Love Born of Pity Chapter 78

The conversation was drawing parallel lines. Would it have been different if Do Yeonjae had pitied him just a little? He couldn’t be sure. If he had received even pity, their relationship might have changed. On the contrary, he might have been the one to cling. Because the affection Do Yeonjae sometimes showed was always precious to him.

“……It’s okay with me if the feelings you give me, Director Do, are even pity.”

He no longer hoped for his affection. Nor the tenderness that always made him misunderstand.

“It probably would have been okay.”

At the words muttered as if in passing, Do Yeonjae’s gaze fell on the face, red from crying. The traces of tears were thick, and the moisture clinging to his wet eyelashes sparkled.

What did he mean, that even pity was okay? He had felt sorry for Kwon Jiho before, but he had never truly pitied him because he even found that appearance of his endearing. So he couldn’t give a proper answer.

The moment his lips, which had parted several times, let out a deep sigh, Kwon Jiho lowered his gaze. The hands on his thighs fidgeted before intertwining as if in anxiety.

“……I want to go out. I’m not hungry. I feel…… sick to my stomach.”

As if he no longer wanted to talk, Kwon Jiho changed the subject. His trembling voice was pitiful. Do Yeonjae took off his shower gown, put on the indoor clothes that had been brought for him, and then picked out and offered a light but thick cardigan from among his own outerwear.

“……Thank you.”

Slowly standing up, Kwon Jiho slid his arms into the cardigan. His hands didn’t even emerge from the ill-fitting clothes. He looked as if he were wearing his father’s clothes, but neither of them cared.

Do Yeonjae folded the sleeves to reveal Kwon Jiho’s hands and buttoned up the cardigan. The hospital gown, which left his neck bare, caught his eye. A worry flickered through him—what if he caught a cold if he took him out? But it would be ridiculous to forbid him from going out now, so he grabbed the slender hand and left the hospital room.

“Tell me if you’re cold.”

“……Yes.”

Kwon Jiho looked down at Do Yeonjae’s hand holding his. The warm heat and the kind of skinship one would share with a lover had initially made him misunderstand. The thought that maybe, just maybe, Director Do liked him too. That sweet misunderstanding was quickly shattered, and after that, he never thought such things again.

Could Do Yeonjae like someone? Could he love someone?

It was strange just to imagine it. He felt a sense of sadness and sorrow for some reason. Just imagining him treating someone else preciously, unlike how he treated him, made his heart ache.

Do Yeonjae liking someone else.

When a problem arose, he might use gentle persuasion instead of the threats that were so familiar to him, and when they had sex, holding him softly might come first. The words flowing from those elegant lips would be affectionate whispers, not cynical remarks and vulgar curses.

Things that would be the complete opposite of what he had done to him.

His thoughts didn’t cease the entire time he followed Do Yeonjae up to the rooftop garden. The more the trivial thoughts tangled in complexity, the deeper his yearning to escape Do Yeonjae grew.

♬⋆.˚

After that day, to Kwon Jiho’s immense relief, the guard’s surveillance loosened. He couldn’t lock the bathroom door, but he was able to use it alone.

Not only that, but Do Yeonjae allowed him to take a walk in the rooftop garden once in the morning and once at lunchtime. In the evening, he would go up with him and walk a slow lap.

Perhaps from being exposed to the cold wind too suddenly, Kwon Jiho coughed incessantly as if he had caught a cold.

“Mr. Jiho, are you okay?”

“I think it’s because it’s dry.”

“But there’s a humidifier in the hospital room and you’re still coughing. It seems like a cold, shouldn’t you take some medicine?”

“I’m not sick or anything…… I’m just coughing a little. I think it’s because I’ve been going outside often lately.”

Cough, cough, another dry cough erupted. Hwang Gicheol suggested they go inside right away, but Kwon Jiho didn’t want to. He sat on a bench bathed in sunlight for quite a long time with his eyes closed. He even said something silly, tilting his face towards the sky and asking, ‘Wouldn’t this disinfect me?’

Hwang Gicheol looked at Kwon Jiho with pity before suddenly being surprised. He had definitely said he couldn’t see or hear, but now he didn’t miss even the smallest sound.

“Ah, Director Do found out everything. I told him too. Maybe it’s because I’m taking medicine, but I’ve gotten better.”

