One Day, A Gangster… Chapter 16.1

Gidong glanced at Pilsung, who was teaching Wooyoon how to make a fist in front of a standing punching bag, and shook his head in amusement. Pilsung had been trying to teach Wooyoon boxing for a month, using the new punching bag he had installed in the office, but Wooyoon still couldn’t make a proper fist, and their lessons hadn’t progressed much. Pilsung, ever patient with Wooyoon, refused to give up on his less-than-talented student, insisting that he needed to learn to defend himself.

“Tight! Punch! Can’t you do it?”

“…….”

Wooyoon stared at Pilsung with a bored expression, silently pleading for him to stop.

Ever since he saw Pilsung knock down the gangster who had harassed him, Wooyoon had been watching UFC matches occasionally. The sight of muscular, angry alphas fighting and spilling blood made his heart race. He had thought he was fascinated by the spectacle of male violence, but he realized he was wrong.

He had simply fallen for Baek Pilsung, who had knocked down the bad gangster with a powerful blow to the face. He had been captivated by Baek Pilsung’s strength, a strength he himself didn’t possess. He didn’t want to become like that, he just admired it.

Oblivious to this, Pilsung pulled out a jackknife from his waistband, flicking it open to reveal the gleaming blade.

“Do you want to learn how to use a knife then?”

“No…”

Pilsung stared at Wooyoon, who recoiled in horror, as if he couldn’t understand his reaction. Gidong, sensing the sudden chill in the air, quickly called out to Wooyoon, “Sister-in-law, have some roasted chestnuts that the youngest bought.”

Wooyoon eagerly ran to the sofa where a few of the gang members were sitting. Pilsung had been busy with office work lately and was often away. He thought it would be good for Wooyoon to learn some self-defense, but Wooyoon showed no interest, let alone any willingness to learn how to fight. Pilsung closed his knife and tucked it back into his waistband, then plopped down next to Wooyoon.

He patted his thigh, and Wooyoon, ignoring the empty space on the sofa, naturally sat down on Pilsung’s lap.

“…….”

Gidong and the other gang members busied themselves peeling chestnuts, their eyes darting back and forth. It had only been three months since the wedding, so they understood the newlywed bliss, but the sight of their boss cuddling with his wife on his lap was still strange and sometimes hard to watch.

Pilsung popped a peeled chestnut into Wooyoon’s mouth, his face nuzzling Wooyoon’s back, and chuckled silently, inhaling his scent. His sharp eyes crinkled into a fox-like smile, incongruous with his large frame.

Gidong, observing them from the corner of his eye, thought, He’s really putting on a show. Is this how everyone changes when they’re in love? Having witnessed their lovey-dovey behavior up close, Gidong found the concepts of love and relationships increasingly confusing and daunting.

It had been snowing since early morning, covering the streets in a soft white blanket. Wooyoon, wanting to enjoy the snow, had walked home from work with Pilsung instead of taking the car. He stepped out of the bathroom, refreshed from a warm shower, and found a cup of warm tangerine tea Pilsung had made, waiting for him on the folding table next to the bed.

Pilsung, who had just finished a business call in the dressing room, came over and sat next to Wooyoon, his arm wrapping around his waist.

“Your birthday is coming up. What do you want?”

Having learned his lesson from several failed attempts at surprise events, Pilsung decided to ask Wooyoon directly what he wanted. Wooyoon put down his mug and turned to Pilsung. As their eyes met, Pilsung pressed his lips against Wooyoon’s, which tasted of sweet tangerine.

“I… don’t want anything… but I have a wish.”

“What is it?”

Pilsung, figuring Wooyoon’s wish would be something like seeing the scary-looking shoebill stork they had watched on YouTube together, asked without hesitation. Wooyoon had been talking about the shoebill, which was apparently the only one in Korea, ever since they saw the video, mentioning it randomly during meals and even while getting ready for bed, so Pilsung assumed Wooyoon wanted to see it in person. He probably hadn’t brought it up because he was being considerate of Pilsung, who had been busy lately.

What kind of wish is that, to see a stork bigger than a human arm…?

“I want to have a baby.”

