The Unbelievers Chapter 25

―…

“Manager Nam is kind, but he truly does only as much as he is paid for by you, Mister. I am not treading on him, though.”

Manager Nam was kind. But there was no sincerity in that kindness. He simply performed his role. As Eunseong reported this as if snitching to him, the corners of his eyes grew hot. Like a child overcome with sorrow, his voice was trembling slightly.

“Are there any more photos you took of the mother bird?”

―There should be more.

“Then please show them to me.”

―I will send them to you.

“…Yes.”

After hearing his reply, Eunseong let go of the edge of the bedding he had been clutching anxiously. He finished the call and stared into the black screen of his cell phone. He could see the area around his eyes and his cheeks flushed red from the fever. At that moment, the tears that had been pooling fell, rolling down the bridge of his nose and dropping—thud, thud—onto the pillowcase.

Eunseong opened his eyes at a cool sensation touching his forehead. His head throbbed with a dull pain as if it were about to crack. His eyes met Yoo Siun’s, who was removing a towel that had grown hot from body heat and was trying to place a cold wet towel on his forehead using tongs.

Eunseong tried to stagger into a sitting position. Pressing a wet towel against Eunseong’s forehead, he pushed him back down to lie him back, then pulled the bedding up and tucked him in meticulously up to his neck. Buried deep in the blankets, Eunseong looked up at him.

“…When did you come?”

His voice was submerged.

“A little while ago.”

“I must be sicker than I thought.”

“Shouldn’t we call a doctor?”

He asked again. Even though his head was aching from the pain, Eunseong shook his head no. It was a fierce refusal.

“I told you I’m fine! Who calls a doctor for being this sick?”

The look in his eyes as he looked down at the red-faced Eunseong became subtle.

The man had pulled a chair next to the bed and was sitting there nursing Eunseong. He was very close.

“Did you come close today because I’m sick? Because you have to nurse me? You are always staying away.”

“Stop talking. It must be difficult for you.”

“One moment I’m making a fuss saying I don’t trust you… I feel like a ridiculous kid.”

“…”

“My heart keeps growing weak so I just whine to you. The more this happens, the harder I should be saving money.”

Eunseong said those words while watching Yoo Siun’s reaction. It was because he wanted to confirm whether the man disliked this side of him or was accepting it.

“Isn’t everyone like that when they are sick.”

He spoke as if he understood everything. For a moment, Eunseong’s heart was moved. He liked it so much his heart trembled to see the man coming home early because he said he was sick to look after and care for him. It was an interest he had never received even from his father. He was staying still, feeling both good and fluttery at the nursing he was providing, when Yoo Siun picked up a cold towel with the tongs and placed it—thud—onto Eunseong’s forehead.

“…What is that? Are those tongs?”

“Ah, it’s more convenient this way.”

He laid out an excuse. It was a method where he used tongs to place the towel on the forehead to avoid touching him, and then removed it when it became hot with body temperature. Yoo Siun’s behavior was absurd. The touched feeling he had felt just now vanished in an instant. If he was going to do it that way, it was better not to do it at all.

On one hand, he was annoyed, but he decided to think only of the fact that the distance Yoo Siun always maintained when they were together had disappeared for now. Yoo Siun had overcome his germ phobia and had come close to him. Even that was something to be deeply grateful for. However, that didn’t mean his momentarily spoiled mood was recovered immediately.

“Sigh… why is it so hot.”

It felt like the heat in his body was rising even more because of the bedding the man had covered him with up to his neck. Eunseong pushed away the blanket that was pressing down on his chest. He also grabbed and twisted the pajamas that were constricting his body. A few buttons came undone, revealing his chest. Eunseong let out a sigh of liberation only then at the cool air touching his bare skin.

Soon, Yoo Siun’s hand correctly closed the edges of the disheveled pajamas. Even while doing so, Eunseong could feel the touch that was careful not to let their skin meet.

…Because I’m dirty? Am I dirty?

His father also occasionally said he was dirty. When drunk, he would curse him, calling him dirty blood. Because of that, Eunseong had a feeling similar to a victim complex regarding being dirty, and when Yoo Siun acted that way, his father’s curses came back to him, making it even more unpleasant. Furthermore, the behavior of his fifth cousin—playing the fool with his germ phobia even when a person was dying of sickness—felt unbearably unpleasant today of all days.

“Hey… Mister.”

“Yes.”

His gaze was needlessly fumbling with the wet towels. Yoo Siun did not look at Eunseong on purpose, answering the call with a diverted field of vision.

“I’m hot, so could you wipe my sweat for me…?”

“I really should call a doctor.”

Yoo Siun stood up looking for his cell phone.

“I said no!”

