The Unbelievers Chapter 40

Yoo Siun’s gaze naturally drifted toward Eunseong.

But why… why can’t I let him go.

There was no point in questioning whether Eunseong possessed the beautiful appearance befitting the “Great Rift.” He had seen a photo of the woman Eunseong was said to resemble. Among his father’s belongings, there were traces of Eunseong’s life and death, his parents’ wedding photos, and even photos of Eunseong as a baby.

While his appearance didn’t call her to mind exactly, Eunseong was beautiful in a different way from his biological mother. Eunseong possessed the looks appropriate for that existence, and there was almost no trace left of the shabby, wretched state he was in—starved, poorly dressed, and sleepless—just before fleeing from his father.

He had seen some of the bodyguards stealing glances at Eunseong. Even Manager Nam, looking at Eunseong, would occasionally mutter as if possessed, “Kids these days have such faces…”

Even under the dim light, Eunseong could not hide his white, milky skin. His lips looked moist as if holding water, and his cheeks had a peach-like glow.

The scent… he had only caught the scent a few times, but it was good enough to make him want to smell it again.

Damn it, is it normal to feel this way?

Yoo Siun was so appalled that he let out a sharp, breathless sound of disbelief despite himself.

“Ha.”

“…Yes?”

Whether Eunseong was pretty or not had nothing to do with Yoo Siun. Whether he was pretty or not was not an important issue.

But why can’t I let him go. A house is prepared, and there are no issues with security.

Even if Eunseong stayed at the penthouse, Yoo Siun—who would not move with him to a house whose feng shui was said to be bad—had no reason to feel uneasy, and he didn’t believe everything Master Manpo said in the first place. His purpose in giving money to the man was to manipulate others who did trust Master Manpo.

Nevertheless, Yoo Siun was feeling anxious that Eunseong might say again that he didn’t want to live together and to let him live separately.

He didn’t want to fall into agony by stirring up a problem that had sunk beneath the surface.

He just wanted things to pass quietly until all preparations were finished. While keeping the line so that nothing would happen to either of them.

He didn’t want to hear things like how he hated living together, or how he hated Mister to death, or how he would live with Manager Nam. Yoo Siun was surprised—beyond surprised, even somewhat impressed—that there were words in this world that could make him, a man usually unshakeable by most things, feel this unpleasant.

Was I always a person with this much anger.

“It’s late, you should go in and sleep.”

“Since you always come home late, Mister, I end up waiting.”

Eunseong spoke as if it were Yoo Siun’s fault again.

Everything was his fault. Oversleeping in the morning was his fault, the exams being difficult was Yoo Siun’s mistake, and the fact that the crow tit eggs hadn’t hatched yet was because of him. Whenever Eunseong opened his mouth, he spoke as if the man were doing something wrong.

“I don’t think I ever told you to wait.”

“…”

When he made a logical point to Eunseong, who blamed him for everything, Eunseong looked at Yoo Siun with resentful eyes as if he had heard some unreasonable accusation.

He wore the expression he had when he said he hated Mister.

“Mister, you try being alone in this big house every day.”

“I’ve lived alone this whole time.”

“…”

It was the same now. Eunseong looked at him with eyes that suggested he hated him to death. He bit his lip hard. His lips, pressed red, took on a vivid color in the darkness. Yoo Siun wanted to touch Eunseong’s lips with his hand, especially the way they protruded when he was angry. He clenched his fist tightly as if to discipline his own heart.

“Go in and sleep.”

There was nothing more to say. Yoo Siun, who had never dealt with a child so much younger than him and didn’t know how to handle one, told him to go in and sleep for no reason, just as an adult who has run out of things to say would do, and turned away.

He took a cup from the shelf and filled it with water from the purifier. Eunseong, who had been clutching Yoo Siun’s jumper with one arm as if hugging it, stepped closer, seemingly wanting to drink water as well.

Yoo Siun yielded the water he had poured to Eunseong and stepped back. When he was a few steps away, Eunseong turned his eyes toward him. It wasn’t a glance, but a glare.

“Am I going to eat you, Mister?”

“I didn’t expect you to get angry even when I step aside to let you drink first.”

“Didn’t you learn about the order of elders and juniors at school? The adult drinks first. For things like this.”

Eunseong pushed the water cup he had been given toward him with a temperamental hand. The water cup, sliding along the sink countertop, came into Yoo Siun’s range. Because of Eunseong’s talk about the order of elders and juniors and such, he reached out, took the cup, drank the water, and set it down.

Yoo Siun filled the cup from the water purifier again and this time gave it a sharp push toward Eunseong. The cup, which he hadn’t controlled his strength for properly, was pushed too hard; it slid rapidly and spilled onto the sink.

