Sunshine Shower Chapter 120

“Moon Seoyoon. Do you think I’m saying this lightly?” Woo Yeonjae asked fiercely. The way his fingers twitched revealed his urge to grab Seoyoon.

“If it’s not easy for you, then what?” Seoyoon countered, pretending not to notice Yeonjae’s tension.

“You’re saying you’re willing to carry the burden of leaving me behind, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“I have no intention of letting you go, no matter what. But you? You’re always thinking about how to get away from me, aren’t you?”

Seoyoon couldn’t deny it. The thought of military service and dorms came to mind immediately, making it hard to refute.

“If you keep only liking me, there’s no problem. I have no plans to abandon you.”

What are you getting out of this, then?

Seoyoon didn’t have to ask if Yeonjae felt the same way about him. He already knew the answer. The “relationship” Yeonjae spoke of was nothing but charity. All Yeonjae had to gain from it was Seoyoon’s presence, so it could be called nothing else.

Suddenly, a thought flooded Seoyoon’s mind, an assumption that rose out of nowhere and left him feeling dizzy with heat.

“Woo Yeonjae, are you…”

Did he pretend not to notice just because he wanted to sleep with him?

Seoyoon still didn’t know when Yeonjae had realized his feelings. He could only guess it might have been the day he visited his family home.

“I was attracted to you since I saw you play the piano.”

If Yeonjae ignored those feelings, he could avoid the burden and responsibility. As long as their relationship didn’t change, the responsibilities of friendship wouldn’t change either.

Something inside Seoyoon crumbled rapidly, as if it had come crashing down.

“Is it because you want to sleep with me?”

The moment Seoyoon voiced the thought that had spilled out from his mind, Yeonjae let out a bitter laugh. The sharp sound of his laughter cut through the air, as biting as the twisted smile on his lips.

“You want to sleep with me?”

The only thing left in Seoyoon after that was anger. He began unbuttoning his shirt as he asked, “Is that why? You were so upset over the cologne, checking my clothes for skin, always touching my neck—was it because you felt like someone else took me from you?”

“What are you doing?”

For the first time since pulling away, Yeonjae grabbed Seoyoon’s wrist.

“Let’s do it. Let’s have sex.”

“Moon Seoyoon. You’re not in your right mind right now.”

That comment ignited the emotions Seoyoon had been trying so hard to suppress.

“Do you really think I could be in my right mind right now?”

Tears fell, wetting Seoyoon’s cheeks before he even realized it. Yeonjae reached out with a frown, but Seoyoon stepped back instead. His mind was a chaotic mess. He couldn’t even remember the conversation they had just shared—why Yeonjae had come to the dorm, what they had fought about, or why his emotions had escalated so quickly. He couldn’t even recall what had happened a few minutes ago.

It was then that Seoyoon realized the feelings of helplessness and despair that had momentarily subsided were now crashing down on him again. Like a tidal wave, too high and too massive to prepare for. Even if he had seen them coming, he would have been swept under just the same.

“This is the worst.”

Both he and Woo Yeonjae were at their worst.

He’d once thought that loving Yeonjae was only natural, so much so that he couldn’t imagine stopping.

But now, he wanted to stop. If only he could rid himself of these feelings, everything would be easier. Sure, there would be a huge hole left inside him, but he almost wished that every emotion he had would spill out of that hole and leave him completely empty.

“Moon Seoyoon.”

The tears kept flowing. Despite the clear rejection in his expression, Yeonjae moved toward him, trying to comfort him once more. Seoyoon swatted the arm away again. His resistance lacked strength, likely because he was crying, but Yeonjae stopped moving, like a broken machine. His gaze flickered from his rejected hand back to Seoyoon.

“Stop. Just stop,” Seoyoon said.

“What the hell do you want me to stop?” Yeonjae’s voice, low and bitter, rose for the first time, breaking under the weight of frustration.

“All of it,” Seoyoon answered firmly.

As quickly as they had come, the tears stopped.

“Let’s stop everything.”

“Hah.”

Woo Yeonjae let out a dry laugh, his lips curling slightly.

“So, you’re saying you’re not going to like me anymore?”

