Chapter 41
I stopped as I was backing away.
As I stood blankly staring at Mother, her voice, sounding as though it might break at any moment, came again.
“Danna… Danna, is that you…?”
I suddenly came to my senses and rushed over.
“Mother, Mother…!”
“Danna…?”
“Yes, Mother, it’s me. Are you awake? How are you feeling? Is there anywhere that hurts?”
“Danna, my dear…”
Mother seemed not to hear what I was saying and tried to raise her hand. I quickly took her hand. For a moment, I froze at the sensation beneath my palm. It was hard, like a tree branch. But soon, I gripped it tightly.
Perhaps because she felt my trembling, Mother finally looked toward me. Her blurred eyes slowly regained their focus.
I let out a sigh of relief and asked,
“Mother, are you awake?”
“Ah…”
Mother was silent for a moment before giving me a faint smile.
“It was you.”
“Yes, it’s me. Your daughter…”
“My daughter? No…”
“What?”
When I tilted my head in confusion, Mother stared intently at me with an indescribable look in her eyes and murmured,
“No, you’re not…”
“Mother?”
“You’re not my Danna. You… you…”
Mother quietly asked,
“Who are you?”
I froze completely.
All sorts of thoughts flooded my mind. Why was she suddenly saying this? Had she really found out? That I wasn’t her daughter? Why? When? When had she realized?
Then, did she resent me?
Before I had any time to think further, my mouth moved on its own. I smiled as usual and played it off casually.
“I’m… who else could I be?! Your one and only daughter, Seo Dan. Why, why are you suddenly acting like this? Did you perhaps mistake me for someone else? Well, that can happen. Physician Jeong was just here a moment ago. He’s still outside right now, actually…”
“No. My Danna…”
Mother suddenly answered.
“…wasn’t that talkative.”
“……”
I fell silent.
Perhaps because of what she was thinking as she looked at me, Mother gave a faint smile.
“My Danna… wasn’t very good with words. She wasn’t articulate, and she spoke awkwardly. Especially when she was flustered, she would stammer, so she was teased a lot when she was young.”
“……”
“Her personality was even more different. Danna was timid and very shy around strangers, so she had difficulty becoming close with people. She couldn’t even dream of approaching someone first. And because she was slower in her movements than other people, those around her didn’t think highly of her, so she was always shrinking into herself.”
“……”
“She wasn’t… a particularly bright child.”
Mother suddenly let out a small sigh.
“But she suddenly changed after the accident.”
I swallowed hard.
“Her personality became brighter, and she started talking a lot. It may sound strange to say this, but… it had been a long time since I’d seen Danna smile so brightly. She was always depressed or frightened.”
“……”
“I was so happy to see Danna smile that I never even considered that you might be someone else. I didn’t want to. But the longer I spent with you, the stronger the sense of incongruity became, until eventually I had no choice but to accept it.”
“What do you mean…?”
“You liked me too much.”
“……”
“My Danna… didn’t like me that much.”
Mother’s voice began to tremble.
“It was only natural. From a young age, she couldn’t do what she wanted or properly enjoy anything. She had to work while taking care of her sick mother. Who would like that? It was only natural for her to resent me.”
“……”
“But it was so difficult for me to accept that fact. Because I didn’t know what I would do if Danna herself told me she hated me, if she told me she resented me… So I simply turned away from it. I didn’t care for that child’s pain.”
“……”
“How much must she have resented me? How much must she have hated me with all her heart? How much, how much must she have wanted to give up on everything…? That’s why she went up the mountain, isn’t it?”
By then, Mother was crying.
“When she said she was going up the mountain to gather medicinal herbs, I felt uneasy. Because there was something strange about Danna’s eyes that day.”
“……”
“Unlike usual, she didn’t stammer, and she looked strangely lively. As though something good had happened. And yet she didn’t look happy at all, so I wanted to ask what was wrong… but I didn’t. I simply told her I understood.”
“……”
“Perhaps I already knew. That Danna hadn’t gone up that mountain to gather medicinal herbs. Even so, I couldn’t let go of hope. That she wouldn’t make such a choice. That she would come back to me.”