“Oh.”

Yoo Siun reached for a dishcloth and Eunseong for a tissue, and their hands simultaneously pressed down on the water spilled on the sink. Eunseong’s tissue pressed down on the back of Yoo Siun’s hand.

“…”

“…”

They could have just pulled their hands away as if nothing happened, but neither of them moved. They remained still with their hands touching.

Yoo Siun, who had frozen up, did not stir. Eunseong hesitated for a moment, then slightly gripped the back of the hand that was pressing down and made him wipe the water spilled on the countertop instead. The dishcloth held by Yoo Siun absorbed the water that had been about to flow down to the floor.

“…Because your hand is big, Mister, it wipes better.”

“…”

“Right?”

“…It does.”

“You’d be good at cleaning.”

“…Presumably.”

Eunseong stayed still, holding the back of his hand along with the tissue. He stared down at his own hand layered over the man’s. There was a considerable difference in the size of their hands. Yoo Siun, like Eunseong, looked at their overlapping hands.

He was aware of Eunseong’s gaze delicately observing the tattoo on the back of his hand. The boy’s fingertips lightly touched his tattoo. Yoo Siun’s insides flinched and trembled, but on the outside, he merely kept his expression stoic and stiff. While gently touching Yoo Siun’s hand, Eunseong muttered.

“When hands are big, you can catch things like balls with only one hand. Like a basketball.”

Eunseong lifted his head and asked. Seen from up close, his eyelashes were long and delicately grown. Yoo Siun had no experience of holding a basketball with one hand, but he agreed with Eunseong’s words.

“Then you’d be good at sports too.”

“…Presumably.”

“The back of your hand, Mister… your hand.”

“Yeah.”

“I hate your hand, Mister! It’s too big!”

“…”

Eunseong suddenly shuddered, saying “Ugh,” as if he had remembered something. He slapped the back of the innocent Yoo Siun’s hand.

This bad hand… It deserves to be hit.

Yoo Siun was bewildered by the thought that suddenly flashed through his mind.

“It’s just ignorantly big. Really, ignorantly… I absolutely loathe it.”

“I don’t recall asking you to like it.”

Yoo Siun spoke, knowing that saying such a thing would make Eunseong glare at him fiercely. As expected, Eunseong’s eyes turned to him sharply. It was a reproach asking how he could say something so harsh. It was Eunseong who had first hit and criticized the innocent hand.

“Because it’s too big, it’s creepy.”

“Earlier you said it was good because it’s big enough to catch a basketball with one hand.”

“…That, that may be true, but.”

“It’s good for cleaning, and it can wipe up water well like this.”

He moved the hand Eunseong had hit and wiped up the rest of the moisture. Holding the dishcloth, he returned to the sink and wrung it out. Water droplets trickled down from the water-soaked cloth.

“I can wring it out well like this too.”

Having big hands was not something to be criticized for. Rather, it had many advantages. As if demonstrating, Yoo Siun wrung the dishcloth with his large hand, snapped it out, and hung it neatly above the sink.

“That is true, but.”

“It’s the first time I’ve been scolded for having big hands.”

“Because your hand is too big, I keep thinking about it. I keep… I keep thinking about your big hand.”

“…”

It seemed he wasn’t fully awake yet. Yoo Siun didn’t quite understand what Eunseong was saying. Eunseong muttered confusedly while hugging the man’s jumper as if it were a protective shield. His face flushed bright red.

Even in the darkness, that was too clearly visible. Yoo Siun instinctively reached out and placed his palm on Eunseong’s forehead. It was big enough to cover his forehead and wrap all the way to the crown of his head—his hand was indeed big enough for Eunseong to find it creepy. No, Eunseong’s head was just that small.

“You don’t seem to have a fever.”

Yoo Siun slowly removed the palm that had been soothing Eunseong’s forehead. Though he knew he shouldn’t touch him, his hand had reached out on its own, and though he had been wary of touching, this time he stayed there longer on purpose. If just this much contact made his skin ache, what would happen if he did more?

If you break one small rule, you’ll end up breaking the next larger rule.

If you allow one thing, you’ll end up allowing something bigger.

I will eventually end up doing what must not be done.

Yoo Siun knew that law better than anyone. He had just broken one small rule. He had acted according to his heart.

He clenched his fist tightly. He admitted with a heavy heart that he had finally placed his hand on Eunseong’s face—the boy he had always avoided and kept at a distance because he wanted to touch him, because he wanted to feel him.

Admitted his true heart, which wanted to draw close to this child.