Speak of The Devil Chapter 32

As the waist movements became faster, unable to endure any longer, I pulled him and kissed his lips. I felt my body stiffening as it touched his.

Did I feel reluctance? He turned his head. However, I didn’t give up. Holding him, I followed his lips and bit his lips. I pushed my tongue between his lips, shaking my waist while pressing for the kiss.

“Ha-”

Jung Yiyeon let out a short breath. Simultaneously, the closed seam that avoided me opened. With his permission, he responded to my kiss.

After that, consciousness became blurry. I kissed him passionately and moved my body without being aware. Unconsciously, I passionately kissed him, moving my body to my heart’s content.

Jung Yiyeon’s body, embracing my waist tightly, was hot. Gradually, all his actions became as intense as before. Both the kisses and the movements penetrating inside me.

Was this what I wanted? Losing myself in dizzying pleasure. Embracing Jung Yiyeon’s warm embrace like a beast, I passionately kissed him to erase painful emotions for a moment.

Forgetting humiliation, regret, self-loathing, and all the rest. Captivated solely by the pleasure Jung Yiyeon provided, I moaned loudly and trembled in his warm embrace like an animal.

After sex, it was no different from before.

An awkward silence as uncomfortable as nausea. In that silence, Jung Yiyeon took off the condom, tied it, and threw it out of the car. Wiping his face with his pants, he left the place. He returned to the front seat and sat down.

Having rummaged through the console box, he tossed a pack of wet wipes to the back seat. I roughly wiped myself with the wet wipes and picked up my crumpled clothes from the mess. However, after putting on the clothes, I didn’t have the energy to sit up, so I lay down on the car seat. His warm body temperature still lingered on the seat.

Leaving only his body temperature behind, Jung Yiyeon sat in the driver’s seat without looking back at me. All I could see in front of me was the backrest of the driver’s seat covering his back.

It might have been better to turn on the radio at least. However, the car started in silence.

Neither Jung Yiyeon nor I said a word.

After a while, he parked the car in front of my house. Silence. I also had nothing to say, so I opened the car door and got out. As I stepped out and closed the car door, the car quickly disappeared from my sight. I couldn’t explain with what emotions I watched the tail lights fading away.

There was no need to mention the unease in my chest. It felt like I was about to vomit. Trying to swallow the rising discomfort, I blankly returned home.

Only when I took the elevator did I check my phone, which was full of Seo Jaeoh’s messages. Siu, Taehun. There were names like these, but ultimately, it was no different from Jaeoh’s contact. He must have found it absurd when I suddenly got up and left. Hearing that, Jaeoh would have been worried.

As I entered the house and opened my phone, intending to send a message reassuring him that I had arrived home safely and asking him not to come over, I saw a screen full of messages from Jaeho. It was a moment when I was about to send the message.

However, as I descended from the elevator and turned into the corridor where my apartment was, I had no choice but to stop abruptly at the unexpected figure.

“… Lee Nan.”

The man leaning against the front door of my house was Seo Jaeoh.

“Crazy bastard.”

A curse flowed out of my mouth listlessly. Jaeoh’s face twisted strangely. Approaching me, he had a face that seemed like he was about to cry.

“Crazy bastard.”

This guy is annoying. An indistinct irritation flowed towards Jaeoh.

Although I was in such a mess, the hot feeling welled up inside me because of the guy who came to see me in this state. It was embarrassing. My appearance was so pitiful to anyone who saw it. It was a sight I didn’t want anyone to see. It was a day when I felt so irritated.

But on the other hand, it was pitiful. I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment. I couldn’t get my heart, but Jaeoh, who had no choice but to come to me. Me, who had no choice but to go to Jung Yiyeon.

“… It’s tough.”

Feeling too pitiful, I leaned my forehead on the approaching guy’s shoulder. I kept telling myself to coldly reject, but it didn’t work well. It just felt suffocating in my chest.

Pathetic Lee Nan. It was beyond pathetic to be wallowing in self-pity over such a subject. In Seo Jaeoh’s embrace, I closed my eyes.

Only then did regret start to rush in like a flood. I just wanted to die from the overwhelming regret and chest pain. I was being pushed to the edge like I wanted to kill myself.

I hated myself like this. Why couldn’t I cut off my feelings? Why was I so lingering? Why did I contact Jung Yiyeon? Why? What did I expect in return for such treatment? Even in the midst of being treated like an object to satisfy sexual desires, why did I get so excited? Why did I kiss Jung Yiyeon, embracing him with such enthusiasm?

Why. Why. Why. Why.

Jaeoh silently embraced me, and I couldn’t tell if his body temperature was helpful. The throbbing pain in my chest didn’t seem to subside. Why do I still want Jung Yiyeon?

Jung Yiyeon was truly an extraordinary person. I had never hated myself so much before. I had never hated myself to the point where I couldn’t suppress the urge to cry. I couldn’t stand this pitiful version of myself, who was so foolishly captivated by Jung Yiyeon’s affection. I despised myself for getting so excited even in the midst of being treated like an object for satisfying sexual desires. Why did I still want Jung Yiyeon so much?