“……?”

Pilsung, who had been picturing the shoebill, stared at Wooyoon with his mouth agape. Wooyoon blushed and mumbled, “What do you think… about us… having a baby…?”

Nam Wooyoon’s wish wasn’t the stork, it was the baby the stork supposedly brought.

“Wait. Hold on a second.”

“……”

Pilsung sat back, holding up a hand, his eyes darting around as he tried to process Wooyoon’s wish. Was there some hidden meaning? Was “baby” some kind of weird slang? Maybe the guys at the office had taught him some useless new expression.

But no matter how hard he thought about it, a baby was a baby. There was no hidden meaning. Pilsung wet his dry lips and asked calmly, “How old are you?”

“Twenty-one…”

“And you’re talking about having a fucking baby? Are you crazy?”

Wooyoon’s eyes narrowed at Pilsung’s harsh tone, his expression hurt. Pilsung took his hand and asked again, his voice softer, “Why did you suddenly think of that? Huh? Did you hear something from someone?”

“……”

“It’s just… I was thinking about it… on my own…” Wooyoon pulled his hand away and mumbled, looking down, “When we were in Jeju… seeing all those families…”

His long finger tapped the table nervously.

Jeju?

That was over three months ago, their honeymoon. Pilsung was dumbfounded that Wooyoon had been harboring this desire for a baby all this time. He rested his chin on his hand, his gaze fixed on Wooyoon.

What was going on inside that tiny head of his? He knew they weren’t on the same wavelength since they started dating, but he hadn’t expected such a difference in their thinking even after marriage.

While Wooyoon had been secretly wishing for a child, Pilsung had also been harboring a secret thought. He had planned to bring it up casually once he had a more concrete plan, but since things had turned out this way, he decided to talk about it today.

“We’re thinking very differently.” He stared at Wooyoon, who was still avoiding his gaze, and said, his tone slightly annoyed, “I was planning on sending you to school, not getting you pregnant.”

“Wha…!” Wooyoon’s head snapped up at the unexpected words, his mouth opening and closing silently. He looked utterly bewildered, his hands covering his mouth. Pilsung, seeing his reaction, chuckled, then his expression turned serious. He glanced at Wooyoon and said, “Do you know why I’ve been so busy lately?”

Wooyoon shook his head silently.

“I’m quitting the drug business.”

“……”

“At first, it was just about the money. Enough money to survive on the streets. Enough money to not be looked down upon. That was the biggest reason…” Pilsung trailed off, a bitter taste in his mouth, then continued, “Later, I just kept selling them, thinking there are people like me. Not because I had some sense of justice or camaraderie, of course, but because selling drugs was all I knew…”

“……”

“I lived with this… noble cause… that there are people like me who would rather die than accept their secondary gender… but I suffered because of those drugs.”

The memory of almost taking advantage of the unconscious Wooyoon, and the memory of not being able to do anything for him when he was suffering, would probably haunt Pilsung for the rest of his life.

His voice lowered, almost a whisper.

“I learned that denying who you are… can make you lose what’s truly important.”

“……”

“The people who took the drugs I made… I don’t know their faces or names, but the thought of someone else suffering like I did because of those drugs… I couldn’t sell them anymore. And the biggest reason is…” He looked into Wooyoon’s eyes and said softly, “You.”

“……”

“I’m going to give you everything… everything you were unjustly deprived of because of Nam Heejae, everything you missed out on.” 

He had promised Nam Wooyoon. He had promised to take care of him, to live a good life together. He had made a promise, and he had to keep it.

“I’ll help you take the GED, go to college, get a job… I’ll give you everything everyone else has, except for dating other people.”

Wooyoon, who had been listening silently, his eyes brimming with emotion, added, “We’re married… why would I date anyone else…?”

“That’s the point. I’ll support you in anything you want to do, but it shouldn’t be hindered by the fact that you’re married to me. Damn it, people already look down on those with secondary genders, and being associated with a gangster… it puts you at a disadvantage.”

The shitty reality made him frown just thinking about it. He picked up the pack of cigarettes and lighter from the nightstand and lit one.

