I Slept with the Villain Holding My Hand Chapter 106 - Their Thoughts

One night, young Reukis woke up as if from a faint.  

 

Tears wouldn’t stop flowing, and through his blurred vision, he turned his gaze. Beside him stood Harriet, who was also crying.  

 

Harriet, who had always kept his beard neatly groomed, was already exhausted from managing the household servants who had lost their master.  

 

The butler, who had been more loyal to the ducal family than anyone else, didn’t know what to do with this young lord.  

 

While he hoped the boy would rise and lead everyone for the sake of the family, he couldn’t bring himself to push the child who had just lost his parents.  

 

Though grateful for the young lord’s survival, tears flowed as he thought of the late duke and duchess.  

 

Seeing Harriet like this, Reukis finally realized something.  

 

He understood why, despite wanting to die, he couldn’t.  

 

The bed he lay on, the servants quietly weeping, and the name he bore—  

 

It wasn’t ‘Reukis’ but ‘Frederick’ who had a duty to fulfill.  

 

The young lord of the ducal house rose from his bed that day as if he had been dead until then.  

 

With tender hands, he gripped not a wooden sword but a real one, and Reukis endured for the sake of ‘Frederick.’  

 

Once he set his goal, time began to pass quickly.  

 

Even as his body grew, and his swordsmanship reached its peak, he feared the increasing number of precious people around him.  

 

He was afraid that his power might overflow uncontrollably and harm those around him again.  

 

That was why he harbored the mad desire to remain on the battlefield, which everyone else avoided.  

 

Of course, he planned to marry someone and have children someday to continue the family line.  

 

It felt like a predetermined, inevitable step, like choosing an already set answer. He thought that once he passed on the power of the dark sorcerer to his successor, his role would be complete.  

 

But he had absolutely no intention of giving his heart or affection to that person.  

 

Even when he recalled his parents whispering love to each other, he shook his head, feeling guilty.  

 

However, upon returning to the capital, Reukis unexpectedly encountered another goal.  

 

Merria Rackester.  

 

Every word and action of Reukis originated from and returned to her. Even the marriage and children he had considered his duty as a duke felt different now.  

 

That feeling grew and grew, consuming Reukis.  

 

And this time, he made up his mind. No matter what, no matter the cost, he would protect Merria.  

 

Of course, that included protecting her from himself.  

 

Though Merria reassured him, Reukis meticulously managed his condition without the slightest error.  

 

Especially after Merria’s ring went missing, he intensified his vigilance.  

 

In a life where days of caution far outnumbered days of peace, he believed this level of vigilance was necessary to stand by Merria’s side.  

 

If he ever became a threat to Merria, he would rather die.  

 

Reukis hardened his heart, not even knowing where his twistedness came from.  

 

Whenever his heart softened, he would remember his parents, who had been consumed by darkness because of him, and snap back to reality like someone doused in cold water.  

 

And Merria, unaware of Reukis’s feelings, came to him even though she knew it might be a trap.  

 

“I’m the one who put Merria in danger.”  

 

Of course, it wasn’t his fault—it was the person who lured Merria with the letter.  

 

But Reukis, always negative about his existence, couldn’t protect himself.  

 

“I might lose someone precious again.”  

 

As soon as he realized this, a tidal wave of fear overwhelmed him. He was so out of his mind that he couldn’t even remember what he had said.  

 

By the time some rationality returned, even the conversation that barely resembled one had already ended.  

 

“Resentment and forgiveness… those are only possible if we’re alive.”  

 

Reukis slumped into a chair, his body collapsing. His dry eyes furrowed deeply.  

 

The night was deep, but he couldn’t sleep.  

 

💫  

 

As morning dawned, the quiet forest regained its vitality.  

 

While everyone moved busily, Lexie stayed in one place, fidgeting.  

 

“My lady…”  

 

Lexie stood by Merria’s bedside, hesitating and on the verge of tears.  

 

Despite her anxious calls, there was no response. Lexie weakly shook what looked like a lump of blankets.  

 

Inside the blankets, Merria lay curled up, her brow deeply furrowed.  

 

“Lady Merria.”  

 

Even without a response, Lexie persisted, calling her name with desperation.  

 

Merria, who had pretended to sleep, thought Lexie would leave if she ignored her.  

 

Clicking her tongue softly, Merria peeked out from under the covers to look at Lexie.  

 

“Lexie, I’m sick.”  

 

“Huh?”  

 

Lexie’s eyes widened as she asked again. But soon realizing it was a lie, her round eyes turned sharp.  

 

“You were perfectly fine just a moment ago.”  

 

“Yeah. I was fine, but suddenly I had this unbearable headache. My body feels chilly too, so I must’ve caught a cold from wandering around last night.”  

 

Merria whispered with her delicate face.  

