I’m Not Doing This With A Friend Chapter 130

 

Tears welled up uncontrollably.

 

After seeing the condition of Nancy’s father with my own eyes, I gritted my teeth and tried not to show my emotions in front of Nancy.

 

I just quietly walked out of the room and tried to tell Nancy.

 

We should prepare to say goodbye. But when I looked into her eyes, I could no longer keep a straight face.

 

Memories of when my parents died came flooding back.

 

I wanted to save them. I wanted to keep them alive.

 

In the end, I was unable to create a cure and had to let them go.

 

Through my tear-filled, blurred vision, I caught a glimpse of her desperate face.

 

‘You must be desperate, too. You don’t want to be separated.’

 

But there are so many things in the world that the heart alone fails.

 

An unbearable feeling of self-doubt washed over me. Nothing had changed.

 

An accomplished herbalist?

 

Am I?

 

…No, I was weak and incompetent.

 

I was weak and incompetent in the face of Rex Begonia, unable to make a single cure, helplessly watching people die.

 

Every one of them was the same.

 

I sobbed, and Nancy began to soothe me.

 

“It’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry about. I knew it was too late to cure him.”

 

I sobered up. It shouldn’t be me crying, it should be Nancy and her siblings.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

 

I forced my frozen hands to move and wiped the tears away with my sleeve.

 

Not only that, but I shouldn’t show my tears in front of them any more than this.

 

Barely breathing, I locked eyes with her and opened my mouth.

 

The tears had stopped, but I couldn’t help the shaky voice that came out.

 

“The medicine I brought… it won’t work on your father, and I know you need the money badly, but I think you should stay with him for now.”

 

Better to be with him on his deathbed, there would be fewer regrets.

 

With that, I turned around and left Nancy’s house.

 

Nancy chased after me and took me to the clinic.

 

When I told her she didn’t have to see me off, she said she was only doing it because she wanted me to see a doctor.

 

No one goes to a doctor for a single tear.

 

The girls in Leli-Club cared too much for me.

 

When I arrived at the clinic, I pretended to be treated and left the building.

 

I couldn’t keep from crying anymore. With each step I took, the memories of the past rose to the surface.

 

The desperate look on the girl’s face was something I’ll never forget.

 

I vomited up the nausea that only came after I left the clinic. I gagged, but my stomach was empty and nothing came out except gastric juices.

 

My legs gave out on me, and I slumped in my spot.

 

I needed someone.

 

Someone I could trust and rely on.

 

Who could comfort me at the moment.

 

A person I didn’t have to hide my feelings from.

 

“…Caon.”

 

Carson didn’t turn away from my desperate cry. His embrace was stronger and warmer than anything else.

 

It was all I could do to hold back the tears. I hugged him and bawled and wept.

 

🍃

 

The Duke, the Duchess, and Carson, I knew they were all worried about me.

 

But the tears wouldn’t stop. My mind went back to the time of my parents’ death.

 

I would fall asleep, exhausted from crying, and wake up weeping again.

 

The Duke’s people tried to force food on me, but my body refused to eat.

 

Whenever I had a nightmare, Carson would wake me up with his gentle voice.

 

It became second nature for him to lie in bed with me.

 

A week passed.

 

After showing myself to the doctor, I think I came to my senses.

 

No, actually, it was the concerned looks of the Duke’s people through the peephole as he entered my room that woke me up.

 

‘Ahh. I’m loved.’

 

I didn’t want my loved ones to be depressed because of me.

 

Not only that, but I hadn’t explained why I was crying, so they must have assumed it was because of Rex Begonia that I had locked myself in my room and cried.

 

Of course, it was Rex Begonia. I hated myself for being so helpless at the thought of the past.

 

Yes, Rex Begonia had lost all power and was now a fugitive.

 

“…There’s no reason for me to cower in his presence.”

 

A cure?

 

‘If we don’t have it yet, then we will study it until we do.’

 

It didn’t matter to me anymore whether Monstera was the same disease my parents had.

 

I didn’t want to see anyone dying of the same disease as my parents ever again.

 

Without patients for clinical trials, creating a cure would be a challenge.

 

“And even if I did, I wouldn’t have the room to prove it.”

 

But I would find a cure somehow.

 

No matter what.

 

The doctor left, and I rose slowly from my seat. I felt dizzy, but I held onto the bedpost to keep from falling.

 

I walked over and opened my desk drawer, and my eyes fell on the leather case I always wore on my thigh when I went out.

 

It contained a poisonous needle.

 

Without hesitation, I tossed it into the trash can.

 

“I can’t even use that in a real emergency.”

 

Rex Begonia. I hope you realize you were only protected by your status.

