Struggle Chapter 131

“When did you move out?”

Nanyoung answered the sullen question.

“I didn’t move out. I’m just crashing for a while.”

“At whose place?”

“My dad’s younger brother.”

“Your dad’s younger brother? Just say uncle or sir, why say it like that. Are you not on good terms?”

Sim Suhwan asked as if joking.

“We’re not not on good terms.”

And Nanyoung answered miserably.

“Why. Is your uncle strict? Is he a stick-in-the-mud?”

“I don’t think that’s it, either.”

“Is your aunt there too?”

“No. Not that….”

“So it’s just the two of you living together. Are you moving out when you go to college?”

Sim Suhwan was more persistent than usual. At the relentless interrogation, Nanyoung was starting to get a little irritated. As it was, that was exactly the worry tormenting Nanyoung lately.

“…”

At Nanyoung’s lack of response, Suhwan grew anxious. If it were any other friend, he would have already read the room and snapped at them to cut the crap. But with Nanyoung, he was putting on a pretense. Because if he acted like his usual self, Nanyoung would look at him with those cold eyes and then likely never give him the time of day again.

What is this, fuck. Am I some kind of servant or what.

Even as he ground his teeth, Suhwan was defeated once more.

“Lee Nanyoung. Give me an answer. Hey, at this rate, are we really not going to see each other after we graduate?”

Nanyoung stood stock-still. Would Taerok be home?

Today felt perilous somehow. He had a bad feeling. Nanyoung clenched and unclenched his hands, then turned to Sim Suhwan and asked.

“Can I sleep over at your place today?”

Sim Suhwan was utterly speechless. Only after a long pause did he ask back, looking pathetic.

“Y-y-y-you mean, my place?”

You remember I confessed to you, don’t you—he had to ask, but fearing Nanyoung would say he wouldn’t sleep over then, Sim Suhwan quickly nodded his head instead.

“Yeah. Uh. Sure, you can. My place is empty today, anyway.”

“Then I’ll leave my bag and just get a change of clothes and come out. Let’s go.”

Even though it was just sleeping over at a friend’s house, Nanyoung’s eyes were so resolute that Sim Suhwan tensed up along with him.

Leaving the fidgeting Sim Suhwan behind, Nanyoung strode toward the house. Taerok was expanding more and more inside his head. The man who had always been an ideal in his mind since childhood was, the more they lived together and clashed and experienced each other, transforming from an inorganic ideal into a living desire.

When it had been yearning, it was pure.

No. Was it really pure even then?

On the way back home, Nanyoung felt more like he was running away, and his breath grew short.

“Wait here.”

Leaving Sim Suhwan standing at the front door, Nanyoung went inside. He didn’t even notice that there was only one pair of slippers instead of two, and with no time to put on slippers, he turned his body toward the hallway leading to his room—and in that moment, there stood Taerok.

The desire that should have lived inside him and never stirred for his entire life. Lee Taerok.

“You’re late.”

His voice was like the space behind a waterfall. Damp and very cold, seemingly quiet, yet so immense that no other sound could be heard at all.

Nanyoung stood frozen as if he had become prey.

The house seemed to be expanding. Whether alone or with two, even with four people, the house was spacious and more than enough, yet it was now filling with something to the point of bursting. If this was only his own desire, it was so revolting, and if it contained that person’s desire as well… it was so terrifying.

“I… I’m going to sleep over at a friend’s place today.”

Taerok tilted his head slightly and scratched his eyebrow with his index finger.

“Why?”

Why… he said.

“The CSATs are over, and it’s my choice.”

Even though he’d done nothing wrong, Nanyoung found it hard to speak easily.

“I’ll be staying the night.”

As he turned toward his room as if fleeing, Taerok called out to him.

“Lee Nanyoung.”

“…”

“You’re letting yourself go too much.”

“…Everything’s finished now, so.”

“Or are you too tense?”

His hand brushed past the nape of Nanyoung’s neck. He lightly squeezed the trapezius muscle and let go, and that spot throbbed and tingled.

Nanyoung whirled around and slapped Taerok’s hand away. Taerok’s eyes registered a bit of surprise. His hand, hanging in the air, hovered lost and forlorn, and Nanyoung realized at once.

“…You’re acting right now, aren’t you.”

“I’ve been caught.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“I’m just teasing.”

He didn’t want to answer. Nanyoung tried to go into his room and close the door, but Taerok slipped his foot in between to block it.