“I’m closing down my deals one by one. I’ll shut down the workshop within the next year. I’m also looking for places to send the guys at the office…” He took a long drag, his cheeks hollowing, and looked at Wooyoon, exhaling a plume of smoke. “But Wooyoon, what the fuck do you mean, wanting to have a baby in this situation?”

Wooyoon waved away the smoke, not because he disliked it, but because he didn’t know what to say. Baek Pilsung did a lot of strange things, but sometimes, he was surprisingly mature. He was five years older, so it was only natural, he supposed. He realized that age wasn’t just a number.

He had never thought about going to school or studying again. The thought made him excited, but he was also scared. Besides, it had taken him three months to finally tell Pilsung he wanted to have a baby. It wasn’t a decision he had made lightly, so he didn’t want to take back his birthday wish just because Pilsung offered to send him to school.

“I… never thought I could go to school. I’m grateful… and happy… that you would even think of that, but…” He mumbled, glancing at Pilsung’s hand holding the cigarette, his eyes fixed on the ring, identical to the one on his own finger. His expression was a mixture of gratitude, longing, and uncertainty. “But I… also want to have a baby with you…”

“Wooyoon.” Pilsung stubbed out his barely smoked cigarette and took Wooyoon’s hands in his, pressing them against his forehead.

“……”

Wooyoon stared at Pilsung’s face, hidden behind his hands. Pilsung remained still for a moment, as if deep in thought, then looked up. His expression was neutral, but his eyes looked sad.

“I…”

“……”

“I don’t think… I can be a good father.” Wooyoon’s eyes widened slightly at his quiet words.

“I’m not confident. Let’s just… live together, the two of us.”

Wooyoon nodded silently at Pilsung’s stubborn words. He understood what Pilsung meant. His own life experiences had led him to the same conclusion, the lack of confidence in being a good parent. He wasn’t disappointed or hurt by Pilsung’s refusal. He simply understood. And he never wanted to do anything Pilsung didn’t want, no matter how much he desired it.

He let go of Pilsung’s hands and snuggled closer, burying his face in his chest and closing his eyes.

Director Kim stared blankly at Wooyoon, who was sobbing quietly with his head down. He wondered what to do, then, noticing the dark wet spots on Wooyoon’s thighs, handed him a tissue. Wooyoon, his light-colored pants stained with tears, pressed the tissue against his eyes.

“I… usually… I’m good at… holding back tears… but Pilsung told me… not to… so I can’t… sob… I’m sorry…”

Director Kim groaned and scratched his forehead. He picked up the pregnancy test Wooyoon had placed on his desk and peered at it, pushing his glasses up and squinting his aging eyes. It was clearly a double line.

“So you’re saying the condom broke during Director Baek’s rut cycle last month? And he doesn’t remember?”

“Sniff, yes…”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

“It wasn’t during knotting… so I thought it would be okay…”

“Ha…” Director Kim sighed and rubbed his forehead.

Indeed, the probability of pregnancy from sex between secondary gender holders was close to zero outside of the rut cycle, and even during rut, pregnancy was impossible without direct ejaculation into the cervix. During knotting, the alpha’s penis is naturally inserted into the cervix, but since they weren’t knotting, Wooyoon probably didn’t think it had happened.

Director Kim didn’t know much about Wooyoon’s upbringing, but he figured Wooyoon, who probably had no prior sexual experience and hadn’t received proper education, wouldn’t have been able to assess the situation accurately. He didn’t want to blame Wooyoon for his naiveté.

He tried to calm Wooyoon down.

“This… isn’t always accurate, so stop crying and…”

Wooyoon, still sniffling, fumbled in his jacket pocket and pulled out something. He opened his hand, and four more pregnancy tests tumbled onto Director Kim’s desk. Each one, from different brands, clearly showed two red lines.

Director Kim squeezed his eyes shut, trying to maintain his composure as he listened to Wooyoon’s sobs. He practiced the deep breathing exercises he had learned at his yoga class. His heart was still racing, but he managed to regain enough composure to offer some advice, as an adult and a medical professional.

