Sunshine Shower Chapter 119

He had known for a while that Woo Yeonjae mistakenly thought he had a friends-with-benefits relationship with someone. He never bothered correcting him because he preferred that Yeonjae believed his unrequited feelings were for someone else. Seoyoon didn’t want his long-hidden emotions to be exposed, and he certainly didn’t want to show that his so-called “dirty” feelings were directed at Yeonjae—the same friend who dismissed them as nothing more than lust.

But even after Yeonjae found out who Seoyoon really liked, Seoyoon never imagined that he’d still be trapped in the same misunderstanding. The gaze that seemed to search for clues, the hand that kept absentmindedly fiddling with Seoyoon’s neck—it all clicked now.

A wave of helplessness washed over him in an instant.

It wasn’t until Moon Seoyoon noticed his trembling fingers, stained with humiliation, that he realized the emotion washing over him wasn’t mere exhaustion—it was despair.

“I told you not to come back smelling like someone else.”

Woo Yeonjae muttered while staring down at him. For someone who was angry, his face looked cold and indifferent. But his gritted voice couldn’t hide the raw anger.

So that’s what he meant. Moon Seoyoon curled his fingers to hide his shaking heart. He felt like his whole body might start trembling soon, not just his hands.

“You… Did you give me that cologne as a gift because of that? Because of Taeun hyung’s scent?”

“Taeun hyung? You two must be really close.”

Seoyoon felt dizzy, like the blood was draining from his body. Unable to hold it in, he loosened his grip, then once again grabbed Woo Yeonjae’s wrist, the one that had been constantly touching his neck.

“Let’s clear this up first since it’s disrespectful to hyung.”

“What?”

“Hyung and I aren’t like that.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?”

No matter how much he thought about it, Seoyoon couldn’t figure out why Woo Yeonjae had come to that conclusion.

“What if you don’t believe me?”

Moon Seoyoon shot back.

“What?”

“What are you going to do if you don’t believe me, Yeonjae?”

As anger started to boil over, Moon Seoyoon’s tone mirrored Woo Yeonjae’s.

“Are you going to go around hunting down everyone I’ve ever slept with?”

“Moon Seoyoon.”

The way he said his name was even colder.

“I thought you came to talk.”

The feelings of helplessness and despair that had rushed in quickly retreated, only to be replaced by something more—an overwhelming surge of emotion. A faint intuition told him that after this moment, those feelings would return, but much stronger.

“I was planning to apologize when I saw you.”

The emotions bubbling inside him now allowed him to look Woo Yeonjae directly in the eyes, something he hadn’t been able to do earlier when he’d been thinking of what to say. Woo Yeonjae’s expression remained just as cold as when he had accused him over the cologne.

“I was going to apologize for liking you.”

His confession spilled out like raindrops hitting the ground.

“When you suggested we sleep together, I only agreed because I liked you.”

The shame he had felt earlier was now swallowed by the flood of emotions.

“Still, I never intended to tell you. I didn’t want to lose you.”

It was a confession as insignificant as a dying creature writhing on a concrete floor. And since he immediately followed it by saying he’d stop, it was a confession that lacked any real substance.

Even so, the one thing that remained constant from the beginning was that he didn’t want to lose Woo Yeonjae. That was why he had thought about how to apologize, why he had stood face to face with him now.

If Woo Yeonjae found him disgusting for liking another man, especially a childhood friend, and decided to sever ties, Seoyoon would understand. But he didn’t want to be the one to walk away first.

On the other hand, he held on to a faint hope. Since Woo Yeonjae hadn’t said much after finding out how Seoyoon felt, maybe he wasn’t planning to cut him off. Maybe, even though Seoyoon had confessed, Woo Yeonjae would let it slide because he’d promised to stop.

“You might find this disgusting… but my feelings for you were sincere. It wasn’t just lust; I genuinely liked you. But you… Ha.”

A headache throbbed in his temple. He realized he had been expecting too much without even realizing it.

As long as Seoyoon had known Woo Yeonjae and believed he understood him, he thought they hadn’t reached a point of no return yet. But it seemed like things had gone too far for that.

“And the best thing you could say was, ‘Are you sleeping with Taeun hyung?’”

Woo Yeonjae still said nothing. He just sent a cold, narrowed gaze, as if calculating something.

