A Scorching Day Chapter 16

“Why are you going alone? We should go together.”

“I’m busy today. I need to hurry.”

“Me too. Let’s go out together.”

Again. This kid is unchanged today as well. Ki Joon’s kindness, which kept pushing in without getting tired even as Gawon pushed him away with a harshness that even he found pitiful, was especially hard to handle today.

Without answering, Gawon walked, looking only ahead. His mind was in turmoil. What had Ki Joon thought when he received this note? What did he think of him now?

Had he been disgusted? Surely he thought he was dirty. Now… he probably wouldn’t want to eat together, go to the snack bar, or go eat tteokbokki with him anymore…

Thinking that far, his chest ached dully. The stares from other kids were like dulled knives, too blunt to inflict a fatal wound on him now. But for some reason, just imagining the kind of look Ki Joon would give him hurt. It was so painful that he didn’t want to imagine it.

“Come on, let’s go—. You’re walking really fast today.”

“I told you, I’m busy.”

Gawon answered brusquely and kept moving his legs without pause. If he slowed his pace even a little, it seemed like Ki Joon would ask what was wrong and turn him around by the shoulder. He didn’t want to be caught with the heat in his eyes that he was barely suppressing.

But trying to outrun Ki Joon in the first place was a stretch. The legs attached to his door-sized body were proportionally long. No matter how fast Gawon tried to walk, Ki Joon easily kept pace with long strides, and he simply couldn’t shake him off.

“Gawon.”

“…”

“Yoon Gawon—. Please answer me.”

“…What.”

“Want to come to my place today, eat dinner together, and study?”

At the unexpected suggestion, his feet involuntarily froze. As he stopped abruptly, Ki Joon, who had been persistently clinging to him, also halted immediately. Walking fast, they had somehow already reached the school gate.

“…No thanks. Next time.”

“Why not? Come on. I won’t bother you while you study. We’ll just eat dinner together, and I’ll study quietly next to you too. Okay?”

Ki Joon persisted, nagging him. Seeing him act cutesy, so out of place for his build, Gawon felt flustered. And curious.

Is this kid really that unbothered? How can he act exactly the same as always?

Gawon stood still, unable to go either way. His mood began to feel strange. No one who had learned this fact had ever treated him normally before.

‘Hey, I heard his mom works at a … place.’

‘What? What’s that?’

‘Oh, you innocent bastard, you don’t know that? You know, the … place. Where they sell their bodies…’

‘Whoa, holy shit… No way.’

‘Come to think of it, doesn’t he have that kind of vibe too? Kind of… anyway, he’s different from us.’

‘Right. He even looks a bit like a girl.’

Whispering voices. Voices talking carelessly. Voices that reached him no matter how he covered his ears, that followed him no matter how he ran away.

Even the few kids who had approached him with interest at the start of the semester, after hearing the rumors spread by Heo Yeonggyu and his gang, would glance at Gawon with completely different eyes than before. The pure goodwill in their gazes was replaced by cheap curiosity, disgust, and contempt.

But why does this kid…

Even knowing that fact, why doesn’t he despise me? Why does he approach me as if nothing happened? Why, why on earth….

“Oh, and speaking of which, Sunny’s there too.”

Just then, Ki Joon grinned and said that abruptly.

Gawon’s gaze, trembling finely and unable to find its footing, stopped at one point. His heart, which had been pounding hotly, instantly froze and sank to the lowest depths.

“…You just said, what…”

His voice wouldn’t come out properly. His discarded heart was being crushed messily. Ki Joon’s attack, which he had suspected would hurt more than anyone else’s, was far more painful than Gawon had anticipated.

He hoped he had misheard. But Ki Joon’s pronunciation had been far too clear for that. Above all, he couldn’t mishear that word—the one that clung to him like chewed-up gum in his life, tirelessly and tenaciously, no matter how much he tried.

Ki Joon was still grinning. Like a child playing a mean prank.

“Oh, Sunny? He looks exactly like you. You’d be surprised if you saw him too?”

“…”

“Curious, right? So come with me to my place—”

Slap—. Ki Joon’s face turned to the side with a sharp crack.

