Struggle Chapter 23

Then, when day broke and he faced Nanyoung at the Queen Dowager’s Hall, Nanyoung somehow seemed to have grown noticeably in that time. Had perhaps a year passed instead of just one night? Taerok’s brow furrowed faintly. Yet even so, he performed four bows to the Queen Dowager. The Queen Dowager tossed the dates and raw chestnuts she had set aside, and by chance, they landed in Nanok’s skirt before rolling with a clatter and coming to rest against the hem of Nanyoung’s clothes.

“This old woman’s hand strength is lacking, so I’ve made a mistake.”

The Queen Dowager made a show of fussing. Voices saying it was an overwhelming honor followed. Thanks to that, Nanyoung missed the moment to hand those raw chestnuts and dates back. Two nuts nestled amply in Nanyoung’s hand.

“Uncle!”

Having exited the Queen Dowager’s Hall, Taerok turned around at the sound of the voice calling him.

Nanok, who had gone ahead towards the gate, also turned around quietly. Taerok made a gesture with his hand as if to tell him to go on ahead.

“What is the matter.”

His tone was indifferent as always, yet for some reason it felt disappointing today. Nanyoung bit his lip firmly, bowed his head deeply, and held out both hands. In them were the raw chestnut and date that had rolled to him earlier and which he had absentmindedly caught.

“These… since they seemed to be Aunt’s…”

“Ah.”

Taerok looked blankly at the two fruits, one yellow, one red, then took them. Taerok’s shortly trimmed nails gently grazed Nanyoung’s palm. Nanyoung flinched at the sensation.

“Thank you.”

“…Congratulations, Uncle. Truly.”

“Mm.”

One should feel good when receiving congratulations, so why does it feel so strange? The urge to be perverse rises. Taerok smiled oddly. It seemed both like a sneer and like he had lost energy.

He popped the raw chestnut he had been rolling in his hand into his mouth. The way he tossed it in and caught it with his mouth was quite flippant. He had just moments ago received a blessing to become a model couple, and already it was a lost cause.

“I shall gratefully accept my nephew’s congratulations.”

He answered while chewing. Behavior that flips etiquette on its head, which says not to speak with food in one’s mouth.

“Nephew. Do you know why dates and chestnuts are thrown to be caught in the skirt?”

“Pardon? Ah, no…”

Taerok leaned in. As if whispering a secret.

“It means to bear as many children as are caught in the skirt. Nephew, do you wish to have nephews? If so, how many do you wish for?”

Why… why do you say such things like this. Nanyoung felt like crying. Taerok’s mischievous words were disconcerting today. Nanyoung felt like roughly scratching his cheek for no reason.

Taerok straightened his back more plainly than when he had leaned in. Then he returned the date to Nanyoung. The date rolled idly in his cupped palm.

“You eat that, Nephew. I am sorry, as it seems there will be no occasion for you to become an uncle.”

And he added words of unknown meaning.

Taerok could never be called kind. He never properly explains things, nor has he ever been affectionate. He is rarely mischievous and generally indifferent. However, this time, whether he was being affectionate, mischievous, or indifferent, it did not seem to fall under any of those. Taerok turned and approached his wife, who resembled him so excessively that there seemed no path for them but to detest each other. Gazing at his retreating figure, Nanyoung’s face flushed as red as the date. A strange, feverish heat that he could not understand, nor feel in his body.

Taerok, having completed the marriage ceremony, had become a full-fledged adult, and to Nanyoung, his retreating figure was boundlessly distant.

∞ ∞ ∞

“Lord Grand Prince!”

Nanyoung turned around at the voice calling him. Looking at the person running towards him from behind, Nanyoung suddenly recalled the bet with his uncle. The bet that whoever first saw a royal kinsman running like this would win. Nanyoung had never yet seen a royal kinsman run so unhindered, but even if he had, he wondered what meaning the bet held when his uncle was not by his side anyway.

The expression of the person who came running, bowed deeply, and then straightened up was exceedingly bright. His flushed cheeks and radiant skin were exactly the image of a dignified and vigorous man.