He took Wooyoon’s hand and said gently, “You need to tell Director Baek. The baby is both of yours, you shouldn’t be dealing with this alone.”

“But… if Pilsung finds out… he’ll hate it… sob… divorce… hngh…!”

“Oh dear…”

Director Kim’s composure crumbled. They had a wedding ceremony, vowing to build a life together, and yet… how much must Pilsung have expressed his aversion to pregnancy for Wooyoon to take five pregnancy tests and come to the medical center alone? And divorce?

He suddenly felt a surge of anger, remembering Wooyoon’s tearful entrance. If his own child had come to him alone, clutching five pregnancy tests, afraid of their spouse’s reaction, regardless of what agreement they had as a couple, he would have been furious.

“Nam Wooyoon.” Wooyoon sniffled and finally looked up at the gentle voice. He blinked his red, swollen eyes, his hand trembling in Director Kim’s.

“What if… he tells me to… get rid of it…? It’s… really bad… to get rid of a baby…”

“What? Did he actually say he would want you to get rid of it?”

“No, Pilsung didn’t say that! It’s just… I… I don’t like anything… Pilsung dislikes… sob… and… my heart… hurts so much… if I had told Pilsung right away… this wouldn’t have happened… I was stupid to ignore it…”

Unable to listen to Wooyoon’s self-blame any longer, Director Kim jumped up, grabbed his phone, and yelled as soon as he heard the indifferent “Yes?” on the other end, “You bastard! Wooyoon is here, so get your ass over to the medical center now!”

He hung up and knelt in front of Wooyoon, who was sitting on the examination chair, and looked up at his tear-stained face. “Wooyoon, I’m not taking that gangster’s side. I’m on your side. So when he gets here, tell him everything you want to say.”

“Director Kim…”

“It’s true that you should respect each other’s opinions, but you don’t have to suppress your own thoughts for the sake of his. Okay? This isn’t medical advice, it’s just advice from a concerned ahjussi. Understand?” He patted Wooyoon’s head as he nodded slowly, his tears subsiding. He felt sorry for Wooyoon, wishing he had someone to guide him. Even couples with ordinary lives clashed over the issue of having children. It would be even more difficult for Pilsung and Wooyoon, given their difficult pasts.

Director Kim was angry at Pilsung, but having observed him for years, he could guess why Pilsung was against having children. He might seem reckless, but he had his reasons for not wanting a child, but still…

He clicked his tongue, watching Wooyoon roughly wipe his eyes.

Pilsung, who happened to be nearby, arrived ten minutes after the call. He parked his car and ran up the stairs to the medical center without waiting for the elevator, his breath ragged as he called out for Wooyoon. “Nam Wooyoon!”

He couldn’t find Wooyoon anywhere in the small medical center. His heart had dropped when he received Director Kim’s call. He had been planning to stop by home to check on Wooyoon and bring him lunch, worried he might collapse after seeing him listless and sleepy lately.

Wooyoon hadn’t come to the office with him that morning, saying he wasn’t feeling well. Pilsung had wanted to take him to the hospital, but Wooyoon had stubbornly refused to go, for days.

He had had a disturbing dream last night, and he had been feeling uneasy all morning. He bit his lip anxiously, ignoring Director Kim, who was approaching him, and checked behind every curtain in the examination rooms.

“Nam Wooyoon! Where’s Nam Wooyoon, ah!”

He turned around irritably as he felt a smack on his back. Director Kim’s fist flew at his face. It was a weak punch, not even reaching Pilsung’s face due to the height difference, landing harmlessly on his chest.

“Ah! What the hell, old man? Where’s Nam Wooyoon?”

Director Kim punched him in the chest again, just because he was annoyed. Just as Pilsung was about to lose his temper, the door opened. Wooyoon, who had just washed his face in the bathroom downstairs, hesitated as he saw Pilsung with Director Kim.

“Nam Wooyoon? Are you okay? Are you sick? Why are you here? What’s with this old man?”

“Pil…sung… I…”

Pilsung, grabbing Director Kim’s wrists and holding him back, stared at Wooyoon, who was standing by the door, urging him to continue. Wooyoon forced out the words, “I think… I’m pregnant.”