After taking the pheromone supplement at regular intervals and not receiving Do Yeonjae’s pheromones, both his hearing and vision improved day by day. His right field of vision, which had been completely black a few days ago, had now recovered to the point where he could distinguish shapes, albeit blurry, as if through a hazy film. He didn’t know if it would get any better, but there was hope.

“……Wouldn’t it be better to leave during your walk time? He’s not super close these days, and sometimes he keeps his distance like that.”

“Since we’re coming upstairs…… I don’t think it will work. It’s not easy to shake him off either. We have to go down to the parking garage.”

“Then what should we do.”

Hwang Gicheol pondered while massaging Kwon Jiho’s hands. He didn’t know if it was poor blood circulation or simply the cold weather, but the white hands were as cold as they were pale.

“They’re not getting warm at all.”

“Maybe because I don’t use them much……”

Unless it was mealtime, his hands were always placed quietly near his thighs. In fact, he sometimes felt his fingers stiffening. Despite that, he didn’t think it was strange. He considered it natural since he wasn’t moving.

Since his presentation, his body temperature would rise and fall easily. He was too busy adapting to the fever that fluctuated at will for his attention to reach such trivial things.

“These past few days…… I think it’s because it’s gotten cold all of a sudden.”

He felt the cold even under the warm sun. It was the same in the hospital room. Even if he raised the temperature, the chill that pierced to the bone was not something he could endure. Was it because he was nervous? As the date he had mentioned to Kang Gyumin approached, Kwon Jiho’s anxiety reached its peak.

He was plagued by nightmares. For several days, day and night, he dreamt of being caught, ultimately failing to escape the hospital. He was scared he would fail. Scared that he wouldn’t be able to escape and Do Yeonjae would find out about the whole plan.

“Oh, right. I had a dream a few days ago, you know?”

“A dream?”

“Yes. You were in my dream, Mr. Jiho, sitting alone in a green field. The wind was blowing gently, and the scenery was so beautiful. Your expression looked so peaceful, too. So I thought I shouldn’t disturb you and just kept watching to see what you were doing.”

His relief that Hwang Gicheol hadn’t had the same nightmare as him was short-lived. The story continued calmly before reaching its climax very quickly.

“But then, something like a black panther came strolling over and just jumped right into your arms, Mr. Jiho! I thought you were going to be eaten alive, so I was so shocked that I screamed and woke up.”

At the realistic reenactment, Kwon Jiho let out a small laugh. He, who usually only ever smiled faintly and never laughed out loud, smiled with his eyes crinkling beautifully. Hiding his chapped white lips with his gaunt, thin arm.

Hwang Gicheol stared at Kwon Jiho, who for once looked his age, for a moment before saying it was a really strange dream, even on second thought.

“But then again, dreams like that are mostly good omens. I just thought, Mr. Jiho must be going off to a good place.”

At the whispering voice, Kwon Jiho nodded. Kwon Jiho, who swept back his hair that had grown longer in the meantime, checked the bandage wrapped around his wrist. The wound was finally beginning to heal. His discharge was scheduled for the weekend, but the day he had decided to leave Do Yeonjae was the Friday right before.

“I’m worried you’ll get into trouble because of me.”

“It’s okay.”

“……Director Do might bother your family…… your family.”

“It’s okay. My daughter is abroad. She’s been nagging me to quit and come see her lately anyway, so it worked out well. I was just stubbornly working so my child wouldn’t have to struggle…… My daughter is having a baby soon. So I can help her with her postpartum care and while I’m at it—Oh my goodness! That dream from before!”

“Yes?”

Hwang Gicheol paused, looking at the pretty face that tilted with a gentle expression. Was it not a good omen, but perhaps a conception dream? His rash mouth, about to blabber on excitedly, clamped shut.

Unnecessary talk would only unsettle the heart of someone about to leave. Besides, close acquaintances often have such dreams, but since they weren’t that close, it could just be a meaningless dream—he found three or four reasons not to say anything.

“No, it’s nothing. Just that it seemed like a good dream.”

“……I hope so.”

It was a beautiful dream just to imagine. Kwon Jiho, scratching behind his left ear, nodded and looked up at the clear sky. Was it because it was autumn? The sky was high and exceptionally blue. Only two days left until Friday.

After spending a little more time, Kwon Jiho stood up from his seat at the sound of someone’s presence behind him. If he sat for too long, the man would approach and tell him it was time to go back inside. The disappointment was fleeting. For a while, he hadn’t even been able to go outside, so even this felt like a luxury.