Sunshine Shower Chapter 123

“What’s this about?”

“I’ve been thinking since we parted that way.”

Woo Yeonjae began speaking slowly. His body was at its limit from sleepless nights since the last time he saw Moon Seoyoon, but his condition wasn’t as bad as he expected. It was probably because Moon Seoyoon was right in front of him.

It’s nice seeing your face. Deliberately, he blinked slowly, capturing the image of his childhood friend. Half of Moon Seoyoon’s face was hidden in the shadow of his cap, making it hard to see his eyes, but just having him nearby made Woo Yeonjae feel alive.

“I think the feelings I had for you might be similar to yours.”

Woo Yeonjae continued speaking calmly, making sure Moon Seoyoon could hear him clearly.

He couldn’t say that his emotions were exactly the same as Moon Seoyoon’s. The foundation of affection might be the same, but the direction was undeniably different. What Woo Yeonjae felt for Moon Seoyoon wasn’t as brilliant or beautiful as what Moon Seoyoon had shown him. It was simply dark.

Yet Woo Yeonjae had learned something clearly through his one and only childhood friend: the emotion he had once named possessiveness could be called something else, something obvious and certain.

“What?”

Moon Seoyoon frowned. His exact expression was hard to read due to the shadow on his face. I’d love to take that hat off, but he’d hate that, wouldn’t he? Woo Yeonjae turned to face Moon Seoyoon directly, leaning his side against the seat’s headrest. Though their shoulders bumped, the discomfort was bearable.

“I like you, Seoyoon.”

With that, Woo Yeonjae let slip a word he had never imagined saying aloud.

Strangely, he liked how it sounded. The desire he’d always had to possess Moon Seoyoon, and the constant restraint over his unending wants, might have all been a process leading to this very word.

“In the same way you like me.”

Moon Seoyoon’s breath caught momentarily in the quiet voice. He had to work hard to grasp the meaning of the word “like.” He had thought he was calm, but as Woo Yeonjae’s words formed into sentences, it became increasingly difficult to understand them.

His face must have shown his confusion, because Woo Yeonjae added the final nail in the coffin.

“I like you.”

With a smile that seemed to melt his beautiful features.

“Not in the same way you like other people.”

Not knowing how to respond, Moon Seoyoon merely parted his lips slightly.

Did I really just hear him say he likes me?

He couldn’t understand the situation at all. Now? All of a sudden?

“I didn’t realize it until now.”

Though he hadn’t actually spoken aloud, an immediate response came. Moon Seoyoon silently stared at Woo Yeonjae. His slightly tired eyes softened, and his lips curved upward. It was a typical Woo Yeonjae expression, as if their recent fight had never happened.

“Ha.”

Moon Seoyoon let out a breath that could have been either a sigh or a scoff as he straightened his head. It took a few seconds before his gaze returned to Woo Yeonjae. He tried to clear his spinning mind by looking out the window, but it was futile.

He still didn’t know how to process his childhood friend suddenly confessing that he liked him.

“Woo Yeonjae, you’re….”

His breath hitched as if he were trying to gather his thoughts.

“What are you talking about?”

It was at that moment he realized how dizzying it could be to hear such absurd words.

“I don’t think it’s that hard to understand.”

Woo Yeonjae frowned slightly at Moon Seoyoon’s unexpected reaction. The word “like” wasn’t a difficult word, especially not for Moon Seoyoon, who had told him that very thing.

“I like you.”

Once again, Woo Yeonjae rolled this newly realized emotion off his tongue.

“So, let’s date.”

There was a reason Woo Yeonjae was clarifying his feelings for Moon Seoyoon.

He had easily picked up on Moon Seoyoon’s underlying desire to run away. The moment he said he was done, along with his declaration that it was over, it had become a pronouncement. Therefore, he had to catch him before he escaped. The best way was through a relationship.

Above all, now that he had recognized his emotions, he wanted to do things with Moon Seoyoon that they had never done before, under this new definition. Many things would change between friends and lovers.

“Ha…”

At the word “relationship,” Moon Seoyoon unknowingly let out a sigh. The conversation felt like it was going in circles. It was hard enough to process being told he was liked, but being asked to start a relationship was even more overwhelming. It felt like the ground was falling out from beneath him, but in a different way than before.

“Do you realize how strange you look right now?”

His voice came out as stiff as the hardened expression on his face. However, Woo Yeonjae merely furrowed his brow slightly, as if he didn’t understand what the issue was.

“I told you… we should stop.”

It wasn’t said without reason. Stopping would be better for both of them, for Woo Yeonjae as well. Even if their relationship had already gone awry, it shouldn’t get worse.

Moon Seoyoon often thought about how he wanted to go back to the summer when he was sixteen. Since that wasn’t possible, he had said they should stop.

“So. You’re saying we should stop everything, just like you said?”

