Struggle Chapter 146

“Did your uncle come?”

“Yeah. I think I need to go. Sorry.”

“We can go together. It’s on the way to the parking lot anyway. Let’s go together.”

He couldn’t exactly say no. Nanyoung hesitated.

Seeing Nanyoung hesitate, Sim Suhwan finally said something.

“You know, if it’s something related to your uncle, you get really skittish. He seems to treat you well from what I see, so why is that? Could it be… you two aren’t on good terms, or he’s scary toward you, or something like that? Is that why you were thinking about leaving the house?”

“No. It’s absolutely not like that.”

At Suhwan’s misunderstanding, Nanyoung jumped. But Sim Suhwan’s reasonable misunderstanding didn’t fade easily.

“It’s because you’ve been like that for a while. It’s on my mind. I admit your uncle isn’t an easy person either, but if it’s so hard to live with him, just move out. Seriously, you can stay at my place while you look for a place.”

The misunderstanding seemed to have gone deeper than Nanyoung thought.

To say it wasn’t true, Nanyoung had to tell a lie that wasn’t a lie.

“It’s because my parents are coming after a long time. You know, worrying about where to take them and all that.”

As he was committing such a great wrong, his conscience, which may well deserve to die, kept coming back to life from time to time, struggling and crying out ‘I am here.’ He was pricked by his conscience to the point of being breathless. Fortunately, Sim Suhwan backed off a step as if letting it pass for now, but he didn’t entirely withdraw his suspicious gaze.

“If you say so, I guess that’s how it is…. Anyway, I fully understand that it’s not easy living with someone once you’re all grown up.”

“Uh-huh….”

Suhwan, you’ve really matured since you started dating…. Nanyoung thought to himself and nodded.

With the stride of an adult man, it didn’t take long to reach the parking lot. Sim Suhwan waited, saying he’d watch until Nanyoung left. He was treating him like a child put out beside the water. Nanyoung walked away waving his hand, then turned back and asked.

“Hey. Am I the type that doesn’t seem very reliable?”

At the sudden question, Sim Suhwan was puzzled, and without realizing it, he half nodded.

“Ah, no. It’s not that you’re not trustworthy.”

Then, flustered, he immediately made excuses.

“It’s just that you’re like a younger brother, so I feel like I need to look after you a bit. You know I ask you to help with assignments and stuff too. My parents also like you the best.”

He didn’t know why excuses always seemed to become more pathetic the longer they got. Even when they were sincere.

Nanyoung nodded for now.

“Hey, anyway, contact me if anything happens?”

In the end, Sim Suhwan, who had been acting grown-up saying he’d see him off until he was out of sight, fled the spot as if running away.

As he headed toward the central library, Sim Suhwan looked back several times at Nanyoung, who stood in that same spot, lost deep in thought.

“Insensitive bastard.”

And then he ended up muttering to himself without thinking.

He had now completely sorted out his feelings for Lee Nanyoung and had also firmly reestablished their relationship as truly close friends. But he always had complicated feelings about the person Lee Nanyoung himself.

As he said, he was sometimes concerned to an annoying degree, to a degree he couldn’t even understand himself. As if Nanyoung might get hurt somewhere, be insulted, or end up getting ripped off. But actually, he knew that Lee Nanyoung wasn’t that kind of person. Just as his body was weak, Lee Nanyoung matter-of-factly avoided things that could injure him; to be insulted, his pride and ego were too clear; and to be ripped off, he was too smart and stubborn. Indeed, it was Lee Nanyoung who had saved Sim Suhwan when he almost got ripped off during an overseas school trip.

And at the same time… while being that clever, he was this indifferent to other people’s feelings.

No matter how much he had sorted out his feelings, Nanyoung was someone who had confessed to him. Lee Nanyoung acted as if such an incident had never existed at all. If asked, ‘Do you remember that?’ he would smile gently and give no answer. But with just that, Sim Suhwan would understand. That it meant, ‘That time you got confused? I remember.’

“It’s impressive that we’ve become friends and are getting along like this.”