“Yeah.”

Seoyoon knew it wasn’t something he could change just by wanting to. But still, he wanted to stop.

“You’re the one who said first loves aren’t worth shit.”

So he could stop. He had to.

* * *

“Hey, stop.”

Lee Jinhyuk grabbed Seoyoon’s wrist. When Seoyoon glanced over, Jinhyuk quickly let go and took a step back, knowing full well that Seoyoon hated being touched when he was sweating.

“Ha…”

Woo Yeonjae threw his gloves onto the floor and removed his headgear, sweat dripping down his chin.

“You’re not even planning to go pro. Why’re you trying so hard?”

“You should know by now that I don’t come here to try hard.”

“True, but still…”

No one understood better than Jinhyuk that Woo Yeonjae came to the boxing gym when he had some unfulfilled desire, usually the urge to crush something.

As Yeonjae approached the fridge to grab some water, Jinhyuk followed him.

“Nothing’s wrong, right? You’ve definitely lost weight.”

Jinhyuk had an eye for these things, having handled weight control for professional athletes. Yeonjae ignored his probing gaze as he drank his water.

“Are you even eating properly? If your father notices you’ve lost weight, it’ll break his heart.”

A tired joke, one better suited for a child far younger than Yeonjae was. The attempt to lighten the heavy atmosphere was obvious, so Yeonjae said nothing and simply kept drinking.

“Make sure to eat well. With how big you are, you need all the fuel you can get.”

“Aren’t there other people you should be worrying about?”

Yeonjae’s response hinted that Jinhyuk should focus on his athletes instead. Jinhyuk shrugged playfully.

“Well, I can only worry about them when you drop by occasionally.”

“Too bad, looks like I’ll be coming by a lot more for the time being.”

“Tsk, tsk. Whatever it is, I hope you deal with it soon.”

Yeonjae hoped for the same. The problem was, the person he needed to cooperate with had no intention of doing so.

“I’m heading out.”

Crushing the empty water bottle in one hand, Woo Yeonjae tossed it into the trash and half-heartedly bid Jinhyuk farewell.

“You didn’t bring your car, did you?”

“I’ve been taking taxis lately.”

“Why? Did it break down?”

“I’m not in the right headspace to drive.”

With the headaches and intrusive thoughts clouding his mind, concentrating on the road had become difficult. Even with four years of driving experience, a crash in the middle of Seoul would affect more than just him, so he was being cautious.

“Oh, right. I think it’s raining. Take an umbrella.”

Jinhyuk handed him a convenience store umbrella, decorated with light purple polka dots. It seemed like something left behind by a gym member.

Yeonjae glanced outside at the mention of rain. It was early autumn, a season when it often rained unexpectedly.

“Take care. And for your sake, get things sorted out soon.”

Ignoring Jinhyuk’s not-so-subtle hint to stop coming to the gym, Woo Yeonjae stepped outside.

“It’s sunshower weather.”

The sky was clear and bright with autumn sunlight, but there was a light drizzle. The rain wasn’t heavy enough to soak him, even if he stood outside for a while.

“…”

The raindrops falling reminded him of that moment. Seoyoon, standing under an umbrella, declaring that he wanted to stop everything. The image filled his mind, and he couldn’t shake it.

That calm face quickly turned into one streaked with tears, like a child unable to hold back his emotions.

Yeonjae’s expression tightened. The nausea that had started when Seoyoon began taking off his clothes had overwhelmed him the moment Seoyoon broke down in tears. That feeling had spread throughout his body and still hadn’t left him, gnawing at his insides. Something inside him had dropped with a heavy thud, like a premonition that everything was going wrong. That weight lingered, making him feel incomplete.

Even now, it was no different. After hours of sparring, his heart was still racing too fast, his fingertips trembling involuntarily. The tingling sensation seemed to reach all the way to his chest. Every time his heart, the organ that was supposed to be doing its job, reminded him of its presence, his nerves were on edge.

“So you’re saying you’re not going to like me anymore?”

“Yeah.”

A raindrop brushed his cheek.

“…”

Plop. Yeonjae opened the umbrella. As he stepped into the rain, his face remained stiff and unyielding.