Woo Yeonjae lifted his head slowly, as if he had caught onto the sincerity in the fading end of Moon Seoyoon’s words. Though he only shifted slightly, the air around them changed in an instant.

“Don’t see each other, live as if we never had a relationship?”

His eyes stiffened, his cheeks gradually tightened, and his lips twisted. As these changes spread, a shaky breath began to mix with his voice.

“…You’re saying we shouldn’t see each other for a while. Once I’m okay, and you’re okay, we can go back to being friends.”

“I don’t have anything to get over.”

Woo Yeonjae frowned. His expression was one of complete incomprehension. The eyes that had once smiled now narrowed in a crooked manner.

“And if you don’t get over it?”

His tone was still relaxed, but as soon as the shaky breath disappeared, a fierce undertone crept into his words.

“Should I keep waiting? Until you’re okay?”

Moon Seoyoon bit the inside of his cheek.

“When is that, exactly?”

Woo Yeonjae asked as if he was genuinely curious.

“I don’t mind waiting, but…”

One of his eyes squinted as if recalling something.

“Last time, I kept my mouth shut for years and waited, didn’t I? Didn’t cause any trouble, stayed quiet, right?”

Moon Seoyoon could vaguely sense that he was referring to his time in the military.

“Still, if you’re going to tell me to wait, at least tell me how long.”

Even Moon Seoyoon didn’t know when he would be okay.

Even now, Woo Yeonjae would often flood his thoughts. He thought he had poured out all his emotions, yet his heart wasn’t empty. It was still so full of something that it made him feel like he was drowning. It felt like he was trapped in an eternal tide, constantly struggling as the waves ebbed and flowed.

He had no idea if his heart would ever truly be empty, or if the final void would ever reach his mind and allow him to forget everything, making him okay again.

“Only then… ha, I can wait patiently.”

Patiently. Moon Seoyoon chewed over the word.

“At least give me a deadline.”

It was a question that couldn’t be answered.

All Moon Seoyoon could do was correct Woo Yeonjae’s misconception.

With a calm expression, he spoke.

“Woo Yeonjae. You don’t love me. Don’t misunderstand.”

“What?”

If Woo Yeonjae really loved him, he wouldn’t have been angry, asking if he liked men, nor would he have pretended to be unaware of his feelings. Moon Seoyoon knew him well. If Woo Yeonjae truly loved him, and had even mistakenly thought another man was his crush, he would have redirected his feelings toward Moon Seoyoon instead of dismissing them as lust.

Moon Seoyoon knew all too well the lengths Woo Yeonjae would go to in order to get what he wanted.

“You’re only confused because we had sex.”

Moon Seoyoon said it plainly. It was absurd to say something like this to someone you had unrequited feelings for, but his voice was as calm as his heart. Maybe because he had finally come to terms with the situation.

“You think that because we only slept together, you must like me. You’re mistaken.”

“Hah.”

Woo Yeonjae let out a short laugh, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You think the reason I’m acting like this… is because we had sex?”

Moon Seoyoon thought so. Woo Yeonjae hadn’t had a chance to love him. And even if the feeling was real, it would only take a few days for it to fade.

So, the emotion Woo Yeonjae felt for him was nothing but a mistake.

“You said it yourself. It’s just lust, and you’re confused.”

The hand that had been running through his hair, as if to calm his anger, suddenly stopped. His dark pupils slid over to Moon Seoyoon like a snake.

“You’re the one who’s confused right now.”

“Woo Yeonjae.”

“I’ve liked you since I was sixteen.”

At Woo Yeonjae’s sudden confession, the corners of his lips twitched.

“I didn’t imagine doing that with you back then. So it wasn’t lust, it was purely just liking you. When you suggested we have sex, I agreed because I was greedy. I’m sorry.”

He felt terrible. Hearing those words of affection didn’t bring him any happiness.

It wasn’t because Woo Yeonjae had confused lust with love. He only felt guilty for making Woo Yeonjae fall into that confusion in order to maintain their relationship. The awful feeling came from a sense of guilt, stemming from that very responsibility.

Moon Seoyoon continued to speak quietly.

“But still, in a way, it’s a relief, isn’t it?”

“A relief?”

Woo Yeonjae’s face twisted, his cheek tightening as his lips curled.

“It’s just a one-sided love, so it should be easier to sort out your feelings, right? I’ve even seen you confuse them because of me.”

It was something Woo Yeonjae had said once.

‘It’s a relief it’s just a one-sided love, right? It’s easier to get over your feelings.’

Woo Yeonjae’s expression twisted, as if he recalled the same moment.

“Seoyoon. That’s not what I…”

He seemed to remember the words that followed, and so did Moon Seoyoon.

‘Bury those feelings.’

It was just time for that moment to come.

“I’ll bury my feelings, so don’t confuse your heart because of me.”

He looked directly at Woo Yeonjae as he spoke.

“That only makes things more miserable.”