Setting his bag down and hurriedly packing his things, Nanyoung looked no different from a fugitive. Taerok, who had been watching, saw something poking out of Nanyoung’s coat pocket and swiftly pulled it out. So distracted, Nanyoung didn’t even notice as he crammed underwear and clothes to use as sleepwear into the bag.

Then, just as he was about to leave, he spotted Taerok holding the photo.

“Wh-what is that. When did you take it?”

“It was sticking out. Cute.”

Holding the photo between his index and middle fingers, Taerok waved it slowly.

“The one who confessed to my nephew?”

“Give it back.”

“He has a good eye.”

“I said give it back?”

But Taerok merely raised his arm high. Nanyoung stretched out his arm, but his fingertips only came close without touching; no matter what, it was hard to snatch it away. In his desperate struggle, he didn’t even seem to realize their bodies were drawing closer together.

“This friend whose house you’re sleeping over at today—is it him?”

Nanyoung’s movements paused for a moment.

Slowly lowering his arm, he glared fixedly at Taerok.

“And if it is?”

“Hm.”

“Are you going to stop me from going?”

“No.”

Taerok tucked the photo back into Nanyoung’s pocket.

Humiliation washed over him. It felt like Taerok was toying with him like this purely out of amusement and for fun.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

Wearing a distressed expression, Nanyoung let the end of his words droop.

“Why do you keep pranking me and teasing me?”

“Because that’s the only time you become honest.”

“You could just ask me directly….”

“You’re smart. You won’t make the mistake of calling me your ideal type ever again, so I’m prodding you like this.”

“…”

“When I do this, I can see it.”

Taerok’s large hand generously covered Nanyoung’s cheek, then slowly swept past his ear and down to the nape of his neck.

“Just how much you care about me.”

Nanyoung’s gaze fluctuated wildly.

Within that gaze, Taerok felt as though he was watching the rough waves of an endless, open sea he had never seen before. As if the two of them were aboard a ship together, they were rocking. He wished they would rock.

Nanyoung smacked Taerok’s hand away.

“Coward.”

His eyes, damp and wet, glared at Taerok, and he muttered.

“Really… I really hate you.”

Saying that, he brushed past Taerok.

Having let Nanyoung’s shoulder push his own body aside, Taerok closed his eyes at the familiar body scent passing by, drew a deep breath, and then smiled.

“‘I really hate you’—is that all?”

∞ ∞ ∞

“Why did it take you so long? Is someone inside? Should I go in and say hello?”

“No. There’s no need.”

Nanyoung answered quickly and pulled the back of his shoe on.

“Let’s go, quickly.”

He grabbed Sim Suhwan’s hand as he was peeking inside, and went out ahead.

But Sim Suhwan didn’t move.

“Oh! Hello!”

Behind them was Lee Taerok.

Nanyoung’s body stiffened rigidly. He hadn’t expected him to follow out. It was like an eccentric predator who enjoyed the hunt, repeatedly releasing its prey only to catch it again.

“Hi.”

Taerok returned the greeting in a tone that sounded like a sneer. That was his natural way of speaking. Surprisingly, even when he spoke that way, it drew charm from others rather than hostility.

“Don’t keep Nanyoung up too late; go to sleep early.”

“Y-yes…!”

“Are you drinking?”

“…No!”

“Okay. Don’t drink. You can drink, but Nanyoung can’t.”

“Oh, yes…!”

“Send him back early.”

“Let’s go.”

“Nanyoung-ah.”

As Nanyoung pulled Sim Suhwan’s arm as if there were no need to listen any further, Taerok called him. His entire body tingled at the sound of his name. In fact, it had been like that since a little while ago.

“Good night.”

It was as if sprouts were growing from beneath the soles of his feet. His whole body itched. Without answering, Nanyoung dragged Sim Suhwan and left the house. Even as he stepped, rubbing his soles as if trying to trample down all the growing sprouts, the growth was faster, and it felt as though vines were coiling around his entire body, gripping him tight.

He felt like his whole body would burst.

“Hey. Your uncle is really handsome. I thought he was an actor. What’s with that aura?”

Oblivious to Nanyoung’s state, Sim Suhwan bounced and chattered beside him.

“…”

“But you two don’t really look alike. You know that, right?”

“I know. So just shut up.”

At the coarse language Nanyoung almost never used, Sim Suhwan giggled and laughed. His reaction was that this prickly, spiky side was rather cute.