“Have you even thought about what I said back then?”

If he had really reflected on Seoyoon’s words, he wouldn’t have said something like this. He wouldn’t have had the energy to drag a third party into their conversation.

“No matter what you think… I gave it everything I had when I told you how I felt.”

He felt his heart gradually crumbling.

“And the first thing you say to me after we meet again is whether my roommate is my f*** buddy? Is that really the most important thing to you?”

It didn’t matter if the words had been impulsive—they weren’t easy to say. And no matter how casually or calmly he confessed, it wasn’t a matter that could end easily or peacefully.

“You…”

Moon Seoyoon paused for a moment. His eyelids involuntarily closed as a wave of sudden exhaustion hit him. Noticing his weariness, Woo Yeonjae cursed under his breath and stepped back.

“…Ha…”

Only after sighing deeply did Moon Seoyoon muster the strength to straighten his back. His gaze naturally fell to the floor.

Unlike him, who was barefoot, Woo Yeonjae stood firmly, his feet wrapped in socks. It felt like a reflection of their current relationship—Moon Seoyoon exposed, while Woo Yeonjae kept everything hidden.

“If you’d given any thought to what I said, you wouldn’t have said that.”

Moon Seoyoon slowly stood up, averting his gaze as if avoiding the sight of his bare feet. Even if he did have a casual fling with someone, that wasn’t the issue to bring up in this situation. The important thing was their relationship, not anyone else.

“Why wouldn’t it be important?” Woo Yeonjae frowned, tilting his head, genuinely confused.

“If you’re sleeping with someone else… Ha… What if you start to get confused at some point?”

Confused about what, exactly?

“You said you liked me.”

“…”

“So, are you planning to like someone else now?”

Moon Seoyoon took a sharp breath. Only then did he understand what Woo Yeonjae was trying to say. He was worried that if Seoyoon slept with someone else, his feelings might shift toward that person. The way he had been strangely wary of Nam Taeun, how he’d lost his temper over a simple cologne, how he’d been searching for traces of someone else on Seoyoon—it all made sense now. It was clear these were acts of jealousy.

“Why can’t I like someone else?”

He was genuinely curious. Why was Woo Yeonjae so wary of others, and why did he think Seoyoon couldn’t like someone else?

If they shared the same feelings, Woo Yeonjae wouldn’t have pretended not to notice Seoyoon’s emotions. That’s why he couldn’t understand it, why it puzzled him even more. You don’t even like me, so why?

“So you’re saying you’ll start liking someone else now?” Woo Yeonjae twisted his lips.

“What’s the problem, Seoyoon?” A slight laugh slipped through, followed by a frustrated hand running through his hair. The veins stood out on his knuckles.

“You said you liked me. We’re even sleeping together, so what’s the problem?”

“What?”

“If you want to keep doing it, just keep doing it with me. Why are you looking for someone else? Why take that risk?”

His brows furrowed even more deeply. His lips curled in a mocking grin as his cheeks twitched.

“If you end up liking that other guy, are you going to stop seeing me and only be with him?”

The corners of his eyes began to crease as his gaze sharpened.

“And if that guy tells you to cut me off, will you do it?”

Woo Yeonjae was spouting absurdities.

“Do you want to date someone? Then date me.”

Moon Seoyoon bit his lip.

“Is it… that easy for you?”

“I don’t see what’s so hard about it. What would even change if we started dating?”

The sensation of his teeth pressing against his lips felt dull and distant.

“We’ll keep eating together, spending time together, and if you feel like it, we’ll sleep together. Just like now.”

“Ha…”

“Isn’t dating that simple?”

It felt like the ground was disappearing beneath him, as though he were sinking into a bottomless void.

He should’ve stayed lying down. It felt like he was floating in a weightless space with no protection, floundering alone.

Moon Seoyoon struggled to catch his breath. His head pounded, perhaps from the scent of the cologne.

“Why do you talk about it… so easily?”

The reason he hadn’t confessed his feelings to Woo Yeonjae was because their friendship was at stake.

He had always feared that if he confessed, he might lose his one and only childhood friend. He’d never expected to date him anyway, but even if he had, he would’ve been careful to ensure that, when it ended, they could still remain friends.

Yet Woo Yeonjae talked about dating as if it was nothing.