“…….”

A long silence followed. Pilsung stared at Wooyoon, his face frozen, then let go of Director Kim’s arms and turned away. He frowned, his thick eyebrows twitching, then turned back to Wooyoon, his large frame looming over him, his voice dangerously low, “What do you mean?”

“……”

“How can you be pregnant?”

“……”

Director Kim was about to intervene, seeing Wooyoon’s downcast face, when Pilsung, as if he had eyes on the back of his head, held up a hand towards Director Kim, warning him not to approach.

“Nam Wooyoon.”

“Yes…”

“People with secondary genders can only get pregnant during their ruts.”

“……”

“You always took suppressants during your heats, so we never spent them together, and I always used condoms during my ruts because the suppressants didn’t work.” He glanced at Director Kim’s desk, where several pregnancy tests were lined up, each showing two red lines. “Are those yours?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Hoo…” Pilsung sighed, running a hand through his hair and putting his hands on his hips. His fingers trembled slightly. He was trying to suppress his emotions so as not to frighten Wooyoon, but he couldn’t hide the tremors.

It couldn’t have happened with him. If Wooyoon was pregnant, there was only one possibility. Something bad must have happened to him without Pilsung knowing.

When? When did it happen? He couldn’t even bear to imagine what had happened, who had done it to him. The thought of Wooyoon hiding it from him made his stomach churn.

“How… how did this happen?” He wanted to ask gently, but his voice was tense and strained. He forced himself to relax his face and looked at Wooyoon. “Nam Wooyoon.”

“……”

“If it’s your baby, it’s my baby.”

“……?”

Wooyoon blinked at Pilsung’s words, confused. Pilsung, suppressing his distress, spoke sincerely, “However it happened… whoever did it… it doesn’t matter. If you want to keep it, I’ll take responsibility, so don’t worry about me and choose what you want.”

“What? That’s not… “ Wooyoon hesitated, then mumbled, almost inaudibly, “It broke…”

“What?”

“That time… during your rut… when we… the condom… broke.”

“……”

“You don’t remember, do you? You were out of it… I thought it would be okay since it wasn’t during knotting. I should have told you, I’m sorry… but you were so… you kept… doing it… for two days… I didn’t have the time to tell you…”

“W-wait! Hold on…” 

Pilsung pressed his hand against his forehead, feeling like he did when he was stabbed and bleeding profusely. His head spun, like he was standing with one foot in this world and one in the next.

He blinked rapidly and stammered, “So… you’re saying… you’re pregnant… with my baby…?”

Wooyoon clung to Pilsung’s shirt. “Pilsung! I don’t want to do anything you don’t like! I won’t have the baby, sob, don’t divorce me!”

“What the fuck, who’s talking about divorce…” Pilsung muttered, looking at Director Kim, who was watching them with his arms crossed. Director Kim nodded, confirming the pregnancy.

“……”

Pilsung turned back to Wooyoon, whose wide eyes were filled with tears. He stared at his tearful face for a moment, then reached out and pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Ha… Wooyoon…” 

He didn’t say anything else, but the single word was enough to reassure Wooyoon, and he burst into tears. Pilsung buried his face in Wooyoon’s hair, relieved that nothing bad had happened to him, yet overwhelmed by a mix of emotions he couldn’t articulate. They were feelings he had never experienced before.

He didn’t think he could be a good parent. He still didn’t. He was sure he couldn’t give a child the parental love he had never known or received. And yet, this overwhelming feeling filling his chest was undoubtedly happiness. Not disappointment, regret, anxiety, or fear, but pure joy and elation.

It was strange. He had never imagined having a child that looked like him, and yet, he was overjoyed. He had never wanted to pass on his flawed bloodline, and yet, he felt incredibly grateful. He couldn’t believe he was the same person who had told Wooyoon they shouldn’t have a baby.

Pilsung’s eyes welled up, and he tightened his embrace, then lifted Wooyoon into the air.

“Hngh!”