 

“Next time we meet, I’m not going to be the only one shaking in my boots.”

 

…Do you think I would?

 

“If I can’t, I’ll call Caon.”

 

Chuckling to myself at the perfect solution, I walked to the door. I reached out and opened the door to my own doorway, and saw the panicked faces of the Duke’s people looking at me.

 

Something inside me winced, but I pushed it down.

 

Instead, I smiled faintly at them.

 

“I have a favor to ask.”

 

Carson took my hand.

 

“I’ll listen to anything.”

 

…Without even listening, really.

 

The fact that he wanted to kiss me in the middle of all this, just for a little tease, was definitely a wake-up call.

 

But maybe not in front of my in-laws.

 

“I’d like to go down to the Duchy of Lysianthus to do some herbal research.”

 

The Duchy of Lysianthus was the city or homeland of mages.

 

It had more mana than any other land in the Empire, which had the disadvantage of making it a demonic hotbed, but also the benefits.

 

The mages were highly efficient, and there were plenty of mana-nourishing herbs to go around.

 

This made Lysianthus the fastest and easiest place in the Empire to procure herbs.

 

What better place to create a cure?

 

Approval came quickly.

 

The Duchess locked eyes with the Duke, then spoke, “You will go with Caon instead.”

 

I nodded, for this was the condition I had expected.

 

“And I would like to postpone my marriage to Caon until a later date. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just want to delay it.”

 

At that, the Duke’s complexions instantly darkened.

 

“…I see. There’s no need to rush into marriage now. Let’s take our time.”

 

I felt a small doubt in my heart.

 

Was there any other reason for me to rush to marry Carson?

 

I just wanted to focus on the cure and not worry about anything else right now.

 

“Is there anything else you’d like to ask?”

 

“Finally, I would like you to stop retaliating against the Dukes of Begonia.”

 

Rex Begonia, the cause of all this sabotage, would no longer be returning to Begonia.

 

If the Duke of Begonia were to be destroyed, it would only complicate the situation in Lysianthus.

 

The Duke has unnecessarily created a rivalry with the Duke of Begonia to create the appearance of a balance of power.

 

If the Duke of Begonia disappeared, the imperial control over Lysianthus would increase. I wanted the dukedom to remain as it had been in the past.

 

Of course, Begonia would have trouble rebuilding the family, but that was none of my business.

 

The Duke stared at me for a moment, then spoke in a low voice.

 

“Who do you want as Duke of Begonia?”

 

…Why would he ask me that?

 

What I knew of the Duke of Begonia was almost nothing.

 

The mere mention of Begonia made me shudder, so I ignored it.

 

There was only one person I recognized from the Duchy of Begonia.

 

“Roel Begonia, put him in the Duke’s seat.”

 

🍃

 

The next day, Carson and I headed straight to the duchy.

 

When we arrived at the Duke’s castle, Carson offered to take me on a short tour of the estate.

 

The Duchy of Lysianthus was even more beautiful than I expected.

 

For a city of wizards, it was filled with all sorts of oddities.

 

There was so much to see that it was dazzling. The smell of herbs being actively traded was also a pleasant surprise.

 

My herbal research was in a pinch, but it would take a while for the servants to organize everything…

 

I suppose I could play it safe for a day or so. I laughed softly as I turned to Carson and offered him my arm.

 

“While we’re at it, how about a date for the day?”

 

A bright smile appeared on Carson’s face.

 

“Yeah.”

 

We spent the rest of the day wandering all over the place.

 

I’ve been to the magic towers I’d only heard rumors of, seen magical performances, and listened to bards sing in the plaza.

 

And now I had come to the Duchy’s specialty, the Lysianthus Flower Garden.

 

I swept my hair back in the breeze and smiled wryly.

 

This moment with Carson made me so happy.

 

“We, if we ever have children, let’s raise them here in the Duchy.”

 

Carson’s eyes widened as if surprised by my words.

 

“Leen…”

 

He wasn’t just blushing, his eyes were actually filling with tears.

 

I panicked and wiped his tears away with my hand.

 

No, of all things, to cry over a child. He’d said he hated kids before. Did he really hate them that much to show tears?

 

“You don’t like our child? But Caon, think about it. A child who looks like you…”

 

No. If I said it resembled Carson, he might actually hate it.

 

I hastened to correct myself and said, “I’m giving birth to a child who looks like me. Don’t you want to see Mini Leen grow up?”

 

Carson hesitated, his eyes filled with sadness.

 

“But I don’t want to see you suffer through your pregnancy any more than you are now.”

 

“…?”

 

You don’t want to see me suffer now?

 

Who was pregnant?

 

No way, me?