 

Lexie lowered her shoulders and swallowed a sigh. She didn’t know exactly what her lady had gone through last night.  

 

She only knew that when she followed Gwen in her sleep, she found her standing covered in blood, trembling as she helped her change clothes.  

 

After sending her away, Merria had a conversation with His Grace the Duke, but then suddenly burst out of the tent.  

 

Her cold, sunken eyes clearly revealed Merria’s anger.  

 

Lexie, who had been by Merria’s side for most of her life except for her childhood, had only seen such fierce anger from her twice.  

 

The first time was during her debutante days.  

 

If there was a major event in the mansion that year, it was undoubtedly the second lady’s debutante ball.  

 

But Merria had firmly declared that she didn’t want to go through with it, even though every noble lady dreamed of her debutante.

 

Even Themis and Raven, who usually let Merria’s actions slide, couldn’t overlook this one. She wasn’t an unteachable fool, nor was she so sickly that she couldn’t move around.  

 

Refusing a debutante ball, a rite of passage for any noble lady, was unthinkable.  

 

That day, Lexie saw Merria furious for the first time since serving her.  

 

The young lady, who was typically indifferent to everything, burst into tears before her expression turned cold and she shook her head.  

 

Strangely, to Lexie, she looked like a child refusing something frightening.  

 

Of course, treating the serious young lady like a child was only in Lexie’s mind.  

 

In the end, Merria, unable to defy her parents, had to go through with the debutante ball.  

 

As if in rebellion, she completely cut off all social gatherings afterward. 

 

Lexie had wondered if there was a deeper reason for such an extreme decision. But apart from social events, her lady often laughed and enjoyed going out.  

 

In the end, everyone decided to turn a blind eye, thinking it was for the best.  

 

However, the anger Merria showed last night, for the first time in a long while, fueled Lexie’s worries.  

 

This time, Lexie felt her insides burning, wondering what Merria might cut off next.  

 

“You went through all the trouble of preparing, so why are you lying down again?”  

 

‘Your hair will get ruined, and your clothes will wrinkle.’

  

Lexie muttered with a pout.  

 

Coming to wake her early in the morning, Lexie had prepared the washbasin as usual and arranged her clothes and accessories.  

 

Half-asleep, Merria, as always, entrusted her body to Lexie’s hands with half-closed eyes.  

 

Then, it suddenly came to her—  

 

The last conversation she had with Reukis the night before.  

 

By the time she realized it, her dressing was almost complete.  

 

Though she had to meet him in the evening for Shannon’s matter, she didn’t want to face him right now.  

 

Reukis had to go hunting again today.  

 

But Merria didn’t have to. She had already given him the handkerchief as a token yesterday, and it was ruined, so she couldn’t use it today.  

 

In conclusion, her role for the day had vanished.  

 

After a moment of hesitation, Merria slipped back into bed.  

 

This was when Lexie, who had brought the orange juice Merria requested, found her like this.  

 

“Are you really not feeling well?”  

 

Perhaps Merria’s blatant lie had some effect.  

 

Lexie stopped shaking her and asked. Maybe she guessed that last night’s events had left Merria with a headache.  

 

Merria pulled the blanket over her head and replied, “Yeah. Tell the family I have a mild headache and that I’ll be resting.”  

 

“Then let me at least change you into something comfortable. And I’ll undo your hair too.”  

 

“No. I’ll just sleep for a bit and then get up… It’s fine…”  

 

Perhaps her stubbornness had even convinced her own mind, as drowsiness suddenly overwhelmed her.  

 

Merria blinked slowly before finally falling asleep.  

 

💫

 

It was a symbolic event on the first day for a lady to present a token to a knight departing for the hunt.  

 

By the second day, most did so privately.  

 

Around the time Merria was feigning sleep, Reukis was staring at the ground with a dark expression.  

 

The surrounding atmosphere was so gloomy that even the ladies who tried to approach him in Merria’s absence hesitated to speak.  

 

Having not slept a wink last night, Reukis staggered out at dawn.  

 

With an emotionless face, he prepared for the hunt as per the schedule. His only hope was the one sentence Merria had said to him earlier.  

 

“I’ll tie it again tomorrow.”  

 

Her smiling face as she pointed to the handkerchief was still vivid in his mind.  

 

Reukis headed toward the hunting grounds, organizing what he would say to Merria when he saw her. He even slowed his steps, glancing around, hoping to run into her before then.  

 

But even as he reached the fence, he didn’t catch a single glimpse of Merria’s platinum hair. She’ll come soon, right? If I wait, she’ll come to meet me.  

 

Reukis tirelessly scanned the crowd of ladies, searching for that beloved face.  

 

But no matter how long he waited, Merria didn’t appear.  

 

Reukis’s head gradually sank lower and lower. Then, he heard the sound of someone’s footsteps.