Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 433 - Misfits (5)

『↑ Spark Joowoo, suicide attempt at home……』

 

Tinnitus rang in my ears. Louder than any warning sound.

 

I clicked on the title that had suddenly climbed to the #1 spot. The screen changed.

 

[Breaking News] Spark Joowoo, suicide attempt at home…… Found and reported by fellow member

 

20XX-XX-XX 12:17 AM

 

(Photo.jpg)

[Spark Joowoo. Photo is unrelated to the incident.]

 

(Seoul = Dispatch) It has been reported that Spark’s Joowoo attempted to take his own life at his residence. He was immediately transported to the emergency room following a report by fellow member Seongbin, who discovered him while visiting his home. It has been confirmed that his life is not in danger.

 

Some speculate that the incident may have stemmed from despair over the group’s disbandment. As it became known that the timing of Joowoo’s attempt coincided with UA Entertainment’s announcement of the disbandment, demands for transparency in the decision-making process emerged, centered around social media. UA Entertainment has appealed for restraint regarding speculation directed at the artist.

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My fingertips turned cold, as if frozen. My head throbbed.

 

I couldn’t even ask ‘Why?’. My vision felt dark, yet blindingly bright at the same time.

 

I felt like I was about to collapse. Was I… even standing? Or was I sitting in a chair?

 

He intended to die?

 

‘He died just like this.’

 

If he hadn’t called Jeong Seongbin himself… did that mean he was really planning to leave alone?

 

‘Without even asking for help once. Giving up on everything.’

 

Because he thought there was no reason to live if Spark was gone?

 

‘He had that little lingering attachment to life.’

 

Dammit. Even at a time like this, don’t twist someone else’s suffering into your own narrative. Kim Iwol, are you even human?

 

I struck my head several times—the head that was mindlessly chewing over things that had already passed. My bones rattled, and my arms went numb.

 

I remembered Park Joowoo, who had been bedridden with a cold during our trainee days. How he had been bedridden with a cold, burning with fever, yet never said a single word about being sick.

 

Even though I knew a person didn’t die from simple ilness, I was terrified back then. I was so scared that I didn’t even check if my shoes fit and just shoved my feet into whatever was there before running out. My heart had dropped, and I broke out in a cold sweat, unable to sleep a wink all night.

 

But this was worse.

 

This was something that really could have gone wrong.

 

And Jeong Seongbin… how much must he have……

 

I felt dizzy.

 

But more than the confusion, what overwhelmed me was…

 

‘I don’t want anything else. Recording with the members, standing on stage… that’s enough.’

 

It was Park Joowoo’s steadfast voice, the one I had tried to persuade.

 

“Joowoo.”

 

I pushed myself up from the desk. Then, I looked for Park Joowoo, who couldn’t possibly be in this room.

 

Terror set in.

 

“Joowoo, Joowoo……”

 

The fear that Park Joowoo might make the same choice again.

 

The emptiness that comes when someone beside you disappears forever.

 

The guilt that I might have encouraged, from the closest place possible, a choice that should never have been made…

 

My face felt hot, as if burned by fire. My breath came in gasps.

 

As I threw open the front door of the apartment as if breaking it down, the memory data shut off. Instead of the building corridor, I saw the dark living room of the dorm. Just like that night when Park Joowoo was suffering alone.

 

Even though I threw the door open, Park Joowoo remained lying still. When I pulled back the blanket, park Joowoo took off his eye mask in the darkness. With startled eyes, he took off his headset.

 

“Iwol hyung?”

 

“Joowoo.”

 

I had prayed that no one would be hurt. While I was truly relieved he wasn’t in physical pain like back then…

 

Even if I could recognize physical pain, I was far too lacking to notice emotional pain quickly.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Hyung, wait……”

 

“I was wrong. I’ll never force you again.”

 

“Hyung!”

 

Park Joowoo raised his voice. Someone grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away from him.

 

“Joowoo, please.”

 

I held onto Joowoo’s arms and resisted.

 

My head ached so much it was hard to look up, but I endured it. Because if I let go of his hand now, Park Joowoo might disappear.

 

The surroundings became bright. It felt like it was noisy everywhere.

 

“Do whatever you want. I’ll make sure you never have to do anything you don’t want to. I just, I want you to…”

 

My mouth, which was pleading with a deathly pale Park Joowoo, was muffled. A strong grip pressed down on my nose and mouth. These damn tissues…

 

“Hyung.”

 

Park Joowoo, with a distorted expression, reached his hand out to my face.

 

[SYSTEM] The ‘Synchronization Rate’ is being notified to the ‘Subordinate’

▷ Current Synchronization Rate: 80%

 

“Are you okay……?”

 

Faintly, across the system, I heard Park Joowoo’s voice.

 

I slowly lowered my gaze.

Park Joowoo’s white bed was covered in bright red.

 

* * *

 

It took a little while to regain my senses. Honestly, for a few hours, I only remember rambling incoherently. It was only much later that I realized it was Choi Jeho who had been blocking my nose, irritably throwing away the tissues when they got soaked, and aggressively tearing off new ones to block it again.

 

“He suddenly burst into the room, and when I looked, his nose was bleeding…”

 

While Choi Jeho explained the situation to Jeong Seongbin, who had come looking for me after noticing my absence, Park Joowoo stayed by my side. I knew I probably didn’t look sane, but I felt like I wouldn’t be able to calm down unless at least one member of Spark was within my sight, so I ended up taking advantage of their kindness. Sh*t, I wouldn’t have any right to complain even if they were completely disgusted with me.