That he even remained in Lee Nanyoung’s narrow circle of human relationships was impressive, Sim Suhwan clicked his tongue.

Because, unlike Sim Suhwan, who was widely and broadly close to many, Nanyoung only had Sim Suhwan as a friend, and he didn’t really care.

That indifference, that incomprehensible stubbornness, the coldness that made you feel like you were the only one and puff you up, then pushed you away in an instant, the wall that made you think you had gotten close yet remained unknowable. All of it made Lee Nanyoung a curious existence.

And there was one more person with that complicated human image.

“Why did you come? I told you not to.”

A stubborn, indifferent, cold, unfeeling man.

At Lee Nanyoung’s sulking voice, Lee Taerok held out a cup.

“Want some coffee?”

He clearly brought it knowing exactly when it was Nanyoung’s time for coffee.

“…”

Lee Taerok tapped Nanyoung’s cheek with his fingertip as he took the coffee and drank, unable to even say no.

It was his hobby and habit.

“Where did you learn the habit of hopping straight into the car.”

“…I checked the license plate.”

“Even so. You should’ve checked whether I was inside or not.”

Where would he have had the time. All he could think was that he had to get in as fast as possible before Lee Taerok got out and drew people’s attention.

After he got in… ironically, despite his worries, his head went blank like an idiot, thinking, ‘Ah, I just wanted to see Lee Taerok,’ and he couldn’t think about anything.

“When Lee Nanyoung slips in like he’s running away like that, it makes you look like you’ve done something wrong.”

“…”

Taerok turned his body toward Lee Nanyoung and leaned his head against the seat. Today, his hair wasn’t styled. So he looked younger than usual, younger than his age. Nanyoung’s heart raced and he couldn’t turn his head.

“Is it wrong… for your uncle to come out to pick up his beloved nephew?”

In the end, Nanyoung pulled his lips away from the straw he had been uselessly sucking on. His head hurt from drinking the cold coffee nonstop. Even in the midst of a splitting headache, he turned to look at Lee Taerok through his flickering vision.

“Really….”

“Really?”

“You’re mean.”

At the words spat out like a sigh, Lee Taerok responded with a laugh like a sigh. He rubbed Nanyoung’s forehead with his thumb. Nanyoung’s body was cold, and Lee Taerok’s body was relatively warm, so it felt as if his frozen head were gently melting.

“Did you listen well in class?”

It was a question you’d ask an elementary school nephew.

Nanyoung checked once more that the window tint was dark, then nodded carefully.

Actually, the moment he closed the car door, he had liked the stillness, and when the more he thought about his parents throughout class, the more he missed Lee Taerok, Lee Taerok had come—so he was struggling to hold back from wanting to hug him right then and there.

“Did you listen well to your teacher?”

“I listened well to my professor.”

Nanyoung emphasized the word ‘professor.’

He really only listened. He truly just listened well, and couldn’t take it to heart and remember.

“When you needed to go to the bathroom, did you raise your hand and ask clearly for permission?”

Nanyoung knew Lee Taerok was purely teasing him and glared at him. Only then did Lee Taerok burst into laughter.

He looks cheerful. As if he didn’t have a single worry about Nanyoung’s parents, whom he would meet today.

Would there ever be a moment when a person like Lee Taerok would be flustered or driven into a corner and desperate? The curiosity that often came to mind raised its head again.

“Are you really not worried at all? I’m so… worried.”

“What do I have to worry about. I’m just seeing my hyung and hyung-su-nim.”

“It’s because they’re not just your hyung and hyung-su-nim….”

“Then should I meet them as my lover’s parents? You think too much. Doesn’t your head hurt, living while thinking that much with that little head of yours.”

Lee Taerok spoke as if it were truly no big deal and started the engine. The destination was the airport. Nanyoung closed his mouth. Don’t children chatter more the more anxious they are? Nanyoung, on the contrary, grew taciturn and subdued.

― I can call a driver. Why do you insist on coming. Aren’t you busy?

Pulling the car out of the parking lot, Lee Taerok recalled the brief phone call with his older brother.

He had been in his office. Before heading out to Nanyoung.