“…”

Eunseong bolted upright and shouted. Only then did his gaze turn toward the flushed face.

“I hate doctors… I said I hate them.”

“…Why?”

“Just because. I just hate doctors. I’m not that sick. I’m not in pain. It’s just a fake illness. I just threw a tantrum to you because I hate being alone now.”

Shaking his head fiercely, Eunseong flatly refused, saying he didn’t need anything like a doctor. His face flushed even redder, and even the skin on his neck and the collarbone revealed below it turned red.

Yoo Siun was staring blankly at Eunseong, who was throwing a raw tantrum. Eunseong was even more flustered by his silent gaze. He felt the man would think he was strange.

“You’re always acting like you dislike people, like you’re dealing with a patient who has some disease. You won’t even let our hands touch, as if you’ll die if they do… do you know how much that annoys a person? You don’t act like that toward Manager Nam, so do you think I don’t know you only do it to me?”

“The porridge should be done. I’ll bring it to you.”

“…”

Yoo Siun stood up from his seat without even listening to the end of Eunseong’s confused and repetitive words. Watching the back that was turning away in a hurry as if fleeing, the corners of his eyes trembled, brimming with tears.

…Are you crazy? Seo Eunseong, are you crazy?

Eunseong covered his mouth with his hand. He was acting exactly like a teenage boy who liked someone. Don’t reject me, touch me, stroke me—he was throwing a tantrum for him not to act like he disliked him.

Why am I like this…? That person is a relative. No matter how distant the degree of kinship, he is a relative.

His heart was beating fast enough to ache. It was at the point where he could hear the sound of his heartbeat in his own ears. Eunseong shook his head. The slow shaking of his head soon became a frantic denial.

It makes no sense. I’m mistaken about something. No matter how handsome and no matter how kind he is, anyway, he was a fifth cousin elder to him. Yoo Siun was his father’s cousin.

Eunseong wiped his face roughly with the cold wet towel. The burning body heat felt cool for a moment. He tried to calm himself down, thinking he was mistaken about something because he was sick and his heart had grown weak. Indeed, the vibration of his throbbing chest grew faint, and after wiping his face a few times with the wet towel, his jumping emotions settled down calmly.

Once enough time had passed to pull his emotions together, he returned to the room holding the porridge on a tray.

“Can you eat some porridge?”

“Yes… yes.”

He pulled over the bed tray that had been hidden at the foot of the bed. He set the tray down on it. It contained abalone porridge with steam rising from it, finely diced radish kimchi, and bowls of pickled vegetables and braised beef to whet the appetite.

Eunseong, who had been keeping his eyes downcast to avoid looking at Yoo Siun on purpose, looked at his profile unknowingly when the man held the spoon and went “whoo-whoo” to blow on and cool the hot porridge.

“It’s still hot. I’ll cool it more for you.”

“…”

It wasn’t a mistake. The way his heart surged and trembled when he saw him was not a mistake. He had been fine until just now, but seeing him caused a light dizziness.

“Here, try some.”

He lifted a spoonful of the porridge he had cooled by stirring for a long time and brought it close to his lips.

He could have eaten something like porridge on his own, but Eunseong quietly opened his mouth as he was told, like a child who couldn’t even eat a meal alone. Until he finished all the porridge that went down his esophagus with difficulty, the man fed Eunseong directly. Enduring his germ phobia, he came close and fed him the porridge to the end. After eating all the porridge, he took his medicine too.

The stiff movements of feeding Eunseong were awkward and rigid, as if representing that he had never done such a thing in his life and was not that type of personality. While working hard enough for cold sweat to break out on his forehead, Yoo Siun was still being careful to ensure his skin did not touch Eunseong’s. Eunseong was now beyond just being disappointed. He felt resentful toward him.

“I’m done now. I’m going to sleep.”

Wounded by the man who kept his distance to the end even while looking after him as if performing a duty, Eunseong spoke coldly and lay down on the bed. Turning to his side, he showed his back to him.

The man, who had been watching silently, gathered the empty bowl and utensils and went outside.

“…”

Once he closed the door, Eunseong let out a long breath he had been holding back. It was a sigh he had kept filled in his chest.

The effect of the medicine kicked in and his vision grew blurred. Thinking about Yoo Siun while gnawing on his flushed lips, he fell asleep.

Falling asleep in a feverish state, Eunseong had a dream. He grabbed onto Yoo Siun, who tried not to let even their skin touch, and he clutched the back of his large hand that was avoiding him. While stroking the back of the hand where the tattoo was engraved, Eunseong brought that hand between his own naked thighs. He dreamed of making him touch his lower parts.

When he opened his eyes at dawn as if being dragged out of that dream, cold sweat was on his back, and a chill was sweeping down him as if he were shuddering.