He held Wooyoon, who was crying with his eyes squeezed shut, and looked up at his adorable face. “Nam Wooyoon, stop crying…”

“I was so scared… that you would hate it…”

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”

“Sob, sniff…” Wooyoon’s cries intensified. He wrapped his arms around Pilsung’s head and sobbed uncontrollably.

Director Kim, who had been watching them silently, opened his mouth to say something he had missed the chance to say earlier. He had wanted to advise them to visit an obstetrician for a proper diagnosis, even though it was almost certainly a pregnancy, but seeing them kissing, their tear-stained faces pressed together, he decided to leave them be. He didn’t want to interrupt this moment, the moment these two, who had nothing, created something together for the first time.

Pilsung, holding Wooyoon close and chuckling, finally realized, as they were leaving the medical center, that the bird in his disturbing dream last night had been the shoebill stork.

“Fuck…”

“Why?”

Pilsung shook his head, zipping up Wooyoon’s jacket, his eyes still red. He would have another dream, a different one, for a different prenatal dream. He vowed to get one, even if it meant forcing his men to have them.

“Hey, be careful, you’ll fall.” Even on the short walk to the car, Pilsung held Wooyoon’s hand tightly, constantly pointing at the piles of snow on the ground. Wooyoon, amused by Pilsung’s fussing, continued to giggle even after they got in the car.

Pilsung parked the car in front of their villa and held Wooyoon’s hand as he was about to get out. They sat in the parked car, their eyes locked in a warm gaze. Pilsung, playing with Wooyoon’s hand, spoke first. “…Are you sure about this?”

“About what?”

“Studying…”

“Pilsung.” Wooyoon interrupted him, his still-red eyes fixed on Pilsung. He imitated a serious tone, “I’ll be a good father with you, and I’ll study.”

“……”

“I’ll go to school, I’ll get a job. I’ll do everything I want to do, everything I haven’t been able to do, except for dating. You said you’d help me, right…?”

Pilsung chuckled at Wooyoon’s sudden loss of confidence at the end and nodded.

Wooyoon took a deep breath, glancing at Pilsung’s loving gaze. He had been so anxious and agitated for days, worrying about how Pilsung would react to the pregnancy, and he had calmed down somewhat on the way home, but he was afraid he might start crying again if he got too emotional. He wanted to convey his feelings clearly this time.

He spoke calmly, “I was worried you would hate it if you knew I was pregnant. But seeing you so happy at the medical center… I know now for sure.”

“Know what?” Pilsung asked immediately.

Wooyoon swallowed and replied, “That I should trust you more. And…” He looked into Pilsung’s eyes, his gaze steady, and shared the truth he had finally realized after everything they had been through since that summer day they first met. “You can trust yourself too, Pilsung.”

Pilsung’s eyes flickered as he stared at Wooyoon.

“You’re that kind of person.”

“……”

“When I started liking you… I was always unsure… if you were a good person… but I know now.”

“……”

“You’re someone I can trust.”

Pilsung stared at Wooyoon, who added in a small voice, “Really,” then mumbled, “Kid…” His voice, tinged with a light chuckle, trembled slightly. Memories of his younger self, struggling to survive on the streets, flashed before his eyes. Even his own father hadn’t trusted him, resorting to violence. He felt a pang of sadness for his younger self, who had lived in a world where he couldn’t trust anyone, not even himself.

A warmth spread through his chest. He stayed silent for a moment, trying to sort out the unfamiliar mix of emotions, gratitude, comfort, and something else entirely, then leaned closer to Wooyoon, brushing his hair aside and kissing his forehead.

He had thought they were already family after registering their marriage and having a wedding ceremony, but he now felt a deeper connection with Nam Wooyoon, a true sense of family. So this is what family is. Not just living together, not just sharing meals, not just a few words on a piece of paper, but this. This feeling, this connection.

Pilsung and Wooyoon looked at each other, marveling at the family they had created for the first time. They kissed again, their lips meeting softly. Pilsung gently sucked on Wooyoon’s slightly parted lips, his rough hand gently covering Wooyoon’s lower abdomen, the warmth spreading through him.

The fearless, top gangster Baek Pilsung now had things to protect, things to believe in, and things to love. More than he deserved.