He was Sim Suhwan, from a family that, though not one of the meritorious houses, received treatment on par with them, and whose father was serving as Commander of the Capital Garrison. Suhwan was four years older than Nanyoung and was the first from a military family to pass the civil service examination, which enabled him to study together with Nanyoung.

“Just call me comfortably, as I told you. We agreed to do so inside, didn’t we.”

Even though Nanyoung was his senior, since Nanyoung had not taken the civil service examination, Suhwan addressed him formally according to age.

By now, five years had already passed since he had begun studying here. Nanyoung, now fifteen, had become calmer compared to when he had first entered this place at the age of ten, carried an aura that was a little difficult to approach, and at times, a delicate melancholy would drift from him.

It was Suhwan who had approached Nanyoung, with his characteristic artlessness and easygoing sociability. Suhwan endlessly approached Nanyoung, who was uncomfortable being addressed by all sorts of titles—Lord Grand Prince, Nanyoung, Senior Brother, and so on. That went on for three seasons. Only after three seasons had passed did he become this close to Nanyoung. Contrary to his easygoing personality, Suhwan had a strong competitive streak, and Nanyoung perfectly stimulated that. So much so that even now, after they had grown close, the line Nanyoung had drawn had not quite strangely disappeared, keeping Suhwan perpetually anxious.

“The more comfortably you call me, the more strangely I feel a sense of distance. Do you not?”

“Does that make sense? If you call someone comfortably, you should be comfortable with each other.”

“That’s what I mean. It would be better if Senior Brother would just treat me casually.”

“…”

This was exactly why Nanyoung found Suhwan uncomfortable.

Suhwan, who seemed to go about loosely, hit the nail on the head in strange ways like this.

“Senior Brother, I told you to think of me as a younger brother.”

Suhwan tilted his head and abruptly thrust his face close to Nanyoung. Nanyoung wore a troubled expression at the suddenly close face.

In truth, the reason he found Suhwan particularly difficult was precisely because of this sort of thing.

Nanyoung would sometimes see the image of his uncle in Suhwan.

If Lee Taerok were gentle, he would surely be just like Suhwan. The firm features and smooth smirk were like that. Nanyoung felt somehow guilty seeing the image of his uncle in Suhwan. It felt awkward, like doing something wrong. Even though Suhwan himself would laugh it off if he heard what was in Nanyoung’s heart, it was Nanyoung’s fault for not speaking of it, treating it as though it were something shameful.

A year had already well passed since Taerok had left for a place that one could only reach by crossing over four great rivers and climbing mountain ranges, or by risking one’s life to cross boundless seas. It had been a faraway journey he had set off on together with Nanok, who had become the Grand Princess Consort. Moreover, even after the envoy delegation returned, Taerok did not come back. Nanyoung even heard from the King that he had said he wished to stay there a little longer. It was as if Taerok were coldly and heartlessly pushing him away. No, it would be better if that were the case. It sounded as though he had completely forgotten him.

“…Alright.”

Nanyoung answered, turning his head away.

“I said alright.”

At the sight of him using his hands to even push against Suhwan’s chest, Suhwan grinned.

Whenever Nanyoung missed Taerok, he would gaze blankly at Suhwan. Suhwan, though aware of that gaze, pretended not to know. Since it felt like being an accomplice with the Grand Prince, it was a secret that made Suhwan feel a bit boastful.

The delicately lowered eyelashes from avoiding his gaze, the lips stiffened hard by discomfort, the cheeks covered in fine downy fuzz, the straight nape of the neck exposed while wearing a scholar’s headband, and the pinkish cheeks all showed that Nanyoung was still a youthful young man. At the same time, it also meant he was a beautiful youthful young man. Suhwan knew that the Confucian scholars whispered about Nanyoung. There were surely some among them who harbored feelings they dared not utter aloud. Suhwan wanted to flaunt that he had secured the place by Nanyoung’s side where he could treat him without formality, while they could not even speak to him.

“Well then, let us go now to hear the lecture, Senior Brother. Do teach me sternly today as well.”

“There is the Master; why should I presume to teach.”

“When the Master is not present, is it not the rule that Senior Brother, whose learning is supreme, does the teaching? Please lead the recitation. I shall follow.”

Nanyoung shrank his shoulders as Suhwan pressed his body against him without any formality.