He couldn’t breathe. His chest, his hands trembled violently. Having hit him himself, Gawon was nonetheless in such severe agitation as if he had been the one struck.

He simply couldn’t handle it. The fact that this kid had casually said that word in front of him with such an innocent face. The fact that in the end, Ki Joon was no different from the other bastards. The fact that he had nearly, once again, let his guard down and trusted someone who was just playing with him.

Slowly, Ki Joon’s head turned back to face him. The kid who had been chattering and laughing so carelessly now had a hardened expression, looking utterly bewildered. Ki Joon’s cool, expressionless face was unfamiliar to Gawon, and that made his emotions overflow even more.

His glaring gaze trembled violently. His heart was pounding so hard he was breathless.

“You… son… of a bitch.”

“…Why all of a sudden—”

“You, you’re the worst. You’re the worst bastard, you piece of trash!”

His boiling resentment turned into fury. A few kids standing near the gate looked at Gawon with startled eyes, but he paid them no attention.

There was no point in dealing with him further. The moment he spun around, his shoulder was firmly grabbed. His body, like a scarecrow, turned back toward him weakly. Ki Joon had never handled him like this before.

Yeah, this is your true nature. Now do whatever you want. Hit me, insult me. Rage surged wildly in his chest. But his trembling lips couldn’t form proper words. His eyes were shamefully starting to burn, and that, at least, he gritted his teeth and held back.

“Why are you suddenly like this? How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me.”

Ki Joon didn’t hit Gawon. He didn’t insult him or laugh and mock him. His coldly settled eyes demanded only one thing: an answer. To tell him what was on his mind.

But Gawon’s shattered mind couldn’t find its place. For him to judge the situation rationally, the word that had come out of Ki Joon’s mouth was far too painful.

“Let go.”

“Yoon Gawon.”

“I said let go!”

“…Gawon.”

The two hands gripping his shoulders were firm. The straight, unwavering gaze and the gentle tone calling his name were just as Ki Joon always was.

“If you go off like this alone, what am I supposed to do? I don’t even know why you’re upset.”

“…Ha.”

“If I did something wrong, tell me. I’ll apologize. I really don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”

“Forget it.”

Gawon shook off the hands on his shoulders with all his might. Despite struggling so hard, the tears that had risen eventually blurred his vision. With tear-filled eyes, he glared straight at Ki Joon.

“Don’t follow me. If you grab me by force one more time, I’ll never see you again.”

Each syllable he spat out was painful. Smack, as he knocked his hands away, Ki Joon’s firm grip fell away, as if it had never been holding him so tightly. Like a dried, crumbling leaf. Like a mirage.

He just ran, looking straight ahead. As he ran, Gawon muttered like a madman. I don’t need any of it. I don’t need any of it, so just leave me alone. Fuck, I hate everything.

His tears scattered in the wind, wetting his temples. He was fed up. He hated Ki Joon, he hated himself. He felt utterly pathetic for having suspected only Heo Yeonggyu while looking at the words on the note just moments ago. He couldn’t believe how stupid he could be.

Why did I trust that guy? What made me think I could open my heart to him? After being fooled so many times, how could I so easily try to put the label of ‘friend’ on him? A word that didn’t even suit me.

How long had he run? His legs were sore, and finally his knees buckled. Gasping for breath as if dying, Gawon stopped in his tracks. His thigh muscles gave out and his body swayed uncontrollably. He’d run like crazy along a path that normally took a good 30 to 40 minutes on foot, so he was bound to be exhausted.

Blaming his paper-thin stamina, Gawon trudged along. In the lukewarm spring breeze, his tears had already dried. He rubbed his hot, swollen eyelids with the back of his hand. He felt like shit.

He turned into a narrow alley. The tightly packed doors ahead came into view. Walking quietly like a ghost, Gawon pushed the key into the door handle and turned it. The old door opened with a particularly loud creak.

Before entering the house, Gawon unconsciously looked back.

“…Fucking idiot.”

The merciless curse was aimed at himself. A self-deprecating laugh escaped him. What on earth was he expecting?

Gazing blankly at the empty entrance of the alley, Gawon immediately went inside and closed the door. Clack. The sound of the door locking was eerily grim, incongruous with the weather.