“……”
“Ah, who was I to think that? What had I ever done for her to have such a foolish thought? If only I hadn’t done that, if only I had properly asked Danna…”
Mother began gasping for breath. Then, eventually, she asked,
“Danna…”
“……”
“She died then, didn’t she?”
I bit my lip tightly.
My chest felt constricted, as though someone were strangling my throat.
But I had no choice but to answer.
“…Yes.”
“I see. So that’s how it was.”
Mother quietly shed tears.
Just like when I had first seen Mother, I simply lowered my head as I watched her weep silently.
After a long while, Mother finally calmed down and continued.
“When Danna… no, when you woke up, I was truly happy. I thought Danna had come back. I thought Heaven and Earth had watched over Danna and pitied us enough to give us another chance.”
“……”
“This time, I decided I would treat her properly. Not run away like a coward, but properly become Danna’s support. And when Danna opened her heart to me, I would ask her forgiveness.”
“……”
“So when I realized you weren’t Danna, when I realized you were someone else, I was terribly sad. Because now… I couldn’t even ask for forgiveness.”
“……”
“Actually, at that time, I was going to give up on living.”
Mother suddenly looked up at me. In her eyes, where the tears had stopped, a warm light shimmered.
“But you kept catching my attention.”
“……”
“You must have had parents too, but it couldn’t have been easy to suddenly treat a stranger as your parent. Yet you sincerely tried to treat me well. You truly regarded me as your mother and cared for me…”
“……”
“Then suddenly, I had this thought. Ah, perhaps this child was lonely too.”
I closed my eyes.
My eyelids grew hot, and my body began to tremble. I covered my face with trembling hands and murmured,
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say that. I was always grateful to you. You always did your best for me. Sometimes, you were so good to me that it frightened me. What did I ever do to deserve this much…?”
“I’m really sorry…”
“I truly wanted to treat you well. I wanted to repay you with as much affection as you gave me. But the more kindly I treated you, the more kindness you gave me in return. And as I watched you become happy just by looking at me, somewhere along the way, I grew attached to you. And that was when I realized.”
“I… I…”
“That the bond between parent and child can be built even if you don’t share the same blood.”
“……”
“Child.”
At some point, Mother’s eyes were looking directly into mine.
Mother asked,
“What is your name?”
I cleared my throat, which kept threatening to release a sob.
Then I leaned toward the ear of the mother lying in bed and quietly whispered my name.
Upon hearing my name, Mother gave a faint smile.
“What a pretty name.”
“……”
“I wish I’d called you by that name sooner.”
“You can… from now on.”
I spoke haltingly.
“You can call me that from now on. Forever…”
“……”
“You can’t go like this. Not like this. I did something wrong, didn’t I? I deceived you. You have to give me a chance to ask for your forgiveness. There’s still… still so much I haven’t been able to do for you…”
“Child.”
Mother spoke quietly.
“What I said about wanting you to be happy… I meant it sincerely.”
“……”
“I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want you to feel guilty. I was happy thanks to you. Just as happy as I was, I hope you’ll become even happier than that. Because you’re now…”
“……”
“My daughter.”
“……”
“My daughter.”
Mother held my hand tightly.
Then she smiled brightly and whispered,
“I love you.”
I couldn’t bring myself to answer. Instead, I rose and embraced Mother.
Her delicate body in my arms felt as though it could break at any moment. But I was so grateful for the warmth of our bodies touching, and the overlapping beating of our hearts filled me with such emotion that I hugged her even tighter.
Mother and I remained embraced like that for a while.
Eventually, I pulled away and opened my mouth.
“Me too…”
I smiled brightly.
“I love you.”
Mother looked truly happy. For a while, Mother and I quietly chatted together.
Mother listened to me, occasionally giving a small laugh. And only when dawn was about to break did she begin blinking tiredly.
Mother looked at me and tried to say something.
I brought my ear close to her mouth.
Mother murmured something before slowly closing her eyes.
Not long afterward, Mother fell into a deep sleep.
And she never woke up again.
…Ever.
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