six’s only library.

My only companion was Abel, whose injured ankle had mostly recovered.

Marlin had been left behind.

The muscle soreness from conquering the labyrinth had completely bedridden her.

“Sponsor. Why are we going to the library?”

Abel asked in awkward honorifics that didn’t quite suit his youthful appearance.

He’d been displaying excessive loyalty ever since yesterday.

Even when I told him to stop, he wouldn’t listen, so I’d simply let him continue.

If I brought up how boldly he’d questioned me when we first met…

He’d immediately try to prostrate himself flat on the ground, making it impossible to tease him anymore.

He was desperately trying to make up for his mistake.

‘Slum children really are different.’

To think even a twelve-year-old knew how to navigate social situations like this.

A neighborhood where rude people were taught manners by having their skulls cracked open.

[Just how terrible is the image of Cultists for a child like him to have picked a fight with you on sight…?]

He’d probably done it because I looked weak.

Considering physical ability alone…

I was indeed weaker than both siblings.

Resting a hand atop Abel’s head, I answered.

“To eat books. Cultists of Twisted Truth have to eat books regularly.”

“I see.”

“I was lying.”

“I see.”

…That wasn’t the reaction I wanted.

His lukewarm response instantly drained my desire to joke around.

If it’d been Marlin, she’d have shouted,

“Then hurry up and go eat one already!”

“Lord Lidni constantly yearns for fresh knowledge. So He expects His believers to pursue lives of diligent study and contemplation as part of their faith.”

“He sounds like a wonderful deity.”

“He’s especially interested in wicked subjects. Like putting others in difficult situations… Driving wedges between close friends… Or collapsing entire social systems.

“…He’s certainly… unique.”

[The Wise One eagerly asks: What knowledge do you intend to seek?]

After walking briskly…

We soon arrived at a shabby building near District Six’s central plaza.

[Leaf of the World Tree]

Despite its lofty name…

The library looked rather worn down.

Old…

But that simply meant it possessed history and tradition.

Ding.

The cheerful chime above the entrance rang as we stepped inside.

A musty smell immediately greeted us.

The librarian, who should’ve been behind the reception counter, was nowhere to be seen.

Since I already knew the library’s layout perfectly…

I walked straight toward the back.

There was a section where books nobody ever borrowed simply gathered dust.

The Aesthetics of Rotten Meat

The Most Efficient Way to Steal Snacks from Children

Hatred of Cucumbers Is Justified

“I can see why none of these books are popular. It’s proof the librarian has completely lost their mind.”

Even among trash…

Occasionally, treasure could be found.

After searching for quite some time…

I finally discovered a book containing genuinely fresh knowledge.

[I’ll Tell You Everything About Nightmare Dungeon!]

A strategy guide for the Nightmare Dungeon.

How could that not be interesting?

At the current point in time…

Only the first four of its fifty floors had been conquered.

So, how exactly did this book plan to explain everything?

[A ridiculous source of information. Everything depends on how vivid the author’s imagination is. It would probably serve better as firewood.]

I completely agreed with Eyes That Perceive the Truth’s sarcastic evaluation.

Still…

As long as Lidni was satisfied, that was enough.

Carrying the book to the fourth floor, where the reading rooms were located…

I entered the room furthest down the hallway.

“It’s a cozy room. Abel, go choose yourself a book too.”

“…I’m a little sleepy. I’ll rest first, then read.”

“Go ahead.”

Sitting beside the window at the small square table…

I began reading.

> “What lies at the end of the Nightmare Dungeon? Surely treasures and Mystery Books more valuable than anything else. Of course, the honor of conquering the world’s most difficult labyrinth will accompany them.”

That part was correct.

> “Are you afraid because it’s too dangerous to challenge? Don’t worry. The Nightmare Dungeon will wait forever for explorers to conquer it. There’s no need to rush. Good luck!”

That part was completely wrong.

It wouldn’t wait at all.

If five years passed…

The Great Monster on the highest floor would lead an army of monsters out…

And bring about the end of the world.

Nor was that the only problem.

The Six Apostles, Great Monsters, secretly interfering with explorers on the surface…

Were equally troublesome.

If I relaxed and took my time…

I’d end up watching this world come to an end.

‘That’s why I have to seize this opportunity.’

Whoosh.