I didn’t know that self-hatred would lead to self-justification, and that everything would eventually become dull. These were the things I learned through my experiences with Jung Yiyeon.

***

The phone call log was filled with the names of people I had neglected for a long time.

Being unemployed, I had nothing to do. I tossed and turned in bed until noon, woke up, and spent my meaningless hours contacting friends and meeting those who were available for a drink.

Whether they were seniors or juniors, men or women, even people I occasionally exchanged greetings with, I called them and met them. People who had never been involved in a sexual relationship with me were relatively friendly. They welcomed my sudden contact, filling my empty time.

Yet there were days when time seemed to drag on. At first, alone time didn’t bother me at all, but inexplicably, it became increasingly burdensome. However, I had no desire to work again, so I met people, drank, and repeated the unrestrained lifestyle as it came.

I almost drank every day. Yet, strangely, I didn’t gain any weight, but rather seemed to be losing weight. It wasn’t because I had a blessed constitution.

– Do you want me to come pick you up?

I scrolled up and down the message window with Jung Yiyeon, but there was no end to messages of that nature. Drinking, texting, waiting for a reply.

There was no doubt that Jung Yiyeon was a bastard. He had never refused even once. He always came to pick me up at the designated location and we had sex.

“Ah…! Ah, ah, ugh!”

Holding onto the white sheet, I moaned in dizzying pleasure. The room spun due to the effects of alcohol. Consequently, I couldn’t focus my mind even more in the heat filling me.

Jung Yiyeon’s movements, plunging into me as I lay down, were getting faster. It felt like my insides were convulsing every time his organ penetrated deep, shaking with pleasure. Despite the trembling, everything below constricted with his movements. Flashes constantly erupted before my eyes. Within the blinking, red and blue sparks bloomed.

“Ah…! Aah…”

The moment Jung Yiyeon forcefully thrust his organ deep inside me, I helplessly moaned and ejaculated. My body trembled uncontrollably. The intense pleasure of climax relentlessly shook my entire body. I wanted to scream, open my mouth wide, but not even a whimper came out.

“Hu…”

Jung Yiyeon finished a few times inside me, teasing his organ in my insides.

“Ugh…”

When his organ was pulled out, the mucous membrane clinging to it made my body shudder again. It felt like everything below was completely open. Even if I tried, it seemed like it wouldn’t close.

Feeling drained, I collapsed onto the bed. From behind, I felt Jung Yiyeon disposing of the condom. Nevertheless, I couldn’t control my body and just lay there limp, gasping for breath.

It was already countless times, this act of sex.

After repeating it many times, I got used to the place where Jung Yiyeon brought me. Of course, it wasn’t his home. It was more like a residence that seemed to be his possession. A stark space where no traces of human life could be felt.

After sex, Jung Yiyeon would just wipe away the dirty fluids from his lower body without taking a shower, put on his clothes, and leave. The same today. I heard the sound of him dressing, and then the sound of the door closing. How should I express the feeling of being left alone in this moment?

“Ha…”

I finally moved my limp limbs and got up from the bed. I sat down on the bed hesitantly for a moment.

When we arrived at the underground parking lot of the residence, he said one word, “Get off.”

Another word when entering this room, “Shower and come out.”

It was an order that couldn’t be considered a conversation. It was also the only voice I could hear from Jung Yiyeon.

This is damn pathetic.

I laughed at myself sarcastically and went into the bathroom. After showering, I put on my clothes and left the residence. Perhaps it was thanks to repeating this act every 2-3 days. This kind of meeting for sex had reached a point where it felt cool.

But my emotions never became cool.

I’d rather grab Jung Yiyeon and scream. But when I saw his face, I couldn’t say anything. I desperately needed the warmth he provided. Sometimes, after sex, I had the impulse to grab him as he left, but I couldn’t even catch him. I just turned away because my actions were embarrassing. And then, after a few days, I would contact him again.

What the hell was confessing my emotions and quitting the job at the company for? I, who used to meet people perfectly fine during the day, only felt a fleeting sense of coolness about these encounters for sex.

But my emotions never cooled down.

Jung Yiyeon would respond to me even when I wished he would ignore my messages and not reply. Even knowing how foolish my actions were, I couldn’t stop. The emotion called lingering couldn’t be eradicated on my own.

I hate it. I hate Jung Yiyeon, and I hate this shitty situation. Among them, what I hated the most was still myself. So, I couldn’t stand being alone.

What’s even more ridiculous is that amid all this, my sexual desire only boiled for Jung Yiyeon. Despite encountering people who tempted me among recent acquaintances, my body and mind didn’t respond at all. Even after politely declining, I heard stories of them changing their minds. It seemed like their favor towards me increased, but my mood hit rock bottom.

Even looking at men didn’t elicit any response. It wasn’t just towards Jaeoh, who orbited around me like a satellite, but I had no interest in any other man. Even though I knew meeting other people would help me forget Jung Yiyeon, I didn’t even want to make an effort to meet anyone.