 

“Is your nose still bleeding?”

 

Jeong Seongbin asked with a worried expression. There were tissues in his hand as he approached as well. Park Joowoo was the one who kept replacing them.

 

“Should I call Chanyoung hyung? Or Daeyeon hyung?”

 

Jeong Seongbin knelt in front of me and asked. I shook my head.

 

I’m not sick, and I don’t need help. As long as you guys are within my reach. At the very least, as long as I can keep hearing your voices or footsteps, anything.

 

“…What about Cheonghyeon and Kiyeon? Are they asleep?”

 

“Probably. The lights were off.”

 

“Can you check just once? I’m anxious.”

 

It was hard to even keep my eyes open. My head kept dropping. If Park Joowoo hadn’t been holding my shoulder, I would have fallen asleep with my forehead slammed against something.

 

Jeong Seongbin patted me, saying he understood. Choi Jeho also picked up the tissues rolling around on the floor and left the room. Only Park Joowoo and I remained in the room.

 

“…Joowoo.”

 

“Yeah, hyung.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Why do you keep saying you’re sorry?”

 

Because I’m certain I hurt you, but I don’t even know what the biggest problem is.

 

Because the thought that you might not even want me to ask this makes me feel helpless. And because I feel so sorry for relying on you and failing to explain properly despite not even fully understanding your feelings. So much.

 

Park Joowoo gently pulled my hand away from my nose. There was no blood on the newly replaced tissue.

 

“The bleeding has stopped… so let’s get some sleep. We’ll talk after you wake up, hyung.”

 

I said I didn’t want to, but Park Joowoo was gentle yet adamant. He laid me down on the bed he cherished so much and covered me with the blanket Jeong Seongbin had brought.

 

“I don’t want to sleep.”

 

“Why?”

 

Park Joowoo asked.

 

I was scared that when I fell asleep and woke up, everything would already be over. I knew that tragic things could happen in the blink of an eye, without me even realizing.  And yet my body felt so heavy that my eyes kept closing—it was all so unbearable.

 

“The bed is too narrow for two people to lie down……”

 

That would be true. You, Joowoo…

 

The praise that used to come out habitually got stuck at the edge of my mind. Truly, my brain wasn’t functioning at all.

 

I heard the sound of something being set down nearby. And the sound of rustling.

 

From a spot a little further away than before, I heard Park Joowoo’s voice.

 

“……I’ll be right here.”

 

“…….”

 

“No matter when you wake up, you’ll see me, so don’t worry and just sleep.”

 

I couldn’t see because my eyes were closed, but I could tell Park Joowoo was at my bedside. I felt the headache fade just a tiny bit.

 

“Cheonghyeon and Kiyeon are sound asleep.”

 

Park Joowoo spoke softly.

 

“Everyone sleep well, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

With that gentle goodnight, I fell asleep. Nothing appeared in my dreams.

 

* * *

 

After hearing about the chaos from dawn, the managers strongly insisted that I stopped all activities. Even when I explained it was just a nightmare, they refused to back down.

 

However, I didn’t step down. It wasn’t just because of stubbornness; I felt like I would lose my mind if I were separated from Spark in this state, so I begged them to let me follow them around.

 

Park Joowoo’s blanket was declared beyond saving. Park Joowoo flatly refused the offer to buy him a new one.

 

I still couldn’t fathom Joowoo’s true inner thoughts. It was uncertain whether wearing the headset made him feel at ease, whether he wanted to live integrated into society as long as he was with the members he was close to, or whether he only wanted to associate with those close to him.

 

Fortunately, his stress over being called a ‘social misfit’ seemed to have eased a little. Ironically, it was because someone who needed even more help appeared—me.

 

Park Joowoo would hate to hear it put this way… but at the very least, since I was working as a member of society by relying on him and Spark, he couldn’t deny the fact that he had contributed a lot of help.

 

We settled on rejecting the offer from the record label. UA respected Park Joowoo’s opinion, as he repeatedly asserted that he wanted to focus on group activities. Having ended up sitting in the meeting room because I kept biting my lips so much, I finally felt at ease after the discussion was completely concluded.

 

“So you don’t want to do any solo schedules for the time being either?”

 

Ms. Jukyung asked. I thought she was talking about existing schedules like the radio, but there was another matter.

 

“You remember Genre-Switch that Jeong Seongbin appeared on before? An offer came in for Joowoo this time. We can give you as much time as you need to think about it. Of course, it’s also fine to decline.”

 

Park Joowoo looked at me. I said with a smile:

 

“Do whatever your heart tells you. That’s what I hope for.”

 

“Hyung…”

 

“Just know this one thing.”

 

An element that would likely have a profound impact on Joowoo’s decision-making.

 

“People will see it as album promotion. Since your intentions won’t be misunderstood, if you want to do it, don’t hesitate.”

 

At hearing me out, Park Joowoo asked for some time. It didn’t take long for him to reach a decision.

 

“…I’d do it.”

 

I had expected he would accept, as long as it wouldn’t be misunderstood as a stepping stone for solo activities. Because Park Joowoo loved singing enough that he wouldn’t turn down an opportunity that came his way.

 

Jeong Seongbin was overjoyed at his friend’s decision. He even hugged Park Joowoo and patted his back and shoulders.

 

“Good job.”

 

“…….”

 

“You made a really good decision.”

 

I was not unaware that Jeong Seongbin felt a sense of debt toward his friend. Park Joowoo’s decision must have been good news for him as well.